Now, that this love has overcome me

So, it's been quite a while since I've done an in-depth post about what's going on in my life, so I'm going to try to provide a brief history of what I've been up to.

So, I was working at Wal-Mart, doing overnight stocking on the grocery side of the store. I really liked it, for a few reasons. First, I didn't really have to deal with any customers at all. Well, I did occasionally, but it was stuff like "Hey dude, where's the Gatorade?" "Aisle six, right side, halfway down the aisle after the Kool-Aid." Usually, two to three of those a night, more on Fridays and Saturdays. The time period was great - 10 pm to 7 (8/9/10) am, which was fantastic. Work all night, sleep all day. I loved it. Had two days off, which didn't change from week to week. I was working with Matt, which meant we never had scheduling conflicts (at least, not work-based) for playing racquetball, and it made transportation fairly simple. There was even a cute girl, Robyn, to look at from time to time.

However, there were some definite downsides. First, we were constantly understaffed. I mean, systemically and intentionally. (In a related side-note, they've recently laid off even more people, causing massive understaffing throughout the entire store. Productivity has suffered as a result.) We were often running behind due to our lack of sufficient people. Of course, management didn't see it that way - we were "slackers" and "needed to pick up our pace." Juan constantly threatened us, saying that when the remodel was over, we were going to all be replaced by the remodel workers that they hired. That kind of frustrated me. At some point, Javi called me on my cell, asking if I still wanted to work there (in desperation, while searching for a job before Wal-Mart called, I stopped by there to see if they would hire me back. Dave waffled on it, but eventually left the option up to Javi, who called me, though by the time he did, Wal-Mart had called, so I declined.). He told me that Bubba, the former GM of Buda, was now our GM, and that things were totally different. Also, Ashley (of Domino's fame) was also an assistant there now, which was really neat. I really like working with her. We talked about it briefly, and I told him I'd call him back.

As luck would have it, a few days later, we had a ton of freight come in, a few people call in, and Juan was in particularly rare form. Ambra had started working there at this point, and Mindy was gone. Well, at that point, I decided I'd had enough. I went to the bathroom, called Ashley, confirmed that they still had a place for me, and walked out. It was fun. I clocked out, went up to Juan, and handed him my discount card that had my clock in bar code on the opposite side. He was kind of caught off-guard, as a good walk-out will always catch management. It was awesome. He told me that he'd always confirmed (excused) my absences - I had like four or so - and that he certainly wasn't referring to me when he talked about how much we suck. I wasn't going to be dissuaded, though, and I left. I kind of apologized to Ambra on the way out, because she was still there with all this terrible freight to have to deal with. On the way out, I stopped to talk to Robyn, let her know I enjoyed working with her but that I was leaving, and that I thought she was fantastically cute.

The personnel lady called me a few days later about why I left. I told her about Juan, she said something like "Well, that's certainly not true." Not the point. "Well, he shouldn't have done that." Yeah, I believe I indicated I already thought as much by leaving. She asked me if I wanted to talk to Terry (our GM), I half-heartedly accepted, but never showed up.

The next day, I was talking to Javi and Bubba at Sonic. One week after that, I walked into my first day of Sonic. That was interesting, because only Javi, Ashley, Bubba, and a few people who were still there - Larry, Cruz, Pedro - knew who I was. Everyone else just saw this new guy - goofy looking - in a shirt and tie, walking around like he knew the store like the back of his hand. Which I do. Anyway. I knew it was going to suck going in to it, but I figured, hey, Javi and Ashley are there, so how bad could it really be?

I quickly became acquainted with the new crew, which was in some ways better, some ways worse than the old crew I dealt with. Well, the old crew was probably better in most respects. I won't go too much into specifics, but there were some very constant things that really defined the new crew. Whining, for one thing. Attitude problems, for another. There were a few people I really despised, and a few people I really liked (Emily, Ashley S, Katie). Things started off pretty good. I started getting around 70 hours a week, which was nice, since it amounted to a FUCKTON of overtime, and very nice paychecks.

Then Ashley left.

That really, really, really sucked. I was really sad that she left, but I totally understand her decision to leave. She was really frustrated, since she had only wanted to be part time, and she hadn't worked less than 50 hours on any week since she started. She felt that either Bubba or upper management, whoever was responsible for it, just wasn't doing enough to get us more assistants, and Bubba kept scheduling her a ton (more on this later). That, and how frustrating and stressful of a job it is to begin with, made her leave. We didn't get another manager or anything for a quite a while, and we had a bit of a staffing crisis for a while. We got through that.

Then Javi left. That was really the beginning of the end for me, as well. Javi's last week, I worked 90 hours without a day off. Now, I was used to 70 hours a week with one day off, and that was okay. However, 90/0 wasn't really okay. Well, it would have been okay, but Bubba didn't see fit to warn me or anything. I mean, he knew about it as early as Sunday morning, possibly earlier. I wish he would have warned me or something, since he wasn't releasing the schedule for the week until Monday afternoon, which was also really frustrating. So I had to take this annoying Serv-Safe class (8 hours, 90 multiple-choice question test, test took about six and a half minutes), then go in and close afterwards. That was alright, since the early draft of the schedule had me off on Tuesday. However, I walk in around 6:30, look at the schedule, and find out I don't have a day off that week. Yeah, I was kind of upset. I mean, I know a lot of people work seven days a week, at jobs much harder than mine. I just wish Bubba would have warned me or something.

So Javi left, and it was just me, Angie, and Bubba. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Bubba took over doing the order and the schedule. We'd run out of stuff a lot more - tater tots, ranch, barbecue sauce, M&M's, spoons, bananas, sugar, you name it. That, and people would get scheduled when they weren't available, which, to be fair, stopped for the most part eventually. There were several weeks, though, where a lot of people couldn't come in when they were scheduled and it was our fault. Good times. The other fun thing about having Bubba in charge of scheduling... well, it really had nothing to do with him being in charge of scheduling, but something systemic about him managing, was that he expected every employee to be 100% devoted to the Drive-In. I'm not talking about just while they're on the clock, which I agree with, but ALL THE TIME. Every time someone called in, he'd ask people to stay late, and come in early, and come in on their only day off, and would get annoyed when they couldn't. I mean, I'm talking about people who'd already worked eight, ten hours, or had worked six days and it was their only day off. We didn't seem to be pursuing the long term solution, hiring more people so we didn't have to keep asking people to work stupid amounts of hours.

So yeah, I have a few grievances with Bubba as a GM. I think part of it might be the difference between Buda and San Marcos. Most of our crew members, at least non-cook, are college kids, who aren't looking for 40 hours a week, and will work that much if you need them to, but didn't apply for that. They're going to highly value their time outside of work, and place a greater premium on social time and interaction then on being at work, hence the frustration with always, ALWAYS being called in. Now, most of them are more than happy to help out occasionally. However, it starts to get annoying, when every other day, you're asked to stay late or come in early, when every day you "have off", you're asked to come in for a bit. There's a line between "helping out" and "being expected to be overly devoted to your job". That's one of the reasons Ashley left, as well.

So yeah, I put in my two weeks notice almost two weeks ago, on Saturday the fourth. I walked out on Friday the tenth. Almost made it. I didn't really tell anyone that I was leaving, except for Aaron, the assistant we were borrowing from Montopolis (who was a friend of Bubba's) a few days a week. That week, we finally had a new assistant start; he was an ex-GM from Round Rock or something.

Yeah, I feel pretty bad about walking out. Sort of. I mean, not really. I was really pissed off. Oh, yeah, forgot to mention, Sergio got the store, and called to offer me an MIT position. So I took that; I'll be starting there in a week. That's fun.

So that's where I am in terms of work. On to other matters.

I moved out of Les Chateaux a month or so after starting at Sonic. Moved back home instead of getting a 3-bedroom place with Ambra and David, decided to go back to school and the cheap rent offered at home would be a huge help towards that goal. I'm just now, three months later, that I'm finally starting to move in and get everything unpacked. I'm almost done there. Janelle moved out the other day, that was interesting. Not just into a dorm for the semester, but into a four bedroom apartment at University Springs with three dudes. That's cool. Spent Monday picking her up from the airport, then helping her move out. Got a decent entertainment center out of the deal, so I came out ahead.

Haven't talked to Lilie in, oh, probably two months now. I was going up to Austin every day off to play DDR and/or ITG2, and I'd usually call her before or during to see if she was around to see if she'd like to meet up, say hi, that kind of thing. The first time, I actually got a hold of her, and she didn't really seem very enthusiastic or anything. Every subsequent time, no answer whatsoever. A few weeks of that, and no reply whatsoever to any IMs/phone calls/emails, and I got the hint.

So yeah, I've already put in my application at SWT. I got re-accepted as well, so that's neat. I just have to go in for an academic advising appointment, then I'll be good to go. I'm starting in the Spring, and I'm pretty sure of what classes I'd like to take - Discrete I, Data Structures, Chem I, whatever CS course is next in my progression, and possibly Probability, depending on scheduling.

Oh, I sold my WoW account to David. Just didn't have the time working 70 hours a week, usually in 12-14 hour days. That, and the internet connection here SUCKED. It's getting better; we've upgraded our connection, and are on our third modem. So, we'll see. I'm contemplating buying it back, but I want to see how things go at Domino's first. Oh, Gina marked me down as non-rehireable, so that's fun. Eileen let Sergio rehire me anyway, so that's cool.

I think that's a sufficient return to blogging. More to come as updates warrant.

DJ Smooth -- DUI 091406

We're in a circle, and nobody's gonna break through

So I've always said that I was going to take my wife's last name when (if) I get married. That was, of course, assuming I didn't marry someone that couldn't wait to drop their last name either (Lilie, Mindy). In that case, my first suggestion was my Mom's father's family name, Festo. The reasoning is very simple - I don't like my father. I certainly acknowledge that he is the donor of half my genetic material, but that's about it. I mean, he wasn't as bad as some - never abused me, always paid his child support, but those are about the only good things I can say. I don't blame any of the bad things in my life on him, but also, give no credit for any of the good things. I'm not very fond of his family in general, so I don't want to pass on the Martin surname. The 'Jr' can go for the same reasons, and Barclay? It's a family name of one of the families in his ancestry, so it can go too. The William is neutral towards either family, and I go by "Billy" anyway, so it can stay.

Anyway, Janelle dropped this bomb on me - she wants to get her name changed as well this summer, also to drop Martin. That really caught me off-guard, but doesn't surprise me that much - she's four years younger than me, so she has even less connection to him than I do. She's been thinking about Schiavello, which is Mom's father's mother's maiden name. I like it too - William Alexander Schiavello sounds really nice, even if it's kinda long and has a lot of syllables. Mom jumped in at this point, saying that if we're both dropping Martin, she's going to as well, since she only kept Martin so we'd all have the same last name. She'll probably take Festo, her father's family name. She mentioned that he might be a little hurt that we jumped back a generation, so it's still under debate what we're taking. We were joking about hyphenating it, like Schiavello-Festo or something like that. Of course, I could get away with using one as my middle name - William Schiavello Festo. So, we'll see how that goes.

Ashlee Simpson -- L.O.V.E.

But you were fucking that girl next door

So I'm on my weekend, I've got tonight, all day tomorrow, and the next morning off; we've already done birthday dinner, so now it's just me, playing WoW. Hanging with the guys, which is always fun; I think they're going to run me through Gnomer. Or something. Whatever.

So Bambi managed to get our hockey tickets moved to December third, which is awesome, since I usually have Sundays off, and even if I don't, I'll probably be able to get Paul or Nolan to switch with me, and even if I can't, it's at four in the afternoon, so I can go even if I have to work. I'd rather not have to work that day, though. Although, I get to bring one guest, and I'm not sure who to bring. Janelle can't go, she has a recital that day or finals the next day or something. David doesn't really care for hockey. Lilie's leaving the next day to go to California. Jarrod's next to impossible to get a hold of, and usually works Sunday afternoon anyway. Ambra doesn't really care for hockey either. Sadly, that about exhausts my list of prospects. I might try giving Cullen a call, see if he's interested in going. Other than that, I'm not sure.

My birthday was alright this year. I mean, my actual birthday sucked - I was at work when it started at 12:00:01 am, was there until around 8:30, went to Mom's for a fantastic breakfast, then went home, crashed, then went back to work at 10. Not the best of days. Today, though, was a lot better. Got off work around eight again, came home, crashed. Woke up, joined the family and David for dinner at Chili's. Had a blast all spending time together, then we went back to the house for cake and ice cream, which was also great. Well, kinda. It was weird - orange cake, orange sherbert. After that, tried to do some work on Janelle's computer, don't think I really accomplished very much - wasn't able to fix the CD drive. It's really weird - it takes in the disc, the system recognizes that a disc is in there, but it won't show any of the files on the disc. Music, data, burnt or original, all the same. However, it doesn't have a problem with DVDs. So, I don't know. I did get her set up with Firefox and Avast, though, so that's a step in the right direction.

Work's been going okay. I think I've finally started to settle in to the job, the routine. It's basically the same from day to day, though we do have a few weird days coming up with the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's definitely not something I want to be doing for very long, but for right now, it's okay. The people situation is interesting - there are people there that annoy me, but I don't have to deal with them nearly as much. I mean, yeah, we're working together and are a team, but the majority of the shift is throwing freight in an aisle, by myself. So even though Brenda annoys the fucking shit out of me, she wouldn't ever cause me to quit, like Mal did. Why does she annoy me so much? Well... I should preface it by saying that I'm a huge supporter of gender equality. I know that humanity has been very patriarchal through most of its history, in some places still is, and the traditions and 'norms' of more liberal societies are still favoring men in many areas. I can understand that. I wouldn't seek to deny women their equal rights, nor lessen the role of those who have fought for them. And certainly, we still have a ways to go. That being said...

NOT EVERY DISAGREEMENT BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN IS A GENDER ISSUE.

For example: There's a palette of cooking oil. Each case has like six big containers; the palette is three or four layers deep. It's on one side of the grocery aisles; the cooking oil is going to be set up as a huge stack in this area on the other side of the grocery aisles. They told me to use a palette jack and move the whole thing over there, that way, we could just move straight from the palette to the display. I go to start doing that; Brenda freaks out. It's her stuff, and she wants to load it onto a cart first, move the cart, then move the stuff from the cart to the display. I tried explaining to her what I was trying to do, but she starts going off, saying rather loudly, "I'm a woman! I'm not afraid of a little lifting!" Which, of course, had NOTHING TO DO with anything. Another point, Nolan had asked her if she was going to get all her freight thrown in time, because she had a lot of it on her aisle; she responds with a rant about how of course she will, she's a woman, they're strong enough to give birth, then her and another female go off into a series of jokes and what-not, the gist of which was that if men gave birth, the human species would die off very, very quickly. Again, I'm not demeaning the incredible experience that is giving birth, nor denying that it takes an incredible will to go through it. It's just... this whole thing is born out of gender inequality, people reacting a certain way towards others based solely on gender; this sort of thing only perpetuates it. It really drives me nuts.

The only other person at work that really merits comment is Conner - he also annoys me, though not as much. He reminds me a lot of JP, and sort of like Uncle Freddie, but twisted in a bad way. He has the sort of "Ooh, I don't care what anyone thinks, I'm extreme and in your face, and fuck you!" mentality, but he likes to flaunt it. I mean, it's cool not to care - I sure don't, but I don't bring it up in conversation every five minutes, either. He also has a tendency to make bizarre absolute statements like "The true gamer will ALWAYS buy Nintendo", then back them up with things that either a) don't support what he just said, b) don't make any sense, or c) are wrong and/or made up. So yeah, that kind of gets on my nerves a little, but overall, he's pretty cool.



Lily Allen -- Smile

You treat me rough to show that you care, and I just can't refuse

This is not the post I talked about. This is just one where I sum stuff up before I leave for New Orleans in the morning. Yeah, did I mention that? I thought we were going to Baton Rouge. I have to get up around 7 or 8 am, then we're meeting up with Jenn and Cassandra, then driving down there. I'm... well, not excited. I'm not dreading it or anything, just not excited about it like Jess or Shelly would be. They both wanted to go, but Gina ended up sending me. I'm mainly just doing it for the name recognition and the money, not because I want a vacation (not like this is one or anything), though I can't deny it'll be good to get away for a few days, even if it's just to go make pizza somewhere else. I still have some stuff to do - some laundry, clean my room, do the dishes, get some bottled water, that kind of stuff. Yeah, I also need to change the songs on my player, since I'm going to be listening to it the whole way there and back. So that's fun.

Bill bought Janelle a new car. Well, certified pre-owned, but new. '01 Altima, if I understand correctly. I didn't get to go to lunch today to see it, but I'm sure I'll see it when I get back and we do her birthday next Sunday.

So Carrie and I have been talking more recently, mainly because I've felt really alone and have been reaching out where I can. Even talked to Jarrod last night, mainly due to Jessica at work living next door to him. She actually just called me, and we talked for about 10 minutes. Neither one of us is particularly fond of talking on the phone, which is why we do it so rarely, but we both enjoy hearing one another's voice every so often. Very comforting. We even talked about Lilie and this guy she kinda likes - weird, but okay.

Oh, wow. She just sent me an email:

From: {Carrie} To: jackalope@gmail.com Date: Oct 16, 2005 10:02 PM Subject: =)

i sit an wonder where my love billy is at... then i think..maybe i should send him something to tell him i miss him dearly so, i send him a kiss that i meant to last forever.... ps=why am i snding this? Because i have thought about you a lot...and though i would show you how much i miss my billy and love him dearly..hope this makes you smile--not the pics hahah but the thought---

So yeah, those two things kind of brightened up an otherwise dreary day. Week. Month. Well, not really month. It's had its up spots. A few. Too few. Ah, well, I guess that just makes me cherish them that much more. Of course, that's kind of backwards, as they're tainted now. Tarnished. Painful.

So yeah. T minus nine hours and counting. I'm stacking the deck on this one - I've got my mom calling me before she leaves for work, setting my alarm, and having David make sure I'm up when he gets up (or some point around there). I guess I am looking foward to getting away from here for a few days. It'll be good.

Girls Aloud -- Wake Me Up

Becaue you're the cause of most of them

That's somewhat of a generalization. Not 'most of them', but the ones I don't show around you. Problems at work? Slowly adjusting to Janelle's thing? Those, I have no problem sharing and showing you. But when it comes to when you make me sad or upset, it's hard to show that to you.

I know I'm a huge advocate of sharing feelings and being very open with your partner (well, that doesn't *quite* apply, but it's still the best word in this situation, I think). It's just, these are things you already know, or that aren't ever going to be resolved, so there's not really any point in bringing them up.

A lot of them stem from the fact that I still love you, in a very-much-more-than-friends kind of way, while I'm fairly certain you don't feel the same way about me. I'm not even talking degree here, but variety. Love me as a very close friend? Yes. Anything more? Though you're not sure, I'd guess no. And I don't think me feeling the way I do about you will bring about any good for anyone. I mean, hell, even if we were going to get back togther, me feeling like this would probably only be a determent, since you probably wouldn't walk into something like that.

So yeah. I don't want you to see the melancholy that occasionally successfully fights its way onto my face when we're together, and I have to remind myself that we're not together, and that I need to be your best friend, not your best friend that still longs to be with you. I don't want you to know how sad that makes me sometimes. I mean, I'm okay with it. Unrequited love is something I'm quite familiar with, and I know how to deal with it. But being best friends with the person in question, that's something new for me. Not that I would trade that part away for anything. The very things that put me in this uncomfortable situation are the same things that make us such good friends. It's just that they don't stop me from getting sad or upset. And not upset *at* you, don't think that. Upset at... well, things. Upset that I'll never quite know why we broke up. I know part of it, and I believe it, but I don't think I know the whole story, nor will I. Upset that I just wasn't the right person, or didn't say the right thing, or did the wrong thing. Sad that that will be the only chance I ever got.

So yeah, 'long story' and all. But don't worry - these are things I keep buried deep down, that I don't plan on bringing up with you. I mean, we're best friends, not ex's.

The club will be shaking, there we'll be waiting, 'cause I don't play nice

So I've adjusted to life in the new place fairly well. Haven't really gotten homesick or anything yet, but to be fair, home is still less than ten minutes away. David and I seem to be doing fine as roommates thus far. No issues so far. In fact, I just asked him if we had had any yet. Got it basically set up like we want. I still have some work to do on my room and bathroom, but the living room and command center are all set up - David just finished mounting the speakers for the Dolby Surround Sound 5.1 setup he has. I was supposed to help, but I was quite asleep from a 10 hour shift that started at six this morning. Got a good three hour nap.

Janelle graduated from High School. The ceremony was very nice. Britney Posey was Valedictorian; Janelle, Saludatorian.

JD and Janelle are here, so we're doing MST3K. More later.

It took three whole hours, and five long days

Lots of stuff going on right now. Definitely gonna move out, as soon as David is ready. Might be sooner than initially expected, which is good. Lilie came back from Houston with a huge headache, I took her some aspirin at like 1 in the morning after work, and was invited to crash there, but I couldn't because of stupid Dave and the crew he gave me Sunday night. Argh.

Lego Star Wars: The Video Game is ridiculously awesome, and the entire design team deserves, at the very least, copius amounts of oral sex.

Janelle's also going to be moving out, probably a month or two after I do. I'm not sure how Mom's going to handle it. I think she'll talk to Gip a lot. Or call us all the time. Or both. She's also throwing a 'Moving-out Party' for me, which is... odd. It'll be bearable, though, 'cause both Jarrod and Lilie are coming. Terri's going to be down for a few days in June, going to a cousin's wedding in San Antonio. Sounds like she'll probably stay a few days in town as well. That'll be cool, get to see her again. Ooh, just realized I'll probably have moved out by then. Interesting.

Dave might be leaving the store, which would mean Javi would become GM, and I'm pretty sure I'd become first assistant. That'd be cool, if it wasn't so sad.

Kind of a sporadic update. One of these days, I'll get a massive update together.

Possibly.

Higher and higher; I'm gonna light your fire

So, skating Monday.

Janelle and I had talked about skating Monday, since it was a holiday and she didn't have school, and her skates had recently come in. I remember Lilie saying she liked to skate as well, so I invited her as well.

We had to clean house first, and Lilie was supposed to work during the day, but she got in an argument with the manager and walked out. We ended up going... I don't really remember when we got there. There was *no one* there. Well, that's not actually true. The staff was there, and I think there were three other people there for about ten - fifteen minutes after we got there. After that, it was just the three of us.

I played PIU first, 'cause, well, even though it's DDR's retarded bastard cousin, it's still a member of the family, no matter how embarrassing. Lilie actually came over and watched, which always makes me nervous and/or self-conscoius. But we did start skating before too long. It was... okay. We even had a free skate in the opposite direction. That's always fun. We held hands while skating a lot, but eventually gave that up, after suffering the dreaded 'slingshot effect' a few times. I finally got to try that thing where two people are holding hands, and one person is skating backwards, and they're holding both hands. Didn't work very well.

One interesting point. We were sitting over on the table, talking about leaving or staying or doing karaoke or what, and somehow, the conversation of being sweaty came up. I mentioned that Lilie hadn't seen me really sweaty (as I get after a few hours of DDR), and she said that she had. It took me a second to realize that she was talking about the time we were naked together in bed, almost going at it. I wouldn't be surprised if Janelle deduced the reference, as well. And that would be funny.

So after that, we went to the LBJ Student Center. I wanted to play some DDR, and she wanted to check out the art supplies at the bookstore. They were closed - it was late, but we realized that it was because it was MLK Day. We started talking about whether or not we've technically had sex. She said that she's including my on her list of people that she's had sex with (and apparently, no one else , not ever her best friend of twenty-something years, knows how long that list is. The only thing she'd tell me is that it's lower than her friend's, which is... um, I think 62. Fair enough.) (For those of you who're curious, my own list is somewhere between 1 and 3, depending on whch circumstances you consider sex. And just saying, "Well, penetration/intercourse is sex." doesn't help clarify the situation at all. More on that later, if I'm in a weird enough mood). Anyway, we went back to the parking lot, and were standing by my truck for a while, engaging in PDA's. Well, sorta. We were hugging. Kinda like we used to in the old days, when we'd stand there with our arms around each other for prolonged periods of time. That's a feeling that I retreat to when I need to re-balance myself and find my center. That lasted for a while, 'til she mentioned that she was cold, and we retreated to the interior of my truck. Oddly enough, though, we didn't drive off, but continued hugging. It was nice. Throughout this, there were instances of the old days - finishing hugging, but still having our arms around each other, and our faces right next to each other. Our faces being close enough together that our lips were almost touching. I mean, I know we're just friends; I think it's finally gotten through that we're apart, that we're probably (Argh!! I can't even bring myself to say this without throwing in a hedge-word. I know why, though. More on that later.) not getting back together, regardless of my feelings for her, or her declared feelings for her.

Then, it happened. She kissed me. I'm sure of it, too - she definitely kissed me. Then I kissed her. Then I kissed her again. Then she kissed me again.

Kinda scary. It lasted a total of maybe thirty seconds, but it felt like an eternity. I hadn't felt that good since... well, before Christmas, to be sure. Reminiscing about it, though, does make me a bit... melancholy. Wistful. Something like that.

Further analysis to come - I've got to go to work. Janelle worked 12 - 5, so I'll get to talk to her about how it went. She actually closed carhop by herself Thursday night, for Ashley. Crazy stuff. Kristin and Katie both said she's really getting it down, doing well. I hope so.

At the end of every week each one of us becomes a freak

So yeah, work.

Work's been interesting lately, for a number of reasons. First and foremost, I have acknowledged my mistakes and made amends with the crew. (Thanks, babe!) I've usually been pretty good about taking responsibility for my actions and admitting when I was wrong, which I was then. Well, for the most part. I do want to highlight two caveats, however: first, that this wasn't the result of Lilie and I breaking up - I was depressed well before that, though that didn't help. Well, that's really about the only caveat for those people who felt necessary to misinterpret everything I do. Or something like that.

Anyway.

I think Adam's finally out of there. Well, he should be. He walked out on Rick Wednesday evening. Him and Shelley were the fountains, Rick was managing, I was doing the deposit. Adam showed up about twenty or thirty minutes late, and had hurt his leg or something. Supposedly, it was really bad and should have been in a cast or something. Anyway, him and Rick were clashing. Again, this is all second and third-hand stories, so I can't garauntee that what I'm saying is true; I'm merely posting the composite picture I've been gathering from talking to various crew members. With those disclaimers in place: Adam was not doing his job - there was food out on all eight trays, and he was just talking on the phone or something. Finally, Rick made the comment - "It's because of that fucker that I'm going to have a really high av. time." Adam heard him, got pissed off, called his ride, and left (the timesheet records that he clocked out at 6:51). Rick closed fountain with assistance from the carhop, then handled the deposit. He did come in on Friday and worked for a bit, then Dave came in early for him.

Those parts, I can't really confirm, since I wasn't there. However:

I managed Saturday night; Adam was scheduled to fountain 5 - 9. He never showed up, nor called. The great thing was that we handled things well enough - all of our numbers were simply awesome for both the dinner and closing shifts. The credit, of course, goes to the great crew I had, and I was sure to let them know what a fantastic job they did that evening/night. I really wish he had come in, though, because I was just going to tell him to leave if he did. He was supposed to open Sunday. Again, no call/no show. Erica showed up on time, but was there by herself until 8, when Javi stopped by check on some paperwork. He opened the store, and Dora came in early as well. I came in at 5 and found all that out. The schedule for next week had been made with Adam in mind, of course. He had a number of shifts - opening Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday; 10:30 - 5 Thursday, and 10- 8 Saturday. Javi's taking his Monday and Tuesday shifts, and I'm taking his Wednesday (in, um... 3 hours) and Saturday shifts. He also has a Sunday shift, but Javi and I are shifting our schedules around to cover everything. We're both going to end up with tons of overtime, which makes me happy. Both because it's time and a half, and it annoys Dave. Today, Dave asked me about going to an Assistant Manager training meeting at 2:30 tomorrow (he didn't know I was opening, and was afraid he was going to have to.) I guess I'm going. Fun. So my schedule this week looks something like:

Mon: 5:30 - 9:30
Tue: 5:15 - 12:15
Wed: 6:00 - 2:00; (drive to Austin) 2:30 - 4:00; drive home (though I'll probably stop by and see Rose, and play some DDR while I'm up in Austin)
Thu: 6:00 - 2:00; possibly also 5 - 8 to help cover Adam's shift
Fri: 6:00 - 1:00
Sat: 10:00 - 1:00 (that's 15 hours, not 3)
Sun: 2:00 - 12:00

This will be fun - I got off work a few hours ago, and have less than three hours before I have to be back for another 7 or so hours. After that, I have to drive to Austin, spend another hour or two in a manager meeting, then drive home, only to open the next two days as well. I mean, I volunteered for the really fun bits, so I'm not really complaining or anything - just getting it all out on paper so I can see what I've put myself up against.

I heard Adam called today to see when he worked next, and Javi told him he doesn't work here anymore. He better not - not calling or showing up for four days in a row, then just trying to come in like nothing's happened? I don't know how much of it is in Dave's control - I'm fairly certain that Todd has something to do with Adam being at our store, but seriously. This is not the kind of example that needs to be set, especially where attendance and punctuality are concerned.

Janelle's been hired, and will be starting on Sunday or so. That's going to be interesting. Turns out she knows Pedro or something.

The other day, Bruce came up to me and told me that he wants to be a manager. I laughed at him. Yesterday, he told me that he talked to Dave, and he's going to be a blue shirt for a little, then become a shirt and tie. That's just scary. Bruce, as a manager? That'll be... interesting.

Oh!!!!! Saturday night: (I apologize for the length of this, but it's worth the read, and the encryption I'm using right now kind of expands the text length a little.)

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Needless to say, it was FUCKING AWESOME. Definitely a win-win situation, since I owed Kristin - for being primarily responsible for Lilie and I hooking up and becoming such close friends - and Chelsea - for coming in for me last Monday, when I was suffering from the death flu - big favors. Man, I need to compact that some. Squaring might be a little excessive. But yeah, Saturday night was definitely something to remember.

That pretty much wraps up work for now.

When I close my eyes, I dream of you

Just a quick run-down, 'cause I don't have much time.

Worked last night, things went okay. Sounds like Dave's gonna hire Janelle; she goes in to interview tomorrow or Friday. At Sonic, though, if you get an interview, you're basically already hired. Went in this morning to help put up the MONSTER (320+ cases; 250 is considered big) truck we got in. Javi and I got it all put up and everything's all nice and pretty. I have to go back in and work 12 -5. More on that later.

I'm still fairly sick. All the symptoms are still here, just very weak. I do have a really annoying cough, though.

Lilie called yesterday. Surprised the hell out of me. I missed her call since I was in the kitchen doing dishes, but I called her back as I was getting dressed and leaving for work. We talked a little. More on that later.

That's about it for now.

Oh, and Cullen and I are going to play DDR tomorrow night. Fun times.

Find your calm, in the eye of the storm

So I dropped Cullen off at his house, and started to head home, my spirits having been lifted by a night of DDR with a great friend.

That lasted about two minutes. I returned to my previously depressed state of being fairly quickly driving down Hilliard. I don't know why... it probably didn't help that 1000 Words came on, which is a song that now has significant meaning to me - and if anyone laughs at that, I swear I'll smack you.

Anyway.

I still haven't pinned down the original cause of my depression, but separating from Lilie definitely didn't help. So I came home and played some, but had to open. I crashed for about an hour, then went off to work. Nothing really of note there. Well, except we got in a Coke order and a truck, I had to put up both of them, and had to cut a crapload of onions since no one else had been cutting them. Adam came in as the secondary manager, followed by Dave. It was really slow for lunch, but things got really, really busy about 2 or so. I had to stay until almost 4, which sucked. I got home and fell asleep.

I volunteered to go in that evening about an hour before close and help do the money and stuff so that Javi could do the changeover without having to worry about that, and he wouldn't have to be there forever. The problem is that we were supposed to close at 11, but we ended up closing at 10. I had hoped we'd be closing at 11, so I'd still be there doing the deposit at midnight. Even that plan was ruined, since we were slow enough that Dave told us to close an hour early. Got out of there about 11:20 or so, came home. Mom was at Cheatham Street and Janelle was at a party, so I was just hanging here at the big hour. I think I was talking to Heather online at midnight, nothing special. Mom called about 1 and told me that her and Jerry were at All-Niter Diner and would love to have me join them, so I did. We had a nice meal. One note - I was parked right in front, on like the second parking spot on that street. As I was climbing back into my truck and getting situated, I saw a small red car come flying around that corner. Habitually, I looked at it - sure enough, it had a Domino's thing on the top, a hood that wouldn't close... yep, it was her.

And here I thought I wasn't going to see anyone special on New Year's.

Went home and crashed. Worked 5 - close that night. Shelley was back from wherever the hel she was (South Padre) and was fountaining that night with Allison. I was supposed to have Pedro, Rick, and Freddie cooking, but Freddie was really sick and called in. Pedro was supposed to be off at 9, but he stayed and closed. Rick didn't come in 'til 8, so I spent most of my time in the kitchen. Shelley annoyed the fucking hell out of me. She is very defensive about being criticized - I told her I had to review some items on her Star Guides (don't ask), and she made some comment a little later about "Hold on, I have to finish listening to Billy tell me what a complete idiot I am" or something like that. We didn't get along very well. Then she shows up on 31, and Shelley went out and talked to her for a bit. She returned a little bit later with some food for Shelley. Nothing really else of note happened that night. Well, except when she showed up to give Shelley a ride home. She parked on 4. I was sitting in the manager chair, and it's unfortunate that whenever you look up from the computer, you're pretty much looking at 4. So I had the joy of looking up as I was counting and seeing her car head-on a few times. That was fun.

Sunday, worked 5 - C again, but I've pretty much covered that. Got Chelsea to fountain for me tonight, 'cause there was no way I was going to go in tonight. Had an interesting conversation with Jess, though:

just_jess_from_smt: Kristin came in tonight just_jess_from_smt: shes back mr_binky_the_jackalope: Montalvo? mr_binky_the_jackalope: To work? just_jess_from_smt: yep just_jess_from_smt: just to say hi just_jess_from_smt: chelseas turning 18 the 12th, theyre all excited mr_binky_the_jackalope: Exciting just_jess_from_smt: she wanted to see you mr_binky_the_jackalope: Kristin? just_jess_from_smt: hadnt heard about Lilie mr_binky_the_jackalope: Did you tell her? just_jess_from_smt: yeah just_jess_from_smt: no just_jess_from_smt: chelsea did mr_binky_the_jackalope: I didn't know Chelsea pays attention to my social life just_jess_from_smt: maybe it was Lacey mr_binky_the_jackalope: Either way, what'd she say? just_jess_from_smt: she was very happy mr_binky_the_jackalope: What? just_jess_from_smt: she was happy mr_binky_the_jackalope: Kristen was? just_jess_from_smt: yes mr_binky_the_jackalope: When Lacey and/or Chelsea told her that Lilie and I aren't together anymore? mr_binky_the_jackalope: Or to be back? just_jess_from_smt: yep just_jess_from_smt: you mr_binky_the_jackalope: ... mr_binky_the_jackalope: odd

Form your own opinion. Went to dinner with Mom and Janelle at Katy Station, since she won a gift certificate there a while back in a band auction or somesuch. After that, Janelle and I went to Best Buy (got Final Fantasy Anthologies, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (both full extended editions)), and Blockbuster. Apparently, Blockbuster doesn't charge late fees anymore. The catch, however, is that if you don't return it by the 7th day it's due back, the full retail price is automatically charged to your account, and congratulations, you've bought yourself whatever it is you've kept. So anyway...

I miss her. We haven't talked since we broke up. I haven't called her, for a couple reasons. She said she wanted space, to be left alone, etc., so I'm respecting that. Also, and both her and Shelley have experienced this, I'm really awkward on the phone and don't know what to say. I usually only call people if I have a specific reason for calling, else, I just don't know what to say and tend to get really quiet. There are a few exceptions to this - Rose and I can talk for hours, but that's 'cause she talks a lot - but for the most part, I tend to avoid the phone. Mom and I had an argument last night, so I got some flowers on the way home from work - a big vase of yellow roses, Mom's favorite flower (lucky choice on my part). She came out this morning, saw them, and though that I had bought them for Lilie. Which isn't a bad idea, except for the reasons noted above. That's really why I haven't tried to call her, or leave some flowers by her door, or ask Shelley about her, or anything like that. She wants her space, and I'm fine with that. She knows my number if she ever feels like talking again.

It's finally started to sink in that we're apart. On the way in from DDR, walking across the neighbor's lawn, I kind of whispered "I miss you", and started crying. That was fun. At this point, I just feel lost. I don't know what's going on - I was depressed before we broke up, but this doesn't help at all.

And it's just like honey

That post was originally supposed to be a little longer. I started it when I got home, but fell asleep almost immediately after. I went ahead and just hit 'publish', and will put what I had in the previous post into this one. Or rather, what I meant to have. Or something like that.

But we just got pizza delivered. Janelle said something about that when I first got home, but I wasn't really listening - I was probably going to go in around 7 or 8, since it sounded like Dennis wasn't going to show up. However, Rudy stayed, so I don't have to. She didn't mention that she was ordering from Domino's. Or if she did, she didn't realize I was asleep, or close enough, not to hear her.

Anyway.

I was in that almost-asleep phase I was talking about earlier when she came in and asked me who Lilie delivers pizza for. It took me a few seconds to come back to reality enough to make sense of her question, but answered quickly enough, 'Domino's.' Turns out, she had delivered our pizza. Heh. Janelle said she looked familiar at first, then she recognized her, and that she said something about being startled or something. I was basically asleep the whole time.

Let's see if I can do a quick round-up of today. Had a manager meeting with Todd. That was fun - I'm starting to like Todd. He's a cool guy who knows the realities of working at Sonic. After that, went to GameStop, 'cause Javi told me they're having this sale - buy 2 used games, get 1 free. Saw Ogre Battle 64: Person of Lordly Caliber when I went in, which I immediately grabbed - I've been looking for that game basically since it came out, and if asked, couldn't offer actual proof that it existed. Until now. I wanted to get Final Fantasy Anthology, which has FF V and FF VI on it, but they didn't have it. Ended up grabbing Vandal Hearts II and Arc the Lad: Twilight of the Spirits. They had Front Mission 4, but I've already beaten that, else I would have grabbed it. Started heading home, when Freddie called to make sure I was still giving him a ride to work at 5 (it was after 10 'til). I had completely forgotten about it, but was fairly close to his house, so I pulled a massive U-turn through town and got there in record time. Got him to work, got home. On the way home, I went into a major funk. I mean, I've been in a funk since... well, since probably a week before Christmas or so, and the Lilie split didn't exactly help. But I was near tears, which was what I was talking about in my earlier post. I would have been in tears, but I have a tendency to just get really close to tears - to the point of my eyes getting watery, without actually crying. Anyway, I was like that for a little bit, then fell asleep.

Woke up as described above, to the news that Lilie had been here within the last five minutes or so with pizza. Checked my phone and saw that Cullen had called about doing something tonight. I called Sonic to see if Javi needed me come in, but Rudy was going to stay, since Dave wasn't coming in. That cleared my dance card for the evening, so Cullen and I are leaving in about an hour to go play some DDR. Which is good, because I definitely have some negative emotion to work out. I don't think this will help *that much*, but it will help. I miss the 3 times a week, several hours a day I had going on during school, but that'll resume in a couple of weeks, and this will do for now.

We're opera-mad in Camelot; we sing from the diaphragm a lot

Heh. I just feel like writing a lot at the moment. Well, maybe it's more that I don't feel like sleeping. Not that I ever do, but I don't really want to just lie down and close my eyes. That's when it's hardest to control your thoughts, and that's something I've always had problems with. These are the kinds of times when I really hate having such a strong stream-of-consciousness. Here's a fun one that just hit me: She had one in Houston, because of Sean... did I cause this one in any way? Contribute to it? Yeah. That one's gonna haunt me for a while.

So anyway.

Took Janelle to Blockbuster, felt like getting my mind off of things. Decided to get Rat Race, which I actually saw in theaters, and have wanted to see again ever since. Also got The Third Age, which I've wanted to play for a while. Wait, is that even it's name? Yeah, Lord of the Rings: The Third Age. Or something like that. Anyway. I also wanted to get Almost Heroes, but of course, they didn't have it. Of course, they had the box, and two cases behind it, but neither of them was it. It really pissed me off. Also got some Reeses Pieces, which is the best candy ever. Except for the large candy thing bite things. Yeah.

Terri was online for a while, and we got to talking. Turns out she's not going to marry that guy; she's back in NC. I'm not sure if they're still together in NM, or what... I feel really bad, 'cause I kind of snapped at her, and said some fairly mean things. Of course, given the course and history of our relationship, I don't think that one thing will be the single item that breaks our friendship, but I still feel bad about it. Other than that, had a nice chat with her about breakfast cereals. The really funny thing is that Suzie emailed me while I was talking to Terri. I made a comment that if Mindy calls, I'm leaving. Of course, Suzie just sent me a chain letter - she even admitted it was a stupid thing to do IN THE EMAIL ITSELF.

So yeah, I'm feeling... I don't know. Stunned? Tired? Hurt? Something like that. I don't want to go to work in two hours. I don't want to face the world. I want to curl back up in my blanket, with my two bears, and sleep. Two years or so.

She's like a rainbow (again)

The post after this one is not my post. When I went to publish my post, some sort of error occurred. However, I'm used to this happening, so I always copy my post before publishing, just in case. I'm not going to delete the post after this one, because it's so wonderfully random - I can only assume my post got crossed with two other posts to create the work of beauty you see below. Now, here is my actual post:

Anyway, Christmas Eve.

Mom, Bam, Janelle and Greg went to church, then back to Bam's for dinner. Mom's finally accepted that I'm an atheist, so she didn't bother inviting me to church with them, but she did ask me to come to dinner. I initially wasn't going to - my mood had reached a valley, and I really didn't feel up to an evening around family; Janelle called later and convinced me to come, though. Tried calling Lilie twice (once before, once after) to see if I could drop off her present, but to no avail.

Bam made homemade ziti; it was really, really good. I didn't hang around much later, though. Came home, and started playing some Diablo 2 (more on this later). I ended up staying awake until... oh, 3 or 4 am. Finally just passed out, but not for very long. I had this bizarre dream that I was supposed to open that morning (I'm really starting to hate having dreams about work. They're really, really annoying.) Anyway, I woke up at like 6:00, when I usually leave to open, and started quickly getting dressed. I had my pants on and was buttoning my shirt when I realized it was Christmas morning and not only did I not have to open, I wouldn't have to go in at all. Of course, I couldn't go back to sleep (despite getting only two hours of sleep), so I played some more Diablo 2 until I heard Janelle and Mom wake up and start moving around. We eventually all moved into the living room for presents and stuff. Went back to my room and napped after that, until Bam and Greg got there. More presents and stuff, followed by more napping. Eventually, we broke through that harsh regimine and moved onto Christmas dinner.

Oddly enough, it's only recently that we've started having a Christmas dinner. In past years, especially when I was in high school, we used to just all lounge around in our pajamas all day. There'd be various snack trays set out, and we'd have people stopping in throughout the day. I miss that, and in rememberance, I wore my new pajama pants all day. In fact, I'm wearing them right now as well. But no one stopped by this year; we just had an intimate family gathering. Don't get me wrong, though - it was very nice, and thoroughly enjoyed by all. Christmas dinner was fantastic - smoked turkey, honey-glazed ham, roast, garlic mashed potatoes, asparagus (mentioned only for completeness), stuffing, brocili and cheese, corn, rolls, and some smoked salmon, but that was mainly for Mom. Everyone liked dinner. We also had homemade cheesecake and tort, but I didn't hang around for that. As we were sitting around after dinner, I heard my message alert on my phone go off. I had missed a call from Lilie and had a subsequent voicemail.

I called her back, and headed over. Gave her her present, which she seemed to like, and came home. More Diablo 2, and then I crashed. Had to open Sunday morning, at 9:30 or so. Nothing terribly exciting there; Adam came in at 10, and I gave him my 5 - C shift, so when I got off at 1-ish, having worked a grand total of 3 1/2 hours, I was off for the rest of the day. Janelle and I, after showers, dishes, and cleaning rooms, went shopping. I had gift certificates to Best Buy and Dragon's Lair; she had ones to Blockbuster and Best Buy. Went to Dragon's Lair first. They had transformer decals, one of which now adorns my car; also picked up a new set of dice and Empire by AEG. I would have preferred Toolbox, but they didn't have that one. Darn. Anyway, on the drive there, Janelle started talking about wanting to get a job for this semester; that evolved into her wanting to be a carhop at Sonic. She *can* skate, which is a plus, and she's really, really smart. I let her know that I didn't think it was a good idea - Sonic is a terrible work environment, but she persisted. So we picked up an application for her. I now face a terrible, terrible decision - help my sister get a job at Sonic or not. More on that later.

Afterwards, we went to Blockbuster. I bought her gift card from her, because even though I don't rent movies or anything, I'm slightly more likely to find a use for it than her. Except I couldn't. Their used games were a joke (even more so than most used games), and NOTHING there was worth looking at. I eventually went with The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King extended super-duper platinum 32 DVD edition, just to use it. Went to Best Buy after that, to see if Janelle was going to use her gift certificate, or I would buy that one from her too - after all, there's no limit to the amount of Best Buy gift certificates I can use. That's when I saw it. The same Lord of the Rings thing, for almost fifteen dollars less. Now, I normally don't care about different prices - if I see something a few dollars less than what I spent for it, I chalk it up to experience and move on. But as frustrating as it was in the first place to find something at Blockbuster worth buying, I wasn't going to if they had it RIGHT DOWN THE STREET for SIGNIFICANTELY LESS. So I marched back to Blockbuster to get a refund. Of course, they gave it to me... on a gift card. I'm not kidding. So I still have this completely worthless piece of plastic that entitles me to twenty-five dollars worth of goods and services from Blockbuster (assuming they offer services), none of which are even half-way decent.

So that was fun.

Went back to Best Buy and wondered around for another hour or so, after which, Janelle and I decided to go get some Subway, then go see Blade: Trinity (I will keep inserting the colon in there, despite the fact that there isn't actually one in the movie's title. I just like it.) using the two movie passes she had left. Came home, crashed, and that's where we are now. Fun times. More to follow.

She's like a rainbow

Anyway, Christmas Eve.

Mom, Bam, Janelle and Greg went to church, then back to Bam's for dinner. Mom's finally accepted that I'm an atheist, so she didn't bother inviting me to church with them, but she did ask me to come to dinner. I initially wasn't going to - my mood had reached a valley, and I really didn't feel up to an evening around family; Janelle called later and convinced me to come, though. Tried calling Lilie twice (once before, once after) to see if I could drop off her present, but to no avail. with a lot more people and here it's just JaB, the cats and me. Plus, she's never been to Rotterdam. I know about the "having to kick her out-maybe" thing. That's why I always went to the fuckbuddy's house. There's a get away there. And if I really wanted to return to that house or see him again, I'd leave something there. Something I'd have to go back for, or he'd have to call me about. You might be thinking panties here, but panties don't work. For some odd reason they keep those.

Am I nervous? Yeah! For that reason; should I be blogging about this any more? NO!! I keep tricking myself into blogging about it. Or you trick me into it. There's a Dutch saying that goes; "Waar het hart van vol is, loopt de mond van over." Translation; "What the heart is full of, the mouth overflows with." cking myself into blogging about it. Or you trick me into it. There's a Dutch saying that goes; "Waar het hart van vol is, loopt de mond van over." Translation; "What the heart is full of, the mouth overflows with." delivering show-stopping 

renditions of songs, and he possesses a stage presence that radiates

warmth; his followers eagerly look forward to his upcoming and 

undoubtedly successful J Records debut; now, therefore, be it

One more for the road

So as I was finishing up that post, I heard a strange sound coming from the kitchen. Janelle was putting up the dishes in the dishwasher.

Except we ran out of dishwasher soap last night, and that's a new load that hasn't been run through yet.

She's now putting all of them back in.

Never ever have I ever felt so low; when you gonna take me out of this black hole?

Wow. I'm approaching my old record - well, not really. I just haven't really posted in over a week.

It's just, well, a couple things. First, with school out, I've gone back to working at least 40 hours a week, so I'm more tired at night when I would normally be posting. I've also been spending a lot (both too much and not enough) time with Lilie and over there. And finally, in the last week or so, I really haven't felt up to it. I mean, I've been in this major funk. I've spent a lot of time lying in bed, not really doing anything. I hate it when I get like this - I know it's not really tied to any time of year, nor any event. It just happens. So we'll see how long it takes to get over that. But anyway...

Sunday evening, I went over to Lilie's. Details are fuzzy, but I do recall one very odd occurrence. We were standing outside - I don't know if she came out to meet me, or we were headed back in or something (actually, now that I think about it, it might have been Tuesday night, but anyway...) she started asking me about why I feel so insecure about us, and how I shouldn't. It's kind of odd, having her being able to know what I'm thinking, especially about her. Well, to be fair, it's my fault - I'm the one posting it here, where she can read it. I could always post it on some secret, third blog. Or something like that. It's the same thing with Shelley. I'm just not used to having people read this regularly, much less someone I interact with.

So we both had to work Monday morning at 10 am. Well, at least, that's what I thought. I had only taken a cursory glance at my schedule, then listened to her mentioning that she had to be in at 10. We left, and I got there, only to discover that I wasn't supposed to be in there until 11:30. Had it been 11, it wouldn't have been worth it to drive home, but since I had an hour and a half, I went for it. Came home, started Moulin Rouge burning, set up X-2 with some new dresspheres to power up, then went back to work. It was okay, although things have been getting on my nerves a lot more.

I don't really remember Monday evening. Heh.

I opened Tuesday morning, as usual, and that evening, Lilie and I had an actual date. We went to Italian Garden for dinner. It was pretty nice - I had, um, something, I'm sure. She had the manacotti. It's always weird when you go out to eat with someone who waits, or has waited, tables. I ran into this a lot with Rose - they usually end up striking a conversation with the server. I always feel really awkward when that happens. It's really just an instance of my general discomfort with service people. Like when you go into Best Buy, and that guy greets you - they've started doing that at Hastings as well. It really bothers me. I understand why they're doing it - making sure the customer feels welcome, and giving them an immediate chance to ask any questions or seek some assistance. But I'm never quite sure how to respond. Do I greet them back? I feel really stupid doing that; on the other hand, ignoring them seems kind of rude. I really wish they'd just ignore me as I walked in. For that matter, I feel the same way about employees (or sales associates, whatever) asking me if I need help when I'm browsing. If I needed help, I'd go ask for it. Or when the server, waitress, or carhop, tries to strike up a conversation. It's not that I'm being rude or I think I'm better or something, I just feel uncomfortable talking to random people like that.

So yeah. After Italian Garden, we drove around for a bit, then went to Showplace to watch Team America: World Police. She still hadn't seen it, though I think it would have been my... third, or fourth time. Something like that. So we watched it. We had to move once or twice, 'cause she doesn't like having (other) people sitting near us. Eventually, though, we got settled in and started watching it.

And we both fell asleep at one point or another. We enjoyed it, but managed to fall asleep. We were both just really tired. Oh!! I forgot. I even dressed up a little bit - I was wearing my green pants, as can be expected, and put on my black over-shirt with the really bright flowers on it. Shelley made some disparaging remarks about it, but that's to be expected.

So yeah, a good time was had by all. I'm fairly certain I crashed there that night. Yes, I remember it now. She had to leave before me, 'cause she had to go to work, whereas I didn't have to work until that evening. I think. Either that, or I was off. Yeah, I think I was off, since I opened Thursday. No, wait, that's not right. She did have to go to work later (I think), but I was up early, and couldn't lie still, so I went into the living room and played a little Twisted Metal: Black, and was going to take Shelley to work at 10. After that, I didn't feel like going home just yet, so I went over to Best Buy and looked at their RAM and video cards. I've been thinking about doing it for a while, and it seemed like a good time (don't ask my why). Anyway, while I was browsing, Lilie called. She was curious as to why I didn't say bye before I left. (I didn't want to wake her up.) It just made me feel really good, knowing that she cared.

So I bought a video card and some RAM. Of course, it was the wrong kind of RAM. My comp wouldn't boot with it at all. The video card, however, went right in and worked perfectly. I took the RAM back and had the guy find the right kind - it was in the back. I put it in by itself to make sure it worked, and the motherboard, as soon as power hit it, went "Beep. Beep beep beep. Beep beep beep." And the computer wouldn't boot. Turns out that that's the "Hey, your RAM is in backwards" alert. Silly me. Put it in right, it booted. Recognized it and everything. Turned it back off and put my original one in as well, and everything was good to go. The improvement in performance has been immense. I could even contemplate playing either CoH or WoW (not both).

Didn't do much else on Wednesday, though I did go up to Austin and play some DDR later. Stopped by Rose's to pick her up, since she wanted a ride home. Played a little, but not too much - I slammed my ankle on the bar at one point, and it's been hurting sporadically ever since. We stopped by IHOP on the way home, which was unpleasently reminiscent of the old days. If she does move back down here (which is now in question, apparently), I won't always be able to just jump up at 3 in the morning and give her a ride home whenever. Things have changed a bit. And even if I do, I won't just sit there for half an hour. It was really weird when she called me the other day at 2 in the morning - something perfectly resonable in the old days, but I was crashing over at Lilie's, and she had long since fallen asleep. I felt really bad having to disturb her, however slightly, to go get my phone (it rings really, really loudly, so ignoring it wasn't really an option).

So anyway. Opened Thursday. Somehow, Rose thought I had agreed to take her back to Austin. I swear I don't remember doing that, but I did. Take her back, I mean. Came back and took Shelley Christmas-shopping for Lilie. Since she doesn't have her own car, her options for doing so are limited, and I was happy to help. We went to Hastings, then stopped at Sonic for some dinner (the current joke is that I'm dating both Lilie and Shelley; it started the Sunday she waited in my truck for a good 10 - 20 minutes for a ride home).

Oh, haha. Just re-read my earlier posts, and I'm getting all these days mixed up. I did my video card and RAM on Friday, which means that I crashed at Lilie's on Thursday (probably Tuesday night too. This is one of the reasons I hate going so long between updates). I don't really rememeber Friday or Saturday either, which is kind of scary.

I do remember Sunday, though. Shelley and I opened. It was *really* slow. I mean, our first customer was... 8:30? We had like 10 orders from then 'til 9:30. We had a bit of a rush 'til 10:05 or so, when Adam got in and helped. At one point, labor was at over 700%, which was really, really cool. I was sent home about 11:30, since it was just unbelievably slow. Shelley insisted I head over to their place, so I did. I ended up crashing in Lilie's bed and taking a four hour nap. Lilie woke me up when she came in to hug and kiss me good-bye as she left for work. I left fairly soon after that.

As I got home, I realized I had forgotten my blue button-up shirt. I called their place and told Shelley that when she answered the phone... except it was Lilie. Apparently, there was a sign at Katy Station that said "Closed @ 2 - Kitchen Repairs" or something along those lines. I headed over about 9 to get my shirt, since I had to work Monday night. Lilie was still dressed up, and she looked very nice. We hugged like we hadn't since before we started going out, which felt really good. We kissed a little too, and I left. I talked to Shelley later (online?) and she asked me why I left.

Worked Monday 5 - C, fountain. Dennis was there 5 - 9, and he was really getting on my nerves. It ended up taking me over an hour to close fountain, since Dennis didn't do *anything*, and Rick didn't help me in the fountain at all either. I don't mind, though - with the mood I was in, I was in no hurry to leave. It's the mood I've been in pretty much all week. Just a major funk. I alternate between upset for no reason and sad for no reason. I've been lying in my room all day today, sometimes playing games, but often just lying there. Felt like crying a few times, but of course, that won't happen - I can't seem to cry except at seemingly random times, and the most bizarre catalysts (Hearing Lemon Tree by Peter, Paul and Mary is the best example I have at the moment). Just been lounging around today, though I did manage to get about three quarters of my chores for this week done, and can finish my room tonight and the rest tomorrow. I still haven't done any Christmas shopping, though, so I'll have to squeeze that in tomorrow and Thursday before work at 5.

So. That's my week. Time for humorous anecdotes and other things I left out.

Janelle and three of her friends went to a movie, then came back here to build a gingerbread house. Things went well, until the end. It stood for... four seconds? They dragged me out to take their picture, which I did. But even then, the chimney, constructed of Hershey's chocolate bars, was falling. Not long after that, they realized the door was caving in. Immediately after that, the back wall started collapsing as well. Within a minute, the whole thing was in a heap. We ate some, but it is *incredibly* sweet. Michael and Kushal are still here, but they'll be leaving soon.

I was thinking about going to Austin tonight to play some DDR, but I just didn't have the energy. I don't mean physically, but mentally. Just an extension of the lethargic, depressed mood I've been in lately.

Bug did a major patch on gEngine, changing the look again. It was bad enough to (coupled with the complete lack of B5 players lately) to uninstall gEngine, delete the cache completely, clear my registry of it, and remove the forums from my favorites.

Picked Final Fantasy: Origins back up. Final Fantasy I is *hard*. Started playing Diablo II: Lord of Destruction as well, for some reason (although it is really sweet with the upgrades.) Been playing a Druid with a lot of pets.

The office sent back a list of errors in paperwork this week - there were a lot. And none of them were mine. Every other manager had at least one, and everyone except Dora had a few.

I think the Christmas party was this Sunday. I mean, the Sunday evening of the post before this one. It was... okay. Shelley did end up going, but didn't bowl. It's always nice to hang out with the crew outside of work. It wasn't as fun as last year, and the prizes sucked. Overall, though, it was okay.

That's it for now. I hope to resume normal updates now. Writing these long ones takes a while - this one took four hours, though that certainly wasn't contiguous.

Alas, my love, you do me wrong to cast me off so discourteously

I need to break this habit of only posting once a week or so. The feeling of having to "catch up" is annoying.

So.

Friday went okay. Well, not really. We'll get to that. Lilie came over and we tried to decide what to do with the evening. Janelle mentioned that she was going to play in the orchestra that night for a production of Romeo & Juliet, so we decided to go watch it. Lilie has a fondness for high school drama, having been in it herself, and I have a fondness for her. So we went and watched it. It was... interesting. Sterling's little sister was Juliet, opposite Nathaniel Thurman, the guy from The Complete Works of Shakespeare, Abridged. U g s bi usw U q a fiubf ri vew j yo qurg gwe k rwe rg r bufgr, It went okay. I guess. Lilie felt our drama department was sorely lacking, and I'm not inclined to argue that point. The musical, which is put on by the choir, should be a lot better. In fact, I think I'll be going to that - they're doing You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. I might even invite Lilie to watch it with me. We'll see.

So we came back here and chilled for a bit, then she had to go. That's when it happened.

U g sb;r ew kkt rgiyfgr viyr vew jubf yo qurg gwe ub qgukwm bs swduburwkt susb;r ok b ib siubf ur rg r bufgr, Ur hyar aier id x nw iyr qgukw qw qwew wnve xubf ub deibr id gwe x e, U arukk dwwk ew kkt v s viyr ur U susb;r si cwet fiis hiv id a tubf qg r ur q a U nw brm bs U jbiq agw q ab;r dikkiqubf nt ub bw e nvkubfa, U sus aier id oyag gwe v xj kurrkw qgwb agw q a arukk giksubf nw cwet xkiawm qguxg q a arwo ub rgw eufgr suewxruib, U riks gwe rg r U q a ruewsm rg r U xiyksb;r si ur btniew, U rgubj, U sib;r ew kkt ewnwnvwe qg r U a us, U sim rgiyfgm ewnwnvwe gwe ewaoibaw U sib;r q br rgubfa ri xg bfw, Qguxg awwnws jubs id dybbt ub o ubdyk q tm r rgw runw,

It was kind of weird, because the people across the street were packing up their car or something the whole time, and they eventually drove off. But anyway.

I was really miserable the next day - I had to work something like 12 - 5. Dave saw through my brilliant plan to get 50+ hours that week by having Adam come in for me 3 hours early on both Saturday and Sunday, which meant I got out at like 2, which was kinda cool. I just kinda hung around all day, then Lilie and I started talking on AIM that night.

U qib;r oiar rgw xibcwea ruib cwev runm vyr U qukk xicwe rgw gufg oiubra, U sus vwrrwe hiv id wzok ububf qgt U sus qg r U sus rg r ur dwkr rii nyxg kujw vwubf ub ewk ruibaguom rg r ur gyer ri vw ai xkiaw ri gwe bs twr birm rg r U diefir ainwrunwa rg r qw qwewb;r rifwrgwe, U kai agiqws gwe giq ri ew s rgw arydd qgwb ur;a qeurrwb kujw rgua tiy hyar agudr tiye g bsa ibw jwt ri rgw eufgr bs rtow qg r tiy aww, Ur;a g es ri wzok ubm vyr ur n jwa awbaw, U kai f cw gwe rgw h c oo rg r siwa ur yrin rux kktm ai agw x b ew s btrgubf U x b rtow kujw rgua, Biqm rgw ibkt ew aib ri xibrubyw siubf rgua ua vwx yaw id Agwkkwtm krgiyfg agw qib;r g cw ubrwebwr xxwaa die nibrg ie niewm ai U;n bir ayew, U;kk g cw ri aj Kukuw qg r agw rgubja,

btq t,

Ai qw r kjws few r sw k viyr iye aury ruib, U kw ebws kurrkw vur niewm vyr bir nyxgm viyr gwe bs Aw b, kk ub kkm ur q a cwet fiis xibcwea ruib, U sus aj gwem oiubr vk bjm viyr qg r qw agiyks si viyr iye aury ruib, Bir g bfubf iyr uab;r fiis usw l v xjubf idd ogtaux kkt ie awrrubf kunura Ij tm qw x b gyfm vyr x b;r juaa ie ainw ayxg rgubfa siwab;r qiej, Qw v aux kkt hyar swxusws ri fi qurg ur, U rgubj, U sus a tm r ibw oiubrm U;n bir fiubf ri oikifu w ud qw wbs yo n jubf iyr f ub, Agw ewokuws qurgm U bwcwe ajws tiy ri, U kai riks gwe viyr giq ruews U q a viyr ya wbsubf yo a s ie ub rw ea ie qg rwcwe qgwb qw sus kwr iyeawkcwa ubsykfw ub w xg irgwe, Rg r siwab;r awwn ri vw g oowbubf btniew wurgwe rgw duear o erm U nw b, U kai diybs rg r agw siwam ub d xrm kujw nw, U nw bm kujw nw kujw nw, Kujwm aier id giq U kujw gwe, U kq ta rgiyfgrm ie ayaowxrwsm vyr bwcwe jbwq, Ur;a kiq awkd warwwn rgubf, Tiy dubs ur cwet w at ri xibareyxr axwb euia ri wzok ub qgt owiokw sib;r kujw tiym vyr xr kujw rgwt si, Ur;a ainwrgubf U;s vwwb siubf qurg gwe die qgukw U rgiyfgr agw nufgr g cw kujws nwm vyr xiyksb;r wcwe xry kkt vwkuwcw ur,

U si biq,

Don't really remember much of Sunday, except that it started raining.

It kept raining Monday, and I used that an excuse to not go to my Probability test. I told him I was rained in, so I'll be taking it next Monday. I looked kind of funny - I was wearing my traditional black shorts and cotton single color t-shirt, listening to music on my gigantic headphones, in the pouring rain. I had to walk from the water tower parking lot to the music building. I ended up getting soaked. I don't mind, though - I love the rain. And my headphones didn't have any problems, either. As I was walking by Alkek, I saw a short girl wearing a spaghetti strap pink top that barely covered her breasts start running through the rain without an umbrella or any other substantial protection from the rain.

Opened Tuesday. I'm sure I did something else, but I don't recall what... Oh wait, I do. Lilie and I went and watched The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement. The evening wasn't a total loss, though, as I did catch a major power nap during the movie. Before that, though, we ended up out at her house, so she could begin packing and on the off-chance that she was able to get the keys that evening and we could begin moving stuff in. I was supposed to get off at 2, but I had to stay late. They showed up, coincidentally, about 1:45 or so, and I told them to wait for me, 'cause I'd be getting off soon. They did, suprisingly enough. About 2:15, they left, which was suprising. Not that they left, but that they waited that long. Flattering, but suprising. Lilie did leave a note that they were going to sign the lease and what-not, so when I did get off, I joined them. From there, we went to her house. That whole narrative was a little backwards, but that's how I remembered it. Anyway, I finally saw her room, and met her mom, her step-father, and her son, Will. We played some with two little toys he had, both from The Incredibles.

Wednesday, I spent a good six hours or so helping Lilie move into her and Shelley's new apartment, on the south-bound access road north of Aquarena. We took one load from her house to the apartment, then went to the storage facility which was on RR12 just past my house, and took another load. After that, we took one final load, but without her car. We both kinda crashed for a bit after that, until Shelley, Shana, and Wayne showed up with Shelley's stuff. We got that up as well, then lay down for a while and watched The Princess Diaries. I had to leave before the end, though, to go to work.

There was a wasp or something on their window, and they both freaked out. I ended up having to kill it with a video cassette tape. It was... humorous.

Kukuw g a rgua gyfw xkiawrm bs qgwb qw qwew duear oyrrubf arydd ub urm agw ryebws bs juaaws nw, Rgwb agw riks nw rg r U fir rgw duear juaa ub rgw bwq o ernwbrm bs rg r Agwkkwt qiyks oeiv vkt fi ib rgubjubf rg r ur qiyks vw Xgeua, Ur kai x nw yo rg r qurg ya aowbsubf runw rifwrgwe ub rgw o ernwbrm bs bwurgwe id ya qukkubf ri fucw yo qg r qw g sm rg r Agwkkwt qiyks kw eb id ur r ibw runw ie birgwe,U rgubj U kai g cw b ubcur ruib ri xe ag rgwew ainwrunw, U n t hyar r jw rgwn yo ib rg r,

I was really tired, though. I had opened Tuesday, then taken that short nap during the movie. I actually went to sleep around 2 or so, but Luke called and we talked for a bit, then I went back to sleep. And Rose called - she was in major tears about some stuff going on with her roommate and their situation. I felt really bad, because I couldn't really offer any advice - this was completely beyond me and my experierence. I listened to her for over an hour or so, and she said that that did help. I finally went back to sleep, then Adam called at like 6:40 to ask me about opening the safe. He called again like an hour later to ask again. After that, I just stayed awake until 9:30 or so when Lilie and I got in communication about moving.

Thanksgiving was fun, but I'll get to that later - it's time for me to go to work.

Picture dump: 11/21/04

Assorted group of pictures, some of which are kind of old: The trip to Italian Garden, parking my truck in the grass, seeing Kenni again, and my trip to the Mitte Art Gallery.

Hard to see with the sun siloutting her, but this is Lilie as we sat outside Italian Garden. Yes, these pictures are fairly old.	Here's her looking at the menu inside.
Janelle was sitting across from me. She got her hair cut *really* short.	Here's Kenni and I when I ran into her at Freshen's.
And her by herself.	There's my truck, parked in the grass. Didn't get towed or a ticket or anything.
And closer up.	Closer still.
And the left side, to show you how quickly the grass is... out of control.	This is the first of a set of pictures of works I critiqued for my student work critique.
I had to turn in my program along with the critique, so I can't remember the names of any of them. I didn't care for this one.	This is not a photograph.
"Alcoholic and bottle."	Not getting anything.
This was one of a set of Peruvian landscapes. I like this one.	Pandas are cool.
A nice distorted-reality effect.	Proof I was there.
The first of four shots of a girl and a guy in a bunny costume. Disturbing.	2
3	4
All four in a group.	This one was my favorite.
Followed closely by this one.