Becaue you're the cause of most of them

That's somewhat of a generalization. Not 'most of them', but the ones I don't show around you. Problems at work? Slowly adjusting to Janelle's thing? Those, I have no problem sharing and showing you. But when it comes to when you make me sad or upset, it's hard to show that to you.

I know I'm a huge advocate of sharing feelings and being very open with your partner (well, that doesn't *quite* apply, but it's still the best word in this situation, I think). It's just, these are things you already know, or that aren't ever going to be resolved, so there's not really any point in bringing them up.

A lot of them stem from the fact that I still love you, in a very-much-more-than-friends kind of way, while I'm fairly certain you don't feel the same way about me. I'm not even talking degree here, but variety. Love me as a very close friend? Yes. Anything more? Though you're not sure, I'd guess no. And I don't think me feeling the way I do about you will bring about any good for anyone. I mean, hell, even if we were going to get back togther, me feeling like this would probably only be a determent, since you probably wouldn't walk into something like that.

So yeah. I don't want you to see the melancholy that occasionally successfully fights its way onto my face when we're together, and I have to remind myself that we're not together, and that I need to be your best friend, not your best friend that still longs to be with you. I don't want you to know how sad that makes me sometimes. I mean, I'm okay with it. Unrequited love is something I'm quite familiar with, and I know how to deal with it. But being best friends with the person in question, that's something new for me. Not that I would trade that part away for anything. The very things that put me in this uncomfortable situation are the same things that make us such good friends. It's just that they don't stop me from getting sad or upset. And not upset *at* you, don't think that. Upset at... well, things. Upset that I'll never quite know why we broke up. I know part of it, and I believe it, but I don't think I know the whole story, nor will I. Upset that I just wasn't the right person, or didn't say the right thing, or did the wrong thing. Sad that that will be the only chance I ever got.

So yeah, 'long story' and all. But don't worry - these are things I keep buried deep down, that I don't plan on bringing up with you. I mean, we're best friends, not ex's.