I was Juliet, you were throwing pebbles

So how do I feel about Rebecca?  As evidenced by my blog posts, I've had a crush on her since the first time I saw her.  I thought she was very attractive, and desperately wanted to get to know her, but thought I'd never get the chance.  I thought this was like a dream come true, and I really jumped at it.  I didn't ask her right out, and it took a while for it to come out, but it eventually came out that they were still together.  I'll admit, I was a tiny bit saddened; I was really hoping we'd hook up.  I mean, I'll definitely take the oppurtunity as it presents itself, and I did.  I did let her know how I felt, and if I'm reading this right, she basically told me that she wished she had a chance to give me a chance to give us a chance.

The recurring theme that kept cropping up was that Ralph couldn't know, and I felt that was a little messed up.  We weren't doing anything wrong, what reason was there to hide it?  At least, that's a surface interpretation of the situation.  As it turned out, it's just a festering cesspool of drama (the best kind).  He's apparently crazy jealous, and constantly accuses her of cheating on him, of being with other guys.  I mean, it's to the point where he won't let her have a computer, because he thinks she'll just use it to meet guys and hook up with them.

Here's the thing about relationships.  They're built on trust.  You can argue about it being communication, passion, love, or something else, but I assert that trust is what it all boils down to.  Why would you be with someone you can't trust?  If you're in a relationship, trust is the cornerstone!  You can't stop people from doing stuff they want to do.  Why would you want to be with someone that will cheat on you given any chance, and it's your job to make sure they get no chance?  I really don't understand it.  Whatever.

So during the shakeout process, he called me twice from her phone.  I'm not really thrilled about that; I don't want to talk to him.  The first time was to tell me about how he was done with her and stuff, the second time was to tell me how much they loved each other and how they were getting married.  I should mention that he spent the time immediately afterwards calling varous members of his family to tell them what a whore she was.

Fuck him.  That's the last time I want him mentioned on this blog.

So, moving on.  Where does it go from here?  I don't know.  I talked to her briefly when she got to work today.  It sounds like she intends to go with it, at least for the moment.  It's less than twenty-four hours since the shakeout really started, so it's hard to say where this is going to go.  I want her to be happy.  If she marries some guy and we're friends, that's cool.  If she marries some douchebag out of necessity, well, that's one more failure I can hang on my head.  That's a little roundabout, but if I hadn't screwed up my school stuff, maybe I could offer her a place to live, clear the necessity out of it.  Then again, if I did, would I still be living here, working at Domino's, where she would have had the oppurtunity to come see me?  I don't know.

So I think I'm caught up for the most part; I'll probably throw out random pieces here and there as I continue coverage of this drama llama of a situation.

Taylor Swift -- Love Story

A million miles away, but always in my heart

So I opened it up, and started reading it.  I won't go into it word for word, but she did say that she missed me from when I used to stop by her work and talk to her all the time, and she felt like she lost a friend, and she missed me, and gave me her number and told me to call/text her.  She even specified that if I called her, I should make sure to leave a message.

It was like 11 pm by that point, and I wasn't sure what kind of schedule she was keeping these days, now that she was on days, so I felt it would be better to wait until the next day.  That, and I really wasn't sure what to say.  

Before I left, I put in her number just to see what would come up - and one order did come up, from a week previously, with a veggie pizza on it and Ralph's name.  That caught me a little off-guard, since that probably meant they were still together.

It took me until Sunday afternoon to send her a text; I wasn't quite sure what to expect.  We texted quite a bit - I think the count was about 130 (both ways) in a little under 24 hours.  I ended up giving her a ride home a day or two later, and on Wedneday, we went to the park together.  That was pretty cool.  I took her to the little playground off of Bishop, amongst all the new houses by Bishop and Lisa.  We played around out there for a little while; eventually, we stopped by my house, introduced her to the dogs, then took her back home.

That's when things got interesting.  It turns out Ralph found out about us fairly quickly.  He confronted her about it, then broke up with her.  

Oh, apparently, they're going to get married now.  So that's fun.  So, I have one more post to make, where I sum a few things - our feelings for each other, how fucked up their relationship is, and one or two other things.

Jessy -- My Star

Take the glitz back, I want the soul instead

Five months.

It's been about five months since I've posted. I'll try to catch up with what I've missed.

School:

School's going really well so far. Took those three classes during the Spring semester, got a 4.0. That was pretty neat. The day of Finals was kind of funny. They schedule like 2 hours for each final, and mine were back to back to back. Each final took me around thirty to forty-five minutes to do, giving me between forty-five minutes and an hour to kill between each final, in addition to the half hour break they already build in to the schedule. The obvious answer would be to use that time to review the material and/or study for the next final; the only problem with that, of course, is that I don't like to count on such intangible, unsure variables like that, so I was completely ready for each final. I went to a dining hall and grabbed some breakfast during one break, and I don't recall what I did during the other final. After the last one, I had to walk to work where Mom was picking me up to give me a ride home.

Something had gone crazy wrong with my truck. Ended up dropping quite a bit on new tires, then I had to have the engine remounted and stuff (they did it wrong during the original installation). That was fun. I ended up only taking three hours during summer school, one class during Summer I. Phil 1305, Introduction to Philosophy and Critical Thinking. The class was okay, I guess. Every morning at 8 am, for two hours, Monday through Friday. I ended up late to work quite a few days because of it, which was fun. I pulled a strong A in that class as well, which was really good, 'cause it was a Writing Intensive class, and I hate writing. It seemed like the more outlandish I made my conclusion, the better my grade on the test was. I don't know if it just did a better job of making my point, or my writing just got stronger as the semester went on, or the professor just appreciated someone who could effectively communicate the material and their understanding thereof, while still making their conclusion fun to read. I hope it was the latter, but I'm not counting on it. Whatever.

So I didn't take any classes during Summer II, 'cause of the money I had to drop on my truck. I'm registered for 13 hours, 4 classes and 1 lab, for the Fall. Chem II, Chem II Lab, Prob & Stat, Data Structures, and Intro to Fine Arts. I even got some financial aid for this and the Spring semesters. It's pretty awesome. Class starts in about two weeks. I've got most of my textbooks, bought two textbooks online - ebay and amazon are pretty neat, around half price of what the bookstore wanted, *and* I could flip them back for most of the price. I still have to pick up my Chem book/lab manual at the bookstore; the professor wrote both of them. So that's fun. Got my classes blocked Monday/Wednesday, which works out well. I start at 9:30 both mornings; Monday, I go to 6-something, on Wednesday, I'm out around 3-something. Long days, but I'll be taking both days off work so I don't have to go in that night. I might take the occasional Tuesday night off as well, to give me some time to get some real sleep. Of course, that's all depending on the work situation, which will have to get better before I'm able to do so, but we'll get to that later.

And I'm officially a senior.

So I don't feel like going into work just yet, so I guess I'll go with personal stuff next. I finally started a good diet that I'm comfortable with, and I feel confident that I can stick with it, for the most part. Coupling that with the amounts of exercise I have lined up, I hope, I really hope, that I can finally lose some weight.

Socially, it's just as much of an abyss as always. Didn't talk to anyone in any of my classes over the fall semester, or the one I had in the summer. I ended up sitting behind this semi-cute girl over the summer, didn't really get her name or anything. She was a hippie (Wait. Her parents were hippies. I'm not sure?) from Austin. Anyway.

So still friends with Matt, we work out and/or play racquetball in the mornings when our schedules work out. Haven't talked to Cullen recently, though I hope to remedy that soon. Rose is moving out of her parents place, which is cool, getting a little one bedroom; I'm helping her move (no big surprise there). Haven't made any new friends (except at work, but that gets covered in the work section) lately. Maybe that'll change in the Fall. I doubt it, but whatever.

Work's been interesting. Our new GM is working out really well, he's a really cool guy. We're getting pasta and sandwiches in the next few weeks (Sh! Nobody's allowed to know that!), which means we have to regear a lot of things, and find room for a bunch of new products, and retrain everyone on new stuff. It's going to be somewhat more labor-intensive, which kind of sucks. The only good part is that we're getting some good stuff, like sliced provolone, genoa salami, and chicken. Of course, they don't really fit in with my diet, so I'll only taste them sparingly, but it'll probably positively impact sales.

Bill no longer works there; he left to go to Colorado or something, leaving me as the only MiT right now. Jen Fee almost came back, but she went to Kyle instead. I've mentioned to Ambra that she should come back and be an MiT for us; new gm, new dm, there's a good chance they'll let her. They should - she's well trained, she's smart, they let her GM a store for over six months. Oh, and we're NOT DATING, nor WERE WE EVER. They're cracking down ever harder on employee dating, transferred a GM to a completely different district because she was dating another GM. Whatever. We did hire this awesome insider named Becky, but she only worked here for the summer. That made me sad, especially when she left like two weeks ago. Thanks to that, we're still working on improving our inside staff. We need another shift runner or MiT, probably another insider or two. We did hire Janelle as a driver, that's pretty neat. She might be moving back here for her last semester and/or year of school, which would be interesting. Her and Mom don't get along as well as her and I do, so she's a little worried that it might not work out, that they're going to clash too hard much for her to live here. I keep telling her that it was hard for me at first, but that it got a lot better, especially once school started.

Anyway.

So that's what's going on with that.

Vanessa Carlton -- Nolita Fairytale

The dreamers get punished most

So I saw Rebecca at Wal-Mart the other day (gosh, a lot of posts are starting this way. whatever).

Actually, I'm going to come back to Rebecca, and start with school and stuff.

School's going okay so far. I was really tired yesterday (because of work), but got through school okay. The way my classes are set up, my least favorite, most boring is first, and I end with my favorite, least boring class. Here's a breakdown so far:

Chem 1341, Lippman:
This one is kinda boring. The professor is really, really old. I can't stress that enough. Extremely old. He talks a lot, and has a habit of trying to bring in anecdotes that are in NO WAY INTERESTING. We were talking about uncertainty in measurements, and he starts talking about engineers and small parts and tolerance for uncertainty as an example of applications of that principle. You'll notice I used about half a sentence to explain it. That's all it takes. Not ten minutes. Whatever.

CS 2308, Drissi
I love this guy. He has this crazy accent - we say character CARE - ick - ter. He says ka - RACK - ter. It's awesome. Just trying to follow what he's saying can at time keep me on my toes. Still don't have any idea what the assignments or tests are going to be like in this class. Oh, and it's a CS class, so there are very few actual human beings in the class, it's predominately introverted geniuses.

Math something, Discrete I, Wu
So far, this is my favorite class. It has the most class participation, the most theoretical work (Math professors don't give two shits about real-world applications), and there's this deaf guy that I usually sit behind. Now, that in and of itself has no bearing on the class, but one of the interpretors is SO cute. Not hot or anything, and she's older, probably mid-30's to early 40's, but SO CUTE. She gets her whole face into it, really expressive. SO CUTE.

So that's school so far.

On to work.

Work sucks. They just fired Sergio, so we have no GM. Additionally, if he hadn't sent me a text telling me as much, we wouldn't know, as they haven't seen fit to let us know. I don't know what's going to happen now. I really don't think it should continue as this little triad thing we're doing right now, as there's too many cracks for stuff to fall through. There needs to be one person in charge, and receiving compensation as such. I'm definitely not going to do it - the time commitment is such that it could create an issue with school, which is by far my top priority right now. Terrance definitely doesn't want it either, that leaves Bill. He's a great guy and all, and he sorta expressed some interest in doing it, although his management experience is somewhat limited. We'll see how that goes. I mean, he's light years better than the alternatives - bringing in someone from San Antonio, or hiring someone from outside, or keeping on as we are right now.

Our order dates just changed, so Monday night, we ran out of medium dough, provolone cheese, green peppers, onions, chicken kickers, and medium and large deep dish. It was fun.

Now, on to the good stuff. We hired this cute insider named Michelle. She hasn't had her first official day yet, though she did work on Monday. Taller - about 5'7"-ish, kinda chunky, blond. So cute.

Went to Wal-Mart the other night, saw Rebecca. We talked for a little while, probably fifteen minutes. It was good stuff. She's left-handed, played french horn in high school, and is possibly hispanic. I ran into her again a few nights later, she was asking me about a ladder, which I helped her find. I talked to that other girl that's really cool that used to work in softlines that I went to high school with. She asked me how my night was going, I told her 'fantastic!', she asked why, I gestured with my head to where Rebecca was, her eyes went wide with understanding. I ended up standing next to her while she checked out, we had the following conversation - "Hey, don't tell anyone about that, please." "Sure, no problem. Hey, you know she has a boyfriend, right?" "Yeah, I found out when I asked her out." "Oh, wow. Yeah, I thought I saw her smile like this (smiles) while she was helping you." "Actually, I was helping her find a ladder." Robyn was our cashier during that whole thing, which was cool.

Got my computer hooked up to output audio through my new speaker system, and video to my tv, which is cool. I can even have it do the SNES emulator to the TV, which is cool. Kind of old school.

Vanessa Carlton -- Fools Like Me

Don't you have somewhere to go?

So I know it's clichè, but what with time being an arbitrary concept and all, New Year's provides just as good a time to reflect as anything. A good time to look back at the last year, see where I am, where I'm going, what's coming up.

Let's start with what happened recently. I worked New Year's Eve, which isn't a big deal. I usually do - last year, the year before that, the year before that, but the year before that, I think I was with Suzie in Galveston. I remember three New Year's ago, when I got off from Sonic, was driving home, Mom called me from All Niter, her and Jerry were there, we sat on the patio and had breakfast. Lilie drove by. Good times. So anyway.

I spent this New Year's making pizzas. Luckily, I wasn't taking an order or anything when the ball dropped (which is my way of saying "Midnight struck"). Just kind of standing there. I was very aware of when it was. Bill and Chris were my closing drivers, but they were both out on runs. They were pretty much running nonstop 'til the end of the night. I got a few calls around midnight - Danielle called, that was awesome. Hadn't really talked to her or anything in quite a while. Danielle and Jenni both called, that was fun. Had a few drunks order some pizza in person, that's always fun. I think part of my aversion to drinking is how very, very much I hate talking to drunk people. I hear it's not so bad when you're also drunk. Whatever.

I went to Wal-Mart after work, picked up some juice and stuff. Of course, Rebecca was my cashier. Good times. She was smiling a lot. I'm not naive enough to think she was smiling because of me, but it was definitely at, and I'll take my victories where I can get them.

[Sidenote: I'm watching "Blonde Ambition" while typing this. Atrocious movie. Jessica Simpson's character is a country bumpkin stuck in the big city. She doesn't know how to ride a bike. I'll let that sink in a for a moment. At least Rachael Leigh Cook is in it. She's awesome. Also, apparently, she did the voice of Tifa Lockhart in most of the Final Fantasy adaptations, post-VII. Good stuff.]

Anyway, it really helped dispel all the bad vibes I got from her on Christmas Eve with Jenni. Moving on. I had to give Rose a ride home the next night, she needed to go to Wal-Mart that night. We spent about fifteen minutes in the hair care aisle, she needed some conditioner without certain chemicals in it. Or something, I don't know. I keep my head shaved. Whatever. We had to go through sporting goods for a thermos or something. For whatever reason, I picked up a baseball bat. I started carrying that around for a while. It's a guy thing. Whatever.

So we took the corner towards electronics, and she's standing there right next to the Guitar Hero demo. Long story short, she's watching electronics during lunch, and the other girl, the one playing very badly in training mode, was on lunch. I felt kind of weird holding on to the bat, but I went with it. Rose kind of took off, went to finish her shopping. The girl playing finished the song, realized the game probably wasn't for her. Rebecca and I talked a little while the other girl (she needs a name if I'm going to bring her up very many more times in this story; 'other girl' and 'that girl' is starting to get a little repetitive). She said something about her brother who 'has like, every video game system ever' and apparently doesn't like girls that much because they talk to much and prevent him from playing his games. Good times. She thinks he might be gay. Or something. She didn't want to play, because her eyes don't focus fast enough. She said something about the doctor telling her she needs to exercise her eyes more, and she's annoyed, because the last thing she wants is another doctor telling her she needs to exercise more. Or something.

[How the F did they get Rachael Leigh Cook for this piece of crap? It's awesomely tragic. Oh, crap, Willie Nelson. He must really like Jessica Simpson, or something.]

So she - that other girl - finishes, and asks Rebecca if she wants to play, so she turns to me and asks me if I want to. I hesitantly accepted. I went with 'Hit Me With Your Best Shot', because I know the song really well. I did 98%-ish. It was great, because my hands were sweaty. I'm a big, big guy, and I like to think I do some physically demanding things - I play racquetball, I play DDR. I sweat a lot during those times, but my hands stay dry. They don't sweat at all. Ever.

But they were sweating the whole time I played the song. I guess that means I was really, really nervous. Which I was. Which means I actually like her.

Crazy.

Moving on.

So I finished the song, put down the guitar, said something to the effect of "That's not really fair, 'cause I play this all the time.", picked up the baseball bat I set down by the demo unit, and walked off. I had no idea what was going on. I found Rose, and we went about our shopping. She asked me where the latex gloves were, so I went and asked Rebecca. We talked a bit.

Oh, I was still holding the baseball bat. It wouldn't be right without it.

We talked a little bit; she told me a story about her boyfriend. I'm still debating the point of the story. It could go any number of ways - maybe she was just making small talk (it was a funny story, after all), or just sharing about her New Year's Eve / life stuff, or, quite possibly,

[Major plot hole. This is what I don't get. If they want Jessica Simpson's character to be that idiot's secretary so they can manipulate her, why are they constantly sabotaging her plans? Wouldn't they want to help her and have her do well, so she would gain his trust and thus be a more valuable asset in their plan? I guess that's what I get for trying to actually follow the plot of a movie that makes fun of Norwegians for no real reason. It's not so much making fun of them, as it is randomly having them do karaoke - 'Baby Got Back', no less - in the most horrendous accents I've ever heard.]

[Oh gosh. Here comes the montage where the small-town girl grows accustomed to her big-city job, but turns her back on her small-town roots. I'm already looking forward to the moment of truth where she decides, momentously, to re-embrace her values.]

or, quite possibly, as a way to remind me that she has a boyfriend. (Of course, best-case is that she was reminding herself, because she was afraid she was forgetting. Probably not, but it's fun to dream.)

Moving on.

We got the gloves, we went home.

So yeah, that was fun.

Now, about reminiscing and stuff.

Let's start with work.

I started the New Year working at Wal-Mart. Literally - as usual, I was working that night. Worked there until early April, when Javi called me and asked me if I wanted to come back to Sonic. Ashley Hopkins lent a lot of credence to that argument, and I walked out. That was fun. What was really, really fun about that was that Ambra had started working there by that point, she was also working that night. Lots of freight, understaffed, all the greatest hits we know and love from working at Wal-Mart.

I started at Sonic a week later. It was, well, interesting. Ashley ended up quitting, so did Javi. I ended up working around seventy hours a week. I didn't mind the hours - one week, I had about ninety hours, that was a nice paycheck. Overall, it was a good turning point - allowed me to build a decent reserve really fast (I moved back home around the same time, worked out well). The problem I had at Sonic? Well, it was two-fold. First, as it often the case with crappy service jobs, everyone there hated working it. Now, the thing about these jobs is that the co-workers often make it bearable. That wasn't the case - they had really, really bad attitudes. I can name a few off the top of my head, but it's really not worth it. The second issue was Bubba. He was cool at first, until I got to know him. Not hiring people, not taking an active hand in his store, underordering, argh. I got sick of it.

Luckily, Sergio called from Domino's and asked me if I wanted to come be an assistant for him, as he had just gotten the store. I thought about it, but I was afraid. I hate big decisions; I seem to always mess them up. Of course, I felt pretty good about that one. I put in my two weeks at Sonic, walked out a week later. I've been working at Domino's ever since. Of course, my work history now goes Sonic - Domino's - Wal-Mart - Sonic - Domino's. Good stuff. There was a two day stint at CRI, which isn't really even worth mentioning (well, except for that).

So, yeah. Been working 40-50 (more like 45, not so much 50 anymore) hours a week there, 5-C five times a week.

There's work.

Living Situation.

Not much to talk about here. I was living at Les Chateaux, but I moved home. It does make me feel kind of a loser and all, being twenty-five, working at Domino's, being completely single, morbidly obese, good times. Of course, I'm working on all of those things. I'm twenty-five and don't have a degree, but I am back in school. I'm funding that with Domino's, and I'm working on my weight. Good stuff. Oh, and I pay rent.

[Holy crap, this movie sucks.]

Social:

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Not much to say here. Thankfully, Lilie is no longer a part of my life in any way. Passed her on Thanksgiving, didn't answer when she called. I still think about her occasionally, during depression spirals,

[This scene is actually humorous.]

but that's not really specific to her - that's more about her being the last person I was that close to, and her being such a major part of my life for so long. Comparatively speaking, of course.

So yeah, single and probably going to stay that way for a while. No real prospects or anything. I mean, I kind of have a thing for Rebecca,

[Extreme Sports Bonanza? I miss Rachael Leigh Cook pretending to be part of the marina group.]

Moving on.

but I'm not going to delude myself into thinking that anything's going to happen there.

[Now the running to find his true love and prevent a misunderstanding from becoming a tragedy. Gyp and Buddy could have written a more imaginative, if more cheese-oriented, screenplay.]

So what's in store for this year? School. Work. Getting in shape. Taking control of my life, maybe growing up a little (not too much, don't worry).

So, resolutions? Not sure. I'm cutting dairy almost entirely out of my diet, but that's not a resolution so much as it is a 'I don't want to feel like crap, I'm lactose intolerant' kind of thing. I'm going to be back in school, but that's too much of a thing that's like, interwoven into your life to be a New Year's Resolution. The same goes for health things. I'll get back to you on that one.

Ashlee Simpson -- Boyfriend

I will rise now

I am the biggest dork in the world.

So, I worked today (and found out that tomorrow's my last day, apparently). After work, I went over to jitb to grab a large orange soda (which Ambra is now drinking most of). And finally, she was there.

It was weird.

I started by trying to apologize for the weirdness that had occured last week, with the pizza and everything. She asked me if I wanted the soda for free, she didn't want to charge me for it. I was all flustered and didn't know what to say, so I ended up paying for it. It was just basically me being a dumbass, it's hard to really repost any details. At one point, she said "I can honestly say that's never happened to me before", which I guess is good, since she was bringing that whole thing back up, instead of trying to act like it didn't happen? But at that point, we were just kind of sitting (and standing) there, looking at each other. As noted earlier, I wasn't particularly uncomfortable with that specific situation, as opposed to any other situation I might find myself in with her. So I kind of just drive off. Yeah, I know. I said something, though, to indicate that I was leaving, not like I just drove off or something. But it was definitely me abruptly terminating the session, or something like that.

I'll try again tonight.

A Man Called Adam -- Love Forgotten

Got this tune that's blowing my mind

So, a few things to post about, but I won't get to most of them today. I want to post about how work's been lately, what's going on with Ambra, this cute girl I met on mySpace that's actually really, really random, WoW stuff, my return to DDR, all kinds of stuff. But I have to leave for work soon (yay for 60 hour weeks), but I wanted to get this down before I forgot about it. Had this really, really bizarre dream about Lilie. Yeah, *that* Lilie. But I dreamt that she was a lesbian. With her sister. Not her actual sister, but her dream sister, who was slightly older. I should clarify that - this wasn't a raunchy dream or anything, not like I dreamt *about* it happening. It was just constantly referenced, and impacted the other elements of the dream.

Yeah, good stuff.

Intenso Project ft Lisa Scott -- Get It On

Now the shit has hit the fan

Had a fun day. Gina sent us - Theresa, Shelly and I - to some class in San Antonio. "Handle the Rush", which is humorous, since we're the 2^nd busiest store in the company, and close on the heels of the leader. The class was completely, utterly worthless. We discussed things like "How to Prep for the Rush", in which we gleaned such tidbits as "Make sure you're fully stocked" and "Ensure you have sufficient people". We then talked about how to handle the rush. Then, how to deal with the aftermath.

As can be expected, the San Marcos crew made sure everyone knew how we were (well, except Theresa) within the first half hour, and made a great deal of vocal contributions. In other words, Shelly would NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP. I wanted to throw something at her. Repeatedly. My reactions to her NOT SHUTTING THE FUCK UP became so visible that the girl next to me commented on it - "Hey, it's okay, we all have those people."

Did I mention the girl next to me was really cute? Her name's Samantha. Green eyes, blonde hair, button nose, kinda short. Very cute. We talked a little throughout the meeting. We were also rubbing legs a lot, though that was most likely due to the close physical proximity everyone was forced into, due to there being like 30 people at this little class thing. But then again, we had plenty of space on our side of the room. Not something I'm going to analyze. I'm just going to leave it at, it made the class much more enjoyable to be sitting next to her. We talked a lot. We had a connection. She lives in San Antonio, so I'll probably never see her again, unless we happen to attend one of these classes together again. And I wonder if Shelly noticed anything - for whatever reason, she has a tendency to notice whenever I'm actually talking to a girl and comment on it.

Not anything to get excited about, but it's definitely a step in the right direction.

'Cause I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough

It appears the rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

I forget where I heard that. US History? Babylon 5? Anyway.

Few quick updates - have to leave for work in fifteen minutes or so. I hate opening, but all things considered, it's the preferable Dave shift during the week. I'd much rather open than work tonight, for instance.

Work has been sheer hell lately. The massive turnover that occurded during Spring Break has continued. Just this weekend, we lost another three people - Chelsea, Lindsey, and Chris. I managed Sunday night, and it was terrible. The new people are doing a good job, all things considered, but they're still *new people*, which means they're inexperienced. It's going to be a while before I have another awesome shift where I barely have to do anything other than fountain, because everyone else is really good and knows what they need to do. Ah, well. I mean, right now, we have how many new people? Lemme think... Brandi, Brenda, Morgan, Amanda, Ashley, Daniel - that's only six, but we have another three to five coming in, and that's not factoring in the three people that just quit, or Janelle and Freddie leaving before too long (Janelle much sooner than Freddie), or things of that nature. I'm just getting tired. I'd like to take some time off. I was almost offered the chance to take a road trip with Rose to Florida, but it looks like her parents will be driving her. Damn.

Terri and I have been talking again. In fact, I sat there for about twenty minutes as she cried about her current relationship being comfortable, but not love, and how she always swore she wouldn't settle for that, but that she's afraid she is, especially because of her daughter.

Things with Lilie are, well, not terribly different than they've been for the last few months. She's still with Scott, and things seem to be going swimmingly, which is good. Whether or not people believe it, I'm glad she's happy, even if it's not with me. I mean, I won't lie - I do still have strong feeling for her, as strong as they've ever been, and I would still jump at the chance, but I know that it's proabably not coming. I still can't say it without hedging it, though.

I think that deserves its own absurdedly long post. Hell, I might even finish the girlfriend saga that I never did - the rest of Mindy, Suzie, and the incidentals - Heather, Sara, Melissa, Leslie, and Dru. Or maybe not. We'll see.

I've managed to say not nearly enough on any of the given subjects I had planned on broaching. Good times.

It's been a long day

A very, very long day.

First off, I got my truck back today. Three hundred and fifty-five dollars.

Yeah.

Not only that, but apparently, running at a high temperature can cause massive internal damage (duh), and it might die (completely) sometime - if so, probably in the next two weeks.

So that's fun. I'll be driving it to Austin tomorrow to see how it handles that. On the good (?) side, the possibility is fairly minute, since I didn't drive it hot for very long, and Randy didn't see any obvious damage.

Second, I've finally accepted that things aren't going to work with Katie, at all. However, I really do follow my heart, not the other way around, which means I still have deep feelings with her, and it's going to take me a while to get over her. The disparity between my heart and head hurts too.

(Side note: I talked to Rose a little bit ago, and her and Bluebird are going to Enchanted Rock tomorrow, probably spending the night there. Awesome.)

Krista was trying to get on me for never saying anything to her, for not giving it a chance. i came back with something good though - "Have you ever eaten dog shit?" "Um, no." "Why not?" "Because it tastes bad." "How do you know, if you've never eaten it?" For whatever reason, she really, really liked that.

Whatever.

Third, work was an absolute hell. I worked 12 - 10 (by choice; I needed some extra hours, so I picked up Katie's 5 - 10 fountain shift) and had to deal with Joel for like eight of those hours. At one point, I was on number one making burgers, and he was bagging, and he starts going off on how I'm worth less than dog shit, how trained monkeys would be better than me, and how I'm stupid and not intelligent and what-not. Now, I've been teased my whole life. Especially in sixth and seventh grade, when it involved Chelsea. That hurt. I still cry about it. They knew exactly how to hurt me. Comparitively, this doesn't bother me at all. Well, most of the time, it doesn't. But when you pile on top of a bunch of other stuff, it starts to get to you.

And finally, one bright spot: Carrie really, really likes me. I mean, really likes me. And given the oppurtunity, I'd definitely pursue a relationship with her.

Except she lives in KENTUCKY.

Katie, finalè

Just got off the phone with Rose, talked about what's been going on in our respective lives. It was an interesting conversation. Rose would spend ten to fifteen minutes talking about some happening with Robert - her new beau from work - or Wes, their neighbor, who likes Katie, or Bluebird (his last name, I forgot his first name) that likes Katie, that Katie likes - fun stuff - and the cooks at work, etc, etc. And my only response would be something like, "Yeah, I saw Spiderman 2 today." Or "Yeah, my truck's in the shop for a cracked radiator." Or "I talked to a friend earlier." How depressing. I mean, I'm really happy that she's moved out, on her own, in the real world. It's a great experience; she sounds like she's having a great time, and I hope it goes well for both her and Katie (who there'll be more to discuss later). It's still frustrating, though.

And with Katie...

I really, really need to accept that it was another meaningless crush. Although when I say meaningless, I don't meaningless to me. I mean to the world at large. She never knew, and probably never will (unless I get drunk one night while I'm over there), and those who I did tell, well, I think they just listen to and put up with me out of kindness. That's the only reason that comes to my mind when I ponder such a situation.

I don't know why I even bother trying sometimes

So I was supposed to work 10 - 5 today. Of course, I didn't wake up 'til about 10:20 when Joel called, but I was there by 10:35 or so. Work went okay after that, except for Dave being a total jackass like normal. It was funny - Rudy and I were working grill side, while Rick and Joel were doing swamp. We had everything out very, very quickly; they, on the other hand, were having all kinds of problems, and were yelled at by Dave almost constantly for like half an hour. Way to motivate us, Dave. The highlight, of course, was when Dave called me "Hoss." I responded by saying (and this is a direct SNL reference), "I'm going to have to ask you not to call me that anymore." He of course had to re-assert his place as alpha-male, so he threw out a couple of other nicknames.

But while I was at work, I started thinking that I should call Katie tonight and see what she's up to; maybe she'd like to hang out or something. I got really positive about it and was totally ready. So of course when I got home, I made the admittedly odd decision of going to sleep instead of calling her. Truly, a wise decision on my part. I woke up about 9:30 ~ 10:00 - ish, with no real idea of where I was or what had happened, but it came back soon enough.

So I was just chillin' for a few hours - played some La Purelle (which is really good) and MvC 2, then got on to play a game of B5 on gEngine. Sure enough, Rose called 'bout 3:15 for a ride. She wasn't supposed to get off until five, so I had to cut my part of the game short. No biggie.

So Rose and I are driving home, and she tells me about how Katie called her today and was like "Yeah, let's go to Zookas and get some burritos, and get some coffee, and yeah!" Rose asked her how they were going to go do this, and Katie told her that she had gotten her license today, and would be driving her dad's car. That, and they're going to Austin tomorrow with Zack - he works 1 - 8, and Rose needs to apply at several IHOPs, and Katie is going to apply at (?)Easterly's, the sunglass place where Zack works. That's great.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I hope she gets it, because I know she's looking for a job in Austin and hasn't had great luck just yet (that I've heard of, but I'm a little behind on what's going on). It's just... I don't relish the thought of her working with Zack. He's already been giving them to rides, and I know he used to go to Red Roof and hang out with Katie as well. I need to clarify these statements, however, because I think the tone of this paragraph is far from my intended one. I'm not quite jealous (well, I am, but not in the way you're thinking - long story) of them or anything. Rose has told me that Katie doesn't really like Zack all that much (although I don't know if she might have just been saying that to make me feel better, but there was her reaction to Zack being the ride to the Prince concert as well, which does help support the original assertion). It's easy to imaging her starting to, though, especially if they're working together.

It just makes me thing, "What chance do I have?" I mean, it's not like I was planning on telling her anytime soon or anything. In fact, I wish I would just shut up about the whole thing (not here, of course, but when talking to others, most notably work, Rose, and the D&D group). it just makes me very depressed, to imagine her hooking up with someone else (not that I don't want her to - if that's what would make her happy, then I hope it does happen, because I want her to be happy, and that would probably be with someone else).

Additionally, at times, it feels like my only real connection with Rose and Katie is giving them rides to places. I mean, that's not really the case (or it wouldn't be, if our schedules were more compatible), but it just feels like that sometimes. And with Zack apparently stepping up or whatever, I feel like I'm losing that one tie I had, which bumps me down that much further. It's mainly just me going on another low self-esteem trip, but that doesn't make it any less fun.

Why do I bother liking her? I know nothing will come of it, and it's just going to make me feel like shit in the interim. Blah blah blah human companionship blah blah blah don't sell yourself short blah blah blah go for it blah blah blah just do it blah blah blah tell her. Anyway.

Katie Fink, I have a huge crush on you

I really do. I mean, I don't plan on acting on it at the moment. She's just so wonderful - she's got this long red hair, and really long bangs. Freckles all over her face, a really high voice, kinda soft spoken but not really shy. I could go on.

So I'm at Matt & Luke's pad Sunday night after work; we're playing a game called Brute Force which was a lot of fun. Similiar to Halo, but four player, and each player controls a unique character. I played Brutus, the lizard-man shock trooper. His special ability was "predator mode", where he could see enemies really well, moved faster, had regeneration, and was just really cool. The phone rang, and it was 'Heaven.' I figured it was Rose, calling for a pick-up. However, when I walked over to pick up the phone, I got quite a shock - it said "Katie F." I was really excited. She called to ask if I could give her a ride home when I went to get Rose. Of course!! We played a little more, then I went home.

She called again at some point, and we had... an interesting... conversation. I don't really remember most of it. From my foggy memories, I was trying to ask her if she wanted me to come pick her up now, or wait until Rose was ready to go. She later said that the conversation consisted mainly of "Billy!" "Katie!" Which I won't argue with - it's certainly plausible. I eventually got out of bed and headed over to where she was, and waited around a few minutes before she popped up and scared the snot out of me. She had been swimming.

Oh!! She looked SO CUTE. Her hair was all curly - I don't know if it was something she had done, or from the water, or what, but OH MY GOD. We went over to IHOP, where Rose was finishing up her sidework. Then we sat and had some food. They bought me dinner/breakfast (again). It was really cool - there was a fair amount of physical countact between us, which isn't something I'm used to. She grabbed my arm at one point - don't read too far into that, though, because it made sense in the context of what was going on at the time (which I don't really remember, though).

It was in the early hours of the morning when I finally took Katie and Rose and dropped them off at their homes. They've moving at the end of this month, which is going to be cool, and not cool. On one hand, they'll have their own pad, which is always a really great move. However, they won't be in town, so I won't see them (her) nearly as often. On the other hand, I do have a standing invitation to crash there, and so when I'm heading home from DDR (or to, for that matter), I can stop by and say "Hey!" That might work well. We'll see. I have stopped by and talked with her a few times on the way home from work. Hmm... Rose will probably be calling for a ride home some point soon... perhaps we could stop by and see her then?

The possibility sets my heart afloat.

Man, I hate Joel. He's just so annoying. He does it constantly, on purpose. Then he turns around and criticizes others for language and content. It just really bothers me. It looks like he's going to become a more prominent manager now that Ricky's gone, Rudy might leave soon too... Argh. At least Ray's going to become a manager. I don't know if I'll be there long enough to do so. I really want to apply at the Wal-Mart distribution warehouse. I could definitely do weekends. It'd be good for me to get out of Sonic, too.

Another day off tomorrow. Not sure what I'm going to do...

Man, Tracy's hot. And sarcastic (that's a good thing). But it wouldn't work out - not that I have like a crush on her or anything. Just providing objective analysis (with which Freddie agrees, mind you.)

We might be playing D&D again sometime this week. Cullen might be able to play, as well, which would be great. I'd like to go play DDR with him later this week as well.

Oddness.

So, Katie knew I liked her. Then, I gather, she also knew I did get over her at one point.

So we both worked last night, and I made a comment about having a nice conversation with someone on the boards, then switched with her so I could take that order out. On the way back in, I made a little comment about her having cute eyes. She said something about me having a crush on her [that girl].

Tonight, she was carhopping; Shannon was fountaining, and I was cooking. They were all making bags (we were closed), and talking and having a good time. I told someone we were closed, and made a flippant joke about her liking me or something. Katie responded (I wasn't originally talking to her; she jumped in) about how I shouldn't get my hopes up or something. She again commented on the girl I had a "crush" on yesterday. I rebuked that, noting that I just said she had cute eyes. Keep in mind this conversation is being carried on in typical Sonic style - we're yelling back and forth between the kitchen and the lobby. At this point, Shannon jumps in and says something to the effect of "Someone's jealous..." It was a weird comment. Ricky later said something about her being upset 'cause I'm over her. I don't know... as far as I knew, we were just friends (if that - am I really friends with anyone at work?), and that was that. I'd be suprised ot find out anything else was true. I mean, I am over her. Of course, me being me, I wouldn't really pass up the chance to go out with her, if it ever arose. But I'm not working in any way, shape, or form to make that oppurtunity arise. I don't really have anyone I'm going after at the moment... I sorta like Katie (Fink) - she's *SO* cute, very sweet, I *love* her voice, and the light complexion/red hair/freckles thing totally works for me. But there's all the normal problems - I don't think she'd go out with me, blah blah blah, and the new ones = I'm just too lonely, too heartbroken, too tired, and too isolated to do anything about it. So not really. It was like 3 years between Mindy and Suzie, and I wouldn't be suprised if it was at least that long between Suzie and my next relationship. Anyway...

Ricky says they're gonna start moving me towards Assistant manager. Coolness.

I'm going to do a CD of songs that remind me of ex-girlfriends. So far:

• El Shaddai
  
• Lemon Tree
  
• Never Had a Dream Come True
  
• Elephant Love Song Medley
  
• Another Dumb Blonde
  
• Fly
  
• How Do I Live Without You
  
• Heaven
  
• Heaven (Candlelight Mix)
  
• I Love You
  
• Baby Look at Us
  

Yeah, some of them seem a little clich?, but there's good reason behind them. Once I have the track list completed, I'll post it, along with the reasoning behind them.

Man, one week later... what's been going on? Well...

I did it. I asked Sara out. Sort of. I said, "Vorreste uscire fuori qualche volta?" This translates as "Would you like to go out with me sometime?" She was like, "Where?" Well, we didn't know. Next day, we found out we both like hockey, so we're going to a hockey game in approximately nineteen hours. I'm *really* nervous. We've been talking on AOL a lot - she lives in Austin, so in person or over the phone aren't that practical. I'm really nervous... I mean, I really like her. Like, for real. And she's responding rather well. I don't quite know if she knows I like like her, but it's a start. And when you ask someone out, then tell them you think they're nice and pretty and smart and interesting (which she most definitely is), well, that's a hint that even I can pick up on. We've been talking a lot - she likes stand up, and snl, and letterman (hates Leno), Dana Carvey, opera/broadway music, other music, and other stuff.. I'm typing too fast to get it all down, so I'll come back to that one. She's got really pretty blond hair - not like bleached, "Hey, look at me - I'm blonde!" type hair, but more of a subdued, "I have really pretty blonde hair, but it doesn't scream for attention". But my fav part? Her eyes. They're *so* blue. I've only been fortunate enough to look into them twice, but whoa. It's like getting an electrical shock while having freezing cold water poured on you, and being in complete free-fall. I just realized that it's the 31^st - if things go well enough, I might have a date for Valentine's Day. That would rock. But I'm not gonna count on it, or even think about that right now. I'm going to work to avoid screwing this up in any of the ways I've screwed up things before; that's right - I'm going to have to find an entirely new way to screw this one up. :)

Just got home from work (actually, it was over an hour ago). Yesterday was my 20^th birthday. It was interesting. I say that a lot. Um, Sunday night, (the night *before* my birthday), me and mom and Janelle and Bam/Greg and Jerry all went out to eat at Chili's. It was pretty good, and the wait staff sang happy birthday to me. Then yesterday, I went to school and work like a normal day. But Janelle and Caitlin (that's misspelled, but no one reads it anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter that much) showed up with a cake. It really made my day (and the rest of the crew's day, who also got to eat cake). Then, after eating my cake, I got to keep it too. I've always wanted to say that. I also made that painful realization. Those of you who have a bad habit of developing crushes on the *totally* wrong people know which one I'm talking about. The one where you realize, no matter how hard you might try to deny it, that it just wouldn't work out between you and your crush. Even if your dream came true, even if you got that one special evening together, it just wouldn't work out. I hate that part. I haven't really talked to Zara since the incident w/ Lisa at Dobie. Oh yeah, I guess I haven't actually talked about that one yet.

Well, basically, "David" mentioned to me that it was really obvious that I was crushen' on Zara. We asked Lisa if it was, and she said that things were never obvious to her (I also learned she's going out with Josh, which I didn't know). Moments later, Lisa said, and I quote (actually, I don't remember what she said. This is, at best, a paraphrase):
"What do you mean, Binky HAS A CRUSH ON ZARA?"
The parts in all caps she said REALLY LOUDLY.
It was... well, not quite embarrassing, but I wish she hadn't said it. Sometimes, I think that kind of made Zara really uncomfortable around me anymore; but I could just be imagining things.
Oh well...
I wonder what the deal between her and Tom is, anyhoo. I mean, it's not really any of my business, but that doesn't stop me from wondering.
I'm going now, because SNL w/ the Spice Girls is on Comedy Central.