Do I stress you out? My sweater's on backwards and inside-out.

And now for something completely different.

Or not. It'll probably just be more of the same.

Analysis time.

So I called Lilie on Sunday after work to ask her what was up. I'm not really one to just listen to someone saying something about someone else saying something. I'll ask the person in question (the first one) what they said and what they meant, if I care. Which I really do, in this case.

So I called her and asked her about it. She said, well, it's kind of confusing what she said. She said that yes, she does just want to be friends, but seemed to imply that she wanted to start there and 'see what happens'. Now, I'm not dumb - I know that that usually means they just want to be friends and they're trying not to hurt you. I initially thought that as well with Lilie, and I've not entirely moved from that position. It made several things make more sense - why she seemed somewhat hesitant to kiss (though that may still be just me), among other things.




I went by Sonic today with Michael to grab a drink, and Shelley was there. We talked briefly; she said that Lilie and her had hung out last night and were going to do so again. She also said that she was "willing to give it a shot", and what more could I want? Which is confusing, in light of what Lilie said Sunday.

So I'm going to try do something I've never been terribly good at doing. I'm going to stop thinking so hard about it, stop analyzing everything. Those who've known me for long enough (no one) will remember that I tried to do something similiar with Zara about three years ago, to no avail. Of course, there's one key difference here. Zara had no interest in me whatsoever, and barely tolerated me as a friend, and a blind wombat 100 miles away could tell, whereas I don't think it's too much of a stretch to say that Lilie may be, at least somewhat slightly interested in me. So I don't know, nor will I attempt to do so until such time that it's obvious and apparent without over-analyzing everything.

So we're just friends now, and if something happens, something happens. If not, cool - friends are hard enough to come by as it is. Though I'll admit I was in a world of hurt for about a day or so between talking to Lilie and realizing all of this. It wasn't the rejection that hurt - I mean, it *was*; rejection always hurts - but that it had caught me so off-guard. I had lowered my defenses completely and was blind-sided. It was just funny that the one time I let myself believe, that I listened to everyone else, that a girl was interested in me and wanted to move foward, it wasn't true. Well, not really. There's a small chance it will still happen, and while I might look foward to such an occurence with great anticipation, I'm not counting on it. I'm really going to try hard to just sit back and enjoy the ride.

I really wish Mindy would call. If nothing else, and this is at the very least, it'd be good to talk to her and possibly hang out with her a little. A hug? That'd be grand. I hope she didn't think I wasn't interested based on my actions when we talked. I was really, really tired and was still in a state of shock at seeing her again, especially with her being all grown up and all. Someone called me today while I was in Probability, but I couldn't take it for obvious reasons. They didn't leave a message, and the number said "Private Number". Normally, it's Luke when it does that, but I called and it wasn't him. I think he said something to the effect that he's finally changed his phone so it doesn't do that anymore. I called the people most likely to call me - Mom, Janelle, Lilie, etc., but it wasn't any of them - nor did I think it would be. There's a small chance it was Caleb; I'll find out the next time I talk to him. I'll also let him know to stop calling. I really have no interest in talking to him anymore. I'm not mad or anything, I'm just severing ties. So I think it was either Caleb or Mindy. I don't really know why I think that, it's just a feeling. And I'm usually wrong about these kinds of things, so we'll see. But if it was her, I hope she'll call again.

So I did call Lilie today, supposedly to ask her if she had called earlier. I knew it wasn' t her, but it provided a decent excuse for calling. I'm fairly awkward on the phone - not that I'm not in person, but silence is more bearable in person, I think. We talked a little; I told her I didn't hate her or anything and hoped to still hang out and what-not. She's going to be there Thursday at Dragon's Lair, and it sounds like we'll be going to fifty-cent movie night at Showplace again. They have both The Village and Spider-Man 2. So that'll be fun. Dave's still on vacation or whereever he went, so work won't be very bad at all tomorrow. I've definitely got a handle on dong the deposit, which means it probably won't be *that* long before I'm completely running a shift. We'll see how that goes.