Having the time of your life

Hmm... yeah, Saturday was fun.

The crew meeting was fun, the bowling party was a blast. Oh, and V for Vendetta is FUCKING AWESOME. I say that even though I fell asleep during parts of it - not continuous sleep, just dozing off here and there, my head lolling back... kind of embarrasing, since I was on a first date and everything. She didn't say anything about it, I don't know if she noticed. I hope not. But yeah, the movie was still awesome, and it sounds like I'm going to see it (at least) two more times - Rose on Friday, and Ambra on Monday.

So, the date... it went well, I think. Well, as well as could have been expected. She admitted that it was kind of awkward, her being friends with Janelle and everything, which is understandable. I told her it was cool if she wanted to call the whole thing off, but she didn't. I got my truck vacuumed and everything, I think it looks pretty nice. Of course, it was a moot point - I got hung up at Mom's house as her and Mike were asking about Ashley, and since Janelle happened to be there, she pulled up her facebook, which was FUN. So yeah, by the time I got back here and showered, then left to pick her up... she called me as I got about a block away, asked me if I wanted her to just meet me here, so I didn't miss the beginning, which is what we eventually did. I ended up standing outside the theather for a bit, waiting on her, which I really, really hate doing - I mean, I'm not complaining since it was definitely my fault and everthing, I'm just saying, I feel like such a doof when I have to do that. But she showed up before too long, and we went and got our seats. Ended up sitting down *just* as the previews were ending, which is good and bad, but still good timing.

Then, the movie.

Afterwards, we ended up standing outside by her car for like an hour and a half, just talking about myriad varied topics. Fairly enjoyable, no long awkward pauses or anything. I would later learn that Gina drove by at one point, as her little cabal was going to a late show, but they didn't say anything, figuring that the last thing you need when you're out on a first date is for your manager to show up and be like, "Hey! What's up?" - which isn't really true. I mean, yeah, if Dave did that, I wouldn't be happy, but Gina's cool. So yeah, we stood around and talked, and she finally had to leave, competition in the morning and everything. I walked across the parking lot to my truck, very nearly broke out in tears. I really, really don't know why - I certainly wasn't disappointed with how the date went or anything; hell, at that point, I was still surprised it had happened at all. I mean, even now, I still don't know what set me off. But yeah... I had been thinking about going up to Austin to play DDR, but I ended up just falling right asleep, since I had been up for quite a while at that point, and running around crazy for a good portion of it.

Woke up, went in to work Sunday 5 - C. Gina told me she saw me on my date, asked about Ambra and me, apparently like half the upper management things we're dating. I mean, it's an easy mistake to make, given how much time we spend together and what-not. I did Sunday night paperwork as usual, Ambra brought some XL dough on her way in... and I managed to lock myself out of the store while I was looking at the dough. Good stuff. I got Joe's roommate to bring me up the store key - Joe was kind of drunk - and finished up everything. Ambra and I talked a little about the misconceptions going on about us. She said something to the effect of "I've been thinking about [us dating], but didn't want to say anything about it, 'cause I didn't want to be a tease." which can be read one of two ways, but more on that later. Took the paperwork, came back here and crashed. We were thinking about going to see V for Vendetta at 3, but when my alarm went off at 1, she was in no mood to get up, so I got up and doinked around for a few hours while she slept. Didn't do much with my day off Monday, worked Tuesday 5 - C. Really, really slow for a Tuesday night - I think our highest pie hour was like a 48, which is *really* slow for Tuesday night. Found out Jimmy's not going to be a manager, "just" an insider (well, a San Marcos insider, at least), which makes me happy, 'cause I don't like him.

I mean, just as a person. I'm sure he's a fine worker, there hasn't been anything to make me dislike him, that's just my snap judgments kicking in. I'm not engraving that in stone, he still has an oppurtunity to show me I shouldn't dislike him, but 'til then...

Today (Wednesday)'s been okay. Had to go to training class with Joe 7 - 10. I really hate being in a San Antonio-based franchise, when we have to drive like 30-45 minutes to get to these things, very annoying. The class itself was pretty bad - the title was "Fundamentals." The only thing I learned was that someone has trademarked the phrase "Emotional Bank Account", which I still can't really wrap my head around. There were comment sheets to fill out, and that's really all I talked about. The rest of the stuff was stuff they had already shoved down my throat by the end of the first week, so yeah, pretty boring. I crashed on the way back, which is why I'm still up, and probably won't go to sleep. I just finished filing my taxes, netted a fairly sweet 1600+ return. Unfortunately, most of that - about 1300 - will go to finishing paying of my transmission loan, but that's still about 350 or so to play around with. Probably just go into my account, nothing really excited looming or anything. Well, except for moving in with Ambra in a little over a month.

So, what else is new? Let's see...

Rose and Lilie are moving to Austin, sounds like they're going to be moving into the Hills of Chevy Chase, which is an awesome name for an apartment complex. They'll be up on Wickersham-ish, so I can definitely stop by to say hi when I'm up there to play DDR or whatever. I'm taking Rose to go see V for Vendetta on Friday, which will be fun - again, it's a fantastic movie. She's still with Richard, which is great, but I don't know what's going to happen when they move to Austin, except I think she's buying his old car. Or something. Lilie kind of half-way admitted she had kind of led me on, which is nice, I s'pose, 'cept I don't really care. I mean, I'll always be in love with her, I just don't love her. I still get a little melancholy about her every once in a while, but that's very few and far between, so that's nice. I doubt I'll ever get over her fully - why should she be the first? - but it's progress. Hell, one day, I might even be able to talk to her again.

But anyway.

Played DDR on campus today, which was fun. I've fallen far - I couldn't even pass Healing Vision (Angelic Mix) on Heavy, but I know I can get back up there. Cullen and I are (pgoing up to Austin on Friday to play, which will be fun. We haven't really hung out in like nine months or so, so that'll be cool.

Ambra's being weird, as usual. She's just hard to read, I guess. Hell, most girls are, I'm just dealing with this one up close and personal, so the difficulties are magnified. But that's another story for another time.

Shana Vanguarde -- Dancing Queen

Never ever have I ever felt so low

So Jess asked me today how things are going with Ambra, and Felicia and I touched on that topic when she called about getting some stuff for the Steak Fanatic pizza, since she was about to run out and the office decided at the last minute to prolong the period of time in which we're offering the disgusting abomination. Yeah.

In both cases, I didn't really have an answer. Well, I did, kinda. The answer I had was that there wasn't anything to be going. I think that's my fault, as I haven't really pursued anything yet, mainly due to our schedules. Well, that, and I don't think I'm in an emotional state to even consider seeing someone else, when I can't seem to get past the last person I saw. I don't think it would be fair, the whole thing just sort of screams 'rebound' to me. So every time the oppurtunity arises, I passively let it go. Which got me to thinking about whether or not I should even try. I mean, first off, I'm not over Lilie, not by a long shot. Her stopping by work today and talking was enough to send me to the walk-in, crying, after she left, which was fun. Yeah. But something occurred to me about my relationship history the other day. Generally speaking, if the past is any indicator, this (Ambra) would end up being a disaster, or not ending well, or something like that, for the simple reason that someone else didn't do the hard part already.

That sounds a little weird, so I'm going to go dredging about in my past, a favorite pasttime of mine, and categorize my relationships by some new standards and see what patterns emerge. It should be fun.

Chelsea

Ah, yes, the one that started it all. Now, to be fair, you can't really even call this one a relationship. I mean, holy crap, we were kids. To be fair, yeah, a lot of kids are pursuing relationships - or some twisted version of it - this young, but I sure as hell didn't know what was going on.

• Initiation: Completely by myself. No help, nothing from her.
  
• Duration: A year, from the beginning to the end, but there's a lot of holes in the middle.
  
• Quality: Terrible. As I said, I had no frickin' clue what the hell was going on. My connection to reality has always been tenuous at best, and it was particularly weak concerning the fairer sex when I was younger (not to imply, by contrast, that it's any better now.)
  
• How: She finally realized that the entire thing was a terrible idea, had nothing to do with reality, and ended it. I appluad her for the action.
  
• Now: We never really talked before hand - I was too nervous - and not much after - I was too embarrassed. So, yeah.
  

Overall, a complete disaster. And it was all me. Isolated incident, or ignored foretelling? We'll see.

Shayna

I moped around a lot after Chelsea dumped me; one day, in Gamez's Algebra I class, Shayna raised her hand and asked, "Can I go over to Billy's desk and talk to him to make sure he's okay?" And gosh darn it, she did.

• Initiation: It was kind of a natural progression from the concern she showed for me, and the whole thing kind of grew out of that. I can't remember who asked who out, but the whole thing started from her.
  
• Duration: A couple months? I remember telling her I had a crush on Barbara in Ms. Baker's science class, which was still eighth grade, so I'm going to go with about three months, give or take.
  
• Quality: Pretty good, all things considered. Looking back, I'd say we clicked on certain things, and didn't really on other things, but more so positive than negative.
  
• How: She started things off when she came over and checked on me, and moved the whole thing along, until I torpedoed it all to hell. I'm pretty good at that. Told her I had written Barbara a secret-admirer letter, and that was pretty much that.
  
• Now: Friendly all the way through high school, but I haven't talked to her since. We're friends on MySpace, but haven't actually had any communication since. Good stuff.
  

She started things off, and they went well, until I ended them in my own special way. Inconclusive so far.

Barbara

So I developed a crush on Barbara, and pursued it. We went out for a while. I want to say sometime in April until band camp in the summer of our freshman year. Yeah, that sounds about right - her birthday was in late April, and I went to that as her boyfriend (or whatever), and I remember Josh giving me her break-up note after practice one day in summer band.

• Initiation: I asked her out after telling her I liked her. Nothing from anybody else.
  
• Duration: A few months. Five?
  
• Quality: Meh. We wrote letters back and forth almost every day, and went on a few outings - mainly movies, that I can remember. The Saint, Empire Strikes Back (I think), and Volcano spring to mind.
  
• How: We wrote letters back and forth all the time, so she broke up with me via letter - gave it to Josh to give to me after he was sure she'd left. In it, she said that I was "Immature" and two other things I don't really remember. She later (several years later) told me that she actually felt smothered. Fair enough.
  
• Now: We eventually started talking again later in high school after she spent most of freshmen year ignoring me (actively), except when her and Terri needed help in Biology, since Dufas was really, really bizarre and I was one of the few people who was able to figure out just what the hell he was trying to teach us on any given day. Spent some time with her via David a year or more ago, but nothing recent.
  

So this one is kinda like Chelsea - I started the whole thing, no third party help and nothing from her, and it was... well, lukewarm, for lack of a better word, and it ended with almost no warning.

Mary

Not going to go through the whole thing with Mary, since it lasted... three weeks, if that? I'll just mention that she asked me out within two weeks of school starting, we went on one date, and then she broke up with me. Fun stuff.

Crystal

Almost the exact same pattern as above. Hmm...

Kenni

Ah, Kenni. These were the good old days. Now that I think about it, I'm probably going to drop the structed list format and just kind of ramble. I met her at a pool party when Kristina asked if she could bring her little sister, which she did. Didn't think much of it at the time, 'til school started. Kenni was a freshman; I was a junior. Every morning, she'd come find me and give me a big hug and wish me a good day. Didn't matter where I was - in the cafetaria, chess club, or doing random tutoring in an equally random classroom - every morning, a good-morning hug. I eventually realized that that might be a sign, talked to Kristina about it briefly, asked her mom for permission, then went for it. Great relatiionship - we hung out a lot, enjoyed each other's company, gave each other our first kiss after the Homecoming Dance... good memories. It ended rather abruptly, because of a third party, it had nothing to do with either of us. So yeah, fairly successful, overall, and she started it.

Mindy

I'll try to keep this one brief. Crystal introduced us, since she thought we'd be good for each other, and Mindy wanted an older boyfriend. We hit it off very well right from the start, and had a long (at least by my standards - a year and a half) rollar-coaster relationship. We broke up and got back together eight times, and were a *bunch* of firsts for each other. Finally ended when I started going to UT. Fairly successful overall, and Crystal started it for us.

Suzie

She im'ed me one evening about what a jackalope was, and when we finally started hanging out, she dropped a ton of hints - we were sitting in her bed, and she had me start brushing her hair, a few others, until she finally takes me to this empty beach at like three am, and we had a moonlight stroll with the tide gently lapping at our ankles. I kissed her, she kissed me back, and we launched a four month relationship that lasted until I broke up with her on February 1st.

Lilie

Credit for this one goes to Kristen and Allison, who seriously tried to hook us up, and talked too much about it, respectively. The thought crossed my mind a few times during the relationship if it would have happened without their actions. Meh. Another fairly successful relationship brought about by other people's actions.

Sara

We only went on one date, but this was one that I pursued unilaterally, without second or third party assistance. Bombed when she found out I was an atheist, and told me she wouldn't be comfortable dating someone outside her religion.

Terri

Sort of skipped her, but I threw out any pretense of order a while back, and I'm approaching stream-of-consciousness writing here. We have a longer history than Mindy and I, and most likely just as tangled. It's really hard to say anything about this one in this context, though I remember one evneing at the Alkek library when she was definitely pushing hard to the hoop.

I guess the idea I'm trying to explore is that by far, my successful relationships have been those that were initiated by or came to fruitation through the acions of someone else, even the girl in question - Lilie, Mindy, Kenni, Suzie; whereas those that I initiated completely on my own - Barbara, Heather, Sara - tended to be lukewarm, go nowhere, and end relatively quickly or never even start. Now, it's not a definite rule - look at Crystal and Mary for very good counter-examples. However, as a general hypothesis, it does seem to fit most of the current evidence fairly well. Now, as to why, I have no idea. Granted, there's probably more of a confidence boost when there's definite signals coming in, and the fear of rejection is much, much less. That, and there's several layers of filtering already done, so any early flags that might have been thrown have already been cleared. However, I've never liked depending on other people to carry important messages for me - I'd rather do it myself.

I came to this realization almost a month ago during some reminiscing. I think it scares me, because as I grow more and more socially isolated, the chances of having that third party assistance - which, for the record, I've never solicited - declines rather steadily, not to say anything of the likelihood of second party signals.

I don't think much of this post makes sense, but I'm going to go with it anyway.


All Saints -- Never Ever

I hide away my fears, hoping no one will come near

Ow.

So I'm ridiculously bored and lonely, and looking for something, anything, to do to keep me from going insane. David is in Denver spending the holidays with his family instead of here, so I'm watching MST3K by myself.

So I've been thinking. Why is it that some people can't find meaningful sex? Some people have sex with plenty of people they think they actually cared about, relationships they acted like they would actually go somewhere. Yet, when a lot of people try to find a relationship, something beyond just normal everyday sex with someone they couldn't give one tenth of one shit about, they can't find it? First, why the hell are they having sex with someone they couldn't give one tenth of one shit about, if they're looking for a close relationship? Are men today just incapable of actual romance? No, I don't think that's it. I think it's that the vast majority of women are, though they'll deny it, cruel, cold-hearted bitches that are not only incredibly self-centered, but want things both ways - proverbially speaking, they want to have their cake and eat it too. Some people find success at first, by hiding those negative traits for a while, and end up scarring the people they're with, giving them enough emotional baggage to make later attempts doomed to failure. That's why the "good ones" get harder and harder to find later on. What's the world coming to?

Anyway, I write this under the effect of a major negative emotional spiral, a huge downswing, and a night of crying, but that doesn't absolve me of any responsibility of what I say. That is all.

Milk, Inc -- Living a Lie

When you walk away, you don't hear me say 'Please, oh baby, don't go'

Wow. Even now, I am amazed at how completely my view of the world can change in the course of a few days. Sixty hours ago, I was upset at almost everything, ready to give up on a bunch of things that really mattered to me, and just on the verge of tears. Now, I feel much better. Granted, the first part was due partly to a lack of quality sleep, some misunderstandings, and me still needing to work on chilling out - I'm making progress, slowly - but the turnaround is still palpable. Lilie and I talked some more, and we're back where we always are. Which is a good place to be. Now, if only I could convince her that it would be much, much better to tell me if she starts dating someone, even if it's someone I know, things would be spectacular.

I mean, it kind of scares me at times. I love her. I really, really do. Maybe too much? Well, no. Not to the point where I'd kill myself if she moved away or something like that. Or stalk her, or anything like that. But I do love her a great deal. And yeah, I wish we were together. Failing that, though, what we have now - very close best friends that kiss a lot and hang out and what-not is probably the next best thing. But what I mean that I love her too much is that no matter what we go through, I'm fairly certain that if she ever came up to me and told me that she wanted to get back together, I would. Even after all the pain, the uncertainty, the roller coasters...

Yeah, so anyway. She said that she didn't want to tell me if she was dating someone else because she didn't want to hurt me more, she'd already put me through so much, that I deserved better, etc. None of which is true - well, I mean, the not wanting to hurt me more part probably is, but the rest... "Somebody better"? That's a load of crap, on so many levels. I think we go well together - not perfect; there are a few areas we do differ significantly - but for the most part, yeah. Otherwise, we wouldn't have gone through all we have, and still be where we are.

So that leaves the idea of her dating someone else, with the possibility of it being someone I know. I've already gone through that, for the most part, when she got together with Scott. Well, except for the "someone you know" part. But I have gone through her dating someone else. And yeah, it really, really hurt at first. A huge part of that was the circumstances around it - she said she was leaving to take a vacation, I asked her if there was a boy involved, she said no, we had a huge, heart-felt discussion about it. Then she leaves, and that evening, I stumble upon her journal, and discover the heart-wrenching truth. A huge part of it was that just two days ago, she had told me that exact opposite. I mean, it's one of the ways we're different, how we prefer to handle that kind of situation. I'd rather know straight up, from the beginning. Anyway... I was glad she was with Scott, that things were working out for them. Hell, I even took her to the airport to go see him, and picked her up when she got back. Granted, that was the time he broke up with her, but still. I want her to be happy, and if she's happier with someone else, so be it. And yeah, I understand that she just didn't want to hurt me. But I've already discussed me feelings about that at great length. So anyway. The point I'm trying to make is that I hope she will tell me. I'm horribly insecure, and one of the reasons I'm so weird about her is that I'm afraid that she'll hook up with someone else and I won't know. That the whole world will be laughing at me as I walk around, oblivious. I also understand her hesitation if it was someone we know. That could be... awkward, at best, especially if they know how I feel about her, and given our mutual friends, that's almost a given. The only person I can think of that it might happen with is Mokry from work. He's also the example she always uses, which I can understand. He's smart, funny, attractive, got his stuff in order and a good plan outlined... wouldn't blame her one bit if they hooked up. I'd want things to go well for them. And as far as things being awkward is concerned - I'd sure hope not. Mokry and I are becoming very good friends as well, and I wouldn't that to be disrupted for a girl. I wouldn't say or do anything to contribute to anything awkward about the situation, because I'd want her to be happy.

So yeah. That's how I feel about all that.

Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's all just in my mind

So I called her. And she called me back.

And we hung out last night.

It was... alright. Nothing magical, but we definitely enjoyed each other's comnpany. We'll probably hang out again. She said she'll call.

In other news, what've I been up to? Well...

Not much. Work, school, DDR, WoW. Fun.

Lilie and I have, well, stabalized. We've had some interesting conversations in recent times, which have both comforted and confused me, but I'm okay with where we are. That's been as far as I've gotten. I'm still in love with her, in a very active sense, not passive or anything. I don't begrudge her her current relationship or anything - on the contrary, I'm ecstatic that things are going so well for the two of them, and I really hope it works out. It's encouraging to see Lilie dealing with the issues that have in the past prevented her from maintaining a relationship, though it has only been a month and a half. He's coming down this weekend. That'll be a fun couple of days.

Managed to get Jarrod hooked on WoW. Was pretty easy, too.

I'll post more later. Best Buy is selling 160 gig, 7200 rpm, 8 mb cache Western Digital Hard Drives for 30 dollars. I already got one for Lilie, put it in her computer, got XP Pro up and running, and fixed her sound. My main right now is a 40 gig 5400 rpm 2 mb cache, so I'll be upgrading my main. Not quite sure what to do with the old one; probably keep it around in case I ever need some auxiliary storage.

Turn off the lights

I have to hurry up and get to work, but I had to write about this...

First off, I'm going to kill Lacey for putting me in this situation to begin with. But since I already am, might as well consider it.

Should I call her? Everyone I've talked to so far - Rose, Jarrod, Mom, and Janelle - think I should. Rose is already trying to synch our schedules so that she can go and make things easier for everyone concerned, but if I do call her and it happens, I'll just fly solo. But I don't know if I'm going to. I mean, there's no real reason not to... but I've never done anything like this before.

Wait, well, sort of. Twice, if you wanna stretch things just a tad.

Argh.

We went and saw "Sgt. Bilko" with Josh and Rebecca. That was, in fact, the premise for our outing in the first place - Josh had asked Rebecca on a date, but the Caudle's didn't like single couple dates, and wanted it to be more of a group thing, so Becca asked Chelsea and Chelsea asked me. She wore a yellow dress (I think - this is one of the things I'm fuzzy on). Josh and I were talking; he mentioned I was supposed to buy her ticket. She was standing in front of one of the pillars; I peeked my head around and asked her if she had already bought a ticket, and she said she had. I had a Sprite; she had either a Dr. Pepper or a Coke; can't remember which. We sat in the back left (from the screen's perspective - from ours, it was the right side of the theater). My Sprite was in the right armrest thing, she was sitting on my left. The movie was pretty funny. I spent the majority of it contemplating whether or not I should attempt to hold her hand - naturally, I elected not to. That would be a continuing theme both during that "relationship" thereafter - in fact, it applied with everyone but Suzie. We went to Hastings afterwards. That was back when Hastings was on the corner, not the "Superstore" it is now.

I'm totally pulling a Jarrod, and need to stop it. It'll be resolved tomorrow. I miss her.

I'm SO TIRED. I closed last night, then opened this morning. Luckily, I have tomorrow completely off. That'll be nice. I'll get to do some laundry, sleep in, stay up, and fix up my schedule and see how I'm gonna do it.

Now:

Jessica = the girl from Michigan
Jess = the Jessica that worked at Sonic Februrary - June

If things had gone differently while Jess was here, I could have ended up with her. Not anything long-term, and I don't know if it would have any effect on where I am right now... although The Butterfly Effect teaches us that that statement is impossible. I mean, we got along great - we can still talk a lot, and we had a small spark, I think. Although, we would have had the same problems I have now, but more so. So I mean, I still care about her, but only as a good friend.

So then there's Jessica, who's a cool girl from Michigan, who came down here chasing a boy. Her and I get along really well too.

So it turns out Edward and Jessica... yeah. And he's supposed to be hooked up with Jess. Or something like that. I don't really know. But A) the thought of Jessica with Edward is just repulsive; B) that means she's cheating on him (this one is actually none of my business - hell, neither is (A); hell, neither is (C)) C) Edward's cheating on Jess. B isn't any of my business; A is just an opinion, but C really pisses me off. I'm a pretty laid back, easy-going guy for the most part, and (outside of worK ;) it's fairly difficult to annoy or upset me. But don't mess with people I care about. Then, I was talking to Carrie:

Carrie: do you have minutes on your cell?
mr_binky_the_jackalope: huh?
Carrie: you have a cell phon right>
mr_binky_the_jackalope: yeah
Carrie: :P
Carrie: are you allowed to call me? for a few minutes....i miss talking to you :O

So I called her, and we talked for a bit. Just like the old days.

Home from work. A few interesting things happened while I was there.

First, Marny stopped by again. She asked to talk to me - mainly because I was basically the only person there who worked with her. She asked if I was still with my girlfriend, and told me that she had a girl at her sonic she wanted to hook me up with. She (the girl in question) is apparently a female version of me. Except, for some reason, Marny remembered during our conversation that she's a major pothead, so it wouldn't work out anyway. All in all, a weird conversation.

Also, Katie was throwing a fit because she had to close, and would probably have to help close fountain as well. It was... weird. I teased her a little, and Javi even joined in. It was.. mildly humorous. She never straight out just asked me if I'd stay and close fountain; if she had, I don't know what I would've said.

Suzie left a message on my phone while I was at work, saying that she was going to go out tonight, and depending on when she gets back, she might call, 'cause she's not sure if I work tomorrow morning or evening (evening). I hope she has a good time. Talking to Dave, it doesn't look like there's going to be a problem with next week, but I won't be completely sure until he releases the schedule, sometime tomorrow evening or Sunday morning. (I work 5 - C (cook) tomorrow). Argh... there was something else I wanted to type about, but I can't remember. Perhaps next time.

It's been a while. Well, not *that* long - two weeks or so. I've been up to a few things. Tore up my ankle last Friday; haven't been able to play DDR for a while. Gonna do so Tuesday (probably). Didn't drop M427K. Have a date with this awesome girl named Rhiannon. More on that later. Valentine's Day was awesome, but for the wrong reasons. More later; I've got to wrap up a CS project.

Well, I found it.

How did the date go? It went pretty darn well. We met at 11:00 am, in the courtyard outside the Union. It was originally for lunch, but then we realized it was 11. We went inside - she got some coffee from the Bistro - and we sat and talked. She gave me number and directions to her place. I was supposed to pick her up at 5, we'd go from there. We talked... about all kinds of things. It was really great. I haven't just sat and talked with anyone, much less a really pretty girl, in, well, before Mindy. That puts it a solid three years or so. And this came at such a good time, too... Then, we went to Italian class. No one had done their work (that's an unfair generalization, but it's close enough). The teacher was sort of yelling at us, but she doesn't really yell. It was... humorous. I went home, and promptly fell asleep for like forty-five minutes. Then I took a shower, got all cleaned up, cleaned out my truck, and gave it a quick wipe-down (yeah, that's right). Left around 3:30... stopped by work to grab a lemon-lime slush ('cause those taste *great* right after brushing your teeth...), get some last-minute advice from Devon and Sunny... Stopped by HEB and got our tickets - traffic was pretty bad, so I was delayed in picking her up, didn't get there until 5:15. It was funny - I called her on when I was almost to campus, to let her know what was up, and I had to say "Okay, bye." like really quick, and hang up. I felt really bad, and I explained what had happened when I got there. I was near this light, and it was yellow, but I was going to go through it, but this guy like jumps out right in front of me, so I had to brake pretty hard, and then stop for the light, which had turned red during my delay. I couldn't do it on the phone, which was why I had to do that. Picked her up - she looked *so* pretty - she had her hair down, for once - and we just drove. We went, um, north on Guadalupe - it turned into Lamar, then into a highway or something, then back into Lamar. About the time I realized we were near Cedar Park, we turned around. The whole time, we were just talking. About stuff. She likes foriegn films, among other things. She makes me feel so uncultured, but in a good way (that makes no sense, even when I read it). Well, we made it to the arena, drove past it and back, then went in. I had to run back to the truck to get the tickets - I could tell the DDR had been helping. Well, we went in, and sat in the wrong seats. Instead of being near the front, we were *at* the front. My shoulder was literally against the plexiglass (or whatever) surrounding the Ice Bat's bench. The game was a lot of fun. We won, 4 - 1. There were some fights... there was this old lady sitting in the (only) row in front of us, and they kept slamming the glass right in front of her. After the game, i took her home. When we got to her dorm - well, as close as I could get in my truck - she turns to me, touches my right arm, and tells me she had a great time. Then she left.

Man, it was fun. So, I wrote her this email the next morning - feeling all gutsy as I was - and told her yeah, I had a great time too - glad she did - and that I really like her and if she'd like to do something again.

*Sigh...*

"Dear William,
Hey! I'm a little confused about what you're asking me. I just wanted to say that I would love to hang out as friends again. If I misunderstood your intentions and you were asking me out on a date, then I would have to say no because I really don't feel comfortable dating someone who does not share my religious beliefs. I think you're a really sweet person, and I would like to still be friends with you. If you weren't asking me out then completely disregard the last two sentences,
Sara"

Man... oh well..

There's not really much I can do about this one. There's some interesting pros and cons on this one. Well, let's look at the pros, so we can get that out of the way and go wallow in self-pity for a little while, then get back to my fun, exciting life. Hmm... well, I didn't pull any of my classic screw-ups - coming on too strong, not coming on, being totally oblivous to any and all signs thrown my way - the old favorites. I was basically out of this one before it began. I've talked to a few people, and there's not really a consensus. Rudy feels that this is probably just a "smoke-screen," and that she's probably just not interested, and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. From a self-esteem point of view, this is a really easy one to believe. But I think that really discredits Sara. She seems so sincere. I mean, I trust her enough that if that wasn't why, she wouldn't have said that it was. I've had a great deal of advice on this, for whatever reasons. But, as usual, I'm going to ignore all that experience garnered at the cost of pain, and heartbreak, and learn them for myself. Where do I go from here? Well, I'm not sure. The debate that's taking center stage right now is the possibility of a respone email. I've heard a lot of no's on that one. I'm still leaning towards yes, though. I *really* want to be friends with her, and she deserves at least some clarification. 'Cause yeah, I was asking her out on a date. Yeah, I wanted to "go out" with her. I'm not sure if that should be in the past tense... well, it needs to be. I'm going to try to remain friends.... although, I've learned from past experience that when you meet a girl, and try to jump to dating without establishing a deep friendship first, if you don't make it, that going to friends is rather difficult. But I almost feel like that's doing her a disservice - undermining her, or something. The more I think about it, the more I lean towards a reply email. Something like, yeah, I was asking you out, but I understand what you're saying....and I'd totally like to hang out as friends. Except that sounds really dorky. Hmm... well, I don't think there's much I can do about that. I'll keep you informed.

Man, one week later... what's been going on? Well...

I did it. I asked Sara out. Sort of. I said, "Vorreste uscire fuori qualche volta?" This translates as "Would you like to go out with me sometime?" She was like, "Where?" Well, we didn't know. Next day, we found out we both like hockey, so we're going to a hockey game in approximately nineteen hours. I'm *really* nervous. We've been talking on AOL a lot - she lives in Austin, so in person or over the phone aren't that practical. I'm really nervous... I mean, I really like her. Like, for real. And she's responding rather well. I don't quite know if she knows I like like her, but it's a start. And when you ask someone out, then tell them you think they're nice and pretty and smart and interesting (which she most definitely is), well, that's a hint that even I can pick up on. We've been talking a lot - she likes stand up, and snl, and letterman (hates Leno), Dana Carvey, opera/broadway music, other music, and other stuff.. I'm typing too fast to get it all down, so I'll come back to that one. She's got really pretty blond hair - not like bleached, "Hey, look at me - I'm blonde!" type hair, but more of a subdued, "I have really pretty blonde hair, but it doesn't scream for attention". But my fav part? Her eyes. They're *so* blue. I've only been fortunate enough to look into them twice, but whoa. It's like getting an electrical shock while having freezing cold water poured on you, and being in complete free-fall. I just realized that it's the 31^st - if things go well enough, I might have a date for Valentine's Day. That would rock. But I'm not gonna count on it, or even think about that right now. I'm going to work to avoid screwing this up in any of the ways I've screwed up things before; that's right - I'm going to have to find an entirely new way to screw this one up. :)