Every time they turn the lights down, just wanna go the extra mile for you

Wow, it's been almost two months, maybe more, since I've posted anything. I post sporadically on MySpace, but I can't go nearly as in-depth there, partially because I don't like people I'm writing about to read it, especially if it's negative.

Let's see... work. It's a lot of fun. *So* much better than Sonic, Wal-Mart too. Kinda. The nice thing about Wal-Mart was the total lack of having to deal with customers, other than the occasional "Where do you guys have marshmallows?", and the hours were the best of any job I've had so far.

Anyway.

I'm registered for school, starting in '08. Three classes - Discrete I, Chem I, and Assembly Language. The first one is a funny story - I've already got credit for Discrete II, but they won't give me a blanket waiver for I, and it's an easy 'A'. Chem I, I've already wasted two tries on. It's going to be an annoying class, since it's probably going to be almost entirely freshmen and sophomores. And, of course, Assembly Language. No idea what's going to happen there. Thanks to Sonic and those 70 hours weeks, I was able to pay for this semester, including the ridiculous "You suck at life and are taking this class for the third time" fee. I mean, I understand why, and I'm not complaining about it, just how big it was. But I'm the one who fucked up, so I can live with it. Moving on.

Been playing a TON of Guitar Hero lately, picked up parts III and Rock the 80's. I tried Rock Band a few times at Wal-Mart, the drum-set is AWESOME. If I had a ps3 or 360, I'd buy it right now, but I don't, so I'm not. They're coming out with it for the ps2 later, and the Guitar Hero guitars work with it, so I might just buy the game for the new songs and stuff, wait 'til later to pick up the drums. Still playing WoW.

Personal life... not so much. Ran into Rebecca working at Wal-Mart, asked her out. She said she already had a boyfriend, that before that, she was dating a jerk. So she definitely knows I'm interested, and I have a tendency to end up at Wal-Mart late at night when she's working, so I'll see her from time to time, I'm sure. But I'm writing her off as a prospect, though I'd still take her out if the oppurtunity presented itself. Speaking of girls, I passed Lilie on the way to Bambi's today. She called me right afterwards, but I didn't answer. Just didn't feel like talking to her. Left a voice mail, haven't responded yet, not sure if I'm going to. She's just not a part of my life anymore, and it's her choice.

Then there's Beth, Ashley and Alaire's friend. Bill's dating Alaire now, I mentioned that I think Beth's the hottest of the three; he mentioned it to her via Alaire. Her response? "Well, I do need to get laid. Josh, who used to work with me, tells me she likes big guys. Whatever. Probably won't pursue that one either. I think I'm regressing - I didn't have any problems pursuing Lilie, but then again, she kind of threw herself at me. Sort of.

I'm not going to go into a huge rant about how basically every girlfriend I've ever been involved with has thrown herself at me, in one way or another.

Moving on.

Turned 25 last week, I'm officially old now.

Britney Spears -- Gimme More

I'm in a place that no one should be

So I'd been looking forward to the day for around a month. Originally, Bambi called me and asked me which of two days would be better; I told her that neither would be, I'd probably be working on both, and couldn't really get either day off. She bought tickets for one of the days anyway; I had to work.

However, she was able to switch them out for tickets two weeks later, and I had enough time to trade with Paul and get the day off. Lilie, despite leaving the day after the game for a few days, was also very amicable towards going, which made it that much better.

So I head up there after work, wake her up. Girls always look like such angels when they're sleeping. So peaceful, no worries, no anger, no depression, just... them. They just are. The effect is double for particularly attractive girls, and amplified further for girls who often have their inner beauty marred by negative emotions.

Speaking of which, I've found I'm a huge advocate of natural beauty. There are a few examples of females at work who wear WAY TOO MUCH makeup. Take Gypsy, for example. She's an older lady, but not old, who works in ICS, so I see her a few times a week when I'm leaving and she's coming in. She could be decently attractive, but she's not, because she wears too much makeup. I've seen it way too many times, and it's tragic. A bit of makeup, max. Seriously.

Anyway.

So I wake her up, she gets ready, we leave. We're running a bit late at this point - I hit more traffic than anticipated just north of town, in addition to Austin, and stuff. We met up with Bam and Mom outside of the arena, headed in.

IT'S SO FUCKING GHETTO.

The Bat Cave was awesome, that's where they were playing the previous two times I've gone to games with Bill and Sara. They're not playing there anymore (I don't remember why.) They're playing at Chapparal Ice, an ice skating rink in North Austin; Heather and I went there once to go ice skating.

It's bad. Really, really bad. The seats are tiny, the whole thing is kind of jury-rigged, slap-dashedly assembled. The overall effect is something that wouldn't be out of place in San Marcos, if we somehow had a minor-league hockey team.

So yeah.

Sat through the first period, only missed the first five to seven minutes of it, not too bad. 0-0 at the end of the period, no fights. Lilie started to feel a bit ill by the end of the first period, we went and walked around the outer part of the venue, to no avail. As the first intermission drew to a close, she told me she really needed to go home. I relayed that information to Mom and Bam, told them I'd come back if possible, depending on time.

By the time we got her back to her apartment, if I'd just dropped her off and immediately turned around and drove back, I'd have made it back with something like five minutes left in the third period. Ick. I had to later explain to Mom that no, it wasn't worth it, sine there's NO FOURTH PERIOD IN HOCKEY; THAT'S WHY THEY CALL THEM PERIODS, NOT QUARTERS. But yeah, stayed at her place, crashed there with her. Woke up, didn't feel like going to play DDR, so I just went ahead and headed home.

All in all, kinda crappy, except the crashing with her part, which was pretty cool.

The other day, Rose calls me to ask if I can pick her up from the airport, since she'd be coming in at 4, in the middle of Lilie's sleep cycle. I called her back during first break; Zack and Nolan overheard my half of the conversation, and of course, totally misconstrued it. I stayed up and went and picked up Rose; got back to her place, and... Lilie was there. Yeah. With Lucas. Which meant we might have passed each other on the highway between San Marcos and Austin. Good times.

So she took Lucas home, I hung out with Rose, then fell asleep in Lilie's bed. She woke me up, which is always a special feeling. It's just something about the first thing you see when waking up being someone beautiful, that you're in love with, that loves you too. The smile makes me glow inside.

So, that's a big chunk of what I've been up to lately. Oh, I've been in a pretty good mood since picking Rose up at the airport, for two reasons. One I'll write about here, one I'll do elsewhere.

Amber G -- Be in Love

If I could have just one last wish

Came home for lunch today, not sure why. But I just talked to Lilie, and things are basically set - hockey game, hanging out, then DDR. It's good stuff. Should be an awesome weekend. That, and I'm definitely going to take Mom's gift of a SMAC membership, hopefully be able to put it to good use.

<Tier Two Panty Droppers> is breaking up. Andy left on Jamm, I quit on everyone, joined Death by Hedgehog on Brooms and Slaughterhouse on Femaledwarf. We'll see what happens, come BC.

John Talbot -- So Long and Thanks For All the Fish

But you were fucking that girl next door

So I'm on my weekend, I've got tonight, all day tomorrow, and the next morning off; we've already done birthday dinner, so now it's just me, playing WoW. Hanging with the guys, which is always fun; I think they're going to run me through Gnomer. Or something. Whatever.

So Bambi managed to get our hockey tickets moved to December third, which is awesome, since I usually have Sundays off, and even if I don't, I'll probably be able to get Paul or Nolan to switch with me, and even if I can't, it's at four in the afternoon, so I can go even if I have to work. I'd rather not have to work that day, though. Although, I get to bring one guest, and I'm not sure who to bring. Janelle can't go, she has a recital that day or finals the next day or something. David doesn't really care for hockey. Lilie's leaving the next day to go to California. Jarrod's next to impossible to get a hold of, and usually works Sunday afternoon anyway. Ambra doesn't really care for hockey either. Sadly, that about exhausts my list of prospects. I might try giving Cullen a call, see if he's interested in going. Other than that, I'm not sure.

My birthday was alright this year. I mean, my actual birthday sucked - I was at work when it started at 12:00:01 am, was there until around 8:30, went to Mom's for a fantastic breakfast, then went home, crashed, then went back to work at 10. Not the best of days. Today, though, was a lot better. Got off work around eight again, came home, crashed. Woke up, joined the family and David for dinner at Chili's. Had a blast all spending time together, then we went back to the house for cake and ice cream, which was also great. Well, kinda. It was weird - orange cake, orange sherbert. After that, tried to do some work on Janelle's computer, don't think I really accomplished very much - wasn't able to fix the CD drive. It's really weird - it takes in the disc, the system recognizes that a disc is in there, but it won't show any of the files on the disc. Music, data, burnt or original, all the same. However, it doesn't have a problem with DVDs. So, I don't know. I did get her set up with Firefox and Avast, though, so that's a step in the right direction.

Work's been going okay. I think I've finally started to settle in to the job, the routine. It's basically the same from day to day, though we do have a few weird days coming up with the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's definitely not something I want to be doing for very long, but for right now, it's okay. The people situation is interesting - there are people there that annoy me, but I don't have to deal with them nearly as much. I mean, yeah, we're working together and are a team, but the majority of the shift is throwing freight in an aisle, by myself. So even though Brenda annoys the fucking shit out of me, she wouldn't ever cause me to quit, like Mal did. Why does she annoy me so much? Well... I should preface it by saying that I'm a huge supporter of gender equality. I know that humanity has been very patriarchal through most of its history, in some places still is, and the traditions and 'norms' of more liberal societies are still favoring men in many areas. I can understand that. I wouldn't seek to deny women their equal rights, nor lessen the role of those who have fought for them. And certainly, we still have a ways to go. That being said...

NOT EVERY DISAGREEMENT BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN IS A GENDER ISSUE.

For example: There's a palette of cooking oil. Each case has like six big containers; the palette is three or four layers deep. It's on one side of the grocery aisles; the cooking oil is going to be set up as a huge stack in this area on the other side of the grocery aisles. They told me to use a palette jack and move the whole thing over there, that way, we could just move straight from the palette to the display. I go to start doing that; Brenda freaks out. It's her stuff, and she wants to load it onto a cart first, move the cart, then move the stuff from the cart to the display. I tried explaining to her what I was trying to do, but she starts going off, saying rather loudly, "I'm a woman! I'm not afraid of a little lifting!" Which, of course, had NOTHING TO DO with anything. Another point, Nolan had asked her if she was going to get all her freight thrown in time, because she had a lot of it on her aisle; she responds with a rant about how of course she will, she's a woman, they're strong enough to give birth, then her and another female go off into a series of jokes and what-not, the gist of which was that if men gave birth, the human species would die off very, very quickly. Again, I'm not demeaning the incredible experience that is giving birth, nor denying that it takes an incredible will to go through it. It's just... this whole thing is born out of gender inequality, people reacting a certain way towards others based solely on gender; this sort of thing only perpetuates it. It really drives me nuts.

The only other person at work that really merits comment is Conner - he also annoys me, though not as much. He reminds me a lot of JP, and sort of like Uncle Freddie, but twisted in a bad way. He has the sort of "Ooh, I don't care what anyone thinks, I'm extreme and in your face, and fuck you!" mentality, but he likes to flaunt it. I mean, it's cool not to care - I sure don't, but I don't bring it up in conversation every five minutes, either. He also has a tendency to make bizarre absolute statements like "The true gamer will ALWAYS buy Nintendo", then back them up with things that either a) don't support what he just said, b) don't make any sense, or c) are wrong and/or made up. So yeah, that kind of gets on my nerves a little, but overall, he's pretty cool.



Lily Allen -- Smile

On your shoulder, out the storm I rode

So it looks like, at least for a while, I probably won't be posting very much during my five day work cycle, then doing massive posts during my weekend. Of course, as I type that, I realize that's not how I prefer to do things, so we'll see.

Had the PS3 launch, that was fun. We had people lined up right outside layaway a few days ago, we made them go line up outside. It wasn't that many - six, maybe? Of course, we only got 10, so it's a good thing they lined up when they did. We went on break right as we started selling it, so Paul and I wandered over to watch it. It was... underwhelming. They were selling them, no noise, no confetti, no balloons falling from the ceiling. Yeah.

Finally realized the existence of, diagnosed, and fixed the NAT problem I've been having with Azureus since I obtained it. Turns out it works much, much better once you do that. Most amazing. Got a dvd rip of Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and a cam of Dead or Alive, working on aXXo releases of Tristan and Isolde, John Tucker Must Die, The Break-Up, Beowulf and Grendel, D&D2, and I think that's about it.

I was talking to Paul, and he mentioned how much he didn't like the Daily Show and the Colbert Report, then compared them to Dane Cook, who he described as the "unfunny, white version of Eddie Murphy." He then did an impression - "Man, I was walking, and someone stepped on my foot! Then there were some french fries!!." I was laughing.

My birthday is in less than twelve hours. I'll be at work. It ends in less than thirty-six hours, and I'll be at work then too. I, personally, don't care - I've always worked on my birthday, and don't feel the sense of entitlement that some do (Lilie, Heather) just 'cause I was born on this calendar date. Bam bought some hockey tickets, was going to take me to a game, but I couldn't get the day off - and I told her that'd happen. She managed to get them for a different game, so we'll see if I can get that day off.

Been hearing mixed things about FF XII. Hope to borrow it, and between David and Pual, have a decent chance.

A'ight, this was a somewhat scatter-shot update, but it's better than nothing.

Alex Megane -- Hurricane

The kisses of the sun were sweet; I didn't blink

So my three day weekend ends in like thirteen hours. I don't know that I got anything notable accomplished. Truck registered and/or inspected? Nope. Room cleaned? Nope. I did play some WoW and get Femaledwarf up to 25 (Really close to 26, I could get that level before going in to work, if I felt the urge). I did vacuum the living room and mop the kitchen, which I suppose isn't completely insubstantial. It's something.

Wait!

In my defense, I went down the truck registration place Friday morning to do my registration, but they were closed for Veteran's Day, so I wasn't able to do it. I'll probably wait 'til Thursday, when I get paid, and will be running some other errands anyway.

I'm currently scheduled for nine days straight, but they don't like it when you work seven in a row, so they'll be changing my schedule around (again) to prevent that from happening. Hopefully, this will lead to having Saturday off, so I can go to the hockey game with Bambi and Mom on my birthday. I get to bring a guest as well. I'd really, really like to bring Lilie along; she lives in Austin, and likes hockey to boot. I don't know how well her and Mom get along, if they really like each other, Bam as well. It might end up being a moot point if i have to work Saturday night anyway, since it's up in the air if I'll be going if I do.

Mom asked me something earlier - she asked me if this is where I thought I'd be at 24.

Frankly, no, it's not.

I feel like somewhat of a failure. If not for a series of bad choices on my part, I could have been out of college for two and a half years (give or take a semester) ago, in a real job, working on building a real life. Right now, I feel like I'm just treading water, moving from moment to moment with no real goals or plan. I mean, I know where I'd like to be, and I have a vague idea of how to get there. It's just a matter of fighting the apathy that's been such a defining characteristic of my life the last five and a half years. The only thing I can of that's positive about the entire situation is that I have moved out, I'm kind of living on my own, earning a living. It's a start? I guess? of course, having Mom as one of my top choices for roommate in May kind of potentially negates that as well, although if it makes it easier to get back in school, it'll be worth it. I'm just not sure if it would, and it would definitely be a step backwards in other directions.

Then there's this whole thing with Lilie. It's pushing two and a half years since we've met. I reviewed most of our relationship, relived a lot of memories when I was going back through my 750 posts and putting tags on all of them; it's been the same situation almost the entire time, with a few exceptions: me being hopelessly in love with her, her not being sure how she feels about me, and the intimacy we tend to share whenever we're together serving to confuse the situation that much more. She remarked earlier that I've changed a fair amount since she'd met me, and I think it's reflected in our relationship, which has become a lot more stable, more comfortable, less confusing. There's any amount of repetitive analysis I could do about our history and relationship, but I've done it enough times. Too many. I know the rhetoric by heart at this point, and it doesn't really clarify anything. I think we'll continue along the course we're on now, which is a great one, to be sure. She's become a huge advocate of me moving in with her and Rose, now that she understands that I'm alright how we are, who she is, all that stuff.

I hate putting it like this, making it seem like an afterthought or something, but it'd be great living with Rose as well. I love her just as much, if in a different way, and really miss not seeing her very often and not getting to talk to her very much. As weird as it was when she lived with David and me, it was great seeing her every day. We clash occasionally, usually when one of us is really depressed, and the other one is feeling pissy and doesn't want to deal with it, but that kind of spat doesn't last too terribly long.

So yes, other than a few issues, these two, in no particular order, are my top choice for living companions in May.

Moving on.

Things I still want to talk about:

• People at work that annoy me - Brenda, Conner, and I'm sure there're others
  
• Running into Kenny and Jason after getting off from work the other night
  
• Lilie's breasts
  
• A 5 year plan, complete with incremental steps, to getting my life back on track
  

Note: One of those probably won't happen. I'll let you figure out which one it is. (Hint: I like breasts.)

Also, if this post seems sporadic, it's because I'm lying in bed, watching one of the top five cartoons of all times, Rocko's Modern Life. (The other four, in no particular order, are Transformers (Generation One), The Angry Beavers, and two other ones that I'm not going to disclose at this time, because I don't feel like it's in our national interest. Hey, it works for the president, as it's about time I started exercising my privileges as Supreme Allied Commander of Dinosaur Moonbase 2.)

ATC -- Around the World

The kisses of the sun
Were sweet I didn't blink
I let it in my eyes
Like an exotic drink

Magical Moonlight

This is "Magical Moonlight", the bouquet I'm sending Carrie for her birthday (Shh! Don't tell her! It's a secret.) According to the description, "Our radiant, all-white bouquet reflects the luminous romance of moonlight to celebrate any occasion magically. Our florists gather white flowers such as roses, snapdragons, carnations, greens, and more into an alluring cobalt blue vase for a stunning arrangement that gives off a hint of stardust". If all goes well, it'll be delivered to her door on Wednesday, when she turns 21. We talked a little more on the phone last night, and her coming down sounds more and more like a definite thing.


Sounds pretty.

Why do you fight so hard to live, knowing all things must die? What have you found? What do you cling to?

So it was, in fact, my birthday yesterday. I don't really have time to go into details just yet, but we ended up going to Chili's after I worked a thirteen hour shift, open - 7. The hostess was *really* cute - freckles, large, dark eyes, but she was a moron, and spilled a drink on Janelle without even noticing it (Janelle ate for free). Ended up getting a DVD Burner and a megaphone. That's just hot.

I also had a dream about Lilie last night - I don't really recall much of it, just a few random images and thoughts. And I've updated the Links section.

Dance Dance Social Uprising

Argh. Tuesday *sucked*. I developed this MASSIVE headache fairly soon after going in. I'm not sure from what - stress, frustration, tiredness, you name it. Probably a combination of all three. So that's fun.

The new manager, Adam, was working. When I got there, things were fairly chaotic. There was 1 fountain, 1 cook, and two carhops. Yes - he had, in fact, cut a fountain and a cook early. They said it was really slow, but that still seems excessive. I walked through doing the deposit with him, but he knows how to do it already. So it was a typical Tuesday night - people going apeshit because burgers are half price, and Dave going apeshit because, well, he is apeshit. So I did 8 o'clock temps, and the ice cream cabinet was hot, like it had been a while back. I told him about it, but didn't think much of it, since it was doing that a while back. He freaked out, and started yelling at me, because apparently a previous crew - I hadn't worked since Sunday - had hooked up some ice cream and changed the settings on the left side. And he really, really ripped into me. Then he stayed and cleaned it out, and finally left. Things went okay after that, except I occasionally had trouble focusing and/or seeing straight because of the incredible pain I was in.

Wednesday morning, Javi called me and asked me if I could come in for Adam, who called in because of the rain (apparently some street he needed to cross was flooded or he was sick or something). I told him I could come in after class, and I did. My headache was still there, and I just felt dead. Not literally, of course. Things went fairly okay unti it was time to count my carhops down. Allison came up forty dollars short, and Erica, fifty. They're both fairly experienced carhops, and there's no way they lost that money. So that sucked. I stayed and counted everything like three times to make sure, which meant I didn't leave until after 7. I was almost home when Lilie called; we talked, and something reminded me that I still had the deposit with me - I was almost home. So I had to drive all the way back into town to turn it in, then I went to check the bridge at Lime Kiln for her. There was still some water, but not enough to cause anybody any problems. I called her to tell her that, but didn't get an answer. Come to think of it, I still haven't talked to her to let her know.

Played some DDR Wednesday after Fine Arts (got a 97 on the test, by the way). I did a couple random courses, and some with the guys. My final course was Exotic Ethnic, Rhythm & Police, and Healing Vision (Angelic Mix). I max'ed Exotic Ethnic and Rhythm & Police, and was short 5 on Healing Vision (Angelic Mix). So that was fun. Ran into Nick and Rem on my way out, and they invited me to some Halo 2 after the meeting last night. I ended up not going, though. Suzie IM'ed me this morning at some odd hours. I was falling in and out of sleep, though, so we didn't really have any conversation. Speaking of which, I got an email from Chelsea (the Chelsea) this morning; it was an E-Card for my birthday. I was proud of myself - I didn't break down or anything. Mom keeps asking me what I want for my birthday and where we're going for dinner tonight, neither of which I know the answer to.

Well, I've told them I want a megaphone, but I don't think they'll get me one. Most people agree in the assessment that I'm one of the last people on Earth that needs a megaphone. So we'll see. I mean, there's plenty of things I want for my birthday - I want a true relationship with Lilie, I want Dave to die, I want to hurry up and graduate and get a real job, I want a chance to go back and redo a number of things in my past, etc. It's just, none of those things you can really give someone. Shelley and I are opening, and I'm picking her up on my way in, and I'm heading in early, so I have to wrap this up fairly soon.

Oh!! I was IM'ed by someone named 'Vi' who apparently reads this and has had some insightful advice concerning Lilie. Which is cool. It's still kind of weird to realize people read what's going on in my life.And both my student loan people and Defensive Driving.com have wished me a happy birthday. That's just wrong, on so many levels.

Love, life, and laughter is all I believe in

That was fun.

Took the Fine Arts test. Studied a good bit for, and it showed - I was certain on most of the answers, except like two. So that's good. I still have to do a critique by Friday, and another by the end of the month. I also need to do the 30 points of extra critiques that I can, to see if I have any chance of salvaging this class.

I still have to take the CS test after class. That should also go well - I understand classes and methods, which seems to be the focus of the test. Almost embarrasingly so, oddly enough.

Shelley asked me an odd question last night - "Do we only talk because of Lilie?" Not really. I mean, sure, it helps. I can see how she thinks that, it's just... well, I'm not really very social lately. Not for the last three years or so. I've had a lot of difficulties meeting new people and cultivating new friendships, skills I seem to have lost, or at least misplaced. I've gotten a little better about socializing, but that's only because I show some signs of being co-dependent. At least, I think that's the word - where you have to have someone else to rely on to be able to really be able to deal with other people. That didn't come out quite right; it makes sense in my head, though. But anyway. So, without Lilie, or rather, without the relationship between us, I don't think Shelley and I would hang out very much, nor talk that often. But without Lilie, I'd still be very, very withdrawn and anti-social. Bad? Sure. But something I've learned to deal with. So it's more of a qualified 'yes', but not at her directly, but to the world at general.

Mom and Bambi both have asked me what I want for my birthday. I never know how to answer this question. Well, every once in a while I do, but for the most part, I'm stumped. I have been telling them I want a megaphone though, which seems to elicit a lot of laughter. Which is sort of the point, except that I *do* want a megaphone. The possibilities are endless.

I'm also having a ton of issues with the Season 00 TV Rip torrent for MST3K. That really sucks, 'cause that's really my best chance of getting all of the K Season downloaded. It's crashed my computer twice already. I'm afraid that the 1st Season will have the same problem; we'll see.

I will lift your name on high - El Shaddai

From: jackalope <jackalope@gmail.com> To: Chelsea Williams <> Date: Mon, 8 Nov 2004 09:03:43 -0600 Subject: Happy Birthday!!

Just wanted to drop you a line and wish you a happy 22nd birthday.Hope your day is filled with joy!!

From: Chelsea L Williams <> To: jackalope <jackalope@gmail.com> Date: Mon, 08 Nov 2004 13:08:08 -0800 Subject: Re: Happy Birthday!!

Thanks so much, Billy! And a happy birthday to you as well (please forgive me; I cannot remember the exact day, but I'm pretty sure it's in November). Chels P.S. Have you seen The Incredibles yet? There's this short at the beginning called "Bounding" that has a Jackalope in it. It made me think of you. P.P.S. Have a nice day. :)

I'm weird. Sometimes, I wonder how people put up with me.

First, the recaps:

Played an obscene amount of DDr last week - I think, 3 hours on Monday, like 4 -5 on Wednesday, and another 1 - 2 on Friday. I think I've passed just about everything on doubles/heavy except: Max 300, Maxx Unlimited, The Legend of Max, Paranoia Survivor, Paranoia Survivor Max, Daikenkai (Oni), and Healing Vision (Angelic Mix). Go me.

Final list of birthday stuff:

Mom got me this awesome little recorder thing. It records pictures, video, and sound, and transfers them to the comp. You can also put mp3s on it, and use it like a player. Very awesome. Janelle got me Karaoke Revolution; Bam and Greg gave me 50 dollars at Hastings (got Gladius and Britney's new album - definitely a new sound for her), Mike and Cess gave me a HUGE mug, and Jerry/Uncle Fred gave me another 50, which I used to get FF X-2 and DW4: Extreme Legends.

I picked up Suzie Friday, and we went to the wolfpack party at Edward's. She had like three shots all in a row, and got a little tipsy. Not smashed or anything, but she did start booty dancing with me. I can't really dance, but by the end, I was kind of doing okay. We went back to my house eventually - went by Sonic first, and got some shakes. She met Beth there. We went home, hung out in my bed. (Nothing really happened ;) (I mean, stuff happened, but nothing really new. Not that I'm complaining or anything - I love it.)

Saturday was fun. I had to work 8 - 5 (Icky). It was insanely busy - we were non-stop from 10 on. We had several people from other Sonics there - two carhops, and then one cook at like 3:30. It was me, Thomas Cruz, and Mark in the kitchen; Dave was managing all day. That's what it took for me to be glad Dave was there -Mark and Josh (he came in at noon) cooking. Suzie stayed here all day. Janelle said she's cool. Mom doesn't really have an opinion yet, but I think she's warming up to her. Saturday evening, we had the birthday dinner. Caleb and Jarrod came, and Dani showed up way later for some cake. Everyone really enjoyed it. I took a few little movie recording thingies. Saturday night was pretty cool - Suzie didn't have any pants on ;) I had to work 12 - 5 Sunday morning; Suzie told mom her life storey (minus the alcohol and troublemaking, as I understand it). We went and saw Scary Movie 3 - and I think we had our first fight that evening as well. Or something like that.

Yeah, I got really depressed last night at work. I don't know why, but I was on the verge of tears. Go fig. Finally out for Thanksgiving - some time to catch up on things - get an alpha ToJH out, work on Rifts, and get some of these backlogged video games going ;)

Argh.

Lemme see...

Suzie and I hooked up last weekend. Stayed at the house Friday - Saturday morning; went to Galveston and came back. We were lying in my bed, no one else in the house, lights off for like.. 3 hours? No sex, though - hell, neither of us even took off any clothes at all. I'm not in any way complaining, though - I think we both want to take things slow. She gave me a few war trophies on my neck, and bit the hell out of my arms. She gave me one right before we went to the little party thing at Doug's - people made comments; it was hilarious. Then I went to work Sunday morning, and people made *more* comments. It was weird - everyone keeps asking if we've "done it" yet. Nope. I mean, Friday, we were by ourselves in the house, lying in my bed, with the lights off, for like... 3 hours (?) or so - and not even one stitch of clothing came off (well, our socks and shoes, but that doesn't really count).

Yesterday was my 21st brithday. Not a big deal for me, since I don't drink and don't really plan to. Katie sent me a text message in the morning - nothing major, just "happy birthday, thanks for the card, etc.". (Oh yeah, I gave her a card Monday). Had to work 10 - 5, which was cool. Mom brought a cake by - that was cool; everyone liked it. People would come in to get their checks - which weren't in yet - and I'd offer them cake - "Why?" "Oh? Happy birhday!" I accidentally knocked a cup onto a board, though, and it might have been fried. So... that's kind of scary. We went to mamacita's for dinner with mom, Janelle, Gus, Bam, and Greg. I was in kind of a funk, and told them not to say anything about it being my birthday - I really didn't feel like having a bunch of complete strangers coming out and singing to me in a fake sincere way. At one point, though, the waiter brought out four shots and four margaritas. Set them in front of me, mom, Bam, and Greg. I was like, "no". A lot of people don't realize how stubborn I am when it really comes out. I mean, hell, five people couldn't get me to dance with Chelsea in Ms. Hilton's class, and I had a huge crush on her. So yeah, I didn't drink any (yet again). At one point, Bam and mom left for a bit, and Greg and I talked about it. It was really funny - they thought I must have had some tramatic experience or something to so adamantly refuse. I was like, "No." I just really really hate mind influening/altering effects. Medicine, anasthesia, and what-not are a different matter, because they're helping your body return to its correct state. Anyway... Mom saw the bruises from where Suzie bit me, and thinks I'm sado-masochistic or being abused or something like that. ~*Sigh*~ I still have to figure out what we're doing Saturday - no clue yet.

Woah. That rocked. Man, that was awesome. Let's see, let's start with a basic summary:

• First, I woke up about eight o'clock and commenced final preparations - cleaned my room, did dishes and laundry, and got my hair cut.


• After that, I went to get Zara. I called her cell three times - before leaving, when I was half-way there, and when I arrived on campus. No answer. I had Janelle go through the UT directory to get her home phone number, which I then called and woke her up. She was down in about ten minutes.


• We drove back to San Marcos.


• Josh and Jarrod showed up, and we left.


• Everything went great until Ben White & 35, when we hit traffic. And by 'hit', I mean like a fly hits a semi going 72 mph. Except we didn't die.


• Half an hour later, we get past the Ben White/35 exit, and get to Blazer Tag three minutes after that.


• Christine and Devon aren't there, and won't be seen all day. Brian is, though, and we proceed to play a game of Tag - we lost our first game since we weren't there.


• That was way too fun. Jarrod (who grabbed the wrong pack, and ended up on my team) and I pulled some cool commando stuff and re-took the tower from like multiple green people. Zara used the handle "Zarmander", which is ineffibly cute. The red team won.


• We drove back to my house. Zara, Brian and I stopped at campus, and Zara called her play person, who told her she couldn't be any later than 7:30; Zara came for dinner (yay!!)


• We came home; Caleb was there as well; we began a game of nuclear Risk, and got through three (people's) turns before dinner started.


• Everyone loved dinner. It was awesome.


• I had to take Zara and Freddie home and to work, respectively.


• Zara and I talked the whole way back. It was really cool.


• I finally got home, and we had strawberry shortcake, then started playing 4-player Super Smash Bros.


• Eventually, we went back to Blazer Tag and played another game. We were all on one team, and held the tower.


• I discovered DDR.

That's about it. It was really, really fun.

Two things:
First: I need to back off in regards to Zara. Wait, that sounds wrong. What I mean is, I need to quit minutely analyzing every single moment. It's frustrating to realize this, because I've gotten so good at this sort of thing. Backing out of arguments when I realize they're degenerating into little fits and aren't going anywhere; backing away when I realize I want to be someone's friend way more than they want to be mine. I guess that'll make this that much easier. I'm still "going for it", if that makes any sense.

Second: DDR rules. I don't think I should be any good at it, as I'm a big, uncoordinated white guy. But I was thinking about it, and I actually have a couple of advantages that help. I was in band, and darn good at it too, so I can follow beats and rythyms pretty well. I just never knew what to do (like when dancing, for example.) They give you the arrows, which takes care of that. Second, I'm ambidextrous, so I can use both feet really well. Next time the Knighthood goes to Einstein's, I might just play with them (except I get hella-sweaty.)

It was cool, too, because everyone agreed me with that Zara's really pretty. Apparently, they had this weird impression she was tall and not-pretty.

So I'm IM'ing with Zara. She tells me she's in this play at eight tomorrow, but she has to be there at five. Major bummerage!!! Not only will she not be able to come back to San Marcos for an awesome cena italiana, but I can't even go watch her in the play. Man, that sucks. Oh well... Just took an m343K test. Looking foward to the weekend, except I might have to work for an hour tonight, making it difficult/impossible to head over to Josh's tonight, and I have to work 12-10 Sunday. Bruce said he'd pick up the tail end of that, though, if I wanted. I don't know. But no, it's not okay!! I was really looking foward to having her meet my friends and family, so maybe she'd realize I'm not just a big dork, but a big dork with a nice family. That sounds weird, for some reason. Oh well... I was going through the logs of all my IM friends, because I do stupid things like that when I'm bored, and I realized that when her and I first started talking, I told her about my little Tiffany-crush from waaaaaaaaaay back when. Man, I feel stupid. I mean, that whole Tiffany-crush-thing was stupid enough, but to end it with something this stupid is just vintage Binky.

Oh well...

Almost Saturday. Saturday will be fun. So far, Zara, Jarrod, Josh, Brian, Christine, Devon and Kristina are all going to play Lazer Tag, and Caleb will be joining us after he gets off work for dinner. I still get to invite one more person, and I *love* those last minute things. But for some reason, I'm pretty good at pulling these off. Oh well. I just finished washing the outside of my truck. Exterior wash, wax, tire spray, and cleaned the windows. Mom asked me what's the big occasion. Well, to be honest, I'm really glad Zara feels comfortable enough around me to ride with me for half an hour together. Of course, she walked blindly into the Buh Mad-Dog party, so she could just be really brave. Either way, she's still really cute, and I can't wait for the oppurtunity to get to know her. I don't think I screwed up everything as badly as I did. I asked Tom during Ratings if there was anything between him and Zara, and he replied negatively. Additionally, Richard asked if I knew about Becky. I asked if that was in regards to Tom or Zara, but they wouldn't say. I'm guessing Tom. Which is AWEsome. And Zara and I talked on the AIM, so I guess everything's cool there. I don't know if she reads this (if I had to guess, I'd guess "No.") (and she's the only one who even might).

Ratings was really cool. The police came and made us stop, but ChaChee and Drew were telling me and Tom how they can't *make* us stop, only ask us to, as long as we don't break any laws (which we weren't).

Just got home from work (actually, it was over an hour ago). Yesterday was my 20^th birthday. It was interesting. I say that a lot. Um, Sunday night, (the night *before* my birthday), me and mom and Janelle and Bam/Greg and Jerry all went out to eat at Chili's. It was pretty good, and the wait staff sang happy birthday to me. Then yesterday, I went to school and work like a normal day. But Janelle and Caitlin (that's misspelled, but no one reads it anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter that much) showed up with a cake. It really made my day (and the rest of the crew's day, who also got to eat cake). Then, after eating my cake, I got to keep it too. I've always wanted to say that. I also made that painful realization. Those of you who have a bad habit of developing crushes on the *totally* wrong people know which one I'm talking about. The one where you realize, no matter how hard you might try to deny it, that it just wouldn't work out between you and your crush. Even if your dream came true, even if you got that one special evening together, it just wouldn't work out. I hate that part. I haven't really talked to Zara since the incident w/ Lisa at Dobie. Oh yeah, I guess I haven't actually talked about that one yet.

Well, basically, "David" mentioned to me that it was really obvious that I was crushen' on Zara. We asked Lisa if it was, and she said that things were never obvious to her (I also learned she's going out with Josh, which I didn't know). Moments later, Lisa said, and I quote (actually, I don't remember what she said. This is, at best, a paraphrase):
"What do you mean, Binky HAS A CRUSH ON ZARA?"
The parts in all caps she said REALLY LOUDLY.
It was... well, not quite embarrassing, but I wish she hadn't said it. Sometimes, I think that kind of made Zara really uncomfortable around me anymore; but I could just be imagining things.
Oh well...
I wonder what the deal between her and Tom is, anyhoo. I mean, it's not really any of my business, but that doesn't stop me from wondering.
I'm going now, because SNL w/ the Spice Girls is on Comedy Central.

We just got back from my 'Birthday' dinner. Yay. Let's see... Bambi gave me a T-Shirt that said on the back something like "Keep Austin Weird". That reminded me of Roy's avatar that says "Pave Austin". It was interesting. I explained some of the Knighthood's event to Bam, and she actually found some of them funny. When I told her Zara was in the Knighthood, she said, "Is she a wench?" I didn't really know how to respond. Then I had to drive by work, to lend Raul twenty bucks so he could buy some beer. Rachel was there, and she continued her constant "Give Will some totally mixed signs that really just make no sense, even more so then girls normally do (fail to make sense, that is)". Oh well... Payday is like tomorrow or Tuesday, so it's not a big deal. Tomorrow's the big day. I work from 5 to 11:30. Odd. But then the party's on Saturday. It should be... interesting. Zara will be there, which is another opurtunity to be a total doof. Kristina will be there, and I haven't seen her in a year or so, so that'll be good. I really don't know what to say. Apparently, putting ideas down in some sort of concrete form is not my strong suit.