The taste of her cherry chapstick

So I'm feeling kind of emotional and vulnerable and depressed right now. Yes, it's going to be one of those posts. You've been warned.

Yesterday was a really good day. Chem II's going really well, got two straight 100's on my last quizzes. Probability's really, really easy so far, but that's going to get interesting when the calculus stuff starts coming in, since it's been so long since I've really done that part. I talked to Jackie before class yesterday, that was really nice. She's got gorgeous eyes (and she knows it). Anyway, she's taking Calc I this semester, she's going to be a math major. Actually wrote my first essay for FA, have to wait and see how it's received.

Got an estimate on my truck yesterday. One thousand, six hundred, and twenty-two dollars and ninety-eight cents. My truck's not worth much more than that. We'll see how the insurance company reacts. The best part is that that's actually a little on the conservative side - that estimate is with having them just fixing the side panel, not replacing it. That number will go up by some amount - I don't know how much - if they have to just replace the entire panel.

So I've been playing Dungeons & Dragons - Tiny Adventures on Facebook, and healed Lilie's character a few times. Admittedly, it's enlightened self-interest - you get a buff for healing other people's characters. Odd dynamic, I think. Whatever. Then she invited me to Blood Lust, which is a weird little vampire game, but it's really integrating advertising tie-ins and recruiting to a new, infuriating level for those of us who look for that kind of thing ("Don't forget to invite daily!") I maxed out as far as I could go without recruiting more friends, so I quit that. But I keep seeing her in my online friends, and I don't even recognize her in the new picture she's got posted on her profile. Anyway, it had me reminiscing a lot. I hate doing that, especially when Lilie's involved. Started getting really depressed, almost to the point of tears. Of course, that left me with only one course of action - went through the list of girls' profiles on my friends list that'll make me super depressed - Chelsea, Lilie, Melissa, Ashley, Beth, those are the ones that come to mind.

Oh! I saw Ashley Hughes yesterday (it was a busy day, apparently) in the music building on my way out. I know she saw me. Not that any of that matters - like most of the girls in my life, they're a much bigger part of my life than I am in theirs. That's probably related to why I have such a hard time letting go of people. But that's another story for another time.

So yeah, went through those, was crying by the end of it. That's something I've done a few times in the past few weeks.

Yeah, that pretty much gets us to where we're at now.

Kate Perry -- I Kissed a Girl

Finally got to get into it with a customer today about the whole "You Got 30 Minutes" thing. First, I do think it's really, really dumb for them to be using that. I mean, yeah, the vast majority of our orders do get to our customers within thirty minutes, and I don't think it's necessarily wrong to play up that; the problem, however, is that we did that 30 minute guarantee in the 80's, so *anything* with Domino's and the number 30 is automatically going to make that connection in people's minds. It's pretty unfortunate. Anyway. He also got pretty mad that our drivers don't carry parmesan or crushed red peppers on them. Seriously, though. I mean, if you can't eat something without a given condiment, that condiment has ceased to be a condiment, and is instead an integral part of the dish. Well, those aren't. Deal with it. We do charge for them. Think that's ridiculous? Shop somewhere else. Customer's choice, and all that.

So the guy placed his order, and I told him at the end of the order that it'd be 35-45 minutes. The guy calls back at thirty-one minutes, almost exactly. I know this because when someone calls back that's already placed an order, when you bring up that phone line, it says when they ordered. There's that, and there's the clock right next to that, so it's pretty easy to see how long ago they ordered. So yeah, he called back right at thirty-one, thirty-two minutes. He was calling about our 30-minute guarantee, which we don't have. He kept bringing up the commercial, which just says "You've got 30 minutes". It doesn't say "You've got 30 minutes, or it's free." It definitely doesn't say "You've got 30 minutes (or it's free)". It says "You've got 30 minutes (or keep waiting)". Again, I'm not defending the fact that they're almost definitely playing to the fact that we did have one, a long, LONG time ago, and people are definitely going to make that association whenever they see the 30. Whatever. But it's there, and we're doing the best we can.

So yeah, the guy calls at 32 minutes, and I explain about it being an estimate, not a guarantee. We go through this several times.

He then calls back another twenty-ish minutes later, to make another complaint. Basically, (a) his pizza took 40 minutes, and (b) the driver didn't have any peppers or cheese on him. I would have had a little more sympathy for this complaint if we hadn't already discussed (a) when he called back ONE MINUTE after thirty minutes, and I told him that it'd be 35-45 minutes for delivery. And (b), well, there's not a lot I can do about (b). It's how our franchise operates. I can't really defend it.

Moving on.

Four of

Hmm. I got caught up playing around on Facebook, and I'm really not sure where I was going with that "Four of" thing. I'll get back to that, if possible.

Oh! I remember. Maybe. I might have been going to say something about I've done four of my eleven consecutive shifts? Probably not. I can't see me saying "Four of" as the beginning of that sentence. Anyway.

So yeah, been dealing with a lot of ex's lately, primarily through Facebook. I let it do the 'automatic friend finder thing' with my gmail inbox, and that brought up Chelsea and Lilie, got to see them. Oh, and Terri. Saw Mindy while going through some photos to upload, and Carrie, and Nikki. Ashley ordered pizza last night.

We journey over oceans, five fathoms deep

So. Good times.

I'm doing eleven 5-C shifts in a row (by choice, I'm not whining or anything, just recapping), and I just finished up #3. Eight to go.

Work's been kinda blah lately. Julianne quit, no big surprises there. She called in a *lot*. She was kinda worthless, but she could at least answer phones. Or something. I have to work with Trey a lot this week while Bill's on vacation. Good times. Oh, almost went into it with Dylan a few nights ago. So we have this dual-layer heat rack. They each have a switch to turn it off, but the one on the bottom has been redone as a master cut-off switch with an indicator light. That way, you only have to switch one switch to turn it on, and you can see the light to make sure it's on. Long story short, when you're closing, you turn off the main switch, and leave the other switch on. I keep having to tell him not to turn off the top switch. It's such a stupid little thing. Seriously. It should have just taken one "Hey, don't turn off this top switch" and that should have been the end of it. Of course, it wasn't. I've said something to him about it three times, Bill's brought it up at least once. Other than that, whatever.

Went to Wal-Mart the other night, talked to Rebecca. Turns out she's probably moving home this summer when her lease is up. Home is Rockport, a good distance away. It kind of puts an end to the whole thing. Sandra said something like "Well, you'd better make your move! Take her to lunch or something." I think she was just being nice. They do humor me. Anyway. Yeah, it's kind of depressing. Of course, I'm fully aware how pathetic it is for me to be depressed that some girl I've had a crush on for a while now is moving away. I mean, I refer to her as my 'pretend girlfriend' and everything, because it's not like there's ever a chance of something happening. I haven't lost all touch with reality. Whatever. So yeah, wa wa wa, I'm a big pathetic loser, whatever. Of course, it would be the next day that I go through facebook's friend-finder thing and end up with some slight contact with Lilie again. I mean, it's not like I'm still in love with her or anything, but she was the last person I had anything with, so when things seem kinda bad, and then to have that shoved in my face (or whatever), yeah. Good times.

Of course, it's fun to go into a negative emotion spiral, start taking things in the worst possible light. I'm twenty-five, living at home, working at a pizza place. Then start feeling as down as possible about various facets of life. I'll work on that later.

Vanessa Carlton -- Home

Don't you have somewhere to go?

So I know it's clichè, but what with time being an arbitrary concept and all, New Year's provides just as good a time to reflect as anything. A good time to look back at the last year, see where I am, where I'm going, what's coming up.

Let's start with what happened recently. I worked New Year's Eve, which isn't a big deal. I usually do - last year, the year before that, the year before that, but the year before that, I think I was with Suzie in Galveston. I remember three New Year's ago, when I got off from Sonic, was driving home, Mom called me from All Niter, her and Jerry were there, we sat on the patio and had breakfast. Lilie drove by. Good times. So anyway.

I spent this New Year's making pizzas. Luckily, I wasn't taking an order or anything when the ball dropped (which is my way of saying "Midnight struck"). Just kind of standing there. I was very aware of when it was. Bill and Chris were my closing drivers, but they were both out on runs. They were pretty much running nonstop 'til the end of the night. I got a few calls around midnight - Danielle called, that was awesome. Hadn't really talked to her or anything in quite a while. Danielle and Jenni both called, that was fun. Had a few drunks order some pizza in person, that's always fun. I think part of my aversion to drinking is how very, very much I hate talking to drunk people. I hear it's not so bad when you're also drunk. Whatever.

I went to Wal-Mart after work, picked up some juice and stuff. Of course, Rebecca was my cashier. Good times. She was smiling a lot. I'm not naive enough to think she was smiling because of me, but it was definitely at, and I'll take my victories where I can get them.

[Sidenote: I'm watching "Blonde Ambition" while typing this. Atrocious movie. Jessica Simpson's character is a country bumpkin stuck in the big city. She doesn't know how to ride a bike. I'll let that sink in a for a moment. At least Rachael Leigh Cook is in it. She's awesome. Also, apparently, she did the voice of Tifa Lockhart in most of the Final Fantasy adaptations, post-VII. Good stuff.]

Anyway, it really helped dispel all the bad vibes I got from her on Christmas Eve with Jenni. Moving on. I had to give Rose a ride home the next night, she needed to go to Wal-Mart that night. We spent about fifteen minutes in the hair care aisle, she needed some conditioner without certain chemicals in it. Or something, I don't know. I keep my head shaved. Whatever. We had to go through sporting goods for a thermos or something. For whatever reason, I picked up a baseball bat. I started carrying that around for a while. It's a guy thing. Whatever.

So we took the corner towards electronics, and she's standing there right next to the Guitar Hero demo. Long story short, she's watching electronics during lunch, and the other girl, the one playing very badly in training mode, was on lunch. I felt kind of weird holding on to the bat, but I went with it. Rose kind of took off, went to finish her shopping. The girl playing finished the song, realized the game probably wasn't for her. Rebecca and I talked a little while the other girl (she needs a name if I'm going to bring her up very many more times in this story; 'other girl' and 'that girl' is starting to get a little repetitive). She said something about her brother who 'has like, every video game system ever' and apparently doesn't like girls that much because they talk to much and prevent him from playing his games. Good times. She thinks he might be gay. Or something. She didn't want to play, because her eyes don't focus fast enough. She said something about the doctor telling her she needs to exercise her eyes more, and she's annoyed, because the last thing she wants is another doctor telling her she needs to exercise more. Or something.

[How the F did they get Rachael Leigh Cook for this piece of crap? It's awesomely tragic. Oh, crap, Willie Nelson. He must really like Jessica Simpson, or something.]

So she - that other girl - finishes, and asks Rebecca if she wants to play, so she turns to me and asks me if I want to. I hesitantly accepted. I went with 'Hit Me With Your Best Shot', because I know the song really well. I did 98%-ish. It was great, because my hands were sweaty. I'm a big, big guy, and I like to think I do some physically demanding things - I play racquetball, I play DDR. I sweat a lot during those times, but my hands stay dry. They don't sweat at all. Ever.

But they were sweating the whole time I played the song. I guess that means I was really, really nervous. Which I was. Which means I actually like her.

Crazy.

Moving on.

So I finished the song, put down the guitar, said something to the effect of "That's not really fair, 'cause I play this all the time.", picked up the baseball bat I set down by the demo unit, and walked off. I had no idea what was going on. I found Rose, and we went about our shopping. She asked me where the latex gloves were, so I went and asked Rebecca. We talked a bit.

Oh, I was still holding the baseball bat. It wouldn't be right without it.

We talked a little bit; she told me a story about her boyfriend. I'm still debating the point of the story. It could go any number of ways - maybe she was just making small talk (it was a funny story, after all), or just sharing about her New Year's Eve / life stuff, or, quite possibly,

[Major plot hole. This is what I don't get. If they want Jessica Simpson's character to be that idiot's secretary so they can manipulate her, why are they constantly sabotaging her plans? Wouldn't they want to help her and have her do well, so she would gain his trust and thus be a more valuable asset in their plan? I guess that's what I get for trying to actually follow the plot of a movie that makes fun of Norwegians for no real reason. It's not so much making fun of them, as it is randomly having them do karaoke - 'Baby Got Back', no less - in the most horrendous accents I've ever heard.]

[Oh gosh. Here comes the montage where the small-town girl grows accustomed to her big-city job, but turns her back on her small-town roots. I'm already looking forward to the moment of truth where she decides, momentously, to re-embrace her values.]

or, quite possibly, as a way to remind me that she has a boyfriend. (Of course, best-case is that she was reminding herself, because she was afraid she was forgetting. Probably not, but it's fun to dream.)

Moving on.

We got the gloves, we went home.

So yeah, that was fun.

Now, about reminiscing and stuff.

Let's start with work.

I started the New Year working at Wal-Mart. Literally - as usual, I was working that night. Worked there until early April, when Javi called me and asked me if I wanted to come back to Sonic. Ashley Hopkins lent a lot of credence to that argument, and I walked out. That was fun. What was really, really fun about that was that Ambra had started working there by that point, she was also working that night. Lots of freight, understaffed, all the greatest hits we know and love from working at Wal-Mart.

I started at Sonic a week later. It was, well, interesting. Ashley ended up quitting, so did Javi. I ended up working around seventy hours a week. I didn't mind the hours - one week, I had about ninety hours, that was a nice paycheck. Overall, it was a good turning point - allowed me to build a decent reserve really fast (I moved back home around the same time, worked out well). The problem I had at Sonic? Well, it was two-fold. First, as it often the case with crappy service jobs, everyone there hated working it. Now, the thing about these jobs is that the co-workers often make it bearable. That wasn't the case - they had really, really bad attitudes. I can name a few off the top of my head, but it's really not worth it. The second issue was Bubba. He was cool at first, until I got to know him. Not hiring people, not taking an active hand in his store, underordering, argh. I got sick of it.

Luckily, Sergio called from Domino's and asked me if I wanted to come be an assistant for him, as he had just gotten the store. I thought about it, but I was afraid. I hate big decisions; I seem to always mess them up. Of course, I felt pretty good about that one. I put in my two weeks at Sonic, walked out a week later. I've been working at Domino's ever since. Of course, my work history now goes Sonic - Domino's - Wal-Mart - Sonic - Domino's. Good stuff. There was a two day stint at CRI, which isn't really even worth mentioning (well, except for that).

So, yeah. Been working 40-50 (more like 45, not so much 50 anymore) hours a week there, 5-C five times a week.

There's work.

Living Situation.

Not much to talk about here. I was living at Les Chateaux, but I moved home. It does make me feel kind of a loser and all, being twenty-five, working at Domino's, being completely single, morbidly obese, good times. Of course, I'm working on all of those things. I'm twenty-five and don't have a degree, but I am back in school. I'm funding that with Domino's, and I'm working on my weight. Good stuff. Oh, and I pay rent.

[Holy crap, this movie sucks.]

Social:

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Not much to say here. Thankfully, Lilie is no longer a part of my life in any way. Passed her on Thanksgiving, didn't answer when she called. I still think about her occasionally, during depression spirals,

[This scene is actually humorous.]

but that's not really specific to her - that's more about her being the last person I was that close to, and her being such a major part of my life for so long. Comparatively speaking, of course.

So yeah, single and probably going to stay that way for a while. No real prospects or anything. I mean, I kind of have a thing for Rebecca,

[Extreme Sports Bonanza? I miss Rachael Leigh Cook pretending to be part of the marina group.]

Moving on.

but I'm not going to delude myself into thinking that anything's going to happen there.

[Now the running to find his true love and prevent a misunderstanding from becoming a tragedy. Gyp and Buddy could have written a more imaginative, if more cheese-oriented, screenplay.]

So what's in store for this year? School. Work. Getting in shape. Taking control of my life, maybe growing up a little (not too much, don't worry).

So, resolutions? Not sure. I'm cutting dairy almost entirely out of my diet, but that's not a resolution so much as it is a 'I don't want to feel like crap, I'm lactose intolerant' kind of thing. I'm going to be back in school, but that's too much of a thing that's like, interwoven into your life to be a New Year's Resolution. The same goes for health things. I'll get back to you on that one.

Ashlee Simpson -- Boyfriend

Every time they turn the lights down, just wanna go the extra mile for you

Wow, it's been almost two months, maybe more, since I've posted anything. I post sporadically on MySpace, but I can't go nearly as in-depth there, partially because I don't like people I'm writing about to read it, especially if it's negative.

Let's see... work. It's a lot of fun. *So* much better than Sonic, Wal-Mart too. Kinda. The nice thing about Wal-Mart was the total lack of having to deal with customers, other than the occasional "Where do you guys have marshmallows?", and the hours were the best of any job I've had so far.

Anyway.

I'm registered for school, starting in '08. Three classes - Discrete I, Chem I, and Assembly Language. The first one is a funny story - I've already got credit for Discrete II, but they won't give me a blanket waiver for I, and it's an easy 'A'. Chem I, I've already wasted two tries on. It's going to be an annoying class, since it's probably going to be almost entirely freshmen and sophomores. And, of course, Assembly Language. No idea what's going to happen there. Thanks to Sonic and those 70 hours weeks, I was able to pay for this semester, including the ridiculous "You suck at life and are taking this class for the third time" fee. I mean, I understand why, and I'm not complaining about it, just how big it was. But I'm the one who fucked up, so I can live with it. Moving on.

Been playing a TON of Guitar Hero lately, picked up parts III and Rock the 80's. I tried Rock Band a few times at Wal-Mart, the drum-set is AWESOME. If I had a ps3 or 360, I'd buy it right now, but I don't, so I'm not. They're coming out with it for the ps2 later, and the Guitar Hero guitars work with it, so I might just buy the game for the new songs and stuff, wait 'til later to pick up the drums. Still playing WoW.

Personal life... not so much. Ran into Rebecca working at Wal-Mart, asked her out. She said she already had a boyfriend, that before that, she was dating a jerk. So she definitely knows I'm interested, and I have a tendency to end up at Wal-Mart late at night when she's working, so I'll see her from time to time, I'm sure. But I'm writing her off as a prospect, though I'd still take her out if the oppurtunity presented itself. Speaking of girls, I passed Lilie on the way to Bambi's today. She called me right afterwards, but I didn't answer. Just didn't feel like talking to her. Left a voice mail, haven't responded yet, not sure if I'm going to. She's just not a part of my life anymore, and it's her choice.

Then there's Beth, Ashley and Alaire's friend. Bill's dating Alaire now, I mentioned that I think Beth's the hottest of the three; he mentioned it to her via Alaire. Her response? "Well, I do need to get laid. Josh, who used to work with me, tells me she likes big guys. Whatever. Probably won't pursue that one either. I think I'm regressing - I didn't have any problems pursuing Lilie, but then again, she kind of threw herself at me. Sort of.

I'm not going to go into a huge rant about how basically every girlfriend I've ever been involved with has thrown herself at me, in one way or another.

Moving on.

Turned 25 last week, I'm officially old now.

Britney Spears -- Gimme More

This is the story of the lalala girl, from lalala land

So, a quick update of various facets of my life, in a rare moment where I'm not doing anything else.

Domino's is going fine. I'm closing five nights a week, working around fifty hours. It's a cut in pay from Sonic, to be sure, but only because I'm working fifteen to twenty hours a week less than I was at Sonic. However, working here doesn't leave me emotionally and psychologically drained - I don't spend my entire first day off sleeping and/or lying in bed, unable to move. That's nice. The drivers have pretty much accepted me as a manager - not that they had a *ton* of choice in the matter - I just mean that they listen to what I say with only minimal resistance. I don't get any "But Sergio does it this way" or "But Bill would let me do that!". That's nice. The inside crew is pretty cool, too. Sergio has really opened up, talks a lot more now. Part of that is being GM, he pretty much has to, though if he were really determined, I'm sure he could find a way to continue being really quiet while GMing, but he's not.

I went through the drive-through at Jack-in-the-Box a while back, and holy crap! Rebecca was there! I wasn't going to say anything, because I, well, really had no idea what *to* say. However, she initiated conversation with me! - "Hey, haven't seen you here in a while!" I told her I was working at Domino's again, and she told me how she didn't like working at JitB, how she was thinking of going to apply at Wal-Mart or something. I took all that as a positive sign, that she wouldn't have said any of that if she thought I was just a creepy bastard that she dreaded dealing with. I've only seen her once since then, which is kind of a drag. Ah, well. It's usually this two random douchèbag guys working the window when I go through, which makes me sad. Ah, well. I've been referring to her as my pretend girlfriend, which I guess is kind of creepy, but it's not like I'm stalking her or anything.

Lilie called me a few days ago, I actually called her back. Nothing terribly notable there, she sounded sad and said she missed me, that she was sorry we hadn't talked in like two (four) months. I don't know how to tell her that she's just not an important part of my life anymore, that I've moved on. Completely. Whatever.

Still set for going back to school in January, and I'm both excited and nervous about it. I mean, I'll be graduating around the time I'm twenty-seven or so, be fresh out of college with no real experience, having had worked in food service for the last seven - nine years. Yeah, that's *really* going to impress potential employers. Obviously, I need to get some experience between then and now, I guess through internships or whatever.

Got my account back from David, that's fun.

Paffendorf -- Lalala Girl

This shit is bananas, B - A - N - A - N - A - S

I just spent the last six hours making pizzas.

And it was, at a conservative estimate, about a hundred times better than working at Sonic, with the exception of the three people I truly miss.

I mean, the attitude was totally different. Everyone was joking around, having a good time. It reminded me of the good days at Sonic, when I had a great crew. Of course, with 10-14 people on a shift, the possibility of a few bad apples ruining it for me was a lot greater. I think at our peak yesterday, there were four people inside, which was too many. They immediately accepted me as on of their own, possibly because I already knew how to do everything - I didn't start slapping dough until everyone but Juan was gone, but I can still do that really well, as well. The night went fine, even when it was just Sergio and me; I handled just about all of the closing duties myself, and I think I'll be closing by myself next week.

Of course, there were a *few* low points of the evening. I had a bad headache most of the night, but of course, I don't really blame Domino's for that. Oh, being back in the store also brings back a lot of memories. Most of them are really good, but a few, well, are ones I don't really dwell on anymore - most notably Lilie. I mean, I'm over her. Well, as over anyone as I ever get, which is mostly.

Gwen Stefani -- Hollaback Girl

Now, that this love has overcome me

So, it's been quite a while since I've done an in-depth post about what's going on in my life, so I'm going to try to provide a brief history of what I've been up to.

So, I was working at Wal-Mart, doing overnight stocking on the grocery side of the store. I really liked it, for a few reasons. First, I didn't really have to deal with any customers at all. Well, I did occasionally, but it was stuff like "Hey dude, where's the Gatorade?" "Aisle six, right side, halfway down the aisle after the Kool-Aid." Usually, two to three of those a night, more on Fridays and Saturdays. The time period was great - 10 pm to 7 (8/9/10) am, which was fantastic. Work all night, sleep all day. I loved it. Had two days off, which didn't change from week to week. I was working with Matt, which meant we never had scheduling conflicts (at least, not work-based) for playing racquetball, and it made transportation fairly simple. There was even a cute girl, Robyn, to look at from time to time.

However, there were some definite downsides. First, we were constantly understaffed. I mean, systemically and intentionally. (In a related side-note, they've recently laid off even more people, causing massive understaffing throughout the entire store. Productivity has suffered as a result.) We were often running behind due to our lack of sufficient people. Of course, management didn't see it that way - we were "slackers" and "needed to pick up our pace." Juan constantly threatened us, saying that when the remodel was over, we were going to all be replaced by the remodel workers that they hired. That kind of frustrated me. At some point, Javi called me on my cell, asking if I still wanted to work there (in desperation, while searching for a job before Wal-Mart called, I stopped by there to see if they would hire me back. Dave waffled on it, but eventually left the option up to Javi, who called me, though by the time he did, Wal-Mart had called, so I declined.). He told me that Bubba, the former GM of Buda, was now our GM, and that things were totally different. Also, Ashley (of Domino's fame) was also an assistant there now, which was really neat. I really like working with her. We talked about it briefly, and I told him I'd call him back.

As luck would have it, a few days later, we had a ton of freight come in, a few people call in, and Juan was in particularly rare form. Ambra had started working there at this point, and Mindy was gone. Well, at that point, I decided I'd had enough. I went to the bathroom, called Ashley, confirmed that they still had a place for me, and walked out. It was fun. I clocked out, went up to Juan, and handed him my discount card that had my clock in bar code on the opposite side. He was kind of caught off-guard, as a good walk-out will always catch management. It was awesome. He told me that he'd always confirmed (excused) my absences - I had like four or so - and that he certainly wasn't referring to me when he talked about how much we suck. I wasn't going to be dissuaded, though, and I left. I kind of apologized to Ambra on the way out, because she was still there with all this terrible freight to have to deal with. On the way out, I stopped to talk to Robyn, let her know I enjoyed working with her but that I was leaving, and that I thought she was fantastically cute.

The personnel lady called me a few days later about why I left. I told her about Juan, she said something like "Well, that's certainly not true." Not the point. "Well, he shouldn't have done that." Yeah, I believe I indicated I already thought as much by leaving. She asked me if I wanted to talk to Terry (our GM), I half-heartedly accepted, but never showed up.

The next day, I was talking to Javi and Bubba at Sonic. One week after that, I walked into my first day of Sonic. That was interesting, because only Javi, Ashley, Bubba, and a few people who were still there - Larry, Cruz, Pedro - knew who I was. Everyone else just saw this new guy - goofy looking - in a shirt and tie, walking around like he knew the store like the back of his hand. Which I do. Anyway. I knew it was going to suck going in to it, but I figured, hey, Javi and Ashley are there, so how bad could it really be?

I quickly became acquainted with the new crew, which was in some ways better, some ways worse than the old crew I dealt with. Well, the old crew was probably better in most respects. I won't go too much into specifics, but there were some very constant things that really defined the new crew. Whining, for one thing. Attitude problems, for another. There were a few people I really despised, and a few people I really liked (Emily, Ashley S, Katie). Things started off pretty good. I started getting around 70 hours a week, which was nice, since it amounted to a FUCKTON of overtime, and very nice paychecks.

Then Ashley left.

That really, really, really sucked. I was really sad that she left, but I totally understand her decision to leave. She was really frustrated, since she had only wanted to be part time, and she hadn't worked less than 50 hours on any week since she started. She felt that either Bubba or upper management, whoever was responsible for it, just wasn't doing enough to get us more assistants, and Bubba kept scheduling her a ton (more on this later). That, and how frustrating and stressful of a job it is to begin with, made her leave. We didn't get another manager or anything for a quite a while, and we had a bit of a staffing crisis for a while. We got through that.

Then Javi left. That was really the beginning of the end for me, as well. Javi's last week, I worked 90 hours without a day off. Now, I was used to 70 hours a week with one day off, and that was okay. However, 90/0 wasn't really okay. Well, it would have been okay, but Bubba didn't see fit to warn me or anything. I mean, he knew about it as early as Sunday morning, possibly earlier. I wish he would have warned me or something, since he wasn't releasing the schedule for the week until Monday afternoon, which was also really frustrating. So I had to take this annoying Serv-Safe class (8 hours, 90 multiple-choice question test, test took about six and a half minutes), then go in and close afterwards. That was alright, since the early draft of the schedule had me off on Tuesday. However, I walk in around 6:30, look at the schedule, and find out I don't have a day off that week. Yeah, I was kind of upset. I mean, I know a lot of people work seven days a week, at jobs much harder than mine. I just wish Bubba would have warned me or something.

So Javi left, and it was just me, Angie, and Bubba. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Bubba took over doing the order and the schedule. We'd run out of stuff a lot more - tater tots, ranch, barbecue sauce, M&M's, spoons, bananas, sugar, you name it. That, and people would get scheduled when they weren't available, which, to be fair, stopped for the most part eventually. There were several weeks, though, where a lot of people couldn't come in when they were scheduled and it was our fault. Good times. The other fun thing about having Bubba in charge of scheduling... well, it really had nothing to do with him being in charge of scheduling, but something systemic about him managing, was that he expected every employee to be 100% devoted to the Drive-In. I'm not talking about just while they're on the clock, which I agree with, but ALL THE TIME. Every time someone called in, he'd ask people to stay late, and come in early, and come in on their only day off, and would get annoyed when they couldn't. I mean, I'm talking about people who'd already worked eight, ten hours, or had worked six days and it was their only day off. We didn't seem to be pursuing the long term solution, hiring more people so we didn't have to keep asking people to work stupid amounts of hours.

So yeah, I have a few grievances with Bubba as a GM. I think part of it might be the difference between Buda and San Marcos. Most of our crew members, at least non-cook, are college kids, who aren't looking for 40 hours a week, and will work that much if you need them to, but didn't apply for that. They're going to highly value their time outside of work, and place a greater premium on social time and interaction then on being at work, hence the frustration with always, ALWAYS being called in. Now, most of them are more than happy to help out occasionally. However, it starts to get annoying, when every other day, you're asked to stay late or come in early, when every day you "have off", you're asked to come in for a bit. There's a line between "helping out" and "being expected to be overly devoted to your job". That's one of the reasons Ashley left, as well.

So yeah, I put in my two weeks notice almost two weeks ago, on Saturday the fourth. I walked out on Friday the tenth. Almost made it. I didn't really tell anyone that I was leaving, except for Aaron, the assistant we were borrowing from Montopolis (who was a friend of Bubba's) a few days a week. That week, we finally had a new assistant start; he was an ex-GM from Round Rock or something.

Yeah, I feel pretty bad about walking out. Sort of. I mean, not really. I was really pissed off. Oh, yeah, forgot to mention, Sergio got the store, and called to offer me an MIT position. So I took that; I'll be starting there in a week. That's fun.

So that's where I am in terms of work. On to other matters.

I moved out of Les Chateaux a month or so after starting at Sonic. Moved back home instead of getting a 3-bedroom place with Ambra and David, decided to go back to school and the cheap rent offered at home would be a huge help towards that goal. I'm just now, three months later, that I'm finally starting to move in and get everything unpacked. I'm almost done there. Janelle moved out the other day, that was interesting. Not just into a dorm for the semester, but into a four bedroom apartment at University Springs with three dudes. That's cool. Spent Monday picking her up from the airport, then helping her move out. Got a decent entertainment center out of the deal, so I came out ahead.

Haven't talked to Lilie in, oh, probably two months now. I was going up to Austin every day off to play DDR and/or ITG2, and I'd usually call her before or during to see if she was around to see if she'd like to meet up, say hi, that kind of thing. The first time, I actually got a hold of her, and she didn't really seem very enthusiastic or anything. Every subsequent time, no answer whatsoever. A few weeks of that, and no reply whatsoever to any IMs/phone calls/emails, and I got the hint.

So yeah, I've already put in my application at SWT. I got re-accepted as well, so that's neat. I just have to go in for an academic advising appointment, then I'll be good to go. I'm starting in the Spring, and I'm pretty sure of what classes I'd like to take - Discrete I, Data Structures, Chem I, whatever CS course is next in my progression, and possibly Probability, depending on scheduling.

Oh, I sold my WoW account to David. Just didn't have the time working 70 hours a week, usually in 12-14 hour days. That, and the internet connection here SUCKED. It's getting better; we've upgraded our connection, and are on our third modem. So, we'll see. I'm contemplating buying it back, but I want to see how things go at Domino's first. Oh, Gina marked me down as non-rehireable, so that's fun. Eileen let Sergio rehire me anyway, so that's cool.

I think that's a sufficient return to blogging. More to come as updates warrant.

DJ Smooth -- DUI 091406

For you, I will not dance

Man, I can be a bitch sometimes:

tigrlily69: Goin' to Kobe with Joe for his birthday at some point tonight, so we'll be in town. :) mrbinkyjackalope: Kobe? tigrlily69: Japanese place in SM? mrbinkyjackalope: A mrbinkyjackalope: h mrbinkyjackalope: Never been. mrbinkyjackalope: But I think I know what you're talking about. tigrlily69: Right there by Best Buy, at the freeway. tigrlily69: It's guuuuud. mrbinkyjackalope: Heh. mrbinkyjackalope: Tell Joe Happy Birthday for me. tigrlily69: I will. It's actually Saturday, but we're going out today because I don't work tonight. mrbinkyjackalope: Good plan. tigrlily69: Point being, we'll be in town tonight. :) mrbinkyjackalope: ...so you said.

Nelly Furtado -- One-Trick Pony

I know when the heartache is over, I won't be missing you

This will be my 777^th post. Yay me. So, tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Good stuff. It really snuck up on me this year - I hadn't done any shopping, but I remedied that today after work. Got a lamp and some perfume for Mom - both things she specifically told me she wanted, and a bath basket for Janelle. I'm getting her an external CD/DVD drive for her laptop, since a replacement internal drive will be something like 150+ dollars. She's worth it, but the part isn't. Needlessly expensive replacement components - another reason I don't like laptops. But yeah, we'll get her taken care of. Gonna get Bam and Greg a birdbath, but neither Walmart nor Lowe's had one. Mom's going to check the Home Depot in Kyle for me when she drives by. I figure I'll put two rubber ducks in it, 'cause that's cute, and those will be for Saxton. He might be a little young for them at the moment, but a kid is never too young to start collecting rubber ducks, right? Anyway, those are the big three on my list. After that, there's Rose, Lilie, Ambra, and David. I'm going to get them... well, I shouldn't write that here, since they all four, at one time or another, read this. Occasionally, at least. But I know what they're getting, and I hope they like it. I think they will.

Ambra's gone for Christmas, she won't be back 'til... Tuesday? It's all quiet and lonely here. David's going to be gone 'til January, Rose and Lilie are in Austin, and neither one's much for talking at the moment.

So, relationships. In the aftermath of the Lilie situation, as I continue to adjust to our new situation, I've done a lot of thinking at work about myself, about love, about life, the universe, and
everything (hint: 42).

Stop. Stop it right here. As I've done before, I'm going to stop myself and just replace what I was going to say, rant about, whine, bitch, and moan with a pretty picture:




Ah, I feel better. I still want to talk about relationships at some opint, but not what I was going to say.

Freemasons ft Amanda Wilson -- Love On My Mind

I'd never let him touch my heart

That last post was both too long, and not as informative as I had hoped. Suffice to say, the last two weeks had some pretty low points.

Anyway.

One other thing I wanted to talk about from work - Matt. Him and I have been getting along *great*, despite the disparity in our ages - he's actually like 31 or something. He's been there maybe three years, and I totally forgot that he worked there when I applied there. But yeah, we've been getting along really well, hanging out at lunch, giving him a ride to and from work at times, that kind of stuff. We've also been playing racquetball a lot - he's been totally kicking my ass, but not nearly as much as the scores suggest. I just have issues returning his serves. If I manage that, and we get to a volley, I more than hold my own. It's just that, well, he'll get like fix to seven aces IN A ROW, which makes things very disheartening. Briefly.

But the thing I wanted to touch on is one other way we're very similar - Mat is also in love with a girl who doesn't love him back. Not like he wants her to, at least. However, the key difference with him is that he's decided there isn't anyone else out there for him, that she's the only person he'll ever love, ever. He lives with her, but they're just friends, and I mean actually just friends. Nothing like the 'just friends' Lilie and I have at times, or anything even close. I mean, even if we didn't fool around like we do, we'd still be close - holding hands and the like. And while I may still be hopelessly in love with her, I'm not so far gone as to believe that she's the only person out there that I could ever love, that it's her or nothing, ever. I mean, that sort of unwavering, unquestionable love may make for great stories, but it's too heart-wrenching of a way to approach life. I guess I could see it if we had been together for a long time or something, but we weren't, and it doesn't really apply here. It's kind of an eye-opener, to see how he's completely attached his life to hers. That's not something I want to go through.

Then, of course, the question comes up, would moving in with them be a step in that direction? Maybe, but I don't think so. I mean, I've contemplated dating other girls, I'm not so far gone as to believe she's the only one for me, ever, that it's her or nothing for the rest of my life. I mean, if she ever wanted to get back together, I'd be all for it, though I know that there are core differences that stop us from being a great couple, and that they'd have to change or be reconciled before "us" would happen, and I don't see that happening any time soon. Which is fine - I don't believe in changing the core of who you are for someone else. But yeah, we've even talked about it. Kinda. We talked more about physical aspects than dating - she's finally not shy about telling me when she's crushing on someone else, because maybe I've finally got her to realize that I'm okay with it? I hope so. I'm finally able to talk to her about my experience with others, as well - nothing major, just things like I've been really noticing - staring at, really - my roommate's massive rack lately. Her possessiveness/insecurity was kind of cute, while somewhat revealing - "You just don't love my boobs anymore", that kind of thing.

So yeah, seeing Matt go through the sheer hell that he does with Celeste is a real eye-opener, makes me see what I could have been, if I had taken the Lilie thing too far, and I think a lot of people, when they council me to move on past her, fear that I'm doing what he is, while I'm not.

Deep Dish vs Dire Straits -- Flashing for Money

I'm in a place that no one should be

So I'd been looking forward to the day for around a month. Originally, Bambi called me and asked me which of two days would be better; I told her that neither would be, I'd probably be working on both, and couldn't really get either day off. She bought tickets for one of the days anyway; I had to work.

However, she was able to switch them out for tickets two weeks later, and I had enough time to trade with Paul and get the day off. Lilie, despite leaving the day after the game for a few days, was also very amicable towards going, which made it that much better.

So I head up there after work, wake her up. Girls always look like such angels when they're sleeping. So peaceful, no worries, no anger, no depression, just... them. They just are. The effect is double for particularly attractive girls, and amplified further for girls who often have their inner beauty marred by negative emotions.

Speaking of which, I've found I'm a huge advocate of natural beauty. There are a few examples of females at work who wear WAY TOO MUCH makeup. Take Gypsy, for example. She's an older lady, but not old, who works in ICS, so I see her a few times a week when I'm leaving and she's coming in. She could be decently attractive, but she's not, because she wears too much makeup. I've seen it way too many times, and it's tragic. A bit of makeup, max. Seriously.

Anyway.

So I wake her up, she gets ready, we leave. We're running a bit late at this point - I hit more traffic than anticipated just north of town, in addition to Austin, and stuff. We met up with Bam and Mom outside of the arena, headed in.

IT'S SO FUCKING GHETTO.

The Bat Cave was awesome, that's where they were playing the previous two times I've gone to games with Bill and Sara. They're not playing there anymore (I don't remember why.) They're playing at Chapparal Ice, an ice skating rink in North Austin; Heather and I went there once to go ice skating.

It's bad. Really, really bad. The seats are tiny, the whole thing is kind of jury-rigged, slap-dashedly assembled. The overall effect is something that wouldn't be out of place in San Marcos, if we somehow had a minor-league hockey team.

So yeah.

Sat through the first period, only missed the first five to seven minutes of it, not too bad. 0-0 at the end of the period, no fights. Lilie started to feel a bit ill by the end of the first period, we went and walked around the outer part of the venue, to no avail. As the first intermission drew to a close, she told me she really needed to go home. I relayed that information to Mom and Bam, told them I'd come back if possible, depending on time.

By the time we got her back to her apartment, if I'd just dropped her off and immediately turned around and drove back, I'd have made it back with something like five minutes left in the third period. Ick. I had to later explain to Mom that no, it wasn't worth it, sine there's NO FOURTH PERIOD IN HOCKEY; THAT'S WHY THEY CALL THEM PERIODS, NOT QUARTERS. But yeah, stayed at her place, crashed there with her. Woke up, didn't feel like going to play DDR, so I just went ahead and headed home.

All in all, kinda crappy, except the crashing with her part, which was pretty cool.

The other day, Rose calls me to ask if I can pick her up from the airport, since she'd be coming in at 4, in the middle of Lilie's sleep cycle. I called her back during first break; Zack and Nolan overheard my half of the conversation, and of course, totally misconstrued it. I stayed up and went and picked up Rose; got back to her place, and... Lilie was there. Yeah. With Lucas. Which meant we might have passed each other on the highway between San Marcos and Austin. Good times.

So she took Lucas home, I hung out with Rose, then fell asleep in Lilie's bed. She woke me up, which is always a special feeling. It's just something about the first thing you see when waking up being someone beautiful, that you're in love with, that loves you too. The smile makes me glow inside.

So, that's a big chunk of what I've been up to lately. Oh, I've been in a pretty good mood since picking Rose up at the airport, for two reasons. One I'll write about here, one I'll do elsewhere.

Amber G -- Be in Love

Taking all my life all at once, not too bright

So, my posting has been sporadic as of late, primarily due to my new job. First and foremost, I tend to get into this mode of work-sleep-work-sleep. I have a few hours between the two, but that tends to be WoW, eating, that kind of stuff. So, I'll probably shift to long update posts on my days off.

Second, I tend to blog about work a lot, and that's not nearly as interesting at this job as it has been at previous jobs. I rarely deal with any customers stocking overnight; the few that I do interact with are just asking where stuff is; the sum total of our conversation is usually;

"Where's [random item]?"
"Aisle six."

That's not blog-worthy, except to note that it's not blog worthy. The only customers that I remember interacting with eight seconds after the conversation is over are the cute girls, and there aren't that many of those. I mean, there are, but most aren't noteworthy either. None really stand out. Of course, that's their worst nightmare, which is kind of funny.

As a tertiary point, my coworkers aren't fun, either. I mean, I'm sure they are, just not from my perspective and in regards to me. They're not really my peers, and I couldn't really see myself hanging out with very many of them outside of work, which is a big contrast from Domino's. I mean, I'll probably post the occasionally bitchy post about Brenda, or if Mindy and I have a weird conversation (we haven't talked, nor seen each other, since I started there, save twice, and both lasted a total of maybe five seconds. So not much material there.

Finally, my job isn't very intellectually stimulating. It's predominately physical. Downstack palettes, put stuff on shelves, make the shelves look pretty. Also, you tend to be on the aisle by yourself, so there's no one to talk to. No real music to listen to; there's the stuff playing on the pa, but it sucks, and it can be kind of soft at times, and it really sucks.

Also, it sucks.

Anyway, moving past how much late night radio sucks, not a lot to think about while working. Focusing on the job sure, but that doesn't occupy me entirely. So, I think about a lot of stuff. Lilie, to be sure, WoW, but I end up talking to myself a lot, about issues I'm having - stuff I'd normally be blogging about. I work through various issues, examine them in detail; I even find myself doing it in the manner in which I'd be blogging about them. So, by the time I get home, I feel like I've already had my cathartic rant about whatever issue is bothering me, and don't really need to write about it.

So, yeah.

Got my membership to SMAC. Mom's gonna buy me some rackets, Mat and I will be playing racquetball. I hope to make it there at least five times a week, we'll see how it goes.

I still need to post about the hockey game and that whole awesome day, and things about Lilie, but I'll probably post that elsewhere.

Amber G -- Passing Time

I need another one, I think you, you do too

Today's going to be an awesome day, if I can somehow survive it. Finally get to go to the hockey game with Mom and Bam and Lilie, thanks to Paul switching days off with me so I'm off tonight. After the hockey game, Lilie and I will be hanging out, which rocks, since we haven't seen each other in something like a month or so. After that, DDR, something else I haven't done in far too long.

Of course, that's assuming I don't pass out sometime between now and midnight.

Ashlee Simpson -- L.O.V.E

I knew you wouldn't understand

One more to add to the baby watch - Carrie. Yup, Carrie. We were talking today just randomly, since we were both on and all, and she just kind of dropped that bombshell. Now, Lilie was saying that that's what people do, it's natural, it happens, blah blah blah. I agree. However, it's something old people do. These people - Carrie, Terri, Montana, Kristina, they're my age, my peers, my friends. It's really weird for me to think about those people getting pregnant, having babies of their own. Lilie suggested that it makes me feel old. No, it makes me feel young. Way too young. That's part of being an adult, being grown up, and it's something I don't want for a good long while yet. Hmm.

Also, the second D&D movie doesn't suck. That much. It's just like playing D&D with Jarrod and Mat and Luke... right down to the bad accents, random encounters with bandits, and overdone fantasy clichès.

Colette -- Didn't Mean to Turn You On

If I could have just one last wish

Came home for lunch today, not sure why. But I just talked to Lilie, and things are basically set - hockey game, hanging out, then DDR. It's good stuff. Should be an awesome weekend. That, and I'm definitely going to take Mom's gift of a SMAC membership, hopefully be able to put it to good use.

<Tier Two Panty Droppers> is breaking up. Andy left on Jamm, I quit on everyone, joined Death by Hedgehog on Brooms and Slaughterhouse on Femaledwarf. We'll see what happens, come BC.

John Talbot -- So Long and Thanks For All the Fish

I don't belong to you

Another week of work survived, another weekend.

Good times.

Thanksgiving was pretty good, had it at Mom's house. Ambra joined us, since she was unable to make it home to be with her family. It was pretty good, but the turkey had been sitting a while, so it wasn't very warm, and I felt it was kind of tough. Everything else was awesome. I've been wanting to really learn how to cook ever since I started not having to make food for other people; I had hoped to spend most of Thanksgiving at Mom's, helping her make food and learning from her, but I had to sleep from work. Ugh. Ah, well, I can still experiment with crazy vegetable medleys for now.

Work's been going okay, I guess. They served us pizza Thanksgiving morning (originally slated was chicken and mashed potatoes), then sub sandwiches the next night, 'cause our day-after sale ("Blitz") went really well. They had me on 01 last night, which is aisles 13 and 14, which is basically soda and water. Well, at least that's the part we're concerned with. I had to use this weird device, it's like a forklift, but you stand behind it to operate it. I screwed up and pierced a diet Dr. Thunder can, spilled it over the entire stack, but other than that, it went alright. Nolan was kind of annoying me, acting like he has final say on what days I have off, if Paul and I can switch days - after Manual, the manager who's actually *in charge* of these things, approved it - that kind of thing. That, and he keeps calling me 'Bill' occasionally. I won't respond to that, and I've told him that a few times. I've also heard Matt say that he's (one of) the reason(s) I'm still in grocery, and not being allowed to transfer to electronics, as though he has any real say in it.

Fun story: The 'official' reason that I'm not being moved to electronics is that I'm not job-coded for it. Except I wouldn't be, since I'M NOT THERE YET. Also, I'm not job-coded for my current position either, which kind of contradicts that logic. Whatever.

So I've almost covered that list, save one topic - Lilie's breasts. Um, they're nice. Yeah.

Speaking of Lilie... one final post coming up. Well, not one final post, but one new one.

Lasgo -- Don't Belong 2 U

Make us feel so cold inside, but they cannot take us back

I feel like writing about work a little, since Brenda is continuing to be a major bitch.

First, some background: The first phase of each shift is getting all the stuff off the palettes. It's generally sorted by aisle, but there is some overlap, some mix-ups, and some random stuff. There's also baby food, which we don't deal with at all. We just put that to the side, some lady comes in and takes care of it. We generally use a shopping cart or two, just put all the baby food in there. We use as few carts as possible, for a few reasons.

So earlier:

I knew Brenda has a shopping cart with baby food, since she had had some earlier, and I was just getting to some on my palette, so I went over to her to ask if she was done with the baby food on her stacks, so I could start getting rid of mine. One other side note: I'm fully aware that this whole thing could just be me projecting my dislike of her onto her, and subconsciously provoking her into responding negatively, thus justifying my dislike of her. It's possible. So I've been very careful to watch the tone of my voice, the diction I use when talking to her, to make sure I'm being appropriately polite and not inciting things.

I walked over to where she was downstacking palette and asked her if she had any more baby food left, or if I could use the cart. She was really rude about telling me that no, she didn't have any left, and yes, I could use the cart.

Wait.

That wasn't the bad part.

So we got a ton of those little packets of crackers. Like, a box containing 10 little packets of maybe 8 sandwich crackers - cheese on cheese, pb on cheese, etc. We had, um, like eight cases of each. Maybe two of each will go up, so we were stacking the overflow on this cart. She walks part the cart, the turns onto the aisle with the crackers in question. I tell that there's a cart for the crackers, 'cause there's already too many on the floor; she looks at me, and kinda starts muttering under her breath.

It doesn't sound very bad in the retelling. But she was being a bitch.

That sounds like a totally unjustified attack against someone I just don't like. Hmm. I'll have to work on that.

Anyway. Moving on.

Lilie and Rose have both found some great company lately. Lilie's got a crush on some guy at work who just broke up with his girlfriend, and she wasn't the "only reason", and Rose met some guy online and they're having a great time. (I feel like I need to clarify a point here - it's not that's it's Lilie specifically that brings this up - I mean, yes, it is, because she's one of my closest friends, and someone I probably talk to more than almost anyone else, but not because she's my ex-girlfriend that I still harbor a lot of affection for. I want things to work out for her and whomever she may choose, and I don't say that in a cynical, wounded, depressed way, like I did with Sean, and to a lesser extent, Scott. More like a content, happy way, that things are going well for my best friend. Anyway.) I certainly don't begrudge either one of them that; however, it does serve to drive home my current social isolation. I mean, well... there's two aspects I'm looking at it from - general social; that is, forming friendships, establishing a community of people you network with, that kind of thing; and closer, intimate relationships - girlfriends, significant others, whatever you may wish to call them. Now, I don't really feel like whining about the second one - I've done so at great length, and even I grow fatigued by the constant, unrelenting onslaught of rhetoric that I've seen fit to spew across my digital journal. I mean, I don't have DPD - I don't *have* to be in a relationship. All things being equal, I do prefer to be in one; it's nice. The intimacy, the shared emotions, the mutual trust, support, and affection... but no. Not today. It's the first upon which I focus my concentration on this evening.

It's weird. It wasn't very bad during the months I wasn't working - I was almost completely isolated. I didn't really see anybody, besides Ambra, the occasional delivery guy, and the family on Sundays. And I didn't miss them at all, to be honest. However, now that I'm taking strides to re-enter the real world, interact with other human beings, and do so on a daily basis, I do find myself lonely, and craving more true interaction, conversation, and even friendship. I guess being back on the fringe is worse than being cut off altogether?

Anastacia -- I Do

The kisses of the sun were sweet; I didn't blink

So my three day weekend ends in like thirteen hours. I don't know that I got anything notable accomplished. Truck registered and/or inspected? Nope. Room cleaned? Nope. I did play some WoW and get Femaledwarf up to 25 (Really close to 26, I could get that level before going in to work, if I felt the urge). I did vacuum the living room and mop the kitchen, which I suppose isn't completely insubstantial. It's something.

Wait!

In my defense, I went down the truck registration place Friday morning to do my registration, but they were closed for Veteran's Day, so I wasn't able to do it. I'll probably wait 'til Thursday, when I get paid, and will be running some other errands anyway.

I'm currently scheduled for nine days straight, but they don't like it when you work seven in a row, so they'll be changing my schedule around (again) to prevent that from happening. Hopefully, this will lead to having Saturday off, so I can go to the hockey game with Bambi and Mom on my birthday. I get to bring a guest as well. I'd really, really like to bring Lilie along; she lives in Austin, and likes hockey to boot. I don't know how well her and Mom get along, if they really like each other, Bam as well. It might end up being a moot point if i have to work Saturday night anyway, since it's up in the air if I'll be going if I do.

Mom asked me something earlier - she asked me if this is where I thought I'd be at 24.

Frankly, no, it's not.

I feel like somewhat of a failure. If not for a series of bad choices on my part, I could have been out of college for two and a half years (give or take a semester) ago, in a real job, working on building a real life. Right now, I feel like I'm just treading water, moving from moment to moment with no real goals or plan. I mean, I know where I'd like to be, and I have a vague idea of how to get there. It's just a matter of fighting the apathy that's been such a defining characteristic of my life the last five and a half years. The only thing I can of that's positive about the entire situation is that I have moved out, I'm kind of living on my own, earning a living. It's a start? I guess? of course, having Mom as one of my top choices for roommate in May kind of potentially negates that as well, although if it makes it easier to get back in school, it'll be worth it. I'm just not sure if it would, and it would definitely be a step backwards in other directions.

Then there's this whole thing with Lilie. It's pushing two and a half years since we've met. I reviewed most of our relationship, relived a lot of memories when I was going back through my 750 posts and putting tags on all of them; it's been the same situation almost the entire time, with a few exceptions: me being hopelessly in love with her, her not being sure how she feels about me, and the intimacy we tend to share whenever we're together serving to confuse the situation that much more. She remarked earlier that I've changed a fair amount since she'd met me, and I think it's reflected in our relationship, which has become a lot more stable, more comfortable, less confusing. There's any amount of repetitive analysis I could do about our history and relationship, but I've done it enough times. Too many. I know the rhetoric by heart at this point, and it doesn't really clarify anything. I think we'll continue along the course we're on now, which is a great one, to be sure. She's become a huge advocate of me moving in with her and Rose, now that she understands that I'm alright how we are, who she is, all that stuff.

I hate putting it like this, making it seem like an afterthought or something, but it'd be great living with Rose as well. I love her just as much, if in a different way, and really miss not seeing her very often and not getting to talk to her very much. As weird as it was when she lived with David and me, it was great seeing her every day. We clash occasionally, usually when one of us is really depressed, and the other one is feeling pissy and doesn't want to deal with it, but that kind of spat doesn't last too terribly long.

So yes, other than a few issues, these two, in no particular order, are my top choice for living companions in May.

Moving on.

Things I still want to talk about:

• People at work that annoy me - Brenda, Conner, and I'm sure there're others
  
• Running into Kenny and Jason after getting off from work the other night
  
• Lilie's breasts
  
• A 5 year plan, complete with incremental steps, to getting my life back on track
  

Note: One of those probably won't happen. I'll let you figure out which one it is. (Hint: I like breasts.)

Also, if this post seems sporadic, it's because I'm lying in bed, watching one of the top five cartoons of all times, Rocko's Modern Life. (The other four, in no particular order, are Transformers (Generation One), The Angry Beavers, and two other ones that I'm not going to disclose at this time, because I don't feel like it's in our national interest. Hey, it works for the president, as it's about time I started exercising my privileges as Supreme Allied Commander of Dinosaur Moonbase 2.)

ATC -- Around the World

The kisses of the sun
Were sweet I didn't blink
I let it in my eyes
Like an exotic drink

You wanna get mad, bitch, I don't give a damn

Let's see if I can't do some crazy updating.

I've worked at Walmart now for something like two weeks. It's actually three, but that first week contained only my NHO, so I tend not to count it. In any case, I've now had two full weeks (5 days each) of actual, full shifts (10 - ~8-ish). I feel like I've started to grow accustomed to the job, the routine, and can really begin looking at it with confidence.

The basic job itself is incredibly simple - we take freight out from the back on pallets, break the pallets apart onto carts, take the carts down the shelves and put the product on the shelves, then make the shelves look pretty. It's just... they rarely give us enough people - 3 or 4 when we need 6 or 7. Whatever, I don't mind staying later to finish up the job - I'm scheduled for 40 hours, so anything afterwards is time and a half. We're not supposed to get overtime, and make every effort to cut hours later in the week if we go over earlier.

That doesn't happen on the grocery side.

See, when they originally called me, they didn't really say much, just "overnight stocker." I learned during my NHO that there's the 'grocery' side, and the G(eneral) M(erchandise) side, and that I was going to be GM. A week later, when I finally go to have my first shift, they put me on grocery. I don't really care, personally, except that Matt's trying to get me moved to electronics, which would be a slight pay raise and play to my strengths.

Anyway.

I definitely like doing this over fast food. There are a number of advantages to this job over my previous ones (while still allowing it to be a menial, entry-level job). First and foremost, I'm not dealing with food. Well, that's not *entirely* true - I am, but it's in boxes and jars, and I'm just putting it on shelves, not dealing with it directly. So I'm not around food, and I don't despise the thought of cooking when I get home. Good all around, there. Not only that, but instead of cooking food, I'm moving around (sometimes heavy) boxes around all day, which is also nice. I come home pretty tired physically, which is nice as well, in a weird sort of way. I was dead sore the first day, but I've started taking really long, hot showers after work, and stretching out in the shower, and I haven't been sore since. Oh! I also don't have to deal with customers. Well, I kind of do. Obviously, what we're doing is directly for the customers, and we have to take that into consideration. During the first two hours of our shift or so, there's usually a decent number of people still in the store, so we have to work around them. And I get the occasional question about where specific items are located. But that's nothing compared to the level of customer interaction I had to deal with at Sonic and (especially) Domino's. The schedule is really nice too - Domino's was evening to late night, this is night to morning. I usually end up sleeping from 11-ish to 6-ish (highly variant, though). Also, they stop playing those annoying commercials around midnight and don't resume until 6-ish, so I don't have to put up with them for the vast majority of my shift. They also play much more recent, much better music. Still very few songs I like, but still moving in the right direction. Of course, it sucks when they resume normal music/commercials near the end of the shift, when I'm tired, ready to go home, and having management start throwing all these extra things at me. Anyway.

They also have a demo of Guitar Hero set up on a really nice tv and 5.1 stereo system in front of the book/magazine area, and I get to play that my entire lunch hour (2-3 am); additionally, I usually hang around for half an hour or so after work to unwind and play some more.

Of course, there are some bad things about the job as well. First and foremost, my coworkers. I mean, Matt's there, which is really cool. Apparently, and I didn't know this until my second shift, but Sara works there as well. Sara is FUCKING AWESOME. Super cute, super fun to hang out with... only thing is that she's a lesbian.

I should really clarify that last statement. I certainly have no issues with anybody based solely on their sexuality. It just sucks meeting a super awesome girl and finding out you already have no chance with her, ever. Period. We're still good friends and all, and I certainly treasure our friendship.

Anyway.

Back to our current topic: Coworkers, as a bad part of working at Walmart; the good exceptions.

Mindy apparently still works there as well, but her shift is something like 2-10 or something weird like that, which means I never have to deal with her, ever. Almost ever. Tangent: I saw her baby. He takes after his father.

Moving on. Those are the good coworkers. I don't much care for the majority of the rest; they're not really my peers. Janelle argues this point, saying that they are, by virtue of being my coworkers, my peers. Perhaps. But not my intellectual, social, educational, etc., peers. I couldn't hold the types of conversations that I used to have with Mike or Ray, for example, with them. A few of them really get on my nerves, too. Of course, that's somewhat mitigated by the fact that I don't really have to deal with them constantly, as I'm stocking an aisle by myself or whatever. But looking at it, I doubt I'll ever meet someone like Lilie or Leslie working there. It's not that I'm necessarily looking, but it's something that's crossed my mind.

Anyhoo.

I guess it's an okay job, all told. There've been a lot of college kids doing their shopping while I'm there, including cute girls in their jammies, which is nice. Of course, I have to sit there and listen to them have a ten minute conversation in which they express their disbelief of the sheer number of pop-tart varieties available. Sure, there are a bunch, but come on! Move on. Move! Go!

Lemme see. Ooh, new baby report:

Kristina Galpin: Boy
Christina Zarate: Unknown
Montana (Jarrod's little sister): Six months pregnant

C'mon, there's more to do in this town.

Anyway.

So I'm looking at what options I have for living in May. I could always renew here with Ambra, but I don't know what she's doing, if that's even on the table, much less viable. Moving on. David seems happy living on his own, and Jarrod seems happy in his current situation, so those two are basically out. I don't really want to live on my own. First, it's more expensive, and second, while I don't like a lot of social interaction, I need SOMETHING. When I was stuck in the apartment for three days with no vehicle and David was gone, I went NUTS. There isn't really anyone at work I think I'd be able to stand living with. I've talked briefly with Mom, and she'd have no problems with me moving back into my room, but I don't really want to do that. I talked to Lilie, and she's somewhat amenable to the idea, though Rose counter-proposed all three of us getting a place together. That's an idea that bears at least some consideration.

Most of the cons involved are present whether I'm living with just Lilie or both of them, so I'll start with those. First, they are in Austin, and want to remain there. I'm in San Marcos, and have no immediate desire to leave. I just started a new job here, and while it's not a great job by any stretch of the imagination, leaving it in May would have me there for seven to eight months. I prefer to stay at jobs a little longer than that, but I suppose that listing "Moved to Austin" as my reason for leaving would alleviate that a little. But yeah, I'd have to look for a new job, though I supposed I could attempt to transfer Walmarts? I mean, commuting is definitely not an option, not with my current form of transportation. Second, and almost equal with the first, is that they're both heavy smokers. I, of course, loathe smoking with every fiber of my being. I can't stand the sight of it, the smell of it, the thought of it, and especially the trash it leaves behind. I don't mind doing a pretty good share of chores, but that's not something I ever want to have to deal with. When I mentioned that to Lilie, she said something like "Well, we can always go outside" and referenced that she never smokes while she's here. The latter is true, but I feel somewhat irrelevant; the first, well, it doesn't sound like a workable idea. I don't like being a burden on people, causing them to make drastic changes on account of me. That's not something I've talked to Rose about at all. The third major thing is their cats. I don't want to live with cats, especially not in an apartment. They smell. They poop. They leave hair and poop and stuff in places that aren't their litterbox. None of those are issues that I particularly want to deal with.

The funny thing is that even with those three issues, they're still my top choice right now, just by process of elimination.

I mean, there are a few other things that I might have to deal with, most notably the history Lilie and I share, but that's something I'm basically over. I mean, her dating other guys, bringing them home for the night, having sexy phone conversations with them - all things I'm confident I can deal with.

The best part, though, is that I'd rarely have to sleep alone.

Tila Tequila -- Fuck Ya Man