Finally got to get into it with a customer today about the whole "You Got 30 Minutes" thing. First, I do think it's really, really dumb for them to be using that. I mean, yeah, the vast majority of our orders do get to our customers within thirty minutes, and I don't think it's necessarily wrong to play up that; the problem, however, is that we did that 30 minute guarantee in the 80's, so *anything* with Domino's and the number 30 is automatically going to make that connection in people's minds. It's pretty unfortunate. Anyway. He also got pretty mad that our drivers don't carry parmesan or crushed red peppers on them. Seriously, though. I mean, if you can't eat something without a given condiment, that condiment has ceased to be a condiment, and is instead an integral part of the dish. Well, those aren't. Deal with it. We do charge for them. Think that's ridiculous? Shop somewhere else. Customer's choice, and all that.

So the guy placed his order, and I told him at the end of the order that it'd be 35-45 minutes. The guy calls back at thirty-one minutes, almost exactly. I know this because when someone calls back that's already placed an order, when you bring up that phone line, it says when they ordered. There's that, and there's the clock right next to that, so it's pretty easy to see how long ago they ordered. So yeah, he called back right at thirty-one, thirty-two minutes. He was calling about our 30-minute guarantee, which we don't have. He kept bringing up the commercial, which just says "You've got 30 minutes". It doesn't say "You've got 30 minutes, or it's free." It definitely doesn't say "You've got 30 minutes (or it's free)". It says "You've got 30 minutes (or keep waiting)". Again, I'm not defending the fact that they're almost definitely playing to the fact that we did have one, a long, LONG time ago, and people are definitely going to make that association whenever they see the 30. Whatever. But it's there, and we're doing the best we can.

So yeah, the guy calls at 32 minutes, and I explain about it being an estimate, not a guarantee. We go through this several times.

He then calls back another twenty-ish minutes later, to make another complaint. Basically, (a) his pizza took 40 minutes, and (b) the driver didn't have any peppers or cheese on him. I would have had a little more sympathy for this complaint if we hadn't already discussed (a) when he called back ONE MINUTE after thirty minutes, and I told him that it'd be 35-45 minutes for delivery. And (b), well, there's not a lot I can do about (b). It's how our franchise operates. I can't really defend it.

Moving on.

Four of

Hmm. I got caught up playing around on Facebook, and I'm really not sure where I was going with that "Four of" thing. I'll get back to that, if possible.

Oh! I remember. Maybe. I might have been going to say something about I've done four of my eleven consecutive shifts? Probably not. I can't see me saying "Four of" as the beginning of that sentence. Anyway.

So yeah, been dealing with a lot of ex's lately, primarily through Facebook. I let it do the 'automatic friend finder thing' with my gmail inbox, and that brought up Chelsea and Lilie, got to see them. Oh, and Terri. Saw Mindy while going through some photos to upload, and Carrie, and Nikki. Ashley ordered pizza last night.

My heart is on fire, I have no regrets

Had a weird dream last night (I love blog posts that start off that way). Basically, I drove to North Carolina to surprise Terri (in this dream, she's still living with her family, similar to the situation the second time I drove over there, where they were all in that apartment thing). I got there without incident, and was looking for Terri's window, but I saw Christy's and she let me in and took me to Terri's room. I don't really remember the rest, but I know it wasn't a sex dream. I think Terri led me to a guest room with a couch in it where I'd be sleeping, something like that? I remember her being really thrilled to see me, but I don't think the dream as a whole really means anything.

So in an hour or so, I leave for my last shift before school starts. I got my chemistry book in the mail, so I'm ready in a physical sense. Well, a material sense - I'd like to drop about a hundred pounds to be ready in a physical sense, but I intend to start working on that hardcore as well. I'm off tomorrow, so I have all day to freak out about each and every little thing, that should be fun. Crap! I don't know if I have a spiral ready for note-taking, but between my entire day off tomorrow and the gift Bambi gave me to Colloquim, I should be able to remedy that fairly easily.

Wendy Phillips -- Stay

Show you what I really want to do

So I had kind of a raunchy dream last night about Terri. That's somewhat misleading, since the raunchiness wasn't her and me, it was her and this other guy, and I walked in on them like twice, and heard things (they lived in the apartment next to me) a few other times. Good stuff.

Domino's is going alright. Jackie stopped by yesterday, which was pretty neat; she saw my truck and stopped by just to say hi.



French Affair -- My Heart Goes Boom

Never ever have I ever felt so low

So Jess asked me today how things are going with Ambra, and Felicia and I touched on that topic when she called about getting some stuff for the Steak Fanatic pizza, since she was about to run out and the office decided at the last minute to prolong the period of time in which we're offering the disgusting abomination. Yeah.

In both cases, I didn't really have an answer. Well, I did, kinda. The answer I had was that there wasn't anything to be going. I think that's my fault, as I haven't really pursued anything yet, mainly due to our schedules. Well, that, and I don't think I'm in an emotional state to even consider seeing someone else, when I can't seem to get past the last person I saw. I don't think it would be fair, the whole thing just sort of screams 'rebound' to me. So every time the oppurtunity arises, I passively let it go. Which got me to thinking about whether or not I should even try. I mean, first off, I'm not over Lilie, not by a long shot. Her stopping by work today and talking was enough to send me to the walk-in, crying, after she left, which was fun. Yeah. But something occurred to me about my relationship history the other day. Generally speaking, if the past is any indicator, this (Ambra) would end up being a disaster, or not ending well, or something like that, for the simple reason that someone else didn't do the hard part already.

That sounds a little weird, so I'm going to go dredging about in my past, a favorite pasttime of mine, and categorize my relationships by some new standards and see what patterns emerge. It should be fun.

Chelsea

Ah, yes, the one that started it all. Now, to be fair, you can't really even call this one a relationship. I mean, holy crap, we were kids. To be fair, yeah, a lot of kids are pursuing relationships - or some twisted version of it - this young, but I sure as hell didn't know what was going on.

• Initiation: Completely by myself. No help, nothing from her.
  
• Duration: A year, from the beginning to the end, but there's a lot of holes in the middle.
  
• Quality: Terrible. As I said, I had no frickin' clue what the hell was going on. My connection to reality has always been tenuous at best, and it was particularly weak concerning the fairer sex when I was younger (not to imply, by contrast, that it's any better now.)
  
• How: She finally realized that the entire thing was a terrible idea, had nothing to do with reality, and ended it. I appluad her for the action.
  
• Now: We never really talked before hand - I was too nervous - and not much after - I was too embarrassed. So, yeah.
  

Overall, a complete disaster. And it was all me. Isolated incident, or ignored foretelling? We'll see.

Shayna

I moped around a lot after Chelsea dumped me; one day, in Gamez's Algebra I class, Shayna raised her hand and asked, "Can I go over to Billy's desk and talk to him to make sure he's okay?" And gosh darn it, she did.

• Initiation: It was kind of a natural progression from the concern she showed for me, and the whole thing kind of grew out of that. I can't remember who asked who out, but the whole thing started from her.
  
• Duration: A couple months? I remember telling her I had a crush on Barbara in Ms. Baker's science class, which was still eighth grade, so I'm going to go with about three months, give or take.
  
• Quality: Pretty good, all things considered. Looking back, I'd say we clicked on certain things, and didn't really on other things, but more so positive than negative.
  
• How: She started things off when she came over and checked on me, and moved the whole thing along, until I torpedoed it all to hell. I'm pretty good at that. Told her I had written Barbara a secret-admirer letter, and that was pretty much that.
  
• Now: Friendly all the way through high school, but I haven't talked to her since. We're friends on MySpace, but haven't actually had any communication since. Good stuff.
  

She started things off, and they went well, until I ended them in my own special way. Inconclusive so far.

Barbara

So I developed a crush on Barbara, and pursued it. We went out for a while. I want to say sometime in April until band camp in the summer of our freshman year. Yeah, that sounds about right - her birthday was in late April, and I went to that as her boyfriend (or whatever), and I remember Josh giving me her break-up note after practice one day in summer band.

• Initiation: I asked her out after telling her I liked her. Nothing from anybody else.
  
• Duration: A few months. Five?
  
• Quality: Meh. We wrote letters back and forth almost every day, and went on a few outings - mainly movies, that I can remember. The Saint, Empire Strikes Back (I think), and Volcano spring to mind.
  
• How: We wrote letters back and forth all the time, so she broke up with me via letter - gave it to Josh to give to me after he was sure she'd left. In it, she said that I was "Immature" and two other things I don't really remember. She later (several years later) told me that she actually felt smothered. Fair enough.
  
• Now: We eventually started talking again later in high school after she spent most of freshmen year ignoring me (actively), except when her and Terri needed help in Biology, since Dufas was really, really bizarre and I was one of the few people who was able to figure out just what the hell he was trying to teach us on any given day. Spent some time with her via David a year or more ago, but nothing recent.
  

So this one is kinda like Chelsea - I started the whole thing, no third party help and nothing from her, and it was... well, lukewarm, for lack of a better word, and it ended with almost no warning.

Mary

Not going to go through the whole thing with Mary, since it lasted... three weeks, if that? I'll just mention that she asked me out within two weeks of school starting, we went on one date, and then she broke up with me. Fun stuff.

Crystal

Almost the exact same pattern as above. Hmm...

Kenni

Ah, Kenni. These were the good old days. Now that I think about it, I'm probably going to drop the structed list format and just kind of ramble. I met her at a pool party when Kristina asked if she could bring her little sister, which she did. Didn't think much of it at the time, 'til school started. Kenni was a freshman; I was a junior. Every morning, she'd come find me and give me a big hug and wish me a good day. Didn't matter where I was - in the cafetaria, chess club, or doing random tutoring in an equally random classroom - every morning, a good-morning hug. I eventually realized that that might be a sign, talked to Kristina about it briefly, asked her mom for permission, then went for it. Great relatiionship - we hung out a lot, enjoyed each other's company, gave each other our first kiss after the Homecoming Dance... good memories. It ended rather abruptly, because of a third party, it had nothing to do with either of us. So yeah, fairly successful, overall, and she started it.

Mindy

I'll try to keep this one brief. Crystal introduced us, since she thought we'd be good for each other, and Mindy wanted an older boyfriend. We hit it off very well right from the start, and had a long (at least by my standards - a year and a half) rollar-coaster relationship. We broke up and got back together eight times, and were a *bunch* of firsts for each other. Finally ended when I started going to UT. Fairly successful overall, and Crystal started it for us.

Suzie

She im'ed me one evening about what a jackalope was, and when we finally started hanging out, she dropped a ton of hints - we were sitting in her bed, and she had me start brushing her hair, a few others, until she finally takes me to this empty beach at like three am, and we had a moonlight stroll with the tide gently lapping at our ankles. I kissed her, she kissed me back, and we launched a four month relationship that lasted until I broke up with her on February 1st.

Lilie

Credit for this one goes to Kristen and Allison, who seriously tried to hook us up, and talked too much about it, respectively. The thought crossed my mind a few times during the relationship if it would have happened without their actions. Meh. Another fairly successful relationship brought about by other people's actions.

Sara

We only went on one date, but this was one that I pursued unilaterally, without second or third party assistance. Bombed when she found out I was an atheist, and told me she wouldn't be comfortable dating someone outside her religion.

Terri

Sort of skipped her, but I threw out any pretense of order a while back, and I'm approaching stream-of-consciousness writing here. We have a longer history than Mindy and I, and most likely just as tangled. It's really hard to say anything about this one in this context, though I remember one evneing at the Alkek library when she was definitely pushing hard to the hoop.

I guess the idea I'm trying to explore is that by far, my successful relationships have been those that were initiated by or came to fruitation through the acions of someone else, even the girl in question - Lilie, Mindy, Kenni, Suzie; whereas those that I initiated completely on my own - Barbara, Heather, Sara - tended to be lukewarm, go nowhere, and end relatively quickly or never even start. Now, it's not a definite rule - look at Crystal and Mary for very good counter-examples. However, as a general hypothesis, it does seem to fit most of the current evidence fairly well. Now, as to why, I have no idea. Granted, there's probably more of a confidence boost when there's definite signals coming in, and the fear of rejection is much, much less. That, and there's several layers of filtering already done, so any early flags that might have been thrown have already been cleared. However, I've never liked depending on other people to carry important messages for me - I'd rather do it myself.

I came to this realization almost a month ago during some reminiscing. I think it scares me, because as I grow more and more socially isolated, the chances of having that third party assistance - which, for the record, I've never solicited - declines rather steadily, not to say anything of the likelihood of second party signals.

I don't think much of this post makes sense, but I'm going to go with it anyway.


All Saints -- Never Ever

Just talked to Terri; she's not going to be coming down next weekend. Had some major car problems and an issue at her job, so she's looking for a new job, is going to be moving back in with her parents for a while, and saving up to get her car fixed.

So that really sucks. That was one of the main things keeping this weekend from being a total debacle.

"One of"? Hell, scratch that. That was the *only* thing keeping me from being in tears all last night. Tonight's going to be fun.

And by "fun", I mean "not fun".

A little piece of heaven, baby, a place to call my own

So, I'm re-installing WoW right now. It's been freezing up while playing - I mean the computer, completely, not just the game. I've already run various scans - ad/mal/spy ware, virus, updated my graphic drivers, run a few different system scans. If this doesn't work... well, I'm not completely sure what's next. I don't really want to reformat my C drive or reinstall Windows XP. So I hope this works. Would have done this sooner, but I had to wait for Jarrod to get back from whereever he was; my disks were still over there from when I installed the game on his computer.

So, in the interim...

First, work. We've lost a ton of people, and have been hiring new people rapidly to try to fill those gaps, in addition to gearing up for the summer. Let's see...

Right before Spring Break, we lost like eight people - Katie, Shelley, Emily, the other new girl, Drew, Ashley, and two others. Can't really remember who else. Katie went to Slaughter. Ashley and Shelley just quit; Drew was mistakenly fired (and subsequently re-hired). Emily was the new girl hired on Monday; she was really cool and picking everything up, but for whatever reason, she quit on Thursday. We've also recently lost another clump of people. Jenn got fired, Frank got fired, amongst others. So, who do we have now?

Kitchen:

Ray:
Still the big dog in the kitchen. Despite having stepped down from being a manager, he still opens once or twice a week - which is nice, because one of those shifts used to be mine, and I don't particularly like opening.

Freddie:
Freddie's still Freddie, though he's more prone to getting pissed off at me lately. Of course, that might be my fault; meh. He's going to be leaving in August (?) when his lease expires, to move up to Austin and move in with his girlfriend Lauren. So I'm excited for him.

Larry:
Larry's going to be moving to days, since he ended his other job, and picked up another one with a different schedule. Other than that, he's still the same. Got a rather nasty burn on his stomach a few days ago when the grease trap fell out of the vent and splashed into the fryer, spilling grease onto his stomach and a little on his cheek. Luckily, it wasn't *that* bad, but he did stand in the walk-in freezer for a bit with mustard on it (Don't ask.)

BJ:
BJ's a new cook we picked up a while back. He's great - already knows how to do the boards and has no qualms about doing so whenever asked, and has a good sense about when to do it when we don't.

Mark:
Mark used to work at the other Sonic, and it shows. He's another good cook, picking things up quickly.

Filèmon:
A new hire, without previous experience. Seems to be going okay so far. His first day, we didn't have a shirt in his size, so he had to cook in the shirt he came in, which looked kind of funny.

Tomas:
Still lazy and perverted.

Andrew:
Still here - got mistakenly fired again when the message didn't get relayed to Dave about his child being born. But I love working with him.

Albert walked out in the middle of a shift without notice or explanation; Frank got fired one Sunday when he called in and said "I partied too much last night and didn't get enough sleep."

Front:
Members of the old crew that are still there: Allison, Erica, Tracy, Megan, Emily, Lacey, Cat, Adam, Jessica. I think that's about it.

New:
Krystle:
Chelsea's friend, she's... kinda stupid. She'd be really cool if she wasn't. Cute voice (she's the one on my voice mail), cute face/body... but a total idiot. For shame. At least we've got her working on the boards.

Amanda:
This is the girl in this round of hirings that I've been accused of liking (at least it's not *every* new carhop now). All I said is that she was attractive. Anyway. She used to be a stripper, and is really cool. Had two incidents with customers already, but neither was major - luckily. We do get along pretty well, which is nice.

Morgan:
She's one of the older new people, hired not too long after Krystle. She's alright, I guess.

Brandi:
Adam's girlfriend. I like her a lot better than him - she's a hard worker, doesn't screw around or mess with people that are having bad days.

Brenda:
She's almost 40. But she came from another Sonic, and I like working with her. The only annoying thing is her tendency to call everybody "Hun". I *hate* that. A lot.

Courtney:
Bruce's little sister. I like working with her as a carhop, kind of. Shared background and stuff is always good, though her constant talking - while nowhere near as bad as Jessica - does get annoying.

People I don't have an opinion on yet: Natalie, Samantha, Staci.

My schedule's changed, so now, I'm usually opening Tuesday, then doing 5-C Thu/Sat/Sun. That'll go up once school gets out, but I hope to keep Fridays off. There's a rumor that Dave's going to leave and Javi will get the store. That'd rock, and I'd probably step up to first assistant.

Dave... argh. I still hate him with every fiber of my being. He has a tendency to call me before shifts on Thursday and Saturday to give me a rundown on stuff that's going on - which is nice - but he'll ask me how I'm doing, how school's going, that kind of thing. Which really bothers me. He invited me to go flying with him a while back, and I was seriously considering it, though I ended up sleeping through the time period in question.

So, that's work. Not quite as in depth as I had planned, but I think it kind of catches up everything I"ve missed. At least now, when I throw out Amanda's name, it won't need that much explanation. Oh! I think Allison and I are going to start hanging out some. Maybe. We *were* going to go see Sin City on Friday, but I woke up about five minutes before the movie was about to start, and she left by the time I got there (about three minutes after the movie was supposed to start). I talked to her Monday evening and straightened everything out, and we had a nice chat. So we'll see how that goes. I just have this memory of Kenny's party - the one I kissed Lilie for the first at. She had pulled me aside to talk to me about what was going on with JD, and to give me some advice, but - and I think this is mostly the alcohol talking, but still - started telling me what a great guy I was, and eventually broke down in tears. She composed herself fairly quickly, but it was a weird moment. Anyway. Oh, and I let Megan borrow The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and she seems to be enjoying it. I think we might go see it when it comes out. I mean, I'm supposed to go see it with Lilie, and I have every intention of doing so (which means I might see it twice, if both work out), but I'm not a hundred percent sure that she wants to. But that's another story, one I don't know if I have the energy to tell right now.

So yesterday, Carrie IM'ed me. Almost completely out of the blue. It was really cool. We hadn't really talked since... well, since around September or so. And even then, it had already been growing sporadic. But we caught up on what each other were doing, talked for maybe half an hour (it's hard to remember, 'cause Terri called near the tail end of the conversation, so I was talking to both of them for a while. But anyway. She broke up with that guy she had been seeing the last time we talked, and is seeing some new guy. She's about to start working at UPS, which is cool. But it's the stuff about us that was cool. Some choice quotes (all unedited):

sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: billy sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: I have been trying to get a hold of you for so long sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: i miss you so much mr_binky_the_jackalope: I miss you too. mr_binky_the_jackalope: You always pick the best times, like when I'm at school, or at work, or passed out asleep. sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: lol sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: i know...im always good at that it seems. sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: well, what about right now? mr_binky_the_jackalope: I was about to leave to go see a movie. mr_binky_the_jackalope: But I think I'll have to pass on it now. sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: I don't want to stop you from having fun, how about i give you my cell and you can call me when its a good time for yous mr_binky_the_jackalope: Well... mr_binky_the_jackalope: The problem is that a 'good time' for me is usually between the hours of 12 and 4am. sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: I just thought i would give it a shot and say hi, i dont really know your timing anymore :(( sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: oh my

sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: i don't care what he has to say though because there is nothing that is going to keep me from talking to my billy (putting him working,sleeping,schooling to the side that is)

mr_binky_the_jackalope: We were talking about you at work last night. sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: really? sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: :D mr_binky_the_jackalope: Really. sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: good i hope mr_binky_the_jackalope: Of course :0 mr_binky_the_jackalope: ** ;) sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: :) sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: oyu know, the promise still stands sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: you* mr_binky_the_jackalope: Uh-oh... sin_deeply_my_wicked_angel18: :P ina couple years if we are still single then we are just gonna get together and get married :O

I mean, it's so weird. We haven't really talked in over half a year. There are parts of her that I've forgotten, with everything that's been going on, and things I can't forget. That sounds weird, I know. I mean, if both of us did long distance - which neither of us do - we'd so be dating right now. Well, we would have; dunno how long it would have lasted. I"m gong to write her a really long letter and surprise the crap out of her. I've been half-heartedly thinking about making a trip out east - visit Rose while she's in Florida, 'cause I know she'll miss everyone here (not really, but she's been bugging me to promise that I'll come visit), *maybe* Terri, though it would be weird, since she lives with Ed, Carrie in Kentucky. But I don't think it'll happen. It'd be cool, though.

Oh, speaking of which, Terri has re-emerged as well. She's been calling me a lot, and we talk. About life, about us, about everything. It's... good. We're just, well, I guess the best way to put it is transparent to each other. There are no barriers between us. It's the kind of relationship that I hope to have with whomever I end up with. I finally got the dates for when she'll be visiting, which is cool, so I can take at least part of that time off. Probably won't get all four days, but two consecutivelty would be great.

Finally talked to David; he's coming down on Friday, and we're going to start looking for a place. His price range is a little higher than mine, but based on preliminary discussions, I think we'll be fine. I'm so looking foward to finally moving out, though I don't think it will help all the things it could.

(Wow, I'm writing some really vague, poorly constructed sentences tonight. It'll pass as I get back into the swing of things. Bare wth me).

Mom insists on having this bizarre 'Moving-out Party'. I wasn't consulted at all, though it will be bearable. Jarrod's going to be out of town, though Rose said she could make it. Lilie's up in the air. David might come down as well. I'm really not sure what to expect, though Mom said something about "Eating pizza and giving you a hard time." Frankly, I'm sick of being the person in groups that's always 'given a hard time.' I know it probably stems from who I act, so I'll be examining that in days to come. But anyway. I'm getting the big speakers that are on top of the wall unit right now, and am considering buying a queen-sized bed. I *love* being able to stretch out at Lilie's and Rose's, which I can't really do on mine. This bed will be a pain in the but to move anyway, so we'll see abou that.

I've covered more or less what I wanted to, 'cept Lilie. I'm still not sure what to write about her. I'll keep it brief: I still like her as much as I ever did; she's seeing someone else, and I wish them nothing but the best of luck. I highly doubt we'll ever get back together agin, but I can hope.

And to quote Lorien, "Hope is all you have."

'Cause I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough

It appears the rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

I forget where I heard that. US History? Babylon 5? Anyway.

Few quick updates - have to leave for work in fifteen minutes or so. I hate opening, but all things considered, it's the preferable Dave shift during the week. I'd much rather open than work tonight, for instance.

Work has been sheer hell lately. The massive turnover that occurded during Spring Break has continued. Just this weekend, we lost another three people - Chelsea, Lindsey, and Chris. I managed Sunday night, and it was terrible. The new people are doing a good job, all things considered, but they're still *new people*, which means they're inexperienced. It's going to be a while before I have another awesome shift where I barely have to do anything other than fountain, because everyone else is really good and knows what they need to do. Ah, well. I mean, right now, we have how many new people? Lemme think... Brandi, Brenda, Morgan, Amanda, Ashley, Daniel - that's only six, but we have another three to five coming in, and that's not factoring in the three people that just quit, or Janelle and Freddie leaving before too long (Janelle much sooner than Freddie), or things of that nature. I'm just getting tired. I'd like to take some time off. I was almost offered the chance to take a road trip with Rose to Florida, but it looks like her parents will be driving her. Damn.

Terri and I have been talking again. In fact, I sat there for about twenty minutes as she cried about her current relationship being comfortable, but not love, and how she always swore she wouldn't settle for that, but that she's afraid she is, especially because of her daughter.

Things with Lilie are, well, not terribly different than they've been for the last few months. She's still with Scott, and things seem to be going swimmingly, which is good. Whether or not people believe it, I'm glad she's happy, even if it's not with me. I mean, I won't lie - I do still have strong feeling for her, as strong as they've ever been, and I would still jump at the chance, but I know that it's proabably not coming. I still can't say it without hedging it, though.

I think that deserves its own absurdedly long post. Hell, I might even finish the girlfriend saga that I never did - the rest of Mindy, Suzie, and the incidentals - Heather, Sara, Melissa, Leslie, and Dru. Or maybe not. We'll see.

I've managed to say not nearly enough on any of the given subjects I had planned on broaching. Good times.

Simple and clean is the way you're making me feel tonight; it's hard to let it go

Super quick, short recap: So, I went in to work at 6, opened with Tracy. Pretty standard. We usually have a blast opening together, since we're the same age, similar experience, etc. We understand each other enough that the morning goes by really, really fast. We both got *really* tired at lunch, too. Fun times. Came home, went to sleep. I had talked to Rose about going to see Elektra that night, since it was fifty cent movie night, but when she called, I was asleep. I answered the phone, but I have no recollection of our conversation. That usually happens when I try to talk on the phone when I'm asleep. Didn't do much else last night, or today.

Urg, 'net connection just went down.

Okay, fixed.

Started a Tauren Druid. Seems okay so far. I'm about halfway to lvl 10, which is when I get shapeshifting. Had an... interesting conversation with Shelley earlier, but I'm not allowed to talk about it.

So, where does that leave me? Well... I'm getting better. Tuesday morning, I felt almost normal again, though I'm pretty sure it was just a combination of being fully occupied, shit-faced tired, and riding solely on adrenaline. Let's see... I've accepted the fact we're not together, and I can say we're not going to get back together without a need to hedge it. One of the main things I seem to be having problems with is picturing her with other guys, but that's nothing new to me. That became a lot easier, though, when I realize that if that's what makes her happy, then that's the optimal solution. It's slowly migrating from a sharp, biting pain to a dull sense of loss. Of course, that may just be my mind doing what it takes to get what I want. That, of course, being hanging out with Lilie again. This is starting to sound a little weird - overdoing it a bit, 'cept there's NOTHING else going on in my life; usually isn't. Eh, at least it's something to write about. I just wish she would tell me she doesn't like me anymore. That would make things easier.

Actually, no, it wouldn't, and I'm glad she didn't. Unless she doesn't.

Or something like that.

So, back to my life story, as told by the bizarre set of relationships I've been through. So, we left off with Mary.

Terri

This is the first of the really complicated ones (there're three). We went out a total of... four times? Five? I lost count. I don't remember when we went out throughout Freshmen, Sophomore, and Junior year. I'm pretty sure one time was between November and April of Junior year, but other than that, no idea. All I really have is assorted memories. There was one time I went with her to Alkek to work on some research thing, and we were in this private study room thing. Nothing happened, though not for lack of effort on her part. I was still... kinda shy around her at that point. I remember when we went on a field trip to some art museum in Houston (I think) for AcaDec; David went too. There was some disagreement about who she was going to sit with or something, she ended up sitting with David on the way there, and me on the way back. I think that was *right* before we went out another time. And then on the actual AcaDec trip, her hotel room was right next to mine. Ours - there were some other guys in there, of course. Anyway, it was late (dark, past lights-out). There were doors adjoining each pair of rooms, but you had to open them from each side. (If you think you know where this is going, you're wrong.) So it was known that I don't sleep in beds in hotels; I usually end up sleeping on the floor somewhere, when I do go to sleep. So these fingers start appearing underneath the door between our rooms; it's her. Apparently, I was supposed to open the door... who knows. But I didn't. (Told you.) So there was just a lot of weirdness like that during the early years of high school.

Terri was a very... sexual girl. Horny may be a better word. Like this one time we were talking on the phone kinda late at night, over at Jarrod's. Kinda hot stuff going on. When I hung up (we'd been playing Twisted Metal as well), he told me, "Wow. I didn't know you did phone sex." I didn't either, but apparently, we had just had some light phone sex. I remember another time when we were talking on the phone (similiar to last time), and she started... making some odd noises. First time I'd heard those in person. I was... a little surprised. I asked her about it, and she confirmed it. Fun times.

We did kiss, eventually. Actually caused a major fight between Mindy and I, since we (Mindy and I) were going out at the time. Though I don't try to justify it, there were extenuating circumstances. So, Terri and I were good friends since... seventh grade? I know we've known each other for a long, long time. We'd been through a lot, and there was a lot of romantic tension between us, since we both had feelings for each other throughout most of high school. She decided to graduate a semester early, in December. After that, she was moving to Canada to go to Preacher school. I don't understand it either. Anyway, we were hanging out one last time before she moved to another country. I can't stress that one enough. It was very much, "I don't know when I'll see you again." We were sitting in my truck, in the parking lot between Italian Garden and (now) Murphy's Deli, across from Taco Bell. No real reason, we had just been driving around. We sat there talking for a while, and things got quiet. We both knew she had to get home soon. And, things just kind of happened. Our heads got closer and closer, until our lips collided. It was a full-on, open mouth making out with plenty of toungue. This wasn't the first time I'd made out with a girl, courtesy of Mindy, but not with this kind of... I don't know how to put it. It's almost passion, because we didn't know when we were going to see each other again, and this was something that should have happened between us a *long* time ago.

I told Mindy about what happened, and she got (quite understandably so) upset at me. Don't blame her one bit. Got through that one okay, though one time when we were, um, going at it, she made some comment about me imagining her as Terri. I really didn't know what to say to that one, and told her that it was really offensive.

Anyway.

So Terri moved to Canada. Went to Germany to work with a church there, while her family moved to North Carolina. She came back to the states and moved to NC as well. That's when we started talking again. That summer, the summer of '02, after my first year of college, I actually drove out there to see her. It's... um, 26 hours or so. Didn't stop, except for gas. Got there at like 4 in the morning. Fun times. I remember that night really well. Her parents had this really big RV thing, with a little extra room/tent looking thing, and I slept there. All in all, it was a pretty fun vacation. We kissed a fair amount while I was down there, but nothing more. The one weird thing, though, was that she started talking about how in love with me she still was. That... kinda freaked me out. I mean, we hadn't seen each other in like, a year and a half? Didn't say anything about that before I left. Sometime later, but not that much later, I think a few weeks, she was in town. I was still really freaked out, so I didn't return her calls or anything. Yeah, bad idea on my part.

Flash foward about ten months foward. That was when Rose and I started talking a lot online, and somehow, she relayed to Terri how sorry I was, and Terri and I started talking again. And sure enough, I drove to North Carolina *again* that summer. This trip was a little easier, since I had discovered DDR that November, and my physical stamina was much greater, so I had no problem staying awake (as I did the first time I drove there). And Terri really, really pissed me off while I was down there. When I had first mentioned the idea of coming down there again, she mentioned that she had moved out, and had her own apartment now. However, when I got there, she had neglected to mention one little detail - her family had moved in with her. Now, I like her family (for the most part), but I was looking foward to not having to deal with ANYONE the entire time. I just wish she would have mentioned that before I got there. Secondly, well, this one requires some backstory. I *hate* driving. I mean, anything more than like half an hour, hate it. That is, of course, the main reason I haven't already graduated from UT, and transferred to SWT. I especially hate driving by myself. That's why whenever Lilie asked me to go get her some food or something, I'd usually make a half-hearted request for her to come with me.

Anyway.

So the day after I get there, after making this 26~ hr drive, Terri decides we're going to this little town two hours away. Of course, I'm driving. She knows how much I hate driving - the topic came up several times while we were talking about me coming down there again. And to top it all off, this little town thing we went to... was a stupid little artsy-crafty tourist walk-around-and-look-at-all-the-cute-little-shops place. OMFG!! It really, really upset me. I mean, normally, I don't mind that kind of thing, and am more than happy to walk around for a few hours in such a situation. But this was the first day of my vacation, following a twenty-six hour drive. Um, no. She didn't even tell me where we were going until we got there. I suppose I could cut her some slack; she was probably trying to be nice. But if so, she could have put a little more thought into it. Anyway. So I tried telling her how I felt, and she got very, very upset. Some... other stuff happened too, and I ended up spending most of my vacation at the arcade, playing DDR. That's where I met Carrie, briefly.

So visit number two ended badly as well. I left... three days early? It was funny, because I had the time off that I had requested, so I went in and wrote on the schedule that I was back in town and available to pick up shifts as needed. That being the middle of summer, I think I ended up picking up shifts all three days I was supposed to be off. Fun times, all in all.

But the story doesn't end there. Nope.

One day, some time later (I don't really remember when, though if I felt motivated enough, I could probably dig it up in here. Possibly.), they told me someone was asking for me out on 31. I look out, and sure enough, it's Rose, Joy, and TERRI. Fun times. So we were in the middle of this major rush, so I had to just have Bonelle go out and give them my cell phone number and told them to call it some time after six or so. They did. Terri and I ended up driving around a while, and things happened, and we ended up in a hotel room for the night. Almost had sex. I remember that we were both topless, but that's about as far as things got. Turns out she was allergic to latex, and that wasn't a path I wanted to tread. Anyway, we spent the night together, and she went back home, and that was that. That's more or less the last time I saw her, except for a brief stint where she was online with a webcam in New Mexico (I'll come to that later; the only reason I mention it here is that she flashed me. I had forgotten about it, until not too long ago when I was cleaning out my computer and came across a series of webcam captures from that incident. Fun times.)

Crystal

I almost forgot to add this one in. I was actually typing about Mindy when it occured to me that I had forgotten to put in Crystal. She came up to me and asked me out one day, and I was like, 'Um, okay.' We went out for... a month? I don't really remember that much about dating Crystal... I think she liked to write *really* long notes, and tended to over-dramaticize things, including how close we were. I went with her to her church youth group meeting one time... that was kinda weird. And I drove her home after that. No, wait. I dropped her off over by Crockett somewhere. Was she staying with a friend? Maybe I gave her a ride *to* the church. No, 'cause it has a definite 'end of the evening' feel to it. She wanted me to kiss her. I know that now, though at the time, I was woefully oblivious. And she broke up with me not that much later, for that reason. Recurring pattern, it would seem.

Kenni

So that one kind of went on for a while, in terms of chronology. I'm backing up a bit, to Junior year. Crystal and Terri were it during sophomore year, and I remember by the time summer came around, I had been single for a while. We had this pool party near the end of the summer; we being Janelle and myself, with each of us inviting, I think, eight people. One of the people I invited was Kristina. She said she couldn't come unless she brought her little sister. Or just asked if she could. I don't really remember. I told her sure, that'd be fine. That was the first time I met Kendall. That's what she goes by now, at least. I've always, and probably always will, call her Kenni. It is sort of annoying, though, when people think I mean another Kenni - during high school, Kenny Leeper, and now recently, Kenny McCreight.

Anyway.

So we talked a little during the pool party (remember, this is way before I had major social problems; I was very outgoing at the time). Didn't think anything of it, though.

Silly me.

When school started, Kenni was a freshmen, and I was a Junior. Every morning, she would find me no matter where I was - cafeteria, where I usually was, chess club, only on Wednesday mornings, or helping someone in some class, and give me a big hug and tell me good morning. It was... really nice. So finally, I got around to thinking about her in that way. I remember, I wasn't the only one. I seem to recall about the same time David taking an interest in her as well. I think. I could be wrong on this one, but I distinctly remember a conversation I had during 1st period American History with Kristina about if she thought Kenni should go out with David, and if she thought I had a chance with her. The only problem was, Kenni wasn't allowed to date until she turned 16 - some rule her mom had. It was either that, or she wasn't allowed to go on '1-on-1' dates until then. Something like that. However, I had known her mom for a while through Kristina - we carpooled to summer band one year, among other things - so I called her up and talked to her about it. I recall saying "I'm seeking your permission to court your daughter."

Yeah, I know.

Quit laughing.

Anyway.

She repeated that out loud, really loud, and was laughing. Fun times. Anyway, long story short, she had known me for a while, and trusted me, so she gave me her approval. In fact, she even let us go out by ourselves, despite Kenni not being 16 yet. She would turn 16 in about... two or three months. I forget the exact date. That we started going out, I mean. I still know her birthday. She was born a week before me. Well, a week and two years.

Anyway.

So we went out, and things were great. Had a lot of fun. I don't have any chronological memories, though I do remember one time when we went to help move some wood for the band barbarque. It was her mom's cousin, or brother, or something, that had it out on his property, so we were driving out there to meet him, load it up, then bring it back and unload it at the band hall (or something like that). It was a fairly long trip out there - like two hours or something. The actual loading up went rather smoothly, though her mom was tossing pieces of wood over to the trailer, and one hit me in the head. Fairly hard. I was bleeding a lot, and the guy dumped this ice cold water out of the water cooler on my head. I made some joke about 'Ya know, if you don't want me to date your daughter, there are much easier ways to express your dissapproval' or something along those lines. That evening, Kristina drove her mom's car-mini SUV-thing to the store, with Brandy (her best friend) in the passenger seat, and Kenni and I in the back. We were clinging to each other the whole way there and back. Not in a romantic way, but in an oh-my-god-I-don't-want-to-die way, 'cause Kristina barely know how to drive a stick. So that was fun. That night, we - Kenni and I - went down the pool, just the two of us. Had a lot of fun. All strictly innocent, for those of you with dirty minds. We didn't even kiss, though that was soon enough.

Went to Homecoming together. She wore this gorgeous burgundy dress. Lots of fun. That night, I had my first kiss. (Yes, my first kiss was Homecoming night, my junior year. Deal with it. It was her first kiss too) I walked her to her door, as my mom has drilled into my head since my very first date, and went to hug her good night, and she interrupted me with a good night kiss.

We kissed a lot after that. I have one very distinct memory of the two of us sitting in the band hall after school, watching the percussion sectionals, sitting on top of the trombone cubies, and stealing kisses when the director wasn't looking. They were all close-mouthed, for those of you who might get the wrong idea. So yeah, we had a lot of fun together.

Then, one Wednesday, I want to say about two months after we started going out, her friend Melissa Roundy came into the chess club meeting. She walked up to me, and I don't quite recall what she said. The general gist was that Kenni didn't feel safe around me anymore, and was breaking up with me. I caught a brief glimpse of her (Kenni) crying as the two of them left. I would later - much later - find out there was... an incident with her mother's boyfriend the night before. So I didn't talk to her for a while, but we're still good friends.

Mindy

Ah, Mindy. Dear sweet Mindy. This was, I think, my first real relationship. Of course, it was still a little high school thing, but definitely a real relationship. To put things in context, we broke up a total of nine times. That means we got back together eight times. She was two and a half years younger than me. No, wait. Three and a half years. Fourteen and seventeen, when we started going out (8th and 11th grade. Fun times.)

So, we've got a lot of material to get through, so let's just start at the beginning. Um, Crystal Todd (yes, the Crystal that I dated earlier in the story) told me that she had this friend that wanted a boyfriend in high school, and she was a really sweet girl, and she thought the two of us would get along really well, and asked me if I'd be interested. My judgment has never been terribly great, so I said sure. Couple days later, I get a note from a random hand sticking out of a school bus. It's from Mindy. We talked on the phone not too much later, for like four hours. We went to the skating rink together, with Crystal as well, fairly soon after that. We had a lot of fun, getting to know each other, asking questions, that kind of thing. We hit it off really well right from the start, had a good connection.

We started going out on April 7th. Not quite sure why I remember that, though I usually remember things like that (I still know her address and both phone numbers, as well as her old Yahoo sn/e-mail). I have a few scattered memories of the early days. She really liked 'The Thong Song' by Sisqo, I remember requesting it and dedicating it to her one time; she really liked that. I remember one time (all of this was at the skating rink; we went there often on Friday nights) she had me lead her around the skating rink for like two laps, with her eyes closed, as a trust thing. Worked out well, though she did stumble right at the end. I remember one time during 'Genie in a Bottle' when Christina says "You gotta rub me the right way", I came up behind her and ran my hands down her sides. She loved that.

The next memory I have, besides the rampant note exchanging, was going on a triple-date to the bowling alley. We had a blast. It was Mom + Jerry, Bam + Greg, Mindy and me, plus Brennan and Janelle (there were the odd-two out). For some odd reason, I remember she had her hair up in pigtails - she did that often, during the early days - and she looked *so* cute when she did. Anyway, I had to take her over to the skating rink after that - she was riding home with Crystal (oh yeah, they were like *best* friends at this time. They also lived next door to each other). Anyway, we were sitting outside, in the skating rink parking lot, when she mentioned that I owed her a kiss. This was a month or two, I think. Maybe it was during the summer. Not quite sure. I do remember we started kissing early on, and often. Anyway. Actually, come to think of it, this may have been our first kiss. Maybe not. Anyway, we had some thing going on - I think it was a trivia game or something, and she was ahead, so she decided I had to kiss her that evening. I leaned over her, and kissed her on the lips, but still very short, very close-mouthed. She looked at me kind of funny, said something like "Not like that" and leaned over to me.

And that was the first time I made out with a girl. We made out a lot after that. We were... a very affectionate couple. You know those people you get annoyed at 'cause they're making out in front of you at the movies? That was us. At least, until we got smart and started sitting in the back. That was until we found a make-out spot. My mom worked in this building that had a litte spot right next to it that was basically completely hidden from anywhere; you could only see it if you were right there. So that was fun.

That summer, she went to Colorado with her church group. I ended up going too. Oh, yeah, I sort of also had this neo-Christian phase. Not entirely because of her, though she played a major role. So we went to Colorado together. Lots of fun. I also remember I arranged things to ride her bus home one day near the end of the school year. I had to sit out on the patio in front of the cafeteria for like four hours, though, since we got out at noon, and the buses were still running at their normal times (this was during finals). So I rode the bus home with her, and had to walk like half an hour from the closest stop. Fun times. Wait. The kiss happened after this. I'm sure of that. In fact, come to think of it, it probably happened after the Colorado trip as well. Not entirely sure, and it's not entirely germane.

Anyway.

So school started back up, and it was really, really cool, 'cause she was there on campus too. I'm pretty sure we got warnings more than once for PDAs. Not kissing, though - holding hands, that kind of thing. Not that we didn't kiss.

Anyway.

So I got my truck somewhere in here - late October, if I remember correctly. Before that, I had been driving my mom's car. We went to homecoming in Mom's car - she still had this... white car that looked like a fish. She wore this... blue spaghetti-strap dress, very shiny. Fun times. So I came out of Math club one day, and found that Mindy had done my truck windows up like Homecoming, with shoe polish everywhere, cause she didn't have the chance to do so earlier. Let's see... what else?

The next memory I have is breaking up with her. I was wearing some green shirt with an Irish thing on it that Bambi gave me. We were standing out by my truck. I... think it was the end of the day.

And that's definitely enough for today. I started writing this five and a half hours ago, though I certainly haven't been writing constantly.

We're opera-mad in Camelot; we sing from the diaphragm a lot

Heh. I just feel like writing a lot at the moment. Well, maybe it's more that I don't feel like sleeping. Not that I ever do, but I don't really want to just lie down and close my eyes. That's when it's hardest to control your thoughts, and that's something I've always had problems with. These are the kinds of times when I really hate having such a strong stream-of-consciousness. Here's a fun one that just hit me: She had one in Houston, because of Sean... did I cause this one in any way? Contribute to it? Yeah. That one's gonna haunt me for a while.

So anyway.

Took Janelle to Blockbuster, felt like getting my mind off of things. Decided to get Rat Race, which I actually saw in theaters, and have wanted to see again ever since. Also got The Third Age, which I've wanted to play for a while. Wait, is that even it's name? Yeah, Lord of the Rings: The Third Age. Or something like that. Anyway. I also wanted to get Almost Heroes, but of course, they didn't have it. Of course, they had the box, and two cases behind it, but neither of them was it. It really pissed me off. Also got some Reeses Pieces, which is the best candy ever. Except for the large candy thing bite things. Yeah.

Terri was online for a while, and we got to talking. Turns out she's not going to marry that guy; she's back in NC. I'm not sure if they're still together in NM, or what... I feel really bad, 'cause I kind of snapped at her, and said some fairly mean things. Of course, given the course and history of our relationship, I don't think that one thing will be the single item that breaks our friendship, but I still feel bad about it. Other than that, had a nice chat with her about breakfast cereals. The really funny thing is that Suzie emailed me while I was talking to Terri. I made a comment that if Mindy calls, I'm leaving. Of course, Suzie just sent me a chain letter - she even admitted it was a stupid thing to do IN THE EMAIL ITSELF.

So yeah, I'm feeling... I don't know. Stunned? Tired? Hurt? Something like that. I don't want to go to work in two hours. I don't want to face the world. I want to curl back up in my blanket, with my two bears, and sleep. Two years or so.

Hmm...

So there's this girl. We'll call her... Ayla. She's a little slutty. I think it's a rebellion thing that became permanent - did she just like sex a whole lot, or what? No idea.

But she's pregnant. That's what happens when you have a lot of unprotected sex. I'm not surprised. She's not entirely sure who the dad is, but she's pretty sure. He's okay with it.

I have no idea what to think. I'm really upset right now. Just at the world, in general. It probably doesn't help that I've gotten a ridiculously small amount of sleep in the last four or five days.

I'm kinda tired, but I'll sorta have a break for a few weeks until summer school starts.

And Plif, you're wrong:

Chelsea Williams
Shayna Schiflett
Barbara Deichmann
Mary Alls
Terri Ann Mahan
Kendall "Kenni" Galpin
Crystal Todd
Mindy Lynn Hoch
Nicole "Nikki" Bachle
Suzannah "Suzie" Donaldson


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Dru Dabelgott
Melissa Pickett
Katie Wilkinson


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