Finally got to get into it with a customer today about the whole "You Got 30 Minutes" thing. First, I do think it's really, really dumb for them to be using that. I mean, yeah, the vast majority of our orders do get to our customers within thirty minutes, and I don't think it's necessarily wrong to play up that; the problem, however, is that we did that 30 minute guarantee in the 80's, so *anything* with Domino's and the number 30 is automatically going to make that connection in people's minds. It's pretty unfortunate. Anyway. He also got pretty mad that our drivers don't carry parmesan or crushed red peppers on them. Seriously, though. I mean, if you can't eat something without a given condiment, that condiment has ceased to be a condiment, and is instead an integral part of the dish. Well, those aren't. Deal with it. We do charge for them. Think that's ridiculous? Shop somewhere else. Customer's choice, and all that.

So the guy placed his order, and I told him at the end of the order that it'd be 35-45 minutes. The guy calls back at thirty-one minutes, almost exactly. I know this because when someone calls back that's already placed an order, when you bring up that phone line, it says when they ordered. There's that, and there's the clock right next to that, so it's pretty easy to see how long ago they ordered. So yeah, he called back right at thirty-one, thirty-two minutes. He was calling about our 30-minute guarantee, which we don't have. He kept bringing up the commercial, which just says "You've got 30 minutes". It doesn't say "You've got 30 minutes, or it's free." It definitely doesn't say "You've got 30 minutes (or it's free)". It says "You've got 30 minutes (or keep waiting)". Again, I'm not defending the fact that they're almost definitely playing to the fact that we did have one, a long, LONG time ago, and people are definitely going to make that association whenever they see the 30. Whatever. But it's there, and we're doing the best we can.

So yeah, the guy calls at 32 minutes, and I explain about it being an estimate, not a guarantee. We go through this several times.

He then calls back another twenty-ish minutes later, to make another complaint. Basically, (a) his pizza took 40 minutes, and (b) the driver didn't have any peppers or cheese on him. I would have had a little more sympathy for this complaint if we hadn't already discussed (a) when he called back ONE MINUTE after thirty minutes, and I told him that it'd be 35-45 minutes for delivery. And (b), well, there's not a lot I can do about (b). It's how our franchise operates. I can't really defend it.

Moving on.

Four of

Hmm. I got caught up playing around on Facebook, and I'm really not sure where I was going with that "Four of" thing. I'll get back to that, if possible.

Oh! I remember. Maybe. I might have been going to say something about I've done four of my eleven consecutive shifts? Probably not. I can't see me saying "Four of" as the beginning of that sentence. Anyway.

So yeah, been dealing with a lot of ex's lately, primarily through Facebook. I let it do the 'automatic friend finder thing' with my gmail inbox, and that brought up Chelsea and Lilie, got to see them. Oh, and Terri. Saw Mindy while going through some photos to upload, and Carrie, and Nikki. Ashley ordered pizza last night.

Mrs. American Dream since I was seventeen

Just took a three hour nap. Good times. Had a weird dream about school. It's already starting to fragment, so I'll post what I remember. It was supposed to be college, this semester coming up (Spring '08) that's about to start, but it was set in my high school, for the most part. I had a problem finding anywhere to sit at lunch, since nobody had saved me a seat and everything was full. I fell and spilled all my stuff, and was trying to fit everything in my backpack, but it wouldn't fit. Mindy walked by during that part, I started to say something, she looked at me and said "Safe distance", indicating that we shouldn't be any closer than we already were. I managed to get everything into my backpack, but it was too tight and almost didn't fit, and was incredibly heavy. In English class, the crazy professor had assigned us to record one of our fantasies to share with the class for next time - Chelsea was in that class, for whatever reason. As I was trying to get everything in my backpack, someone came up and yelled something about coming to see someone who had done the assignment very well - we all followed him into the classroom building (one of the buildings on the old SMHS campus) into a courtroom-esque setup, headed by Matt Parkman from Heroes. We all get there, and he calls for them to start over.

I woke up for a few hours, then fell back asleep. I had a second set of dreams. I went into Mrs. Schiflett's english class, and she called on me first to get up and share my fantasy with everyone. I told her that I thought we had until Thursday at 10 to do them, she asked me why, and I told her 'an apparent misunderstanding, followed by a dream I had last night', which is weird - that's the first time I remember referencing one dream in another. Odd. Anyway, then she calls on someone else, who starts dancing, then on Brandon, this guy that I went to High School with that's deaf. They both started singing, and looking back, they were both singing the Britney Spears that happens to be emanating from my speakers right now. Good times.

Britney Spears -- Piece of Me

Watch me as I walk in slowly

So, life is pretty good right now. I mean, not great, nothing fantastic, but good. Content. That kind of thing. Work's going okay, finally started to ease off the paycheck-to-paycheck thing, which I really hate. About to file my taxes, and I'll be able to pay back Mom the money I've owed her for a bit, which I really hate. Oh! Mindy - yes, that Mindy - works with us now. Not as in, an overnight stocker, but as in, a GROCERY overnight stocker. Which means I'm working side-by-side with her. Every (most) night(s). Having breaks together, lunch, end-of-day crap, the whole nine yards. It's... well, good, I guess. She's definitely a friendly face, and I can always use more of those. We've mainly been talking about what we've both been up to the last few years. She's still really cute, too - looks the same, just all grown up. What's annoying about it, though, is that the guys at work - mainly Zack and Nolan - are totally misconstruing the entire situation. First off, they have her confused with Lilie. When I started working there, I was still fawning over her, still hopelessly in love with her. And, of course, I talked about it. Second, they seem to be of the mindset - and I ran into this when I was talking to Rose on the phone one day during break - that if a boy and a girl are talking to each other, smiling, laughing, generally genuinely enjoying each other's company, then obviously, one is trying to have sex with the other. So that's annoying. I mean, most of the things that made us a good couple are still there, the way our personalities mesh, so we get along really well. And yes, I'll admit that I do still find her attractive. However, I have no desire to rekindle anything with her. It's nice, though, having a friend up there. Aside from Matt.

Just got my head shaved; haven't had it cut since I started working at Wal-Mart. I know Mindy's used to it, and I think Matt's probably seen me with my head shaved before, but nobody else has. That'll be fun.

Chelsea's running again. I mean, not sporadically or anything, but running well. We had Don Reilly take a look at her, the guy is awesome. Fixed the door too, while he was at it, just for the hell of it. But yeah, she starts great. Don't have to barely turn the key past accessory mode to ignite, and there's no hesitation. Doesn't idle rough anymore, at all. Overall, excellent work. I mean, I know she's not going to run forever, but this definitely gave her a huge boost.

Utada Hikaru -- Hotel Lobby

Through the sugar storm

The job hunt, day 1.

Went down to the HEB warehouse, put in an app, had an interview. Had to talk about working at Sonic and Domino's, which was weird. She put me through to the next round of interviews; I get to go back Friday at 9 (am). So that's cool, definitely a good sign. Went to Wal-Mart next - the retail center, not the warehouse - and (NOTE: If you get really irrated whenever I dare mention Mindy in my blog, skip the rest of this paragraph. Hell, I might end up talking about Chelsea at some point, so you'll probably just want to skip this entire post. Just to be safe. I wouldn't want to give anyone a headache.) sat at their little application station in the layaway center and filled out an application there as well. That was fun. Meh. Mindy walked by as I was sitting there, said hi to me. We talked a little bit. She had her baby, a healthy boy, named Travis II, after his father. Also, she now has the child's name tatooed on her right wrist, on the inner side.

Yeah, kinda weird. Definitely not the girl I dated for a year and a half. It's weird to see her all grown up, living her own life.

Wow, that last sentence verges on incredibly patronizing, or something, not sure what. It's really the only way I can think to put it, though. I certainly don't consider myself "all grown up, living my own life" just yet, which might help lessen the impact of that sentence.

Anyway.

I'm not sure where else I can really apply before I start falling back on fallbacks, stuff like CRI and TNI and [shudder] Sonic. I might end up there if I can't find anything else, though I really don't want to. I highly doubt things would come to that. Rose gave up on moving back down here and that whole thing, so I'm not even going to look for something in Austin. Besides, I think that would get too weird eventually. Or maybe not. I don't know, and won't have to find out now.

Moving on.

Still treading lightly in the Chelsea situation. Well... it's not like there's really a "Chelsea situation", just trying to figure out how to contact her. I sent her a message already, but I'm not sure it went out - there's no copy of it in my sent folder, and I was having a lot of errors during that time (Tried sending something to Megan as well, it never went out). The problem is that if the first one did go through, I'll seem overbearing, which is something I really, really don't want to do. We'll see how it goes.

Amber G -- Sugar Storm

You could be the reason why

So, I just went to Wal-Mart and saw Mindy. As usual, she was cashiering, and I kind of walked by. I think we noticed each other, but didn't really say anything. She was at the very first register, right as you walk in. I went about my business as normal, but couldn't help looking over at her as I was picking up my produce. They have large naval oranges again! I love those! Also picked up some hot yellow peppers, and some avocados. Finally decided to start experimenting a little.

But I digress.

I checked out, and didn't go through her aisle, as I had more than twenty items. Hell, I had like twelve items, just counting the yogurt. Five cans of Extra Hot Rotel, and that's 17 right there. So yeah, no express checkout for me. And even while checking out, I couldn't help looking over at her from time to time. It didn't help that my check-out-er couldn't find the produce code for the hot yellow peppers, and had to go over to the person that sits at the podium near each cluster of registers and confer with her. It worked out to my advantage, since the peppers were advertised at like 2.98/lb, but they rang them up as just jalepanos at (?) .50/lb, something like that. I walked out, but Mindy wasn't at her register anymore, figured she was on lunch break or something. I saw her in the parking lot, driving one of the motorized things with the shopping baskets on it. The initial exchange went something like

"Looks like you're having fun."
"I think this is one of my favorite parts of the job."

And we talked, for longer than we've talked since the fatal Sunday afternoon *way* back when. She asked me about stuff, mainly what I've been up to. I told her about Domino's, them trying to give me my own store and my subsequent refusal; my intent to go back to school soon, Janelle at Texas State. I asked her about what I could think to ask. She's still got the house, which seems to be going well; quit school, 'cause "it sucks", and... oh yeah! She's pregnant. It's not a typical San Marcos baby-daddy type thing. She's in a fairly long-term, stable relationship; they have a house together. So all in all, she seems very happy, and I'm certainly happy for her. It's weird. She kind of acts like a mood-enhancer. If I see her while I'm in a really good mood, it puts me in an even better mood; however, thinking about or seeing her when I'm depressed just puts me down that much deeper. Come to think of it, Lilie's the same way. Well, kinda. Since our reconciliation, not so much on the depressed part, but it still happens. I mean, I'm (as) over them (as I'm ever going to get), whatever that means.

Going to post more, but I'm dead tired from helping Rose and Lilie move, and I have to go to work in like half an hour because Jenn's 'sick'.

Jakalope -- Pretty Life

Will you be there, holding my hand?

So the week's finally over. It was kind of a crazy one - I was originally scheduled to close Monday - Thursday, 5 - 12 on Friday, and off Saturday and Sunday, 39 hours. I ended up with 52. Jason, the new MIT that we're training for Seguin or Bulverde or something, he ended up calling in on his third day. Supposedly, his mother is having issues, but we're not sure. I mean, we're giving him the benefit of doubt, but at this point, the burden of proof is squarely on his shoulders. Clelia had to leave as well, and we lost Tex since he didn't go and take his drug test within 24 hours of his accident. So we still have Ashley, Emily, Greg, and Enrique. Gina's said we have another two drivers coming on board, and she wants to hire another two CSRs. I think. They're kind of fun to have around, I guess - it's weird having someone inside that isn't a manager, but it helps keep labor down and what-not. Without both of them there on Thursday, I would have been royally screwed. It was tough as it was, but we handled things okay. Friday and Saturday got really busy with the weather and all, but on Saturday, it didn't happen until like seven or so, they had *almost* sent me home when it hit. I still ended up getting out of there at a decent time. We ended up slightly over 21k for the week, not too shabby. If this weather continues, though, we could have another really good week.

Except...

Becca and Felicia both put in their two weeks' notice at Seguin, which leaves *one* MIT - and it's Amber, who isn't that great anyway. Eileen will be coming back from vacation right into the middle of all this, which will be fun for her. She'll probably turn to Gina for help; my guess is that Ambra will end up running Seguin. I'm certainly not going to do it - they've tried to give me Seguin once, and I don't think anyone else at our store wants to, which leaves her. So yeah. Oh, she came and handed down some *more* inane policies - first and foremost, no radio. Period. Once again, some retard down in San Antonio did something stupid, and it's affecting our store, which is really frustrating. We've never had an issue with the radio; it's secured down to its current location, and it's almost never on except for after close, which takes us longer than other stores, since we're busy right up 'til close, *and* we close an hour later than just about everyone else (and I heard they might be making us open an hour earlier too, which is also retarded). Let's see, what else? Oh, yeah, they want us to record driver license numbers on credit card reciepts - also not gonna happen. There were a few more gems, but I've had enough of dealing with corporate bullcrap for now.

On to funner stuff, like girls that refuse to give straight answers, which is one of the most frustrating aspects of dealing with them. As weird as it sounds, that's one of the things I liked best about the relationship I had with Mindy (who will be turning 20 soon, if not already; I don't quite remember when her birthday is). We were very open, very honest with each other. I mean, yeah, she dumped me once or twice for another guy, but I never had to worry about her not telling me that. She'd be very honest about it - "Billy, I'm dumping you for another guy." We could very easily discuss what we liked, what we didn't; it's kind of hard to enunciate. So I sent this girl I like a message telling her as much. Before you start saying anything about the medium used, yeah, it should have been done in person. I prefer to do things in person. I did it that way for several reasons. First and foremost, our schedules were the exact opposite - she was opening, I was closing, so there weren't a lot of great oppurtunities. Second, once I decide to do something, I tend to do it at the first available chance. Third, there are a few benefits to doing it over a written medium - you get to carefully construct your message, you don't really put the recipient on the spot, and they are under less pressure to respond. I no longer have the copy of what I sent her, but there were a few key points; predominantly, if her answer was 'no' (not that I was asking her anything), to just say so, as I understood there were a lot of reasons for that. Her reponse? I'm not going to post everything, just a few key excerpts.

Instead of starting out with the tired ol' "I'm flattered but..." line (which basically is like the kiss of death, but this is NOT that) I'm going to say this. My feelings for you, other than of the friendship variety are still very high up in the air.

I just need more time to think this through more.

and not to sound harsh..this is not another thing that I want to just ahve to "get through". I want to put some thought into it, some thought that would actually give me a better perspective.

When I read her response, I read it to say that she wasn't sure. It wasn't a no, but it was far from any sort of yes either. Not sure now type thing. I still stand by that interpretation.

However, we got into a discussion Saturday night that began on a joking note, but at some point, transitioned into a discussion of our relationship, during which she expressed confusion, believing herself to have already said that we were to be just friends. I asked her when such a conversation had taken place, and she referenced the conversation I've quoted from above.

Now, it's not the rejection that I mind. Well, a little - nobody likes rejection. But that's not what frightens me with girls, what makes me hesitate and second-guess myself. It's the ambiguity, the non-straight-fowardness. It's something I faced with Lilie consistently, and it's one of my top pet peeves; in relationship-type areas, it INFURIATES me. I mean, yeah, you can be ambigiuos without meaning to, because you thought what you said was fairly clear. Then there's being ambigiuos because you don't know how you feel, which is perfectly fine.

Gah, I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, and this thing is getting a little long, and I should go ahead and just post it (It's Wednesday morning, 5:55 am, at this point.)

3 Doors Down -- Kryptonite

Secret moments

Had a weird dream last night. I remember it fairly vividly, since I was woken up in the middle of it by my cell phone's wake-up call feature. Warning: If the concept of me having sex isn't something you don't want to read about, skip this post.

So yeah, I was having sex with Mindy. I don't really remember the background to it, except it was the 'we had just gotten back together' kind. It was taking place in the guest room, back when it had the really springy bed, before it went to Janelle's room. That, and we left the door open, for some reason. Janelle sat up in her room and saw what was going on, but went back to sleep. Kind of random. That, and later, after we were done, we were lying there, just kind of talking, when Mom walks through the door. She was like "Oh, Mindy, didn't know you were here." And Mindy didn't freak out as she normally would in that kind of situation (well, at least five years ago), but was just like "Hey, Ms. Martin. Woulda said hi when I came in, but I figured you were asleep." That's all.

Well, that, and the graphic sexual details, which I'll spare y'all.

Just another random dream.

Donna Lewis -- I Love You

Never ever have I ever felt so low

So Jess asked me today how things are going with Ambra, and Felicia and I touched on that topic when she called about getting some stuff for the Steak Fanatic pizza, since she was about to run out and the office decided at the last minute to prolong the period of time in which we're offering the disgusting abomination. Yeah.

In both cases, I didn't really have an answer. Well, I did, kinda. The answer I had was that there wasn't anything to be going. I think that's my fault, as I haven't really pursued anything yet, mainly due to our schedules. Well, that, and I don't think I'm in an emotional state to even consider seeing someone else, when I can't seem to get past the last person I saw. I don't think it would be fair, the whole thing just sort of screams 'rebound' to me. So every time the oppurtunity arises, I passively let it go. Which got me to thinking about whether or not I should even try. I mean, first off, I'm not over Lilie, not by a long shot. Her stopping by work today and talking was enough to send me to the walk-in, crying, after she left, which was fun. Yeah. But something occurred to me about my relationship history the other day. Generally speaking, if the past is any indicator, this (Ambra) would end up being a disaster, or not ending well, or something like that, for the simple reason that someone else didn't do the hard part already.

That sounds a little weird, so I'm going to go dredging about in my past, a favorite pasttime of mine, and categorize my relationships by some new standards and see what patterns emerge. It should be fun.

Chelsea

Ah, yes, the one that started it all. Now, to be fair, you can't really even call this one a relationship. I mean, holy crap, we were kids. To be fair, yeah, a lot of kids are pursuing relationships - or some twisted version of it - this young, but I sure as hell didn't know what was going on.

• Initiation: Completely by myself. No help, nothing from her.
  
• Duration: A year, from the beginning to the end, but there's a lot of holes in the middle.
  
• Quality: Terrible. As I said, I had no frickin' clue what the hell was going on. My connection to reality has always been tenuous at best, and it was particularly weak concerning the fairer sex when I was younger (not to imply, by contrast, that it's any better now.)
  
• How: She finally realized that the entire thing was a terrible idea, had nothing to do with reality, and ended it. I appluad her for the action.
  
• Now: We never really talked before hand - I was too nervous - and not much after - I was too embarrassed. So, yeah.
  

Overall, a complete disaster. And it was all me. Isolated incident, or ignored foretelling? We'll see.

Shayna

I moped around a lot after Chelsea dumped me; one day, in Gamez's Algebra I class, Shayna raised her hand and asked, "Can I go over to Billy's desk and talk to him to make sure he's okay?" And gosh darn it, she did.

• Initiation: It was kind of a natural progression from the concern she showed for me, and the whole thing kind of grew out of that. I can't remember who asked who out, but the whole thing started from her.
  
• Duration: A couple months? I remember telling her I had a crush on Barbara in Ms. Baker's science class, which was still eighth grade, so I'm going to go with about three months, give or take.
  
• Quality: Pretty good, all things considered. Looking back, I'd say we clicked on certain things, and didn't really on other things, but more so positive than negative.
  
• How: She started things off when she came over and checked on me, and moved the whole thing along, until I torpedoed it all to hell. I'm pretty good at that. Told her I had written Barbara a secret-admirer letter, and that was pretty much that.
  
• Now: Friendly all the way through high school, but I haven't talked to her since. We're friends on MySpace, but haven't actually had any communication since. Good stuff.
  

She started things off, and they went well, until I ended them in my own special way. Inconclusive so far.

Barbara

So I developed a crush on Barbara, and pursued it. We went out for a while. I want to say sometime in April until band camp in the summer of our freshman year. Yeah, that sounds about right - her birthday was in late April, and I went to that as her boyfriend (or whatever), and I remember Josh giving me her break-up note after practice one day in summer band.

• Initiation: I asked her out after telling her I liked her. Nothing from anybody else.
  
• Duration: A few months. Five?
  
• Quality: Meh. We wrote letters back and forth almost every day, and went on a few outings - mainly movies, that I can remember. The Saint, Empire Strikes Back (I think), and Volcano spring to mind.
  
• How: We wrote letters back and forth all the time, so she broke up with me via letter - gave it to Josh to give to me after he was sure she'd left. In it, she said that I was "Immature" and two other things I don't really remember. She later (several years later) told me that she actually felt smothered. Fair enough.
  
• Now: We eventually started talking again later in high school after she spent most of freshmen year ignoring me (actively), except when her and Terri needed help in Biology, since Dufas was really, really bizarre and I was one of the few people who was able to figure out just what the hell he was trying to teach us on any given day. Spent some time with her via David a year or more ago, but nothing recent.
  

So this one is kinda like Chelsea - I started the whole thing, no third party help and nothing from her, and it was... well, lukewarm, for lack of a better word, and it ended with almost no warning.

Mary

Not going to go through the whole thing with Mary, since it lasted... three weeks, if that? I'll just mention that she asked me out within two weeks of school starting, we went on one date, and then she broke up with me. Fun stuff.

Crystal

Almost the exact same pattern as above. Hmm...

Kenni

Ah, Kenni. These were the good old days. Now that I think about it, I'm probably going to drop the structed list format and just kind of ramble. I met her at a pool party when Kristina asked if she could bring her little sister, which she did. Didn't think much of it at the time, 'til school started. Kenni was a freshman; I was a junior. Every morning, she'd come find me and give me a big hug and wish me a good day. Didn't matter where I was - in the cafetaria, chess club, or doing random tutoring in an equally random classroom - every morning, a good-morning hug. I eventually realized that that might be a sign, talked to Kristina about it briefly, asked her mom for permission, then went for it. Great relatiionship - we hung out a lot, enjoyed each other's company, gave each other our first kiss after the Homecoming Dance... good memories. It ended rather abruptly, because of a third party, it had nothing to do with either of us. So yeah, fairly successful, overall, and she started it.

Mindy

I'll try to keep this one brief. Crystal introduced us, since she thought we'd be good for each other, and Mindy wanted an older boyfriend. We hit it off very well right from the start, and had a long (at least by my standards - a year and a half) rollar-coaster relationship. We broke up and got back together eight times, and were a *bunch* of firsts for each other. Finally ended when I started going to UT. Fairly successful overall, and Crystal started it for us.

Suzie

She im'ed me one evening about what a jackalope was, and when we finally started hanging out, she dropped a ton of hints - we were sitting in her bed, and she had me start brushing her hair, a few others, until she finally takes me to this empty beach at like three am, and we had a moonlight stroll with the tide gently lapping at our ankles. I kissed her, she kissed me back, and we launched a four month relationship that lasted until I broke up with her on February 1st.

Lilie

Credit for this one goes to Kristen and Allison, who seriously tried to hook us up, and talked too much about it, respectively. The thought crossed my mind a few times during the relationship if it would have happened without their actions. Meh. Another fairly successful relationship brought about by other people's actions.

Sara

We only went on one date, but this was one that I pursued unilaterally, without second or third party assistance. Bombed when she found out I was an atheist, and told me she wouldn't be comfortable dating someone outside her religion.

Terri

Sort of skipped her, but I threw out any pretense of order a while back, and I'm approaching stream-of-consciousness writing here. We have a longer history than Mindy and I, and most likely just as tangled. It's really hard to say anything about this one in this context, though I remember one evneing at the Alkek library when she was definitely pushing hard to the hoop.

I guess the idea I'm trying to explore is that by far, my successful relationships have been those that were initiated by or came to fruitation through the acions of someone else, even the girl in question - Lilie, Mindy, Kenni, Suzie; whereas those that I initiated completely on my own - Barbara, Heather, Sara - tended to be lukewarm, go nowhere, and end relatively quickly or never even start. Now, it's not a definite rule - look at Crystal and Mary for very good counter-examples. However, as a general hypothesis, it does seem to fit most of the current evidence fairly well. Now, as to why, I have no idea. Granted, there's probably more of a confidence boost when there's definite signals coming in, and the fear of rejection is much, much less. That, and there's several layers of filtering already done, so any early flags that might have been thrown have already been cleared. However, I've never liked depending on other people to carry important messages for me - I'd rather do it myself.

I came to this realization almost a month ago during some reminiscing. I think it scares me, because as I grow more and more socially isolated, the chances of having that third party assistance - which, for the record, I've never solicited - declines rather steadily, not to say anything of the likelihood of second party signals.

I don't think much of this post makes sense, but I'm going to go with it anyway.


All Saints -- Never Ever

Love, life and laughter is all I believe in

Wow, I just had a series of bizarre dreams, and they're already starting to fade, so let's see what I can get down before they fade completely.

In one, there was a group of ten people - one of which was me, one was Larisa Oleynik, (Edit; Wow, that's a *terrible* picture of her up on IMBD, btw. She's very cute. Edit x2; here is a much better one) one was her big sister, and seven others - heading to her house, which is underwater. Oh yeah, I was a warlock. Which is sad, but given the amount of time I spend playing WoW, it's not *that* weird that I would dream about it once in a while. The others died off or had to leave one by one, until it was just the three of us by the time we reached her house. I forget why that proved anything, but we hooked up, and made out in her room for a while. This was by far the longest dream, and the one I remember the best, as I was in the middle of it when I woke up.


There was another one about Mindy. Details on that one are growing fainter by the second, and I think I'm getting them intermixed with the previous one, because Larisa Oleynik reminds me of Mindy at times. It also doesn't help that they were fairly similiar, except in this one, we went to the movies or something. Made out some (That's going to be a repeating motif).

There was, of course, one about Lilie. I think one of us was a mutant or something, and killed the other one? Not really sure. Anyway.

I even had one about Carrie. I think this may have been the first one, as I barely recall it at all, except for the kissing and hugging and making out and what-not.

It was one of those nights where I really, really didn't want to wake up.

Amber -- I'm a Dreamer

I still remember the way that you touched me, too

She "has a boyfriend", and he's "very protective."

More to come.

Wow, that was unexpected

So I went to Wal-Mart to do some much needed shopping. Hadn't gone shopping in a while, so I was out of everything. Anyway. Went to the customer service area to buy some stamps so we could mail out the electric bill. I was standing there, waiting for the lady to get my stamps, when I saw her. Her. Started crying as I was leaving the store, and kept doing so for a good portion of the drive home. David says my eyes aren't bloodshot, maybe a *little* red, so I'll be fine at work tonight.

But wow. Didn't think I'd have that reaction. Don't understand it myself.

Oh well, time for work. At least everyone else won't have to put up with a really hyper me for once.

Headstrong, I'll take you on

I had another dream about Mindy last night. I don't remember all of it, and I'm not sure if it was just really weird, or if I had two dreams. The only bits I can remember involved hanging out with her at Mom's house, then making out in the garage. Intensely. To the point where if an alien that didn't understand the concept had been there, he would have thought, "Gee, those two beings are eating each other's faces." I don't know why I dream about her so often. It's not like I have a bunch of unresolved issues about her (Chelsea) or am still in love with her (Lilie).

After further consideration, I've reach at least a tentative hypothesis. Mindy and I had a very innocent, loving relationship. Well, at least for a while. The second half was nothing but sex and major arguments, but the first part, *especially* before we broke up the third time... it was, well, idyllic. Part of it is that she was just so open. I'm a very, *very* open person, which is why I often feel so cut off from everybody else - there aren't a lot of people around that are that open. And from the beginning, we were *very* open with each other. I can remember one of the first times we ever talked on the phone - for about 4 hours or so - and it was an amazing conversation. I mean, we were basically hooked up by Crystal, when Mindy wanted a boyfriend in high school and Crystal thought I'd be perfect. She wasn't *that* far off, which is why we have the history we do (Mindy and I). So yeah, that first part of the relationship - at least the first six months or so... very open, very warm, very safe. I think that's why I dream about her when I do - in times of confusion, anguish, emotional pain, I subconsciously retreat to the last really warm, safe place I remember.

Well, that's not entirely true. There's one more, much more recently, but it's usually directly related to the problem causing the retreat in the first place, and lasted a much shorter time. So yeah.

Weird Dreams

So, those weird dreams that I keep mentioning: Here they are.

Lemme think...

Okay, first, the one with Mindy.

I was in some big space. A building. Except it was made completely out of stone. And it was *big*. I was walking along, when I noticed Mindy sitting on some stairs. Not like apartment or house stairs, just a few leading up to a slightly higher ground. I think she was eating some pizza. She invited me to sit down next to her, and I did. We talked a little bit about life, and she started to cry, and apologized for everything that had gone on between us. I apologized too, and we embraced.

Overall, I mean, it wasn't a really weird dream. Other than it had Mindy in it, and featured an activity not likely to happen.

Next weird dream.

I was working at a moving company. I think I might have had some slightly higher rank than the other two people there. One of them told me they were going to go help Lilie move real quick, and I thought it was a nice gesture. He came back about half an hour later, his hair all matted, his clothes messed up. That was when I found out they were sleeping together. I went outside, and she was standing there, but I walked right past.

I should mention that the guy in question was... old. Really old, and ugly, and greasy, and just disgusting. It's not her sleeping with someone else that made it such a horrific dream, it was the guy in question. That, and I thought he was just helping her out, while everybody else knew, and was laughing at me about it. Fun times.

Next one.

This one was earlier. I was a pirate. It was awesome. I think I was a second-in-command or something. I don't remember much, but I do remember being with my pirate gang in some huge underground cavern, on a dock situated on an underground lake. There was some rival pirate gang chasing us, and they outnumbered us greatly. So we ran off the dock, but unbeknownst to them, we caught ropes that were hanging off the dock. They went charging past and into the water (It was a really high dock.)

I had another dream right before the pirate dream, but I can't really remember it. Shame, 'cause I think it was really interesting.

Weird dreams

Just had two weird dreams during my afternoon nap; in one, my mom and I had it out completely, nothing much more to tell there; the other was about Mindy. Had a really bad one about Lilie a few days ago. Hope to post the last two sometime soon.

Love, life, and laughter is all I believe in

Alright, I haven't written in like almost two weeks now. So, how're things going now? Well... things are... interesting. Things with Lilie? I'm not entirely sure. Well, I am, I'm just not sure how much I'm allowed to talk about, so I'll post what I think I can get away with, then if she tells me to take parts of it down, well, the people who read it first, consider yourself lucky.

So, I'm not sure where to start. I guess I'll try to finish the Mindy saga. There will be parts that are just black boxes; highlight them to read what's contained within. Be warned, though: those are like that for a reason.

So where did we last leave off? I'm not entirely sure.

So Mindy. Yeah.

After school started, that entire year... I have a ton of memories, but seem to have problems putting them in order. So, here goes.

I went to Colorado with her twice, once the summer after Junior year, and once the summer after Senior year. Both times were a lot of fun. We went white-water rafting both times, which was a lot of fun. For some reason, probably because I was 18, they made me a Cabin Leader the second year. Fun times.

We broke up a total of nine times throughout the course of our relationship, which means we got back together eight times. Most of them, I don't really remember. There weren't really any trends - it was split more or less evenly between the two of us, for various reasons. I remember one time, she called me at work to tell me she had been dating Ray, this snare drum player, since that morning and that we were broken up (Well, I guess that makes sense. She couldn't very well call me to tell me she'd ben dating this guy since this morning, but that we *weren't* broken up.) I remember how we got back together that time, though. I went over to her house late one night - after 10 or so (hey, we were still in high school - she was a freshman). I started giving her a full body massauge, and we ended up having sex. And then, we got back together; she called Ray and broke up with him the next morning. Fun times.

Kevin's kind of obnoxious, and I don't like him.

Anyway.

So I'm leaving now.

Oh, apparently, Mindy's on cocaine now. That makes two girlfriends on illegal substances now. It's fun hearing about them. Several married, more with kids... fun times.

Simple and clean is the way you're making me feel tonight; it's hard to let it go

Super quick, short recap: So, I went in to work at 6, opened with Tracy. Pretty standard. We usually have a blast opening together, since we're the same age, similar experience, etc. We understand each other enough that the morning goes by really, really fast. We both got *really* tired at lunch, too. Fun times. Came home, went to sleep. I had talked to Rose about going to see Elektra that night, since it was fifty cent movie night, but when she called, I was asleep. I answered the phone, but I have no recollection of our conversation. That usually happens when I try to talk on the phone when I'm asleep. Didn't do much else last night, or today.

Urg, 'net connection just went down.

Okay, fixed.

Started a Tauren Druid. Seems okay so far. I'm about halfway to lvl 10, which is when I get shapeshifting. Had an... interesting conversation with Shelley earlier, but I'm not allowed to talk about it.

So, where does that leave me? Well... I'm getting better. Tuesday morning, I felt almost normal again, though I'm pretty sure it was just a combination of being fully occupied, shit-faced tired, and riding solely on adrenaline. Let's see... I've accepted the fact we're not together, and I can say we're not going to get back together without a need to hedge it. One of the main things I seem to be having problems with is picturing her with other guys, but that's nothing new to me. That became a lot easier, though, when I realize that if that's what makes her happy, then that's the optimal solution. It's slowly migrating from a sharp, biting pain to a dull sense of loss. Of course, that may just be my mind doing what it takes to get what I want. That, of course, being hanging out with Lilie again. This is starting to sound a little weird - overdoing it a bit, 'cept there's NOTHING else going on in my life; usually isn't. Eh, at least it's something to write about. I just wish she would tell me she doesn't like me anymore. That would make things easier.

Actually, no, it wouldn't, and I'm glad she didn't. Unless she doesn't.

Or something like that.

So, back to my life story, as told by the bizarre set of relationships I've been through. So, we left off with Mary.

Terri

This is the first of the really complicated ones (there're three). We went out a total of... four times? Five? I lost count. I don't remember when we went out throughout Freshmen, Sophomore, and Junior year. I'm pretty sure one time was between November and April of Junior year, but other than that, no idea. All I really have is assorted memories. There was one time I went with her to Alkek to work on some research thing, and we were in this private study room thing. Nothing happened, though not for lack of effort on her part. I was still... kinda shy around her at that point. I remember when we went on a field trip to some art museum in Houston (I think) for AcaDec; David went too. There was some disagreement about who she was going to sit with or something, she ended up sitting with David on the way there, and me on the way back. I think that was *right* before we went out another time. And then on the actual AcaDec trip, her hotel room was right next to mine. Ours - there were some other guys in there, of course. Anyway, it was late (dark, past lights-out). There were doors adjoining each pair of rooms, but you had to open them from each side. (If you think you know where this is going, you're wrong.) So it was known that I don't sleep in beds in hotels; I usually end up sleeping on the floor somewhere, when I do go to sleep. So these fingers start appearing underneath the door between our rooms; it's her. Apparently, I was supposed to open the door... who knows. But I didn't. (Told you.) So there was just a lot of weirdness like that during the early years of high school.

Terri was a very... sexual girl. Horny may be a better word. Like this one time we were talking on the phone kinda late at night, over at Jarrod's. Kinda hot stuff going on. When I hung up (we'd been playing Twisted Metal as well), he told me, "Wow. I didn't know you did phone sex." I didn't either, but apparently, we had just had some light phone sex. I remember another time when we were talking on the phone (similiar to last time), and she started... making some odd noises. First time I'd heard those in person. I was... a little surprised. I asked her about it, and she confirmed it. Fun times.

We did kiss, eventually. Actually caused a major fight between Mindy and I, since we (Mindy and I) were going out at the time. Though I don't try to justify it, there were extenuating circumstances. So, Terri and I were good friends since... seventh grade? I know we've known each other for a long, long time. We'd been through a lot, and there was a lot of romantic tension between us, since we both had feelings for each other throughout most of high school. She decided to graduate a semester early, in December. After that, she was moving to Canada to go to Preacher school. I don't understand it either. Anyway, we were hanging out one last time before she moved to another country. I can't stress that one enough. It was very much, "I don't know when I'll see you again." We were sitting in my truck, in the parking lot between Italian Garden and (now) Murphy's Deli, across from Taco Bell. No real reason, we had just been driving around. We sat there talking for a while, and things got quiet. We both knew she had to get home soon. And, things just kind of happened. Our heads got closer and closer, until our lips collided. It was a full-on, open mouth making out with plenty of toungue. This wasn't the first time I'd made out with a girl, courtesy of Mindy, but not with this kind of... I don't know how to put it. It's almost passion, because we didn't know when we were going to see each other again, and this was something that should have happened between us a *long* time ago.

I told Mindy about what happened, and she got (quite understandably so) upset at me. Don't blame her one bit. Got through that one okay, though one time when we were, um, going at it, she made some comment about me imagining her as Terri. I really didn't know what to say to that one, and told her that it was really offensive.

Anyway.

So Terri moved to Canada. Went to Germany to work with a church there, while her family moved to North Carolina. She came back to the states and moved to NC as well. That's when we started talking again. That summer, the summer of '02, after my first year of college, I actually drove out there to see her. It's... um, 26 hours or so. Didn't stop, except for gas. Got there at like 4 in the morning. Fun times. I remember that night really well. Her parents had this really big RV thing, with a little extra room/tent looking thing, and I slept there. All in all, it was a pretty fun vacation. We kissed a fair amount while I was down there, but nothing more. The one weird thing, though, was that she started talking about how in love with me she still was. That... kinda freaked me out. I mean, we hadn't seen each other in like, a year and a half? Didn't say anything about that before I left. Sometime later, but not that much later, I think a few weeks, she was in town. I was still really freaked out, so I didn't return her calls or anything. Yeah, bad idea on my part.

Flash foward about ten months foward. That was when Rose and I started talking a lot online, and somehow, she relayed to Terri how sorry I was, and Terri and I started talking again. And sure enough, I drove to North Carolina *again* that summer. This trip was a little easier, since I had discovered DDR that November, and my physical stamina was much greater, so I had no problem staying awake (as I did the first time I drove there). And Terri really, really pissed me off while I was down there. When I had first mentioned the idea of coming down there again, she mentioned that she had moved out, and had her own apartment now. However, when I got there, she had neglected to mention one little detail - her family had moved in with her. Now, I like her family (for the most part), but I was looking foward to not having to deal with ANYONE the entire time. I just wish she would have mentioned that before I got there. Secondly, well, this one requires some backstory. I *hate* driving. I mean, anything more than like half an hour, hate it. That is, of course, the main reason I haven't already graduated from UT, and transferred to SWT. I especially hate driving by myself. That's why whenever Lilie asked me to go get her some food or something, I'd usually make a half-hearted request for her to come with me.

Anyway.

So the day after I get there, after making this 26~ hr drive, Terri decides we're going to this little town two hours away. Of course, I'm driving. She knows how much I hate driving - the topic came up several times while we were talking about me coming down there again. And to top it all off, this little town thing we went to... was a stupid little artsy-crafty tourist walk-around-and-look-at-all-the-cute-little-shops place. OMFG!! It really, really upset me. I mean, normally, I don't mind that kind of thing, and am more than happy to walk around for a few hours in such a situation. But this was the first day of my vacation, following a twenty-six hour drive. Um, no. She didn't even tell me where we were going until we got there. I suppose I could cut her some slack; she was probably trying to be nice. But if so, she could have put a little more thought into it. Anyway. So I tried telling her how I felt, and she got very, very upset. Some... other stuff happened too, and I ended up spending most of my vacation at the arcade, playing DDR. That's where I met Carrie, briefly.

So visit number two ended badly as well. I left... three days early? It was funny, because I had the time off that I had requested, so I went in and wrote on the schedule that I was back in town and available to pick up shifts as needed. That being the middle of summer, I think I ended up picking up shifts all three days I was supposed to be off. Fun times, all in all.

But the story doesn't end there. Nope.

One day, some time later (I don't really remember when, though if I felt motivated enough, I could probably dig it up in here. Possibly.), they told me someone was asking for me out on 31. I look out, and sure enough, it's Rose, Joy, and TERRI. Fun times. So we were in the middle of this major rush, so I had to just have Bonelle go out and give them my cell phone number and told them to call it some time after six or so. They did. Terri and I ended up driving around a while, and things happened, and we ended up in a hotel room for the night. Almost had sex. I remember that we were both topless, but that's about as far as things got. Turns out she was allergic to latex, and that wasn't a path I wanted to tread. Anyway, we spent the night together, and she went back home, and that was that. That's more or less the last time I saw her, except for a brief stint where she was online with a webcam in New Mexico (I'll come to that later; the only reason I mention it here is that she flashed me. I had forgotten about it, until not too long ago when I was cleaning out my computer and came across a series of webcam captures from that incident. Fun times.)

Crystal

I almost forgot to add this one in. I was actually typing about Mindy when it occured to me that I had forgotten to put in Crystal. She came up to me and asked me out one day, and I was like, 'Um, okay.' We went out for... a month? I don't really remember that much about dating Crystal... I think she liked to write *really* long notes, and tended to over-dramaticize things, including how close we were. I went with her to her church youth group meeting one time... that was kinda weird. And I drove her home after that. No, wait. I dropped her off over by Crockett somewhere. Was she staying with a friend? Maybe I gave her a ride *to* the church. No, 'cause it has a definite 'end of the evening' feel to it. She wanted me to kiss her. I know that now, though at the time, I was woefully oblivious. And she broke up with me not that much later, for that reason. Recurring pattern, it would seem.

Kenni

So that one kind of went on for a while, in terms of chronology. I'm backing up a bit, to Junior year. Crystal and Terri were it during sophomore year, and I remember by the time summer came around, I had been single for a while. We had this pool party near the end of the summer; we being Janelle and myself, with each of us inviting, I think, eight people. One of the people I invited was Kristina. She said she couldn't come unless she brought her little sister. Or just asked if she could. I don't really remember. I told her sure, that'd be fine. That was the first time I met Kendall. That's what she goes by now, at least. I've always, and probably always will, call her Kenni. It is sort of annoying, though, when people think I mean another Kenni - during high school, Kenny Leeper, and now recently, Kenny McCreight.

Anyway.

So we talked a little during the pool party (remember, this is way before I had major social problems; I was very outgoing at the time). Didn't think anything of it, though.

Silly me.

When school started, Kenni was a freshmen, and I was a Junior. Every morning, she would find me no matter where I was - cafeteria, where I usually was, chess club, only on Wednesday mornings, or helping someone in some class, and give me a big hug and tell me good morning. It was... really nice. So finally, I got around to thinking about her in that way. I remember, I wasn't the only one. I seem to recall about the same time David taking an interest in her as well. I think. I could be wrong on this one, but I distinctly remember a conversation I had during 1st period American History with Kristina about if she thought Kenni should go out with David, and if she thought I had a chance with her. The only problem was, Kenni wasn't allowed to date until she turned 16 - some rule her mom had. It was either that, or she wasn't allowed to go on '1-on-1' dates until then. Something like that. However, I had known her mom for a while through Kristina - we carpooled to summer band one year, among other things - so I called her up and talked to her about it. I recall saying "I'm seeking your permission to court your daughter."

Yeah, I know.

Quit laughing.

Anyway.

She repeated that out loud, really loud, and was laughing. Fun times. Anyway, long story short, she had known me for a while, and trusted me, so she gave me her approval. In fact, she even let us go out by ourselves, despite Kenni not being 16 yet. She would turn 16 in about... two or three months. I forget the exact date. That we started going out, I mean. I still know her birthday. She was born a week before me. Well, a week and two years.

Anyway.

So we went out, and things were great. Had a lot of fun. I don't have any chronological memories, though I do remember one time when we went to help move some wood for the band barbarque. It was her mom's cousin, or brother, or something, that had it out on his property, so we were driving out there to meet him, load it up, then bring it back and unload it at the band hall (or something like that). It was a fairly long trip out there - like two hours or something. The actual loading up went rather smoothly, though her mom was tossing pieces of wood over to the trailer, and one hit me in the head. Fairly hard. I was bleeding a lot, and the guy dumped this ice cold water out of the water cooler on my head. I made some joke about 'Ya know, if you don't want me to date your daughter, there are much easier ways to express your dissapproval' or something along those lines. That evening, Kristina drove her mom's car-mini SUV-thing to the store, with Brandy (her best friend) in the passenger seat, and Kenni and I in the back. We were clinging to each other the whole way there and back. Not in a romantic way, but in an oh-my-god-I-don't-want-to-die way, 'cause Kristina barely know how to drive a stick. So that was fun. That night, we - Kenni and I - went down the pool, just the two of us. Had a lot of fun. All strictly innocent, for those of you with dirty minds. We didn't even kiss, though that was soon enough.

Went to Homecoming together. She wore this gorgeous burgundy dress. Lots of fun. That night, I had my first kiss. (Yes, my first kiss was Homecoming night, my junior year. Deal with it. It was her first kiss too) I walked her to her door, as my mom has drilled into my head since my very first date, and went to hug her good night, and she interrupted me with a good night kiss.

We kissed a lot after that. I have one very distinct memory of the two of us sitting in the band hall after school, watching the percussion sectionals, sitting on top of the trombone cubies, and stealing kisses when the director wasn't looking. They were all close-mouthed, for those of you who might get the wrong idea. So yeah, we had a lot of fun together.

Then, one Wednesday, I want to say about two months after we started going out, her friend Melissa Roundy came into the chess club meeting. She walked up to me, and I don't quite recall what she said. The general gist was that Kenni didn't feel safe around me anymore, and was breaking up with me. I caught a brief glimpse of her (Kenni) crying as the two of them left. I would later - much later - find out there was... an incident with her mother's boyfriend the night before. So I didn't talk to her for a while, but we're still good friends.

Mindy

Ah, Mindy. Dear sweet Mindy. This was, I think, my first real relationship. Of course, it was still a little high school thing, but definitely a real relationship. To put things in context, we broke up a total of nine times. That means we got back together eight times. She was two and a half years younger than me. No, wait. Three and a half years. Fourteen and seventeen, when we started going out (8th and 11th grade. Fun times.)

So, we've got a lot of material to get through, so let's just start at the beginning. Um, Crystal Todd (yes, the Crystal that I dated earlier in the story) told me that she had this friend that wanted a boyfriend in high school, and she was a really sweet girl, and she thought the two of us would get along really well, and asked me if I'd be interested. My judgment has never been terribly great, so I said sure. Couple days later, I get a note from a random hand sticking out of a school bus. It's from Mindy. We talked on the phone not too much later, for like four hours. We went to the skating rink together, with Crystal as well, fairly soon after that. We had a lot of fun, getting to know each other, asking questions, that kind of thing. We hit it off really well right from the start, had a good connection.

We started going out on April 7th. Not quite sure why I remember that, though I usually remember things like that (I still know her address and both phone numbers, as well as her old Yahoo sn/e-mail). I have a few scattered memories of the early days. She really liked 'The Thong Song' by Sisqo, I remember requesting it and dedicating it to her one time; she really liked that. I remember one time (all of this was at the skating rink; we went there often on Friday nights) she had me lead her around the skating rink for like two laps, with her eyes closed, as a trust thing. Worked out well, though she did stumble right at the end. I remember one time during 'Genie in a Bottle' when Christina says "You gotta rub me the right way", I came up behind her and ran my hands down her sides. She loved that.

The next memory I have, besides the rampant note exchanging, was going on a triple-date to the bowling alley. We had a blast. It was Mom + Jerry, Bam + Greg, Mindy and me, plus Brennan and Janelle (there were the odd-two out). For some odd reason, I remember she had her hair up in pigtails - she did that often, during the early days - and she looked *so* cute when she did. Anyway, I had to take her over to the skating rink after that - she was riding home with Crystal (oh yeah, they were like *best* friends at this time. They also lived next door to each other). Anyway, we were sitting outside, in the skating rink parking lot, when she mentioned that I owed her a kiss. This was a month or two, I think. Maybe it was during the summer. Not quite sure. I do remember we started kissing early on, and often. Anyway. Actually, come to think of it, this may have been our first kiss. Maybe not. Anyway, we had some thing going on - I think it was a trivia game or something, and she was ahead, so she decided I had to kiss her that evening. I leaned over her, and kissed her on the lips, but still very short, very close-mouthed. She looked at me kind of funny, said something like "Not like that" and leaned over to me.

And that was the first time I made out with a girl. We made out a lot after that. We were... a very affectionate couple. You know those people you get annoyed at 'cause they're making out in front of you at the movies? That was us. At least, until we got smart and started sitting in the back. That was until we found a make-out spot. My mom worked in this building that had a litte spot right next to it that was basically completely hidden from anywhere; you could only see it if you were right there. So that was fun.

That summer, she went to Colorado with her church group. I ended up going too. Oh, yeah, I sort of also had this neo-Christian phase. Not entirely because of her, though she played a major role. So we went to Colorado together. Lots of fun. I also remember I arranged things to ride her bus home one day near the end of the school year. I had to sit out on the patio in front of the cafeteria for like four hours, though, since we got out at noon, and the buses were still running at their normal times (this was during finals). So I rode the bus home with her, and had to walk like half an hour from the closest stop. Fun times. Wait. The kiss happened after this. I'm sure of that. In fact, come to think of it, it probably happened after the Colorado trip as well. Not entirely sure, and it's not entirely germane.

Anyway.

So school started back up, and it was really, really cool, 'cause she was there on campus too. I'm pretty sure we got warnings more than once for PDAs. Not kissing, though - holding hands, that kind of thing. Not that we didn't kiss.

Anyway.

So I got my truck somewhere in here - late October, if I remember correctly. Before that, I had been driving my mom's car. We went to homecoming in Mom's car - she still had this... white car that looked like a fish. She wore this... blue spaghetti-strap dress, very shiny. Fun times. So I came out of Math club one day, and found that Mindy had done my truck windows up like Homecoming, with shoe polish everywhere, cause she didn't have the chance to do so earlier. Let's see... what else?

The next memory I have is breaking up with her. I was wearing some green shirt with an Irish thing on it that Bambi gave me. We were standing out by my truck. I... think it was the end of the day.

And that's definitely enough for today. I started writing this five and a half hours ago, though I certainly haven't been writing constantly.

You don't have to act like a star, making moves in the back of your car

Wow, it's been quite a while since I posted last. Eh.

So, the last thing that happened was that I had left; she accused me of charging out and slamming the door, and I went back and apologized for giving that impression - not my intent. We stood there for a bit, her inside and me standing outside, for a few minutes, just looking at each other. Neither of us was really sure where to go from there, so I asked her straight out - would she like to do this now, or another time? She said another time, and I left.

Logged on to WoW that night, and we talked. Not about things that were going on between us, but we talked normally, like everything was okay. Quite odd.

The next morning, I went in to work 10 - 5. We were running low on bacon and sausage, so they sent me over to Guadalupe to pick some up. I walk in - "You here for the sausage and bacon?" "Yep." He goes to the back to get it; I stand there and wait, over to the side so as not to get in the carhops' way. There is a carhop standing right in front of me, with her back to me. She turns and says, "Hi Billy."

It was Mindy.

Yes, that Mindy. Turns out she was living here now; had been working at Sonic for two weeks or so. Bizarre. I told her that it really hurt that she didn't call about hanging out, and she winked at me. Odd girl. That evening, I talked to the new girl, Catrin. Seems really cool - a little on the geeky side (I heard a definite Ren Fair reference). Turns out she plays DDR! We were both kind of excited to find out. Of course, she doesn't play at the arcade, never has. She plays at NexLevel, mainly. I, of course, am the exact opposite. So that was a long day.

Um... I'm drawing a blank at this point. I remember what happened last week, but this was two weeks ago. Um... crap. I wanna say... I went over there on Thursday and we watched Dodgeball? Yeah, I think that's it. I'm not entirely sure what day it was, in retrospect. But yeah, took Dodgeball over there and we watched it. Shelely was there too. We (Lilie and I, that is) ended up somewhat snuggled up. Our heads were at opposite ends of the couch, but we were rubbing each other's legs, or feet, or something like that. She bit me on the arm, right above the elbow. It kinda hurt. She also bit me on the left shoulder, on the inside part.

Lemme think... I really need to keep more up-to-date on this stuff, so that I can get it all down. I know I drove up to Austin with Rose at one point, to take her to get her books, sell some back, and talk to one of her teachers. A'ight... um...

Saturday, Mindy stopped by my Sonic. I didn't realize it at first; she parked on 25(ish) and ordered two people's worth of food. After she finished ordering, I looked out at the car, and realized that it was a green Ford pickup, with the new curvy look. I was like, "No. No way." So of course, it was. Jessica went out to talk to her; she was with some guy named Travis who was her boyfriend. Fair enough. I was agonizing, trying to figure out why she came to my Sonic. There are two simple possibilites. A, that she was just trying to screw with me, or B, it's more convenient. I do remember Jessica mentioning that she thought she saw Mindy at Park North (which is right down the street from my Sonic) over the summer. If that's the case, it would make sense that she stopped by ours. Though, even if I lived right by the other Sonic (and I live a lot closer to that one than I do to mine), I'd still go to mine for the half-off discount. So, it's not quite a gimme. But, well, I'd have to go with B, it was just more convenient.

Wednesday, the four of us - Kevin, Lilie, Shelley, and myself - all went to Mana's for dinner. That was... interesting. It was really annoying, 'cause people kept bringing up the fact that Lilie and I weren't together anymore. I mean, I'm okay with it, but I do still like her a lot, so it's kind of annoying. For example, Kevin and I were whispering back and forth for a bit, and Shelley made some comment - "They may not be sleeping together anymore, but we are. Tell me." I was like, 'Thanks, Shelley.' Earlier in the day, I had made a joke about being illergic to Lilie, since I had only gotten sick - the death flu from Janelle, and whatever bug was going around the carhops - after we went out. She said something about how I couldn't be, since we used to sleep together without issue.

So yeah, that's about that. We're not together, doesn't look like we'll be getting back together anytime soon, if ever. I really don't konw what's going on between us. Sometimes, she acts like she wants to be really close, and other times, like she barely knows me. So, I'm just taking my cue from her. If she wants to call, to hang out, sure. But I'm not going to make the first move anymore. Like she was borrowing my DVD burner, and I had to get it back to rip Anchorman. I'm going to wait until she calls back to take it back over. It's a defense mechanism, I think - I'm really insecure about relationships - romantic, friendship, or otherwise - so when I get really confused, I tend to just wait and see how they react. I still like her. If she were to come in to Sonic one day and say something along of the lines of "Hey Billy, I've dealt with my issues, and I"d like to get back with you", I'd agree in a heartbeat. But I don't forsee that happening any time soon. I'll always like her, always have a little place in my heart where I have daydreams of running into her and hooking back up...

Anyway.

So that's that on the Lilie saga.

I don't really remember what I was going to talk about in regards to "Why I hate driving so much". WoW pictures are ready to post, though I'll probably wait another day or two. I'm also going to do a run-down on what UI mods I use (~10, for the record, thought I just added two while writing this statement).

So, I'll ramble on about Lilie a little more later. I've probably got a few random entries to make as well; those will come in the next few days as well.

Oh yeah, at one point, she stopped by to let me know (Thursday?) she'd been to court and finally finalized the divorce. She was really happy about that, so that's good.

I just went to drop of Anchorman at Blockbuster (I forgot to put the DVD in the box, which means I'll have to do it later) and switch out store keys at Sonic. Cat died her hair blonde. It's something of a shock. That, and as I was turning left onto Holland, Lilie was sitting at the light, about to turn left onto RR12. I looked at her as I was turning RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER, though she didn't react at all. Either she didn't see me, or she didn't want to. I could see it going either way on this one (yes, I'm a girl and over-analyze things too much. If it bothers you, quit reading). There's a decent chance she didn't see me - she's probably pretty tired, and doesn't tend to look around a whole lot; on the other hand, I drove right in front of her, and my truck is fairly unique and she knows what it looks like. I'm definitely leaning towards "Just didn't see you", which is what she'll say if it comes up either way. I just don't know with her at all anymore. It kinda hurts.

But I'm going to get off that subject now, 'cause I don't feel like going through everything.

Do I stress you out? My sweater's on backwards and inside-out.

And now for something completely different.

Or not. It'll probably just be more of the same.

Analysis time.

So I called Lilie on Sunday after work to ask her what was up. I'm not really one to just listen to someone saying something about someone else saying something. I'll ask the person in question (the first one) what they said and what they meant, if I care. Which I really do, in this case.

So I called her and asked her about it. She said, well, it's kind of confusing what she said. She said that yes, she does just want to be friends, but seemed to imply that she wanted to start there and 'see what happens'. Now, I'm not dumb - I know that that usually means they just want to be friends and they're trying not to hurt you. I initially thought that as well with Lilie, and I've not entirely moved from that position. It made several things make more sense - why she seemed somewhat hesitant to kiss (though that may still be just me), among other things.




I went by Sonic today with Michael to grab a drink, and Shelley was there. We talked briefly; she said that Lilie and her had hung out last night and were going to do so again. She also said that she was "willing to give it a shot", and what more could I want? Which is confusing, in light of what Lilie said Sunday.

So I'm going to try do something I've never been terribly good at doing. I'm going to stop thinking so hard about it, stop analyzing everything. Those who've known me for long enough (no one) will remember that I tried to do something similiar with Zara about three years ago, to no avail. Of course, there's one key difference here. Zara had no interest in me whatsoever, and barely tolerated me as a friend, and a blind wombat 100 miles away could tell, whereas I don't think it's too much of a stretch to say that Lilie may be, at least somewhat slightly interested in me. So I don't know, nor will I attempt to do so until such time that it's obvious and apparent without over-analyzing everything.

So we're just friends now, and if something happens, something happens. If not, cool - friends are hard enough to come by as it is. Though I'll admit I was in a world of hurt for about a day or so between talking to Lilie and realizing all of this. It wasn't the rejection that hurt - I mean, it *was*; rejection always hurts - but that it had caught me so off-guard. I had lowered my defenses completely and was blind-sided. It was just funny that the one time I let myself believe, that I listened to everyone else, that a girl was interested in me and wanted to move foward, it wasn't true. Well, not really. There's a small chance it will still happen, and while I might look foward to such an occurence with great anticipation, I'm not counting on it. I'm really going to try hard to just sit back and enjoy the ride.

I really wish Mindy would call. If nothing else, and this is at the very least, it'd be good to talk to her and possibly hang out with her a little. A hug? That'd be grand. I hope she didn't think I wasn't interested based on my actions when we talked. I was really, really tired and was still in a state of shock at seeing her again, especially with her being all grown up and all. Someone called me today while I was in Probability, but I couldn't take it for obvious reasons. They didn't leave a message, and the number said "Private Number". Normally, it's Luke when it does that, but I called and it wasn't him. I think he said something to the effect that he's finally changed his phone so it doesn't do that anymore. I called the people most likely to call me - Mom, Janelle, Lilie, etc., but it wasn't any of them - nor did I think it would be. There's a small chance it was Caleb; I'll find out the next time I talk to him. I'll also let him know to stop calling. I really have no interest in talking to him anymore. I'm not mad or anything, I'm just severing ties. So I think it was either Caleb or Mindy. I don't really know why I think that, it's just a feeling. And I'm usually wrong about these kinds of things, so we'll see. But if it was her, I hope she'll call again.

So I did call Lilie today, supposedly to ask her if she had called earlier. I knew it wasn' t her, but it provided a decent excuse for calling. I'm fairly awkward on the phone - not that I'm not in person, but silence is more bearable in person, I think. We talked a little; I told her I didn't hate her or anything and hoped to still hang out and what-not. She's going to be there Thursday at Dragon's Lair, and it sounds like we'll be going to fifty-cent movie night at Showplace again. They have both The Village and Spider-Man 2. So that'll be fun. Dave's still on vacation or whereever he went, so work won't be very bad at all tomorrow. I've definitely got a handle on dong the deposit, which means it probably won't be *that* long before I'm completely running a shift. We'll see how that goes.

Don't tell me; keep your feelings to yourself. Live is far too complicated, all the time anticipating

Two key things I forgot to mention in my last post.

1) Mindy was driving a green F-150 - newer than mine. It was much more rounded, slightly larger. As we were parting she asked me "Do you like my truck?" "It's yours?" "Yep." "It's awesome." Hmm...

2) Sunday afternoon, Lilie came by and quit. Yep - she got a new job at Katy Station. So that's cool - I don't get to see her at work anymore, but it means that if somehow we do end up going out, we won't have to worry about any work-relationship complications. Not saying we're going to or anything, just that that particular block is no longer there.

How can I look in your eyes when I feel I can fly? I have to run away.

So when we last left our intrepid hero, he was just getting off of work on Sunday. (Warning: PoV shift back to first person).

I was fairly tired, between the back-to-back 8 - 5 shifts, with the non-stop frenzy of school, work, and DDR I've been doing the past two months or so. I pulled up to my street, and noticed in dismay that all of the convenient parking spots were taken. I initially elected to just park right in front of my driveway. I pulled up behind Jerry's truck, when a green truck pulled up right next to me. There were two girls sitting in the cab, waving at me. I didn't hear if they were saying anything; Paul Oakenfield's 'Send Me An Angel' was playing fairly loud. I paused the music, and the driver asked me a simple question - 'Do you recognize me?' 'No.' 'It's me, Mindy.'

I'm going to repeat that, as it bears repeating. 'It's me, Mindy.'

She then went to park so we could talk in slightly more convenient circumstances. I parked across the street, and tried to compile my thoughts and regain my composure while she walked from her truck to mine. I had NO IDEA what to say - this was Mindy. I haven't seen or talked to her in, um, three years? I was fairly certain she wanted nothing more to do with me. So she walks up to my truck - I'm still sitting in the driver's seat. I still can't get over how much she's changed. She was wearing a bikini type thing (I think, she's becoming a little fuzzy - my visual memory was never very strong, especially when it comes to describing people); she's dropped some weight. She was never very big, but she was... not quite thick, but almost. Solid. She's definitely 'thin' now. She's also aged a lot. Well, I guess that's to be expected. The last time I saw her (before this), she was... 14? 15? She's 18 now - that's a major bit of growing up, especially for girls. So both of those combined, she looks *way* different. She was always attractive, but now, even much more so.

We talked a little bit. She asked me what I'd been up, and I told her. 'Nothing.' Seriously, what have I been up to? Nothing. Told her I was at SWT now; still at Sonic, finally an assistant manager. She also asked me if I was seeing anyone, and I briefly mentioned Suzie, but that other than her, there hadn't been anyone else. She told me she saw a 35 year old for a while (2 years) (I guess that's who Rose saw her with that one time in IHOP), but no one else really other than that. She's going to UTSA, studying psychology (I forgot if that was her major or minor, and what the other one was), working full time in San Antonio. She was living in San Antonio, but she's living her right now to help take care of her grandmother, who's sick. She asked for my number, which I gave to her (entered it in my phone herself), and she also asked if I'd like to hang out sometime - go to a movie or something. Care to guess what I said?

If you said 'yes', you are correct. I think that about covers everything. Oh, and at one point (like I said, my memory of the event is fairly fuzzy, and growing more so), she asked, and I quote, 'Can I have a hug?' It felt good. The hug, I mean. Mindy and I clicked. We really did. Granted, our relationship (most of the second half, I think) was marked by a large number of tribulations, but I have a large number of good memories of her. I don't remember much of the fighting, but I do remember the hugs, and the kisses, and the looks of joy and happiness. The feeling of warmth, of love. I just don't know. Heather says I have some decisions to make, and I guess I do. If she ever calls me back, that is. I gave her my number, but failed to ask for hers.

I hope she doesn't construe that as a lack of interest. I was really tired from the 15 hours or so I'd worked, the lack of sleep, and was also in something akin to a low-level state of shock. I really didn't know what to say. I mean, I'm all for resuming contact with her. I'm probably close to her as anyone, save Rose and Jarrod. Being closer to someone you haven't seen in a few years than any current years is... odd. The weird thoughts come when I remember one small fact about Mindy and I. We got back together 8 times. To the best of my recollection, we weren't able to spend more than a little time in each other's company without ending up back together, or well on the way.

So I'm not sure how I feel about this whole situation. Except for one thing - I keep hoping she'll call, and we'll got out and spend some time together. Even if it's just talking, catching up on the past few years. Hypothetically speaking, if things were given the chance of progressing further and it was solely up to me... I just don't know. Things have been so weird lately, I've felt adrift in a lot of ways. My perosnal life has been.. odd. Take Suzie, for example. Don't get me wrong, she's a sweet girl. But that's a situation I *never* should have wandered into. If I had been thinking clearer, hadn't been going through such social withdrawal and lonliness, probably would have escaped the whole thing altogether. I'll probably just handle the situation like I do DM'ing a session - deal with it as it comes up. So we'll see.

I was *really* weirded out after that, but strangely exhilerated. So I did the next thing that came to my mind after going in. I called Lilie. We talked for about half an hour. Topics varied. Nothing terribly heavy, but it wasn't all just light-hearted fluff either. Definitely the longest phone conversation I've had with a girl (not counting Rose) in a while. Eventually, though, I told her I had to go, which I did, because I had to shower and do some stuff. Nothing else really of note on Sunday - studying for tests, homework, that kind of thing.

So then came Monday. Which makes sense, I guess. Anyway. Found out the DDR machine was broken Monday morning. It broke my heart. Well, not really, but it was annoying. I was really tired all day and fell asleep in CS. I think the two are related. Took a probability test, which went very well. I got everything right, except two things. First, I misunderstood one question, so I answered it the wrong way. I did right the correct answer down as an aside, so he may give me partial credit or something. That mistake, I can live with. The second is much more annoying: I didn't even see the fourth page. Seriously. Which is endlessly annoying. Luckily, there was only one problem on that page, and an easy one at that, but it really, really annoys me. I would have gotten it completely right, but instead, I'll get no credit for that.

Monday night, went over to Matt and Luke's for D&D. We decided to restart the campaign, so they started building new characters. I'm trying something new - no PrCs, fairly strict die rolling, stuff like that. Consider it an experiement. We'll see how it turns out. They seemed to resist it at first, but I think they'll accept it. Or not. They can always have someone else DM.

Tuesday was my first shift as assistant manager. It went okay. The new shirt didn't prove much of a hindrance, though we'll see how it does in the kitchen tomorrow. (Side note: "Send Me an Angel" just came up on Winamp.) It wasn't that different from what I've been doing, which gives me some encouragement. I definitely didn't have any problems with the crew. I did the deposit and what-not, and that took a while, since Javi had to walk me through it. I counted down the carhops, and two of them were 7 and 12 dollars short. I *hate* it when I have to tell a carhop they're short. It makes me feel really bad, and it's the main issue I have with the job.

I got home about 7 or so, and had chem homework due at 8 - with a 2 hour grace period. So, of course, Lilie calls. Which was really, really cool. That doesn't happen that often. We talked a little, and I invited her to fifty cent night at Showplace. Nothing terribly great was showing, so we went to see the Bourne Supremacy. Next week, Spider-Man 2 and the Village is showing, so I'll end up going to see at least one of them, if not both. Anyway. We went in, and sat down. We both had our feet up on the seats in front of us, and talked a little more. Some girls came and sat down in front of us (there were plenty of empty seats, but they choose the ones in front of us; how annoying). So we had to take our feet down. I actually had mine resting on the arm rest; the girl to the left said it was okay, that it didn't bother her, and I could keep it. She then turned and said that she reocgnized me, and correctly identified me as someone that plays DDR on campus all the time. Apparently, she works at one of the nearby businesses, and sees me all the time. Or something like that. But Lilie couldn't really see over them, so we moved back a row. And put our feet back up on the chairs. We talked a lot, which is cool - I've always been a talker during movies (I got 'shushed' during Catwoman. Seriously.) She did lay her head down on my arm for most of the last third or so, and I kind of lay my head down on hers. Or something like that. I even ventured far enough to play with her hair. A little. Very little. Anyway. After the movie, we loitered in front of the theater for a while (well, we sat in the theater for quite a while after the movie ended, probably twenty minutes or so), talking. Eventualy, we walked to her car, she left, and I went back to my truck and left as well. She might make it Thursday, but might have to work. Friday is anybody's guess - I don't think anybody's going to be there playing, so I don't know. I think we're both off, though.

I'm not sure about us. I think she knows I like her, but first off, I don't know how she feels, and she's never really voluntereed any information on the matter. Maybe I'm supposed to drag it out of her? I've never really known what to do in these situations. Rudy would say this is my chance to avoid being dragged down into the friend zone, if I'm going to do so. I don't think she's dropped any hints or anything, but I'd be the last person to know if she did, so I'm probably not a reliable source of information on that front. We'll see.