Now the shit has hit the fan

Had a fun day. Gina sent us - Theresa, Shelly and I - to some class in San Antonio. "Handle the Rush", which is humorous, since we're the 2^nd busiest store in the company, and close on the heels of the leader. The class was completely, utterly worthless. We discussed things like "How to Prep for the Rush", in which we gleaned such tidbits as "Make sure you're fully stocked" and "Ensure you have sufficient people". We then talked about how to handle the rush. Then, how to deal with the aftermath.

As can be expected, the San Marcos crew made sure everyone knew how we were (well, except Theresa) within the first half hour, and made a great deal of vocal contributions. In other words, Shelly would NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP. I wanted to throw something at her. Repeatedly. My reactions to her NOT SHUTTING THE FUCK UP became so visible that the girl next to me commented on it - "Hey, it's okay, we all have those people."

Did I mention the girl next to me was really cute? Her name's Samantha. Green eyes, blonde hair, button nose, kinda short. Very cute. We talked a little throughout the meeting. We were also rubbing legs a lot, though that was most likely due to the close physical proximity everyone was forced into, due to there being like 30 people at this little class thing. But then again, we had plenty of space on our side of the room. Not something I'm going to analyze. I'm just going to leave it at, it made the class much more enjoyable to be sitting next to her. We talked a lot. We had a connection. She lives in San Antonio, so I'll probably never see her again, unless we happen to attend one of these classes together again. And I wonder if Shelly noticed anything - for whatever reason, she has a tendency to notice whenever I'm actually talking to a girl and comment on it.

Not anything to get excited about, but it's definitely a step in the right direction.

Fuck you, Shelley

Forgot to mention that.

Love, life, and laughter is all I believe in

Alright, I haven't written in like almost two weeks now. So, how're things going now? Well... things are... interesting. Things with Lilie? I'm not entirely sure. Well, I am, I'm just not sure how much I'm allowed to talk about, so I'll post what I think I can get away with, then if she tells me to take parts of it down, well, the people who read it first, consider yourself lucky.

So, I'm not sure where to start. I guess I'll try to finish the Mindy saga. There will be parts that are just black boxes; highlight them to read what's contained within. Be warned, though: those are like that for a reason.

So where did we last leave off? I'm not entirely sure.

So Mindy. Yeah.

After school started, that entire year... I have a ton of memories, but seem to have problems putting them in order. So, here goes.

I went to Colorado with her twice, once the summer after Junior year, and once the summer after Senior year. Both times were a lot of fun. We went white-water rafting both times, which was a lot of fun. For some reason, probably because I was 18, they made me a Cabin Leader the second year. Fun times.

We broke up a total of nine times throughout the course of our relationship, which means we got back together eight times. Most of them, I don't really remember. There weren't really any trends - it was split more or less evenly between the two of us, for various reasons. I remember one time, she called me at work to tell me she had been dating Ray, this snare drum player, since that morning and that we were broken up (Well, I guess that makes sense. She couldn't very well call me to tell me she'd ben dating this guy since this morning, but that we *weren't* broken up.) I remember how we got back together that time, though. I went over to her house late one night - after 10 or so (hey, we were still in high school - she was a freshman). I started giving her a full body massauge, and we ended up having sex. And then, we got back together; she called Ray and broke up with him the next morning. Fun times.

Kevin's kind of obnoxious, and I don't like him.

Anyway.

So I'm leaving now.

Oh, apparently, Mindy's on cocaine now. That makes two girlfriends on illegal substances now. It's fun hearing about them. Several married, more with kids... fun times.

Every time you leave the room, I feel I'm fading like a flower

So I went in to work Saturday night. That was fun. More on that later. Shelley was working that night as well, and I asked her about Lilie. She said something, something that I think I really needed to hear. She said, "You know it's never going to be all about you, right?" She also said something about Lilie talking to Scott still, and something about monagamy (I can't spell that word.) These were all things I already knew, I'd just sort of subconsciously forgotten about them.

Which really drove the point home for me. Lilie's never going to be what I want her to be - mine. I'll never be special to her the way she is to me. Ever since we'd broken up, I've been carrying this daydream that one day, she'd call me up or turn to me, and say something along the lines of "Hey, I've dealt with my issues, and realized that this other guy is twenty-six states away, and I want to be with you." I doubt I'll ever be able to ever really drop that. I still have a similar one about Chelsea. I'm not good at letting people go.

So, we talked a little over IM Sunday night. We talked a lot more earlier, on WoW. She accused me of running away from my problems, instead of facing it. But in this case, what's the difference? Here's what I understand: I like Lilie. I'm fucking crazy about her. But we found each other at the wrong time in our lives. She doesn't want a serious, committed relationship, having just gotten divorced, and having issues with that as well. I, on the other hand, won't have it any other way. I want to be with someone who likes me as much as I like them... I want to be special to someone. And I don't mean a little special... I mean really special. I'm probably just being young, stupid, naive, and idealistic, and setting myself up for a string of dissapointments. Sucks to be me. I'll deal with it then.

So I'm making a clean break. I need some time, and some space. Despite what she thinks, I'm not cutting her out of my life permanently. I couldn't do that. I mean, if she were to call right now and ask me to come over and help her with something, I would. Or if she calls later and needs to talk, I'm there for her. I think, though, that I'm mainly just writing that so that she knows that, assuming she continues to read this. Continuing with things I want her to know, assuming she reads this... I'll always like her. I mean, more than just a special memory or a fondness in my heart. I mean, in six months, if she were to come up and ask me out, sure. In a heartbeat. Of course, that line of thought isn't very conducive to moving on. I'm not sure how far I'll be able to move. I hope that I can progress to the point where we can hang out without me thinking "Man, we should be together" every six seconds or so. Not because I want to, but because I'm tired of crying. I *don't* want to let go of her, or get over her. I want to be with her. But I know things don't always (ever, for that matter) work out how you want them, and that you just have to make the best with the situation you've got. So, this is what I've got. I do want to be friends with her. I mean, hell, right now, she's about the only friend I have. I managed to alienate my D&D group; Jarrod's busy about to propose; can't really meet anyone at school or work; where does that leave me? It scares the shit out of me.

So, what other options do I have? Keep going along as we were? No. She pegged it when she said that she didn't know how we'd handle being 'just friends.'

So this update has been kind of scatter-shot, and I'll try to post a more coherent, better organized one tomorrow. I just feel... cast adrift right now. Like I'm drowning in the ocean, and I cut the last rope myself. Or caught in a hurricane, and the rock I used to anchor myself to is gone. And I hurt. A lot.

You may know him as Señor El Roboto

First off, here's a picture of Lilie from EQFaces.com:



She says it's the last recent, decent picture taken of her. She still has long hair, though. Now, it's pretty short, and part is died this brownish-orange color. Very cute.


So yeah, I went over there Tuesday night. It was like... 1:30 am? Lilie and I were playing WoW, and I made a RvB reference. "Now I'm thinking about kittens... kittens covered in spikes!" and that piqued her interest. She mentioned that I hadn't ever brought that over to watch, I responded that she had never asked, and she said, "I'm asking now."

So I went over there. She told me she'd been really restless and bored lately. I popped in the RvB DVD... and it didn't work. Or rather, the sound didn't work. Sort of. She has a mono output on her TV, except it was trying to force Stereo output, so only one channel was coming out. Well, the other one was as well, but you could barely hear it. Oddness. We sort of watched some MST3K, but I may have chosen some bad things to start off with - the Summer Blockbuster Awards special. I'm going to burn Puma Man to DVD, which is such a hilarious episode... it was a tough choice - Puma Man, Time Chasers, Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, Laserblast, Hobgoblins, Angel's Revenge, Radar Secret Service, Riding with Death, Space Mutiny, Agent from H.A.R.M., The Final Sacrifice... any one of those would be a great episode. We'll see how she likes Puma Man.

Anyhoo, we had some horseplay too. Lilie started tickling me, which is always fun, if a little annoying, since there's not a whole lot I can do in defense. Well, other than curl up in a fetal position and cry. Not really. She's just not ticklish at all, so I usually just end up holding both her hands down so she can't. Shelley joined in, which is okay, 'cause she's ticklish, so I do sort of have a defense against her. It's just harder to make sure you don't accidentally hurt someone when it's two on one. Case in point, I was scooting across the floor, and I accidentally knee-dropped Lilie's foot. Hurt her really bad, but it's almost healed. She bit me on the upper forearm, which has left this incredible bruise. So Shelley eventually was going to bed, so we came back over here to watch RvB. By this time, it was like 4 am. Gyp started barking when Lilie showed up, but we quieted him down. So we were lying in my bed, watching RvB. And we fell asleep.

We woke up when my mom cracked the door open and yelled "7:30"! Luckily, she didn't notice Lilie lying there. Or if she did, she didn't say anything. Though, she would have said something by now. I can't describe how nice it felt to wake up next to Lilie in a nice warm bed... almost like old times.

Anyway.

She asked me to take her home *RIGHT NOW*, but I managed to convince her to wait until mom left. So, that was fun. Got her home okay, and Shelley hadn't even woken up yet, so she won't know. I don't know why Lilie was so worried about that, unless she just doesn't want Shelley thinking there's something going on between us, which there isn't. Went back over that night (Wednesday). I think. Wait, yeah. She called me and asked me to come over and help her set up her UI add-ons, 'cause I had shown her the suite that I use the night before, when she came over to my house. So, I went over there, brought her some KFC, and helped her. She didn't really need any, other than moving everything to the right directory. I feel proud, 'cause she's moved away from Cosmos. One more down in my never-ending fight to get people to stop using Cosmos.

Thursday, I opened. That was fun. Nothing major, though Dave did make a joke about me having sex with my mother, and everyone caught it. I wanted to smack him.

Went to play D&D that night. I think. Or was it Wednesday night? I don't really remember. Day's not important, anyway. Yeah, I think it was Thursday night.

Anyway.

Finally got to try out my new Elven Archer in combat; he got killed the second round. I was going to leave, when Matt pulled me aside and told me that this was all just Luke's dream. I didn't know why at the time, but I left anyway. I wasn't upset about being killed, especially since it wasn't really happening anyway, and I thought that was actually a neat idea - he did drop a hint or two about it during the combat. Later, I realized I was having a SaD attack. I don't really know if that's what I have, or just something similiar, but it seems to fit, and it's shorter than having to explain it every time. I kind of went into a negative emotion spiral after that. Later, when telling Lilie about this, she said that she hoped she wasn't part of it.

Sorry.

I mean, she wasn't really the cause of it, but she's gonna be part of 'em now. Major factor, in fact.

Anyway.

So last night, Lilie and I were gonna do dinner and a movie. Or rent one, or come back here and watch RvB. We went to Chili's, had a great time. She's much more upbeat lately, and talks a lot. I like it when she talks a lot - it's easier to learn things about her, to get to know her. She told me I over-analyze everything, even more than she does, and take it all to be the worst case possible. There's a very simple reason for that - I'm incredibly insecure. Anyway, we had a very nice dinner, then headed back to my place to watch RvB. On the way home, she said something along the lines of "I'd like to be back before it's too terribly late, say, before midnight?" At that point, I let her know it was approximately a quarter 'til. So I took her home. I had my arm around her, and she asked if I needed it back. I replied, "No, I learned how to drive with my left arm a long time ago." and laughed a little. She was like, "I don't want to know." "No, you don't." "I was being serious." "So was I. I wasn't going to say anything."

That got her really, really upest. She said something about how me confirming it meant it was something she didn't want know about or something. Yeah, probably a bad idea on my part. So things got really quiet after that. I almost started crying - more on that later (later post). She called me on being so quiet, and I didn't really have anything to say. That's what I do when I screw up, or upset someone, or things along those lines. I get afraid to say anything else, 'cause I usually don't know what to say anyway, so I just get really quiet. Anyway, she said she might come over sometime today before work to hang out. The insecure part of me (which is running very strong right now) is keeping me from getting my hopes up.

So, that's the latest recap. I still have some posts to make:

• Autumn Weave guild drama
  
• My character list, planned characters, and UI mods
  
• Analyzation of the Lilie situation (pfft.)
  
• The resurgance of BitTorrent
  
• Why people are idiots

Current music: Utada Hikaru, Final Distance
Current Modd: Anxious, restless

Oh, Dave just called to see if I wanted to work Sunday day or night. Why? WHy on Earth would he ask me that?

You don't have to act like a star, making moves in the back of your car

Wow, it's been quite a while since I posted last. Eh.

So, the last thing that happened was that I had left; she accused me of charging out and slamming the door, and I went back and apologized for giving that impression - not my intent. We stood there for a bit, her inside and me standing outside, for a few minutes, just looking at each other. Neither of us was really sure where to go from there, so I asked her straight out - would she like to do this now, or another time? She said another time, and I left.

Logged on to WoW that night, and we talked. Not about things that were going on between us, but we talked normally, like everything was okay. Quite odd.

The next morning, I went in to work 10 - 5. We were running low on bacon and sausage, so they sent me over to Guadalupe to pick some up. I walk in - "You here for the sausage and bacon?" "Yep." He goes to the back to get it; I stand there and wait, over to the side so as not to get in the carhops' way. There is a carhop standing right in front of me, with her back to me. She turns and says, "Hi Billy."

It was Mindy.

Yes, that Mindy. Turns out she was living here now; had been working at Sonic for two weeks or so. Bizarre. I told her that it really hurt that she didn't call about hanging out, and she winked at me. Odd girl. That evening, I talked to the new girl, Catrin. Seems really cool - a little on the geeky side (I heard a definite Ren Fair reference). Turns out she plays DDR! We were both kind of excited to find out. Of course, she doesn't play at the arcade, never has. She plays at NexLevel, mainly. I, of course, am the exact opposite. So that was a long day.

Um... I'm drawing a blank at this point. I remember what happened last week, but this was two weeks ago. Um... crap. I wanna say... I went over there on Thursday and we watched Dodgeball? Yeah, I think that's it. I'm not entirely sure what day it was, in retrospect. But yeah, took Dodgeball over there and we watched it. Shelely was there too. We (Lilie and I, that is) ended up somewhat snuggled up. Our heads were at opposite ends of the couch, but we were rubbing each other's legs, or feet, or something like that. She bit me on the arm, right above the elbow. It kinda hurt. She also bit me on the left shoulder, on the inside part.

Lemme think... I really need to keep more up-to-date on this stuff, so that I can get it all down. I know I drove up to Austin with Rose at one point, to take her to get her books, sell some back, and talk to one of her teachers. A'ight... um...

Saturday, Mindy stopped by my Sonic. I didn't realize it at first; she parked on 25(ish) and ordered two people's worth of food. After she finished ordering, I looked out at the car, and realized that it was a green Ford pickup, with the new curvy look. I was like, "No. No way." So of course, it was. Jessica went out to talk to her; she was with some guy named Travis who was her boyfriend. Fair enough. I was agonizing, trying to figure out why she came to my Sonic. There are two simple possibilites. A, that she was just trying to screw with me, or B, it's more convenient. I do remember Jessica mentioning that she thought she saw Mindy at Park North (which is right down the street from my Sonic) over the summer. If that's the case, it would make sense that she stopped by ours. Though, even if I lived right by the other Sonic (and I live a lot closer to that one than I do to mine), I'd still go to mine for the half-off discount. So, it's not quite a gimme. But, well, I'd have to go with B, it was just more convenient.

Wednesday, the four of us - Kevin, Lilie, Shelley, and myself - all went to Mana's for dinner. That was... interesting. It was really annoying, 'cause people kept bringing up the fact that Lilie and I weren't together anymore. I mean, I'm okay with it, but I do still like her a lot, so it's kind of annoying. For example, Kevin and I were whispering back and forth for a bit, and Shelley made some comment - "They may not be sleeping together anymore, but we are. Tell me." I was like, 'Thanks, Shelley.' Earlier in the day, I had made a joke about being illergic to Lilie, since I had only gotten sick - the death flu from Janelle, and whatever bug was going around the carhops - after we went out. She said something about how I couldn't be, since we used to sleep together without issue.

So yeah, that's about that. We're not together, doesn't look like we'll be getting back together anytime soon, if ever. I really don't konw what's going on between us. Sometimes, she acts like she wants to be really close, and other times, like she barely knows me. So, I'm just taking my cue from her. If she wants to call, to hang out, sure. But I'm not going to make the first move anymore. Like she was borrowing my DVD burner, and I had to get it back to rip Anchorman. I'm going to wait until she calls back to take it back over. It's a defense mechanism, I think - I'm really insecure about relationships - romantic, friendship, or otherwise - so when I get really confused, I tend to just wait and see how they react. I still like her. If she were to come in to Sonic one day and say something along of the lines of "Hey Billy, I've dealt with my issues, and I"d like to get back with you", I'd agree in a heartbeat. But I don't forsee that happening any time soon. I'll always like her, always have a little place in my heart where I have daydreams of running into her and hooking back up...

Anyway.

So that's that on the Lilie saga.

I don't really remember what I was going to talk about in regards to "Why I hate driving so much". WoW pictures are ready to post, though I'll probably wait another day or two. I'm also going to do a run-down on what UI mods I use (~10, for the record, thought I just added two while writing this statement).

So, I'll ramble on about Lilie a little more later. I've probably got a few random entries to make as well; those will come in the next few days as well.

Oh yeah, at one point, she stopped by to let me know (Thursday?) she'd been to court and finally finalized the divorce. She was really happy about that, so that's good.

I just went to drop of Anchorman at Blockbuster (I forgot to put the DVD in the box, which means I'll have to do it later) and switch out store keys at Sonic. Cat died her hair blonde. It's something of a shock. That, and as I was turning left onto Holland, Lilie was sitting at the light, about to turn left onto RR12. I looked at her as I was turning RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER, though she didn't react at all. Either she didn't see me, or she didn't want to. I could see it going either way on this one (yes, I'm a girl and over-analyze things too much. If it bothers you, quit reading). There's a decent chance she didn't see me - she's probably pretty tired, and doesn't tend to look around a whole lot; on the other hand, I drove right in front of her, and my truck is fairly unique and she knows what it looks like. I'm definitely leaning towards "Just didn't see you", which is what she'll say if it comes up either way. I just don't know with her at all anymore. It kinda hurts.

But I'm going to get off that subject now, 'cause I don't feel like going through everything.

Ah-ha!

Shelley logged on right as I was leaving, and they haven't really got their profiles right, so I saw Lilie's away message. The last line:

"And I'm not giving in this time."

So the And was off, but the crucial word - in - is like in the song, not what I thought it said.

Heh.

Sit down and I'll regale ya' 'bout my nephew from Australia

Will the deluge never end? This is will be my... fourth post tonight? Third? Something like that. This one may be the hardest to write, though. The others were nothing more than recaps and summaries.

This, of course, also means it's harder to write. Well, not really. That doesn't make it harder to write. The fact that I'm trying to put down how I feel about Lilie and our situation makes it difficult to write.

That whole thing I posted the other day... all I was really trying to say is that I have a nagging doubt in the back of my mind that there's something else. Something I did wrong. Or didn't do. Or did, but shouldn't have. Or something like that. And I don't know about it, and am doomed to make the same mistake again.

I've usually been good about analyzing my mistakes and learning from them... but this is one area where that isn't the case. Apparently, I've learned nothing. Now, my first disclaimer: There will be those of you who feel that I'm making a huge deal out of this, or just need to calm down and roll with it, or something along those lines. You're partially right, but that's how I am. I analyze things non-stop. It's one of the few good (well, sometimes) good things about having such a strong stream-of-consciousness. But this is really my only place to get this out - I don't really talk to anyone about this (well, except Jarrod, but that's because he asks me about it every time I we talk, because, well, that's what we do.) So among other things, I'm searching for some catharsis. If that's a problem, get out. Seriously. Leave me to my own little corner of the web, where I'm just going to do my thing, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

Anyway.

On a sidenote, I actually just burnt her a CD to replace the one she dumped some Mountain Dew (the most toxic substance known to man) on. Well, not entirely. I've been meaning to, but it just never happened. Today before work, I fell asleep, then had to run to my appointment, which went way late. Yesterday, I had my car problems. Sunday, I was sleeping and doing housework. You get the picture. I don't know what was on that CD, so I'm improvising here. I think I'm going to start another section on my blog that has my burnt CDs both so people can see what I listen to and so I can keep track of what I've burnt. I'll also put the CDs I've burnt for her on there, so I can avoid repeats on CDs. I wonder, though, if the discman she got that can read MP3's is the one hooked up to her car. If so... that makes things a lot easier. And a lot more difficult.

So it's finally sinking in that we're really, really broken up. I always had this hope that one day, she'd call me up and ask me to come over, and surprise me with a kiss. Or something like that. Or we're just hanging out at her place one day, and she comes over and sits on my lap (like last time) and hugs me, but something more. I don't know what I'm trying to say.

Fuck that. I do.

Again, I belive her when she says it's just that she's not ready or doesn't want to deal with a relationship right now. But I can't stop my subconscious from conjuring up these thoughts, and they're easier to deal with when I get them out somehow - it used to be by talking to someone about it, but this works as well. Will we just be close friends from now on? Will we never again establish that deep, deep connection? Or is it just buried deep down, ready to resurface at a later time?

See, that's the kind of thinking that makes it so hard for me to let go. Which I've never been terribly good at; mainly, because I don't *want* to let go. I don't want to lose that connection with her. I just don't.

[[Oh - interesting sidenote. When I got to work today, I saw Kevin's truck in the parking lot. I thought perhaps he had come to pick up Shelley. Nope. She drove it home. Or rather, out of the parking lot and turned right, so I can only assume that was her destination.

...

Intersting choice on his part.]]

is that my fate? It seems to be what I do. Maybe that's all I am - the friend. Mabe that's all I'll ever be. I mean, I understand that it's my fault, for being who I am. Girls don't want someone that's kind of girly - a guy that's so shy about making moves. Seriously. Of all the relationships I've been in... I've made a move on someone... once? Kenni dropped hints for me to kiss her for two weeks before she finally got tired of waiting for me to catch on and just kissed me. Mindy didn't wait around, and basically told me to kiss her in the parking lot at the skating rink. That was funny, looking back. Had she not, we wouldn't have. Rudy made the famous comment, "You're such a good big sister to these girls." I'm sure being as stubborn as I am doesn't help. My horrendous taste in music, my near-obsession with DDR; hell, it's a miracle I've found relationships that have lasted as long as they did. and it's probably the case that three years wasn't nearly as long to wait as I should have. I just need to let go of the daydreams. To realize that her and I are through, that we're friends now (note: I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I love being friends with her. Don't read something here that I didn't say.)

*Sigh*

At the same time, I can't. The same stubborness that keeps me apart from people prevents me from giving up on something like this. Which is a bad thing, because it's only when you reach your heart out with hope that it can be crushed.

I really don't know what I'm trying to say. I like her. I like her a lot. I don't know how she feels about me, nor do I think I will. But it's five in the morning, I've had maybe two hours of sleep in the last 40-something, so I'm going to let myself ramble. These may be the half-coherent ramblings of a sleep-deprived freak that's out of synch with reality, but hey, it's who and what and where I am, and that's all I have.

It's one of those insecurity things - I've done it before. You get afraid that perhaps you want to be with someone, or be friends with someone, much more than they do, so you wait for them to call you. On paper, it sounds kind of weird, but I've found myself doing it over and over again. The best example is near the end of my first year of college, when I actually called Chelsea, and we e-mailed back and forth and talked a few times (I still remember the conversation I had with her roommate - "Hello, is Chelsea there?" "Yeah, but I'm on the other line. Can I take a message?" "Sure! - Just tell her Billy called, here's my number: 512..." "Wait, that's waay out of town. Lemme get her.") It seemed like she was only responding, though. So I gave up on that. It's frustrating, but something you learn to deal with. It's akin to surrendering the ego - just letting go.

Maybe that's what I need to do. Just give her her space. Well, I sort of already did that, when I didn't try to contact her for a few weeks. She did call me, after she was feeling better. I don't know, I just get... tired. Tired of thinking that I've maybe formed a special connection with someone, which, while I have, isn't quite what I thought it was. Tired of falling for people that don't reciprocate. Tired of being hurt, and being hurt only because I set myself up for it so perfectly. I just want to find somsone that I'm comfortable with, that loves me for who I am, not in spite of it. That's all I really want out of life. Don't get me wrong - I understand that kind of thing usually doesn't come along when you're looking for it, and surprises you; I'm not. I'm just making an effort to understand myself.

I keep getting it pointed it out to me that I don't fit in. With people. I've never really found a group of more than two people that I didn't feel like an outside around. Back in high school, we had our little group of friends. With any one or two of them, I was fine. However, once we were in a group of four or so, I was the outside. Mind you, these were my good friends during high school. It's the same thing at work - well, not quite, 'cause I'm not really friends with anyone at work (I'm still confused as to why Lilie took so much offense at that statement. I'm really not. I'm friendly with people from work, but I don't think I'd consider myself friends with anyone from work. Freddie's definitely an exception, as we talk a lot outside of work, but he's probably the only one. I've been talking more with Jess, so that might be another, and Javi, though that's really just a work-based mutual respect thing. If you don't believe me, observe me at a party with the work group. It's... weird to watch. That's not a criticism on any of them, mind you - they've always been quite welcoming. It's just some bad wiring in me. I just really, really don't understand why Lilie took so much offense at Bennigan's when I told her that I'm not really friends with anyone from work. The only thing I can think of is she thought I was including her, or that I was saying I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone I work with, which isn't the case. She is the counterpoint to each of them, oddly enough.)

But I understand that it's my fault with the whole friend thing (I mean, only being friends with girls, not being boyfriend-worthy material or however you want to put it, not the feeling like an outsider even with groups of my friends thing). Like I was saying before, I'm just not what they want. I've read it, I've talked to girls, I know - girls like it when you make the move, that kind of thing. That's just an example, though. There's other one, some tied in to the whole "12 year old girl' thing. That, of course, started out as a commentary on my taste in music (Aqua, anyone?). Well, the Care Bears doesn't help, I'm sure.

Anyway.

Yeah, that's probably all I'm good for. The friend.

Lilie, I'm sorry

Find your calm, in the eye of the storm

So I dropped Cullen off at his house, and started to head home, my spirits having been lifted by a night of DDR with a great friend.

That lasted about two minutes. I returned to my previously depressed state of being fairly quickly driving down Hilliard. I don't know why... it probably didn't help that 1000 Words came on, which is a song that now has significant meaning to me - and if anyone laughs at that, I swear I'll smack you.

Anyway.

I still haven't pinned down the original cause of my depression, but separating from Lilie definitely didn't help. So I came home and played some, but had to open. I crashed for about an hour, then went off to work. Nothing really of note there. Well, except we got in a Coke order and a truck, I had to put up both of them, and had to cut a crapload of onions since no one else had been cutting them. Adam came in as the secondary manager, followed by Dave. It was really slow for lunch, but things got really, really busy about 2 or so. I had to stay until almost 4, which sucked. I got home and fell asleep.

I volunteered to go in that evening about an hour before close and help do the money and stuff so that Javi could do the changeover without having to worry about that, and he wouldn't have to be there forever. The problem is that we were supposed to close at 11, but we ended up closing at 10. I had hoped we'd be closing at 11, so I'd still be there doing the deposit at midnight. Even that plan was ruined, since we were slow enough that Dave told us to close an hour early. Got out of there about 11:20 or so, came home. Mom was at Cheatham Street and Janelle was at a party, so I was just hanging here at the big hour. I think I was talking to Heather online at midnight, nothing special. Mom called about 1 and told me that her and Jerry were at All-Niter Diner and would love to have me join them, so I did. We had a nice meal. One note - I was parked right in front, on like the second parking spot on that street. As I was climbing back into my truck and getting situated, I saw a small red car come flying around that corner. Habitually, I looked at it - sure enough, it had a Domino's thing on the top, a hood that wouldn't close... yep, it was her.

And here I thought I wasn't going to see anyone special on New Year's.

Went home and crashed. Worked 5 - close that night. Shelley was back from wherever the hel she was (South Padre) and was fountaining that night with Allison. I was supposed to have Pedro, Rick, and Freddie cooking, but Freddie was really sick and called in. Pedro was supposed to be off at 9, but he stayed and closed. Rick didn't come in 'til 8, so I spent most of my time in the kitchen. Shelley annoyed the fucking hell out of me. She is very defensive about being criticized - I told her I had to review some items on her Star Guides (don't ask), and she made some comment a little later about "Hold on, I have to finish listening to Billy tell me what a complete idiot I am" or something like that. We didn't get along very well. Then she shows up on 31, and Shelley went out and talked to her for a bit. She returned a little bit later with some food for Shelley. Nothing really else of note happened that night. Well, except when she showed up to give Shelley a ride home. She parked on 4. I was sitting in the manager chair, and it's unfortunate that whenever you look up from the computer, you're pretty much looking at 4. So I had the joy of looking up as I was counting and seeing her car head-on a few times. That was fun.

Sunday, worked 5 - C again, but I've pretty much covered that. Got Chelsea to fountain for me tonight, 'cause there was no way I was going to go in tonight. Had an interesting conversation with Jess, though:

just_jess_from_smt: Kristin came in tonight just_jess_from_smt: shes back mr_binky_the_jackalope: Montalvo? mr_binky_the_jackalope: To work? just_jess_from_smt: yep just_jess_from_smt: just to say hi just_jess_from_smt: chelseas turning 18 the 12th, theyre all excited mr_binky_the_jackalope: Exciting just_jess_from_smt: she wanted to see you mr_binky_the_jackalope: Kristin? just_jess_from_smt: hadnt heard about Lilie mr_binky_the_jackalope: Did you tell her? just_jess_from_smt: yeah just_jess_from_smt: no just_jess_from_smt: chelsea did mr_binky_the_jackalope: I didn't know Chelsea pays attention to my social life just_jess_from_smt: maybe it was Lacey mr_binky_the_jackalope: Either way, what'd she say? just_jess_from_smt: she was very happy mr_binky_the_jackalope: What? just_jess_from_smt: she was happy mr_binky_the_jackalope: Kristen was? just_jess_from_smt: yes mr_binky_the_jackalope: When Lacey and/or Chelsea told her that Lilie and I aren't together anymore? mr_binky_the_jackalope: Or to be back? just_jess_from_smt: yep just_jess_from_smt: you mr_binky_the_jackalope: ... mr_binky_the_jackalope: odd

Form your own opinion. Went to dinner with Mom and Janelle at Katy Station, since she won a gift certificate there a while back in a band auction or somesuch. After that, Janelle and I went to Best Buy (got Final Fantasy Anthologies, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (both full extended editions)), and Blockbuster. Apparently, Blockbuster doesn't charge late fees anymore. The catch, however, is that if you don't return it by the 7th day it's due back, the full retail price is automatically charged to your account, and congratulations, you've bought yourself whatever it is you've kept. So anyway...

I miss her. We haven't talked since we broke up. I haven't called her, for a couple reasons. She said she wanted space, to be left alone, etc., so I'm respecting that. Also, and both her and Shelley have experienced this, I'm really awkward on the phone and don't know what to say. I usually only call people if I have a specific reason for calling, else, I just don't know what to say and tend to get really quiet. There are a few exceptions to this - Rose and I can talk for hours, but that's 'cause she talks a lot - but for the most part, I tend to avoid the phone. Mom and I had an argument last night, so I got some flowers on the way home from work - a big vase of yellow roses, Mom's favorite flower (lucky choice on my part). She came out this morning, saw them, and though that I had bought them for Lilie. Which isn't a bad idea, except for the reasons noted above. That's really why I haven't tried to call her, or leave some flowers by her door, or ask Shelley about her, or anything like that. She wants her space, and I'm fine with that. She knows my number if she ever feels like talking again.

It's finally started to sink in that we're apart. On the way in from DDR, walking across the neighbor's lawn, I kind of whispered "I miss you", and started crying. That was fun. At this point, I just feel lost. I don't know what's going on - I was depressed before we broke up, but this doesn't help at all.

Boom schwati oosh

So I really haven't written about Lilie lately. (That sounds funny when read aloud). There's a couple reasons for this. The main reason for this is that I don't want to go posting her business for everyone to read. I mean, I don't mind everyone seeing mine - my life is an open book for everyone to read, but it's not really my right ot post other people's stuff. So I'll do this as well as I'm able. Bear with me.

So a week and a half (?) ago, Lilie started telling me that, well, for lack of a better way to put it, she was going through a phase. I'm not going to go into specifics, other than to confirm that I'm not talking about her period. So she starts talking to me on IM, and well, I didn't really say that much in response. I... just didn't know what to say. I mean, what could I say? She knows I care, and that I"m here for her and will listen and do what I can. I hate repeating myself, and just saying tired old clichès never helped anyone. So my comments were sparse. She then asked me something along the lines of "You don't even care, do you?" I can certainly see how she would think that, but I explained what I just said to her. I don't know how much of it she believed, but it's really a moot point and secondary to her situation. So I decided to give her some space, let her figure things out. A day and a half later, she calls me.

"Are we even still dating?"

That's a really scary question, coming straight out of the blue.

We talked a little more, and I explained that I was just trying to give her space so she could deal with her problems. Her response? "That's probably for the best." Which is good, I guess. I mean, wait... anyway. So that went on for... a week and a half? Something like that. We only talked a few times - when I went to drop off the cookie plate, I left it in front of their door, rang the doorbell, and tore off out of there. She did call me later that day about the fan, and we talked a little after that work (mainly just me asking her if she needed more help with the fan.) That's about it, except when I took her her present. I wouldn't have called her today, except that Shelley called me (things are going frighteningly well with her new boyfriend - check it out at her blog, Risen From the Ashes), concerned about Lilie and asking me to call and talk to her or something. I didn't want to - it's hard enough to leave her alone completely like this, but I did. It was... interesting. We talked a little about how she was doing - not good.

And we ended up seperating. She kept apologizing, too - for "dragging me through this" or "putting me through this" or "making me feel bad". I kept telling her, it's not something she should apologize for - you should never apologize for how you feel, or who you are. And I told her that I hoped we could still be friends - a class cliche, but one I only say with complete sincereness - and she agreed (sort of, I think).

Oh, and I had to listen to her cry. That may be the most painful noise I've ever heard. It's something that will haunt my nightmares, and plague every downward emotional spiral I'll ever go through after this. I hope that, if she reads this, it doesn't make her feel any worse. That's the last thing I want to do, is to add to her burdens. I just wish there was something I could do, something to help her through this.

She also talked about how it was probably a bad idea, that she should have known not to jump into this, especially after Houston. Shelley talked about this, and I agreed with her, but Lilie said she was okay.

If I drank, I'd go get so hammered right now.

And Shelley, if you read this, (don't take what I"m about to say the wrong way; don't get offended): Don't call, please. I really don't want to talk to anyone right now.

Star light, star bright, make everything all right

Went with lunch with Mom, Janelle, Bam, and Greg at Italian Garden.

After that, went over to Lilie's for a bit.

Apparently, Shelley has some new boytoy, so that's good.

There was something funny that happened, or some funny thought or something I had, but I can't remember it.

Is it still a weird dream if you can explain it?

I had a weird dream last night. I should explain that first of all, I wrote a massive blog entry just prior to going to sleep.

So in this dream, I was lying in bed, writing a blog entry. Except I was writing it in a notebook with a red pen. Except sometimes, I was using a pencil. And Lilie was right outside (for some reason, my room was connected to their apartment), waiting for me to hurry up and finish so I could come meet Kevin, Shelley's new boyfriend (yes, they were both in the dream as well). He was setting up a pile of blankets in the living room to sleep on. And when I finally came out and met him, he was holding Gip. We then talked about going to get our trucks washed in the morning.

So yeah, it was a fairly weird dream.

Never ever have I ever felt so low; when you gonna take me out of this black hole?

Wow. I'm approaching my old record - well, not really. I just haven't really posted in over a week.

It's just, well, a couple things. First, with school out, I've gone back to working at least 40 hours a week, so I'm more tired at night when I would normally be posting. I've also been spending a lot (both too much and not enough) time with Lilie and over there. And finally, in the last week or so, I really haven't felt up to it. I mean, I've been in this major funk. I've spent a lot of time lying in bed, not really doing anything. I hate it when I get like this - I know it's not really tied to any time of year, nor any event. It just happens. So we'll see how long it takes to get over that. But anyway...

Sunday evening, I went over to Lilie's. Details are fuzzy, but I do recall one very odd occurrence. We were standing outside - I don't know if she came out to meet me, or we were headed back in or something (actually, now that I think about it, it might have been Tuesday night, but anyway...) she started asking me about why I feel so insecure about us, and how I shouldn't. It's kind of odd, having her being able to know what I'm thinking, especially about her. Well, to be fair, it's my fault - I'm the one posting it here, where she can read it. I could always post it on some secret, third blog. Or something like that. It's the same thing with Shelley. I'm just not used to having people read this regularly, much less someone I interact with.

So we both had to work Monday morning at 10 am. Well, at least, that's what I thought. I had only taken a cursory glance at my schedule, then listened to her mentioning that she had to be in at 10. We left, and I got there, only to discover that I wasn't supposed to be in there until 11:30. Had it been 11, it wouldn't have been worth it to drive home, but since I had an hour and a half, I went for it. Came home, started Moulin Rouge burning, set up X-2 with some new dresspheres to power up, then went back to work. It was okay, although things have been getting on my nerves a lot more.

I don't really remember Monday evening. Heh.

I opened Tuesday morning, as usual, and that evening, Lilie and I had an actual date. We went to Italian Garden for dinner. It was pretty nice - I had, um, something, I'm sure. She had the manacotti. It's always weird when you go out to eat with someone who waits, or has waited, tables. I ran into this a lot with Rose - they usually end up striking a conversation with the server. I always feel really awkward when that happens. It's really just an instance of my general discomfort with service people. Like when you go into Best Buy, and that guy greets you - they've started doing that at Hastings as well. It really bothers me. I understand why they're doing it - making sure the customer feels welcome, and giving them an immediate chance to ask any questions or seek some assistance. But I'm never quite sure how to respond. Do I greet them back? I feel really stupid doing that; on the other hand, ignoring them seems kind of rude. I really wish they'd just ignore me as I walked in. For that matter, I feel the same way about employees (or sales associates, whatever) asking me if I need help when I'm browsing. If I needed help, I'd go ask for it. Or when the server, waitress, or carhop, tries to strike up a conversation. It's not that I'm being rude or I think I'm better or something, I just feel uncomfortable talking to random people like that.

So yeah. After Italian Garden, we drove around for a bit, then went to Showplace to watch Team America: World Police. She still hadn't seen it, though I think it would have been my... third, or fourth time. Something like that. So we watched it. We had to move once or twice, 'cause she doesn't like having (other) people sitting near us. Eventually, though, we got settled in and started watching it.

And we both fell asleep at one point or another. We enjoyed it, but managed to fall asleep. We were both just really tired. Oh!! I forgot. I even dressed up a little bit - I was wearing my green pants, as can be expected, and put on my black over-shirt with the really bright flowers on it. Shelley made some disparaging remarks about it, but that's to be expected.

So yeah, a good time was had by all. I'm fairly certain I crashed there that night. Yes, I remember it now. She had to leave before me, 'cause she had to go to work, whereas I didn't have to work until that evening. I think. Either that, or I was off. Yeah, I think I was off, since I opened Thursday. No, wait, that's not right. She did have to go to work later (I think), but I was up early, and couldn't lie still, so I went into the living room and played a little Twisted Metal: Black, and was going to take Shelley to work at 10. After that, I didn't feel like going home just yet, so I went over to Best Buy and looked at their RAM and video cards. I've been thinking about doing it for a while, and it seemed like a good time (don't ask my why). Anyway, while I was browsing, Lilie called. She was curious as to why I didn't say bye before I left. (I didn't want to wake her up.) It just made me feel really good, knowing that she cared.

So I bought a video card and some RAM. Of course, it was the wrong kind of RAM. My comp wouldn't boot with it at all. The video card, however, went right in and worked perfectly. I took the RAM back and had the guy find the right kind - it was in the back. I put it in by itself to make sure it worked, and the motherboard, as soon as power hit it, went "Beep. Beep beep beep. Beep beep beep." And the computer wouldn't boot. Turns out that that's the "Hey, your RAM is in backwards" alert. Silly me. Put it in right, it booted. Recognized it and everything. Turned it back off and put my original one in as well, and everything was good to go. The improvement in performance has been immense. I could even contemplate playing either CoH or WoW (not both).

Didn't do much else on Wednesday, though I did go up to Austin and play some DDR later. Stopped by Rose's to pick her up, since she wanted a ride home. Played a little, but not too much - I slammed my ankle on the bar at one point, and it's been hurting sporadically ever since. We stopped by IHOP on the way home, which was unpleasently reminiscent of the old days. If she does move back down here (which is now in question, apparently), I won't always be able to just jump up at 3 in the morning and give her a ride home whenever. Things have changed a bit. And even if I do, I won't just sit there for half an hour. It was really weird when she called me the other day at 2 in the morning - something perfectly resonable in the old days, but I was crashing over at Lilie's, and she had long since fallen asleep. I felt really bad having to disturb her, however slightly, to go get my phone (it rings really, really loudly, so ignoring it wasn't really an option).

So anyway. Opened Thursday. Somehow, Rose thought I had agreed to take her back to Austin. I swear I don't remember doing that, but I did. Take her back, I mean. Came back and took Shelley Christmas-shopping for Lilie. Since she doesn't have her own car, her options for doing so are limited, and I was happy to help. We went to Hastings, then stopped at Sonic for some dinner (the current joke is that I'm dating both Lilie and Shelley; it started the Sunday she waited in my truck for a good 10 - 20 minutes for a ride home).

Oh, haha. Just re-read my earlier posts, and I'm getting all these days mixed up. I did my video card and RAM on Friday, which means that I crashed at Lilie's on Thursday (probably Tuesday night too. This is one of the reasons I hate going so long between updates). I don't really rememeber Friday or Saturday either, which is kind of scary.

I do remember Sunday, though. Shelley and I opened. It was *really* slow. I mean, our first customer was... 8:30? We had like 10 orders from then 'til 9:30. We had a bit of a rush 'til 10:05 or so, when Adam got in and helped. At one point, labor was at over 700%, which was really, really cool. I was sent home about 11:30, since it was just unbelievably slow. Shelley insisted I head over to their place, so I did. I ended up crashing in Lilie's bed and taking a four hour nap. Lilie woke me up when she came in to hug and kiss me good-bye as she left for work. I left fairly soon after that.

As I got home, I realized I had forgotten my blue button-up shirt. I called their place and told Shelley that when she answered the phone... except it was Lilie. Apparently, there was a sign at Katy Station that said "Closed @ 2 - Kitchen Repairs" or something along those lines. I headed over about 9 to get my shirt, since I had to work Monday night. Lilie was still dressed up, and she looked very nice. We hugged like we hadn't since before we started going out, which felt really good. We kissed a little too, and I left. I talked to Shelley later (online?) and she asked me why I left.

Worked Monday 5 - C, fountain. Dennis was there 5 - 9, and he was really getting on my nerves. It ended up taking me over an hour to close fountain, since Dennis didn't do *anything*, and Rick didn't help me in the fountain at all either. I don't mind, though - with the mood I was in, I was in no hurry to leave. It's the mood I've been in pretty much all week. Just a major funk. I alternate between upset for no reason and sad for no reason. I've been lying in my room all day today, sometimes playing games, but often just lying there. Felt like crying a few times, but of course, that won't happen - I can't seem to cry except at seemingly random times, and the most bizarre catalysts (Hearing Lemon Tree by Peter, Paul and Mary is the best example I have at the moment). Just been lounging around today, though I did manage to get about three quarters of my chores for this week done, and can finish my room tonight and the rest tomorrow. I still haven't done any Christmas shopping, though, so I'll have to squeeze that in tomorrow and Thursday before work at 5.

So. That's my week. Time for humorous anecdotes and other things I left out.

Janelle and three of her friends went to a movie, then came back here to build a gingerbread house. Things went well, until the end. It stood for... four seconds? They dragged me out to take their picture, which I did. But even then, the chimney, constructed of Hershey's chocolate bars, was falling. Not long after that, they realized the door was caving in. Immediately after that, the back wall started collapsing as well. Within a minute, the whole thing was in a heap. We ate some, but it is *incredibly* sweet. Michael and Kushal are still here, but they'll be leaving soon.

I was thinking about going to Austin tonight to play some DDR, but I just didn't have the energy. I don't mean physically, but mentally. Just an extension of the lethargic, depressed mood I've been in lately.

Bug did a major patch on gEngine, changing the look again. It was bad enough to (coupled with the complete lack of B5 players lately) to uninstall gEngine, delete the cache completely, clear my registry of it, and remove the forums from my favorites.

Picked Final Fantasy: Origins back up. Final Fantasy I is *hard*. Started playing Diablo II: Lord of Destruction as well, for some reason (although it is really sweet with the upgrades.) Been playing a Druid with a lot of pets.

The office sent back a list of errors in paperwork this week - there were a lot. And none of them were mine. Every other manager had at least one, and everyone except Dora had a few.

I think the Christmas party was this Sunday. I mean, the Sunday evening of the post before this one. It was... okay. Shelley did end up going, but didn't bowl. It's always nice to hang out with the crew outside of work. It wasn't as fun as last year, and the prizes sucked. Overall, though, it was okay.

That's it for now. I hope to resume normal updates now. Writing these long ones takes a while - this one took four hours, though that certainly wasn't contiguous.

In my heart, I call out your name

Some bits and pieces I forgot:

First off, Rose called yesterday evening while I was hanging out at Lilie and Shelley's. Well, technically, she called while I was on the way back from Taco Bell, but the majority of the conversation took place over there. Apparently, I was pacing a great deal. I wasn't doing it on purpose - I just do that. I mean, I was really excited - I hadn't really had a chance to talk to Rose in a while, so catching each other up was a lot of fun. Rose is like a sister to me - sometimes she's younger, sometimes I am, but her and I are very, very close. Not in a romantic way - when we first began talking and realized how close we were growing, we briefly discussed the possibility of the two of us hooking up, but realized it wouldn't be a good idea. We're compatible, but not quite each other's type. It's just something I do - I tend to form very close relationships very quickly - Carrie, Mindy, Lilie, Rose (notice that not all of those names are of girlfriends, just of people that I've gotten very close to very quickly). But anyway. She quit her job at Dell, and her and Katie both are going back to IHOP. Katie is still with James, and the two of them are very happy. They've actually gone to Oregon until like Tuesday, so Rose and I are probably going to hang out Friday or Saturday. We were going to go play DDR - 'cause Rose has played DDR a few times, and really enjoys it - but she managed to hurt her ankle again (well, not again - this time, it's the other one, and it's not nearly as severe this time). So I'm not sure what we'll do. But we'll find something.

Speaking of Oregon, I told Rose about probably having to drive to Washington, and she really wants to come. It'll be a fun road trip. I told her she'd have to buy her own plane ticket back, so she's looking into that. I'm still not completely sure I'm going, but it'd be AWESOME if Rose went too. I'm not sure of what route we'll take - Lilie suggets going up to Colorado then cutting over; we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Man, I guess this is the day for renewing acquantinces. Carrie just IM'ed me!! It's been months since we last talked. For those of you not in the know, Carrie was a girl I met in the arcade when I went to North Carolina the last time. We only talked briefly, but exchanged AIM sn's, and started talking a lot after I got back. For a while, we were really close - had we been closer to one another (she lives in Kentucky now), we would have been going out, but neither of us really wanted to do the long distance thing.

So, Adam. I have a number of problems with him. First, he tells people to ignore the boards completely for a bit. I mean, all of the managers *sort* of do that - we'll let the boards go off for a few seconds while we catch up on bagging or making drinks, but we know we have to get them as soon as possible. Adam will leave them going and tell people to just ignore them for a while. It's almost as bad as when Rick just goes through and cancels all of them. Sunday, when he came in early, he parked himself on the dresser station. That's good, because we really need a strong dresser. However, I got a few complaints - one guy ordered two junior burgers with cheese; the first time, they went out without cheese. He called back, and we sent him two new ones out. This time, they went out without pickles - he just asked for a side of pickles. A few minutes later, someone called back, because their double cheeseburger that was supposed to have extra bacon had, in fact, no bacon. I rung it up again with a 'see me' so it would be free, and Adam asked me why I had done it that way. I explained to him that the first time, he had sent it out without bacon. He tried to retaliate with "Well, it wasn't rung up that way", but I knew that was a complete load of shit, since I took that order. I even brought the original order back up on his screen so he could see. He just got all huffy and said "Fine, whatever." Some people don't handle being wrong very well. I then told him about all the complaints I'd gotten on burgers in the past few minutes, and he said, "Fine, if you think you can do it better, you get back here and do it." There are a couple of responses I have to that. First, what does he think, that I shouldn't tell the guy dressing burgers when there's a number of complaints about burgers? Second, I could have done it better - I was a cook for over two years, and the vast, vast majority of the time when I made a burger wrong, it was rung up wrong. I've gone through this with a number of fountains, and they've learned to listen to me.

So then, he comes up and starts making drinks later. There were several orders on the screen, and instead of making the drinks on the first one to get it out, he starts making one drink on each of the first few orders. I called him on it again, and he got really defensive again. I really just wanted to smack him. I later found out he had an altercation with Tracy and told her she was fired. He got in trouble, she didn't.

The Christmas party is this Sunday. I'm contemplating going. I haven't talked to anyone else yet about if they're going, so we'll see. I've gone to two of the three parties we've had, and they're usually a decent time. A few hours of free bowling, hanging out with everybody outside of work... I'll probably go.

I've started playing FFX-2 a lot. I'm really enjoying it. They definitely dared to do something different. The static party throughout the entire game, dresspheres and garment grids... all in all, it's a fun time. Just finished Chapter One.

Just got off the phone with Lilie. I had a couple game related questions to ask her. She sort of had some answers. She (sort of) reiterated her previous invitation (we talked earlier on AIM) to come over. I passed on it. I know, it surprised me too. But we both have to work in the morning - I'm opening; she goes in at 11. There's the chance I'd oversleep, and even if I got up on time, I'd probably wake her up. That, and just because we can spend all this time together, doesn't mean we shouldn't. Let me elaborate on that one, because it sounds weird. I think it has something to do with the idea 'me' time, or time to be by yourself, or something. I don't know. I was going somewhere with this, but I don't remember. I think I was just trying to say that I know what she meant, and I agree?

Anyway.

Parking lot, why not? It's so cool when you're on top

Worked 5 - C Saturday night in the fountain. Adam was the manager. Him and I are starting to clash fairly regularly; I'm not that worried, though - nobody else likes him either.

But enough about him. Shelley came in to fountain with me 'bout 8 or so, and we closed fountain together. Went back over to the girls' place after work, and hung out there until about 3 am or so.

Sunday morning, Rudy called me (he opened; I was supposed to come in at 11) and told me that Pedro didn't have a ride, but that he might have one. He said that if he didn't call me again, it meant he had a ride. I showed up about 11, and he said, "Hey, aren't you missing something?" "What?" "A 4 ft tall Mexican?" (To put things in context, Rudy is himself Mexican, and Pedro is, in fact, 4 feet tall.) Apparently, I had it backwards - Rudy was going to call if Pedro found a ride; I was supposed to pick him up otherwise. In retrospect, that makes much more sense. So I went and grabbed Pedro.

Things went okay at first. Things were incredibly slow... I cut Rudy and Erica fairly early, and was preparing to cut a fountain and a cook, when all hell broke loose. It was insane... and then, Adam showed up. Apparently, Dave had asked him to come in early for me - 3 hours or so. I stayed through the rush, then left about 3 or 4. Ended up going back over to Lilie's. That was fun.

School Monday was alright. Last day of class and all that. I ended up playing a crapload of DDR; at one point, this girl comes up to me and asks me how much I've spent on it. I wasn't really sure, and told her as much. Then she asked me why I play.

I don't really have a good answer to that one.

Went to the jazz Christmas concert that evening. I actually fell asleep when I got home, and woke up about ten minutes before it started. Drove to what I thought was Evans Auditorium; turns it, I was looking at the wrong building. Had to drive back across town, and got there a little late. However, turns out they were out of programs, so it wouldn't have counted anyway. Stayed for the concert anyway, though. It was pretty good. I haven't been to something like that in a while. It makes me miss band.

So anyway, started driving home, gave Allison a call to confirm she was opening Tuesday morning - she's one of my favorite people to open with. She asked me if I wanted to go to Whataburger with her. We had fun. Sat, ate, had a nice chat. We haven't hung out outside of work before, so it was nice. She's having some guy trouble right now... well, to be more precise, her guy trouble has now resolved. I think they're hooking up. I'm really happy for her, though I'm not entirely sure of the guy. Whatever makes her happy, though. So we parted ways, I went home, eventually fell asleep.

I didn't wake up until after 7. Kinda scary. I called Allison, and she said "Yeah, I'm here, I fell asleep in my car." I got there as soon as I could, and we opened in record time. Only had to turn one person away - and not entirely; we just couldn't do anything fried yet, since the fryers take like forty-five minutes to warm up. As we were opening, she let me know that she was actually sleep-talking when I called her - she was actually asleep at her apartment when I called, which is kinda funny.

Things went okay for the most part - we were *really* slow. Well, things went okay for a while, then things starting getting really stressful. Bruce closed fountain last night, and didn't leave any ice cream in the shake machine - it was completely empty. Like seven different fountain drinks had to be changed out. We ran out of bacon. The hot fudge heating element wasn't working, and the pump wasn't either. I disassembled it and found the problem, but something got stuck, and I had to use some pliers to unhook it, and I pinched my hand really hard, and it left a small blood blister. Javi was an hour late; apparently, he thought I said "11" when I told him when he had to come in, but I swear I said "10". Chris was being an ass, as usual, and Pedro was my 8 o'clock cook, which meant onions took approximately forever to be done. It was just so many small things piling up at once. I was fairly tired as well, and my patience was wearing thin. I'm starting to lose patience with this job. I think my pending road trip will be a very good thing. (More on that later)

I went over to Lilie's after work - I was just having a terrible day, and wanted to see her. I actually ended up taking a three hour nap in her bed, which I didn't plan on doing. Hung out there for a while.

Went to school this morning for my CS final; I asked the professor about a million questions, but I just wanted to make sure I was clear on things. Played some DDR afterwards, had a fair number of spectators. These two guys were watching, quite impressed, while I was doing some Nonstop Random All - but it was a bunch of slow songs - "Sky High", "Lovin' You", "Let the Beat Hit Them". They were like, "Wow, you just put it on Heavy and hit random? Damn, DDR guru or something." Just to show off, I then did Healing Vision (Angelic Mix), which is becoming a show-off song, along with Exotic Ethnic. That makes me happy, even if I still can't pass any of the Max's on Heavy. Came home, took a nap. Watching Eurotrip right now.

...And it brings me to my knees

This is my third posting location. I'm actually hanging out at Shelley and Lilie's apartment. Lilie's making some Tuna Helper for Chris and Shelley (both of us aren't that hungry); Shelley is playing FF X-2 (we'll make a gamer geek out of her yet), and Chris is trying to help her. I'm just sitting here, typing; Lilie is, at this moment, leaning over my shoulder, and kissing my ear. So, yeah. Fun times.

It's been an interesting weekend. Lilie and I had a date Friday night. Well, sort of. I went to class first off; had our first Chem Lab. I have pictures from it, but I haven't uploaded them yet (I actually have about 120 pictures to upload so far, but I'm about to have a ton of free time, so prepare for some massive picture posts). Afterwards, went home and talked to Lilie; we were gonna meet up around 5 or 6 to go to Will's thing, then go to Sights & Sounds. I was feeling really ansy or anxious or something, so I ended up back to the LBJ Student Center and played about an hour or so of DDR. Went fairly well; two girls were watching me play, and one of them asked me if I practiced on the same songs repeatedly. That's always an interesting reaction; the vast majority of the time, I'm sightreading - Nonstop Random All rocks!!

So anyway, Lilie showed up around 6:30 or so. I was watching Red v Blue (which I've started burning onto DVD), and almost asleep. We went over to the Baptist Academy where Will's school was doing a little Christmas performance. It was... cute. I'm not terribly fond of small children, but as far as these things go, it was okay. There was one part where a large number of kids came out in various costumes; Will was a shepherd, and five little girls were sheep. They were SO CUTE. We left a little early so that we could catch Janelle performing at Sights & Sounds at 9. I ended up giving Lilie a piggy-back ride across the Baptist Academy to my truck. It took forever to find a parking spot near it, so we parked off the Square and walked the rest of the way. Turns out Janelle wasn't performing until 9:45, so we had some time to kill. We sampled some of the food available - chicken on a stick, caramel apples, hot cider, etc. They had one booth that had a bunch of interesting stuff available - alligator on a stick, goat, boudin sausage, squirrel, and rattlesnake. I wanted to get some squirrel (not in the sexual way (at least in this instance)), but they didn't have any, which very nearly crushed my soul. However, they did have rattlesnake, so I tried that. And, as much as it pains me to say this, it tastes... well, like chicken.

I never felt like a townie before, despite being very nearly the perfect picture of one. Maybe it's because all of my friends are townies? Well, not really - Josh and Jarrod are, but Luke, Matt, etc., aren't. It was just hanging out with Lilie at Sights & Sounds... it was best summed up as we were standing there, watching the Jazz Band perform. I heard a college girl behind me say "I've never really done any small-town stuff before." It was at that moment when I realized that I'm a townie.

Anyway.

Ran into Barbara and... Mike. I hadn't met him before, and I wasn't particularly glad to do so. It's not really any of my business, but I don't agree with what she did to David. It was fairly shady. The weird part was when Lilie and Barbara were talking about my head and keeping me from shaving it. Really weird. Next, we saw David and Nikki. Haven't seen either one of them since AvP. It looks like David's not going to get the job at Best Buy, so he's looking elsewhere. Nikki's going through her back surgery, so she's not terribly happy. While talking to them, I saw Mr. Mann wondering around, so that was fun.

Briefly saw Beth Matthis and Maggie Hernandez as well. We walked by Elinor, and exchanged waves. I told Lilie the Elinor tale, which is always fun. We had a few interesting discussions while we were there (which I'm not going to go into here). The performance was pretty good - we had a blast screaming for Janelle. I finally introduced Lilie and Jarrod, so they are both now convinced of the other's existence. Danielle was there as well, which is good as well. Jarrod asked me what we were (relationship-wise); we weren't really sure - it wasn't something we had really talked about yet, so Danielle says "Now's the perfect time to decide." I wanted to punch both of them.

Not really.

So we wondered around a little more, and finally left. Sights & Sounds seems a lot... smaller. Or maybe I'm just bigger. Or older. Or something.

***

So I finally got to sleep about 3 or 4 or so. Had to work 5 - C Saturday, which meant I didn't have anything pressing on my time. Saturday was... uneventful, partly. Oh, wait. I asked Lilie out Friday night, and she said yes. So we're official. Er... officially a couple. Or something like that. Anyway.

I was awoken around 11 am Saturday by a phone call from Shelley. She called... to apologize. Seriously. I mean, I'm typing it, and I don't believe it either. Turns out she wasn't aware that Lilie reciprocated my feelings for her. Which kind of scares me. She thought I was just chasing her and putting her through all this just for a piece of ass or something. We had already had that conversation WAAAAY back when Shelley first started working at Sonic, but apparently she didn't believe me. She read my journal where I wrote about Tuesday afternoon, and all became clear to her. I mean, I can't really fault her for acting like she did - it made sense to her, from her point of view. She may have been a little... vehement in being a bitch, but it was at least mostly justified. And she apologized. I still don't believe it either. She explained that that was why she was acting towards me the way she was. So... yeah. Her and I have been getting along much better now. Didn't do much else Saturday, until I came over to hang out with the girls before going to work. More later.

The Centre of the Heart

So yeah, reborn and all that.

Going well.

I meant that post to be longer, but I wasn't going to type it while Lilie was sitting right there. Long story, and we'll get to that later.

So I went over there Monday night and hung out with Shelley. I really do want to be friends with her besides Lilie. It's hard to explain... and I'll come back to that, after I deal with the timeline.

So I told her that Lilie was probably going to be back tomorrow, and she called her. Turns out she broke up with Sean.

I'm going to repeat that, because it bears repeating.

She broke up with him.

Now, I'll admit, that does send a certain amount of joy coursing through my veins. It's not that I bear him any ill-will - far from it; she was happy with him, and that's... well, I'm glad for them. As much as it hurt, I really wanted them to be happy together, and was prepared to lose her completely - I was convinced that, after spending that time together, their commitment freshly renewed, I shouldn't be in the picture. And if things went really well, well, that's something I was ready for as well. And then I heard she broke up with him. That distinction is fairly important. But it was hard to take joy in that kind of event. I'm just empathetic, so I felt bad for him. For both of them, I suppose.

But it did make the next few days something to think about.

So. She got back into town before I got off on Tuesday. It took me a little to get off, and I had to run some stuff to Guadalupe before I could leave. But I finally did. I came home, and Seaquest Season 2 *STILL* wasn't done downloading. It was just waiting on like a few pieces for one file. I swear, the last block of the last piece of the last file took over half an hour. Most annoying. She called twice, wondering if I was coming over. I just wanted to have those for her when she got back. I was originally going to just leave them in her room or something, since I was ready to not see her anymore.

But I finally got over there. I wasn't intending on making a move or attempting to pick up where we left off, but given this... lightening of restrictions. I was just going to be a friend going to see another friend, who haven't seen each other in a week or so, and wanted to make sure she was okay, and what-not. Shelley had told me to wait until she was ready before I did anything, which I intended on doing, but not because she told to, but because I really care for Lilie.

That didn't really work. Ten minutes later, she has me pinned against the door and is wondering why I keep backing off. She said she was ready, so... well, yeah.

And it's been great ever since. Well, except for Shelley, but I'll come back to that. There was always this feeling of... holding back between the two of us, since we both knew what we were doing wasn't really right, and that we shouldn't be. Now, the only reason is gone, and it's very much what we both want, so... yeah.

She's made a few interesting comments - "Was it worth the wait?" "I just like kissing you." "I'm comfortable."

We're not rushing into anything, but I feel fairly confident at this point saying we are, in fact, an item. Of sorts. She did tell me that part of the reason she broke up with Sean was because of me. Which is really scary.

So things are going great.

Except for Shelley. Just to recap, Shelley is a carhop at Sonic who started working there right before Lilie quit. We're friends, basically. Her and Lilie live together now. And she's being a serious bitch.

I don't know why - I mean, I know I can be annoying at times, but I'm really trying to get along well with her, for any number of reasons; amongst them, you never want to be at odds with your girlfriend's roommate. Not that she's my girlfriend just yet (or whatever; I'm not terribly concerned with labels)...

Anyway.

She keeps acting like she doesn't want me there at all, then says that she was just kidding, then tells someone the next day that I just wouldn't leave. That was just in one day (Well, except for the next day bit).

I almost deleted the post I wrote below, when I was under the impression that she deliberately kept the knowledge of Sean's presence from me, when I found out that she didn't. I asked her about it, and she thought I knew. The conversation we had via IM supports this. I really, really didn't. But I didn't delete it; in fact, she even read it while sitting in my room. She didn't hold it against me or anything, which was good. I just figured she deserved to know what I actually said and thought, as opposed to hiding it from her or something.

The juice was worth the squeeze.

I won't stand in your way

I always wondered how this would play out.

Now I know.

He's going to be there. Or rather, I should say, he is there.

I went over to their apartment today, after work, to hang out with Shelley for a while, since she was all alone and we hadn't seen each other in like a week or so. During the course of the conversation, she let it out that Sean was flying down to spend a few days with Lilie, and that's why she was down there so long - the wedding was Saturday.

I didn't know that. I really had no idea. Shelley was sure Lilie had told me, because "that's all she's been talking about for so long".

Nope. Never came up. Not that I blame her, of course - it's not like that was a popular topic of conversation for the two of us.

But then again, it did come up a few times. Most notably, a week ago. No mention there.

Shelley also mentioned that there was the possibility of him moving in with them (her). That's good to know.

I'm curious if she would ever have told me.

I know now that things are over between us. I feel used. I don't know if she really did use me, or it was subconscious...

No, wait. Fuck that.

Here's some choice snippets from our conversation last week, the night after I attempted to end things between us:

mrbinkyjackalope: And it was becoming too much like an actual 'relationship' mrbinkyjackalope: and there were times when I'd forget that we weren't together. mrbinkyjackalope: That's fun. TigrLily69: =/ TigrLily69: Sometimes I forget a little bit too...

TigrLily69: I guess I've just gotten comfortable with us the way we are... mrbinkyjackalope: Were you? TigrLily69: I liked it.

mrbinkyjackalope: How does that square with having a boyfriend, though? mrbinkyjackalope: And "I don't know" doesn't count. TigrLily69: I know you said not to say it, but I don't know...it probably stems from Sean being two thousand miles away. Something about that situation still seems kinda surreal.

mrbinkyjackalope: Can I ask you something fairly personal that I've always been curious about? What is y'all's situation? If you don't want to answer, feel free to say so - I won't be offended. TigrLily69: It's...we're together, but because it's long distance...forgive the repeating, but it seems kinda surreal, I guess. It's hard to explain... mrbinkyjackalope: I mean, how would you feel if he had something like what we have going on? TigrLily69: You forget...I've been there, done that, got the T-shirt. I'm not a jealous person usually. mrbinkyjackalope: You have? TigrLily69: I just...I dunno, I like being close to you, you're sweet and you're good to me, and you're...comfortable, I guess, for lack of better word.

mrbinkyjackalope: You just "accidentally" act like we're a couple? TigrLily69: hell, anyone's gonna be confused BY me, I confuse myself half the time, but I'm not TRYING to confuse anyone, specially you.

mrbinkyjackalope: You have no idea how strong the desire is to just ask you to forget I ever brought it up and go back to the way things were. TigrLily69: TigrLily69: I'll forget you said anything if you want me to.

mrbinkyjackalope: I just don't want to have to feel bad for kissing you. Or for making out with you. Or looking into your eyes and hoping you feel, in some small way, the same thing I do, even if you don't or can't say it or whatever. mrbinkyjackalope: Crap. mrbinkyjackalope: I keep typing things I want to say but don't intend to, just to get them down, and then hit enter before I have a chance to delete them. TigrLily69: I understand though... TigrLily69: And I told you from the start, it's not that I don't, it's that I shouldn't. TigrLily69: And it's cause you type too fast, ya big oaf. ^^

mrbinkyjackalope: What is it you want from me? TigrLily69: I don't KNOW... mrbinkyjackalope: Especially when you end up with your head like *right next* to mine, like, right there? TigrLily69: I just want things to be comfortable... mrbinkyjackalope: What does that mean? TigrLily69: I dunno, I've been comfortable with you with the way things were...but apparently you weren't, so that probably isn't the best solution.

TigrLily69: I don't know...I know the making out is over the line no matter where you put it...but...I dunno, I'm just comfortable with you, it's easy to forget where to stop.

TigrLily69: I only get sad and confused when I actually start trying to figure things out...as long as I drift along in my happy little world and forget there's anything past the four walls around me, I'm fine. ><

mrbinkyjackalope: 1 point for you. TigrLily69: woohoo, I have a point. mrbinkyjackalope: Spend it wisely. TigrLily69: what can I get with it? mrbinkyjackalope: My undying affection? Sorry, out of stock. mrbinkyjackalope: Um.... TigrLily69: pfft. mrbinkyjackalope: A penguin? mrbinkyjackalope: That'd be cool. TigrLily69: nah. mrbinkyjackalope: Octopus? mrbinkyjackalope: I really have no idea. mrbinkyjackalope: You caught me off guard. TigrLily69: hehe TigrLily69: I like the sound of undying affection. mrbinkyjackalope: It'd be a lot easier of it was reciprocated at all... ;) TigrLily69: pfft, it is. TigrLily69: You doubt that?

I really hope they have the fucking time of their lives and move in and get married and spend the rest of their fucking lives together.

I keep oscillating back and forth between indifference, betrayal, and anger.

I can understand her never mentioning this. To a point. But for her to care about me as much as she said, and acted, like she did, I don't buy it.

Fuck it. This is really all my fault. I remember when I first asked her out... she told me that she was sort of seeing someone. But we still kissed. And she initiated the making-out the first time. And I'm fairly certain that by then, she knew about now. Definitely when we had the above conversation. It's one thing to dislike having to deal with reality, it's another to lead someone on you care about in this manner. I really don't know what I'm going to say to her when she gets back. I wonder if she's going to tell me anything - I asked Shelley not to tell her that she told me, because I want to know if/when (but mainly if) she was/is going to tell me. On one hand, it's none of my business - she's an adult, and whatever she wants to do with her life and her time is certainly her choice. On the other hand, she said she cares about me. We had... something. Part of me really feels like she was just stringing me on until now. It really comes down to - why didn't she tell me? How could she keep going with all of this, knowing what was about to transpire?

The next few days will be very interesting.

I'm not that afraid of being alone again - I've been basically alone since Minday. There was a brief interlude with Suzie, but that was, well, WEIRD. INCREDIBLY WEIRD at that. There were a few dates - Sara (1 date, until she found out I was an atheist), Heather (not really, since we were always just friends anyway)... that's about it.

But I think that's one of the reasons I was willing to put up with this situation - being desperately lonely will do strange things to you.

But it's not worth betrayal. Never.

How can we sleep when the beds are burning?

It's been almost a week since my last post of substance, and for that, I apologize to my regular readers. To those of you who come here through searches for 'Pretty Life' by "Katie B Jackalope' or whoever the hell sings it, or those of you trying to download 'The Bounding', the short from the beginning of The Incredibles, or any of the really bizarre shorts, you're just out of luck. Or something like that.

So. A recap of the past days' events are is in order.

I took the CS test, then went home. I didn't really do much (that, or I just don't remember it. Perhaps it was really painful, and my mind has blocked out all memories of the event as a defense mechanism. I doubt it.) Rem IM'ed me at some point, asking me if I was doing anything. Turns out he was organizing some Halo 2 action, and invited me to join him. "When?" "Now." I called the guys to see if they wanted to come, but no one was up for it. I headed over there, but had to park in Alkek. Oh, 'there' was San Jacinto. I had to park in the Alkek parking garage, which was a trial, since I can't park. I finally got there.

Holy crap.

They have a big screen TV in the lobby on each floor. Turns out Liz, the girl in the burgundy dress, is the one that lives there; we were just her 'guests'. We plugged into the building LAN and started a 4 player Slayer FFA to warm up. The controls are basically the same, slightly modified to allow dual-wielding, vehicle boarding, and those niceties. We ended up in a 16 player game and had all kinds of fun. We did a few team games of Slayer, some 16 way Slayer FFA, King of the Hill on Beaver Creek in which no one lasted on the Hill more than 2 or 3 seconds, all kinds of craziness.

Halo 2 is, well, FUCKING AWESOME. I from far from a fanboy - I knew of the incredible anticipation, but never even visisted ilovebees.com. I don't play FPS's at all, with the sole exception of Halo. Well, and now Halo 2. I know a lot of people, like Daniel, think it's a really crappy FPS.

They're wrong.

But anyway: Played 'til about 1. Went home and crashed after that. Had to open Thursday morning, which went okay. Dave came in in a decent mood, and it was the last shift I worked with Ray as a manager. I got out of there 'bout 2:30 or so. I'm trying to remember what I did Thursday evening...

Nothing comes to mind.

Friday went to school, then came home. Sort of. I had to go get Jarrod at this little Mexican restaraunt where his car died, and gave Danielle a ride back to their apartment (she had a doctor appointment at 4 at home, and he had to stay at the car for when the tow truck arrived). It would later turn out that something had come unplugged. That's just funny. After that, I had to run home and do my critique for Intro to Fine Arts, then went back to campus and turned it in. It had been a really, really crappy week, so I called Lilie and asked her if she wanted to go see The Incredibles, which she did. We decided to meet around 7 or so for the 7:30 show. Jarrod called while I was on campus and asked me if I wanted to come over for some Halo 2. I told him I'd probably show up; that all transpired before I talked to Lilie.

So I went to the movie. When I pulled up at the stop sign at 35 and Wonder World, the car to my right kind of pulled up a little more than normal; turns out it was Lilie. We each went into the parking lot through different entrances, then passed each other again (I was just playing around), but ended up parking next to each other. Went in and watched the movie. It did have the Episode 3 Teaser Trailer on it, and it was cool at times. It was cool enough to let me start getting my hopes up again, even though I know it's going to suck. There was also a short at the beginning called "The Bounding" which contained a jackalope - Chelsea already told me as much. Lilie said, and I'm somewhat inclined to agree, that the jackalope did sort of look like me. That was really cool, especially the last two lines - "In this world of ups and downs / Aren't you glad there's a jackalope around?"

The movie itself was cool. On one hand, it's another entry in the superhero movie field that's been going full-tilt since the incredible success of Spider-Man; however, it has a *great* sense of humor and had breath-taking visuals. All in all, it was a great movie.

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I headed over to Jarrod's after the movie. Lilie headed home because she was tired (but didn't go to sleep before checking here; I love sitemeter). We started playing the coop campaign on Heroic (Easy - Normal - Heroic - Legendary), and basically went non-stop. I mean, literally. He did get up during one of the FMV cutscenes to make us some peanut butter sandwiches, but that was it. It was 4 or so when we stopped for the night. I had a work meeting in the morning, which I was supposed to give Shelley a ride to.

She called at 8, and I answered the phone. Techinically, at least, because I fell asleep right afterwards (well, actually, I think I fell asleep between hitting 'answer' and getting the phone to my mouth. I woke up about 10 'til, and got my butt out the door. I called her repeatedly as I drove to Sonic, but she didn't answer. I figured that she'd either gone back to sleep, or decided I'd abandoned her and gotten an alternate ride there, or something. She still hadn't answered by the time I got to Sonic, so I just went in. There were only three people there when I got there, though most of the crew (it was a fountain/carhop meeting) straggled in. Dave started calling people that weren't here. He called me, and we had the following conversation:

Me (standing in the back area of the store with everyone else, waiting for the meeting to start; I notice my phone is going off; I pull it out, and it's Sonic calling): "Hello?"

Dave: "Hey, you forget about the meeting?"

Me: "Um, I'm standing in the back."

Dave: "Just now on your way in?"

Me: "Turn around."

He turned in his chair, and saw me standing RIGHT THERE.

Dave: "Oh; didn't see you standing there."

Idiot.

It got to be around 9:20, and Shelley called. Well, her apartment called. It was Shana. Long story short, Shelley had been waiting outside for me and didn't hear the phone. Um, okay. So I told Dave what was going on - he tried to turn it into it being her fault, but I explained, quite adamantly, that it was mine, then went and got her. We got back after missing only a few minutes, since she does live *right there*. I took her back to her house afterwards. We had decided previously (Friday night, I think) that we were going to hang out at her place and watch some movies that they'd rented after the meeting. I ran back to my place for a bit, then returned. Lilie was already there. We watched Shrek 2, The Girl Next Door, and some of Under the Tuscan Sun (which is really just about middle-aged lesbians).

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Shana has this little dog, Duke, that was there while we were. It humped my arm. He really, really liked me. I ended up having to hide underneath the blankets from him. Oddly, though, those blankets were already occupied by Lilie, and we ended up under the blankets together. It was some nice cuddling. At one point, my hand was, in fact, (inadvertently) resting on her breast, though I did pull it off as soon as I realized where it was.

So anyway. Shelley and Lilie both went in to work at 5; I didn't have to 'til 7. I ended up falling asleep; Rudy called and woke me up about 7:10. I went in; it was a fairly uneventful shift. They had some music playing on the main computer, fairly loudly at that. All in all, it was fun - well, as fun as Sonic gets. Which isn't very.

Sunday, I slept in and had to go to work. Another fairly uneventful shift, though someone hit one of the menu boards. I brought in a CD to listen to as I did the closing stuff, and actually didn't mind it all that much. Today, I went to class, then came home and took a nap. That's about it.