It's been a while since I've engaged in a true battle of wills, a no-holds-barred contest between me and an opponent, where the only rules are the ones you can't break. However, in an attempt to get ToJH playable, as the getCardbyIndex problems have been fixed and the server rebooted, I began work on it again. It was a bloody fight. Both of us pulled out every trick we knew. And in the end, my stubborness won out. No matter how hard the devKit makes it, no matter how many problems SharedDeckManager introduced, I beat them down with sheer force of will, and finally.... finally, I've emerged triumphant. For now.

Went and played some DDR with Daniel earlier (finally!). It was fun. Le Fun got a 7th Mix. And we took some pictures. I definitely feel better - I haven't played for like two weeks (at least), so it felt good to get back in the swing of things, so to speak. I'm SO tired right now, though, and I don't know how much longer I'll be awake for. I've been dl'ing a ton of music - Stray Cats mainly, but I'm trying to round out my Sarina Paris collection. Stupid mistaged songs... argh.

I may leave for Galveston tomorrow (Tuesday); not sure - I need to talk to Edward, and see when i wake up tomorrow. I'm not sure about going, though - Chris is having... a small problem, and I don't want to intrude or be a bother. But I do want to see Suzie SO bad.

I'm in one of those moods right now where I kind of scare myself, because I don't care about anything and am liable to do anything.

Home from work. A few interesting things happened while I was there.

First, Marny stopped by again. She asked to talk to me - mainly because I was basically the only person there who worked with her. She asked if I was still with my girlfriend, and told me that she had a girl at her sonic she wanted to hook me up with. She (the girl in question) is apparently a female version of me. Except, for some reason, Marny remembered during our conversation that she's a major pothead, so it wouldn't work out anyway. All in all, a weird conversation.

Also, Katie was throwing a fit because she had to close, and would probably have to help close fountain as well. It was... weird. I teased her a little, and Javi even joined in. It was.. mildly humorous. She never straight out just asked me if I'd stay and close fountain; if she had, I don't know what I would've said.

Suzie left a message on my phone while I was at work, saying that she was going to go out tonight, and depending on when she gets back, she might call, 'cause she's not sure if I work tomorrow morning or evening (evening). I hope she has a good time. Talking to Dave, it doesn't look like there's going to be a problem with next week, but I won't be completely sure until he releases the schedule, sometime tomorrow evening or Sunday morning. (I work 5 - C (cook) tomorrow). Argh... there was something else I wanted to type about, but I can't remember. Perhaps next time.

Well, that's done. Mom gave me three TSU tshirts and a pair of lip flops for Christmas. HA. HA. HA. I just finished selecting what I'll be getting instead:

• One MST3K T-Shirt featuring Crow and his catchphrase, "You Know You Want Me, Baby!"


• One MST3K T-Shirt featuring the various nicknames from 820: Space Mutiny


• Two 25 packs of 8.5 x 11 stationary featuring the 'bots


• A Six pack of MST3K Bumper Stickers; I really only get two of them: "Rowsdower!" and "Big McLarge Huge"


• A MST3K Decal; I'll put that on Chelsea


• A DDR T-Shirt

Yeah, Cafepress.com is realy neat-o. I think I'm also going to get a DDR Sticker for like 2.50 and put it on my truck, next to the MST3K sticker. How big of a dork does that make me? At least I didn't go for the License Plate Frame. Hmm... I'll let Suzie find out for herself, as opposed to telling her. They also have DDR thongs!! That's the coolest thing I've ever seen!! So, yeah.

Talked to Suzie earlier today. She seems to be doing okay, and her cat (Mouse) is back, which is cool. She gave me a (partial) history of her pets. That was cool. I'm so excited about going to her house Wednesday. Although, after a conversation with her, I think I need to start exercising more... judgement... about what I do and don't write about here. I'm sorry, babe!! I love you!!

So things are going pretty okay now. No school for like another five weeks; gonna see Suzie in less than a week - she said we're still on earlier today, so i think we'll be good to go... - and this time, I'll be bringing two pairs of sleeping pants, so that when Suzie takes mine, I'll still have some ;) I can't wait.

*Sigh* 10 more iminutes before I have to leave for work. Fountaining tonight, which is good; Dave's working tonight, which isn't. I'll find out tonight if he has any issues with my schedule request for next week. If he does... I'll rip his eyeballs out and feed them to his children. Well, not really. But I won't be happy. I don't think he will, though. I've never had a problem with him before in this field, and I don't anticipate one now. And I really don't want one here - the oppurtunity to spend like 3 or 4 days with Suzie... sigh.

Back from Return of the King. Well, I've been back for almost two hours now. It was AWESOME. I can't wait for the Extended DVD. But the movie...

Damn.

I cried no fewer than four different times during the movie. I'll probably go see it at least once more, if not more.

Suzie called like three times during the movie. The first time, I didn't realize she called. The second time, I answered, and let her hear the movie, hoping she'd realize what was going on. Not sure how that worked out. The third time, I talked to her a little bit, told her the movie'd be out in like 45 minutes, around 12:30 or so. I think she said she'd try calling me later, then. I said bye, and hung up after that, but I don't know if she heard me. I hope she doesn't think I hung up on her; I know how much she hates that, and I wouldn't do that to her. I hope she calls - I'm probably going to fall asleep in the next hour or so, and I'd really like to have the chance to talk to her. I'm so excited - I'm going to go see her (again) on Wednesday, and none of this get there, sleep, and leave crap. No-sir-ee Bob. Assuming things go well, I'll be arriving there Wednesday, and leaving Saturday. That's a fairly big assumption, of course, but I'll go with it for now. It'll be a good time for us, I think. I hope.

So when we were talking on the phone before she came up, she started crying at one point. Eventually, she opened up and started telling me about what had happened. Apparently, during the period when she was totally stressing out, she was sitting alone, crying one day, and Jared (not sure how to spell his name, so I'll use that for now to differentiate him from Jarrod Becak) was there as well. I'm sketchy on the details, but he made some sort of move on her - nothing major, small biting on the neck and ear, or something like that; anyway, she didn't say yes or no, as she was... not doing too well at the time. I personally don't think she has anything to feel guilty for. I mean, at the most basic level, yeah, it may have been inappropriate - but she didn't encourage him, and she's since made it clear (I think) that she's taken and not interested in him.

We did get to spend some time together on Christmas Eve. She was up in Wimberley; I went and picked her up. Met her grandmother and two cousins - Donna's kids. I got along pretty well with her grandma; didn't interact very much with the two cousins, but they seem pretty cool. We came by the house, then went to Jarrod's to drop off some cookies, then to Rose's to exchnage presents. Rose loved her copy of Pirates of the Caribbean. She got me... a garter. Which is pretty cool. I'm gonna wear it the next time I go DDR'ing in Austin. Rose and Suzie seemed to get along okay. Then we came back to my house, to get her IDs, then we went driving around and looked at Christmas lights. I don't know why, but for some reason, I got kinda weird while we were driving. A kinda depressed, lonely weird, although I have(/d) no reason to feel either. I got over it, though. She seemed.. I don't know. At one point, she was very not happy, which is what I think caused my funk as well. But we both came through it okay, and I eventually took her back to Wimberlodge. We were walking back to the house, and I hugged her and told her I loved her. But I don't think she quite heard me, because she looked at me and said, "What did you say?" "Nothing." We went up the back way, and I hung out there for a little bit. I went to leave, and she walked me down the stairs to the front door. As we were walking down the stairs, she took my hand, and placed it rather firmly on her breast (she does this sometimes when we're lying down together, as well). Oh - there was a piece of mistletoe right above the stairs; we stopped there, and kissed. It was awesome. And she bit me on the neck pretty hard. Chris made a comment about "No nookie on the stairs!!" As I was leaving, I told her I loved her; she was like 'Shh! People can hear you!" (or something like that.) And she said "Greenish brown female sheep". I got the "ewe" part right away, but I stood there, perplexed at the first. So finally, she said, "What color is my skin?".

Olive.

Olive ewe.

~*Sigh*~

Well, today was (or is, whatever) Christmas. S'gone pretty good. I'm leaving to see Return of the King here in like ten minutes or so, but there's a few things to talk about when I get back - Suzie and I hung out last night for like three or four hours.

Mom still isn't home. It's 3 am now. She should be home. I mean, she's a big girl, she can take care of herself. But she left almost 9 hours ago, and we haven't heard from her at all. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to stay up. Janelle went to sleep probably an hour or so ago. Seriously, why does she have a cell phone if she doesn't take it with her for times like this? We can't call her, and she hasn't called us since she left. She did stop in briefly around 5:30 or 6 when I was vacuuming and moping the house; she said she was going to the grocery store. She might have gone to do some last minute Christmas shopping, but Janelle and I thought she had finished that. I just wish she would have called.

There's not much I can do about Mom. However, there is something I can do about Suzie, who I also care about a geat deal.

She's going to be in town tomorrow and Thursday; we're going to hang out tomorrow for a while. I'm going to take her by Rose's house so they can meet. I think they'll get along great, personally, and Rose really wants to meet Suzie. I also turned in my schedule request for next week - Wednesday through Sunday. I hope to leave then, and come back Saturday with Suzie, and spend the whole time with her, in her arms. And in her, if she gets her way ;)

Which brings me to my topic for this evening. When I first started going out with Suzie, I used the phrase "I may have bitten off more than I can chew" several times, and she kept asking me what I meant. Well, I think this is it. We're quite different, but I think it's very evident in the realm of sex. Different expectations, different timelines, different experience, etc. I'm not saying it's a bad thing - differences bring variety and interest into a relationship, and you compliment each other. But this is really staring to show. She's in Galveston for Winter holiday, so we've been talking on the phone a lot. During one conversation, she made several comments about being sexually frustrated, complained about a lack of sex (well, that was through Jonathan on IM, but it was earlier in the day), and.. yeah. During the bowling party, she tried to convince Freddie take my shfit Monday night, and told him that she really needed to get laid, and wanted me to come down there so she could pounce on me (or something to that effect). While we were talking tonight, we actually talked about sex and her horniness at great length. She was talking about her birth control shot, and its effect on her - apparently, it makes her more emotional, tender, and, well, horny. To paraphrase her, it makes her as horny as a "normal" guy (which I fall quite short of, apparently - which I guess is good, because I never wanted to be seen as normal). She made a comment about wishing I had a perverted side - which I do. It was an... interesting conversation. She then had me playing some weird - but fun - game with her, which I believe was an attempt to engage in, well, phone sex, I think. I don't know why I'm so hesitant. I mean, I kinda do - I realized the other night at work that I still see myself as a little kid, even though I'm 21 and a junior in college. That's one of the reasons I'm hesitant to do things like take even a sip of alcohol, even on my birthday, buy beer for other people, and have sex. The Mindy factor can't be discounted, of course. But I love Suzie.

Wow, I said it. Well, I need to say it to her. But yeah.

I WILL NOT lose Suzie for the same reason I lost Mary and Crystal (I mean, overall, I'm better off by far losing those two two weeks and a month into our relationships, respectively, but the circumstances are similiar enough to warrant the comparison). It's such a weird situation. We'll see what happens later today when I pick her up in Wimberley. We might just hang out there and watch a movie or something; although I hope to go by Rose's house as well.

4:18 am, and still no Mom. I'm really tired, and need to get up in the morning to mow, but WHERE IS SHE?

So, yeah. Did some house cleaning - vacuumed, mopped, cleaned the kitchen, and cleaned the glass. I'm going to clean my room tonight, and mow tomorrow moning. Fun. I think Janelle and I are going to Hastings tonight in a few hours; last minute Christmas shopping and all. I still have no clue what to get Rose or Suzie. I was thinking maybe a stuffed animal for Suzie.... but it seems kind of clichèd. She doesn't like jewelry; well, only weird pieces she sees and likes (and we all know I'm no judge of "weird"...) I'll deal with that as need be. Hmm...

"wondering where we are in the relationship.. though it is my belief that something you can't see, touch or smell prolly can't move either LOL"

She's such a dork! But I asked her the same thing last night - that might even have been what made her think of it. I sure don't know... I mean, I really care for her; I'm beginning to finally accept that she really cares for me as well (damn insecurities...). I think I might love her, although my emotional compass has been a little off for the past three years or so (well, 4 1/2, I guess). But I think i'll be able to recalibrate it with her. That sounds so retartded... But yeah. I don't plan on breaking up with her any time soon, and I think she doesn't either (breaking up with me, I mean. I don't know if she's going to break up with herself anytime soon or what). It's so funny... we just talked a little bit on IM - mainly calling each other dorks, and alerting each other to various updates to our web presences, but I'm all hyper now. I'm even doing that little head bobbing thing she does when she types (well, the times I've watched her type over the webcam.) It probably doesn't help that I'm listening to some Sarina Paris - Romeo's Dead, So I Wait, and You are all way too bubble-gum/poppy/lovey-dovey. And I really like 'em. Oh well... I really like her - dare I say love her yet? I don't know... - but I do know she makes me feel warm and fuzzy when we're together, and I miss her terribly when we're apart. As far as where we are in our relationship, frankly, I don't even know what that means. We should probably talk about it the next time we're together, see if we're on the same page (another weird saying that doesn't really mean anything). But you know what I mean. Because I know who you are as you read this, and I just wanted to tell you... Love ya!

In other news:

Shared Decks suck. Still.

Crossroads of Twilight sucks. Egwene now knows how to make cuendillar, and it's given LESS attention than the climactic moment of the book, which is when Perrin BUYS SOME GRAIN. The rest of the book is talking. Just talking. Most of it takes place while Rand is cleansing saidin. Argh. New Spring better kick serious ass.

The bowling party was... okay. it was nice to hang with some of the people - Jessica, Christina, Ray, Katie, Kristen, Freddie, etc - outside of work, which I don't do all that often. I did pretty decent; got like 6 or 7 strikes, and a number of spares overall. Of the 4 or 5 games I was in, I only won one, but I was close on all of them. Took a number of pictures, and recorded a few clips. I also won best night crew costume for Halloween (as if there was any doubt).

Oh! I'm officially a bobcat now. Some choice bits from the acceptance letter:
"a name [Bobcat] I hope you will claim with pride in the near future."

"This is the first step on an exciitng, fulfilling road to a successful future."

"The next few years will be among the most exciting and memorable of your life."

But my personal favorite:

"Acceptance to Texas State is a major accomplishment..."

Shared decks really suck. I decided to ignore the character deck for now and start on the location deck. Turns out SharedDeckManager.getCardbyIndex() doesn't work quite right when it's the first call, and the index is 0. I'll probably have to include a work-around, like removing the top card in the setup script. Or something like that. I really want ToJH to come out well; Rifts is still not working. That is so frustrating. I really can't begin to desribe how frustrating it is. But I don't care.

So I'm going to get to see Suzie Wednesday, probably for a few hours. Sweentess.

It's official. Shared Decks suck. I HATE them. You can only access them indirectly (all of SharedDeckManager's methods take the cardpile as the first parameter); and they just don't work yet. I mean, ARGH. I'm taking a break from ToJH for a while. I can't even get the Setup script, where it just plays the top card of the Character Deck, to work. And the location deck... for some reason, it keeps getting multiple copies of All Night Diner.

ARGH.

Suzie is so weird. Well, in a good way, at least. Most of the time. She's the only one who reads this (I'm pretty sure; if someone else reads this, please drop me a line and let me know!). So it's weird to write this, because I know she, and only her, are going to read it. Which makes it hard to write in here. I mean, I use this for a few purposes. First, as almost a log of events, and a way to blow off steam from the day. I can use it as a forum to talk about things I don't want anyone else to see, since no one else sees it (except Suzie). And it's cathartic, for the most part. And I can whine and bitch and moan as much as I want ;)

Argh.

Suzie wants me to come down to Galveston Monday, after work. I mean, I'd like to. But I don't think I can. I'll get out around 11:30 or so; Mom wants me to clean the house Tuesday for Christmas. ARGH. I mean, it's also a four hour drive, which doesn't exactly make me eager, but that doesn't stop me. I don't know how to tell her, either. I'm gonna call her soon, 'cause I just got home from work, and there was a message on my phone - she's so sweet!

Yeah, so we got down to Galveston okay. Hung out there.... I was *SO* tired - four hours of sleep, plus four hours of driving, in the past two days. So I kept almost falling asleep. At one point, I did actually fall asleep. But I was awoken pretty quickly - at most, half an hour. The problem, though, was that I was so tired, so I entered the deep part of sleep really quickly. So I had this incredible headache. I mean... it was bad. Easily worse than any I'd gotten from eye strain... I couldn't really think. If I stopped and noticed it too much, I wanted to puke. Or cry. Or something like that.

Suzie sent me for some Imatation Crab Meat and Smoked Salmon 'round midnight or so. I got back, and a little while later, that's when it happened. There's one matress in Chris's room, and there were five of us. So we were all gonna lie on the bed. Hmm... Normally, that wouldn't bother me - I'm a physical person as is, and I would've been lying next to Suzie. However... with the headache that I had, I really really didn't want to be lying in bed with four other people. One would've been okay - especially if it was Suzie... So I decided to go sleep in my truck. Suzie FREAKED OUT. It was really weird. Chris and Jonathan did too. Well, a little - they more protested. But I went, because I'm incredibly stubborn at times. I was so hurt, 'cause she didn't even hug me as I left. I can understand, though - apparently, I hurt her as well. She said something like "I wanted to spend time with you, even if it was just sleeping together" (that might be a small paraphrase, but not much). And I wanted to spend time with her too. I really care for her. But I didn't want to put people out. And I know I was. And I HATE it when people make a fuss over me and what-not. I HATE it. I HATE it so much. So I went out and slept in my truck. It was kinda cold, but not really. I woke up a few times, though; at one point, I went driving around. Galveston is... odd. Especially at three in the morning. Chris woke me up at 8, gave them a ride to school; Suzie was asleep, and inside, so I couldn't get in. She finally woke up; we were okay, and hung out for an hour. I had to leave; got back in time for work. (I HATE Dave.) Worked today as well.

I'll do some analysis later.

Well...

Things have been.. interesting. I was supposed to take some Scooby-Doo wrapping paper up to Mike's sometime; I had a ticket for Return of the King 11 am Wednesday morning, and I had to take Suzie to Galveston early Thursday morning. So I figured I'd take the wrapping paper up there early Wednesday, stay up all night, go the movie, then go to bed early and wake up and be bright and refreshed.

HA HA.

That didn't happen. Jarrod and I drove up to Cedar Park; left around 4:30 or so. Got to Mike's eventually; I got a little lost after turning onto Cedar Park Dr., but we got there okay. Came home; it was like 6 or 7. We agreed to meet at the theater around 10 or so. I fell asleep; woke up around noon or so. Didn't get to see it, but I did get a raincheck, so I'll be able to go see it some other time. Probably tomorrow night.

Then I went to bed around 11, so I'd get plenty of sleep for Thursday. HA HA. Didn't happen. I fell asleep around... maybe 4 am or so. Woke up at 6; finished my room, shoveled dog piles, then went to get Suzie. Picked her up; we came back for a bit, then left for Galveston. At the gas station, my keys fell in the vent at the top of my dash; I eventually fished them out with Janelle's sunglasses she'd left in my glovebox.

Got to Galveston okay...

And I'll finish this after I shower and stuff.

gEngine is kind of pissing me off right now. Rifts, Collections, you name it. And I should be asleep right now. But I can't fall asleep. And I miss her so much. I want to hold her close, feel the warmth of her body against mine, hear her sweet voice in my ears, and know that everything's going to be okay.

Well, Suzie called. Then I called her, and actually got a hold of her this time. Amazing!! Long story short (not something I'm good at, normally), I'm picking her up from Gary Thursday morning and taking her to Galveston. It'll be a good chance to spend some time together - well, sorta, 'cause I think she'll sleep most of the trip, 'cause she'll be up all night Wednesday. I'm actually going to go to bed early Wednesday night, so I don't fall asleep and kill us both (which would suXor). I might get to spend some time with her down there; we'll see - I don't have to be back 'til Friday at 5, to work. Which means I could theoritically stay 'til Friday at like noon or so, but I don't know. I'd like to, because I'm not going to see her again for like, um, almost two weeks or so, depending on when I head down there to spend New Year's with her (I don't recall if I've talked to her about that, better do so pretty quick). And she told me she really missed me and wanted to see me!! Aww.... I'm so flattered. She makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Carrie sent me this ridiculously long quiz; I had nothing to do right now (I don't until Friday night - SUZIE!!!!), so I thought I'd explore the deep and innermost recesses of my psyche.

So, without further adieu:

1. Name: William "Billy" "Jackalope" "Polar Bear" "Will" "Binky" Martin
2. Birthday: November 18, 1982
3. Sign: Scorpio
4. Age: 21
5. Sex: Male
6. Location: San Marcos, TX

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7. School (if in school): SWT

8. Work (if you have a job): Sonic Drive-In; blech!! The only decent thing about working here is that the people are cool.

9. Height: 5'10"? 5'11"? Something like that

10. Do you like boys or girls: Girls. Boys have cooties!

11. Do you have any siblings: 2 sisters

12. What are their names: Bambi and Janelle

13. How old are they: 17, 27

14. Do you have any pets: 1 dog

15. What are their names: Alpha

16. If you could choose anyone to rule the world who would you choose: Me, of course. Who else would I just to do my dream job?

17. Do you talk to voices in your head: Yeah

18. Do they tell you to do stuff: Yeah

19. Do you listen: Yeah

20. How often do you talk on the phone: Um, three or four times a week. It's not like I have any friends or anything ;)

21. How often do you surf the web: All the time.

22. How often do you hang out with friends: Once every other week, maybe?

23. Do you have a bf/gf: No/Yes.

24. Do you love them: This is a hard question. I mean, Mindy really fucked up my emotional compass; I don't think I trust my responses at the moment. (Although I think I'll be able to re-calibrate it without terrible difficulty, now, that I've found such a sweet, wonderful girl). I do feel all warm and fuzzy with her, and I miss her terribly when we're apart for long stretches of time. And the past two months have been great!!

So... I guess I'm saying yeah, but I have to re-learn what love means.

25. Have you ever loved anyone: Hmm.... I thought I did. She taught me better. And one other, I think I did.

26. Have you ever made-out with someone: Three people. Not at the same time, though.

27. Have you ever broke any bones: Not any of mine.

28. If so, which ones:

29. How often do you shower: Everyday.

30. Do you get along with your parents: Mom: Yes; Dad: no.

31. Who is your best female friend: LOL; Suzie, duh. Although I don't know if she's eligible for that (being my girlfriend and all); in that case, it'd be... Carrie? Rose?

32. Who is your best male friend: Jarrod

33. Who do you talk to the most on the phone: Um... Mom?

34. Who do you talk to the most on the net: Carrie, Rose, Daniel

35. What are you most afraid of: Dying alone, unloved, and unremembered.

36. How long does it take you to get ready for school/work: School: Five minutes; work: three.

37. Do you have a crush: Yup.

38. Do you sleep with one pillow or two: I USED to sleep with 3, but thanks to Suzie, it's now 2 ;)

39. Do you like coffee: Icky poo.

40. How do you know the person who sent this to you: Pretty well; we used to talk *forever*!

41. Where do you want to live: Whereever my love does; or Texas.

42. Where is the most fun place to go: DDR

43. Where do you want to meet your husband/wife?: Um... I don't know?

44. Where do you want to get married?: On the beach.

45. What do you like to do?: sleep, read, electronica (computers, video games), DDR, D&D, MST3K, gEngine, swim(http://www.ccgworkshop.com), that kind of thing

46. What was the most fun vacation/trip you ever went on?: No clue.

47. What friend is always there?: In person? No one. In my heart? Suzie. To talk to? Carrie or Rose

48. What do you like about your church?: HAHAHAHAHAHA

49. What do you like about your school/job?: Nothing really.

50. What do you/did you want to be when you grow/grew up?: World domination, professional wrestler, computer programmer (in that order)

51. What is your favorite sport?: Anything that involves and encourages people to run into other people at high speeds, as hard as they can.

52. What is your favorite piece of clothing?: Sleeping pants.

53. Have you, in the last 24 hrs Cried?: no

54. Have you, in the last 24 hrs gotten in major trouble?: no

55. Have you, in the last 24 hrs cut your hair?: no

56. Have you, in the last 24 hrs ate a meal?: yeah, about... two hours ago?

57. Have you, in the last 24 hrs hugged someone?: nope

58. Have you, in the last 24 hrs kissed someone?: nope

59. Have you, in the last 24 hrs made a new friend?: nope - that only happens once a year or so, if that

60. Have you, in the last 24 hrs lost something?: nope

61. Have you ever Been so drunk you passed out?: nope, never drank

62. Gone out in public in your pajamas?: many, many times

63. Had an imaginary friend?: yup

64. Cried during a chick flick?: yeah, but it was because my girlfriend had just broken up with me.

65. Gotten in a car accident?: no

66. Liked someone so much you cried?: Indeed.

67. Sung in front of the mirror?: no

68. Sleepwalked?: I wouldn't know.

69. Talked in your sleep?: yep

70. Watched a scary movie and couldn’t sleep all night?: no

71. Gone caroling?: nope

72. What is the funniest movie you ever saw?: um... every episode of MST3k contains a movie, and they're all hilarious

73. What is the stupidest movie?: see 73

74. Which movie could you watch over and over?: princess bride, x2, a few others

75. What was the last movie you saw?: I'm watching X-2 right now.

76. Who do you go to the movies with?: By myself, most of the time; occasionally, with Suzie (once so far)

77. What movie made you cry the most?: Braveheart

78. If you were stranded on an island, who would you take?: Suzie, duh!

79. What island would you want to be stranded on?: No clue. A desolate one with plenty of supplies?

80. What wild animal would you kill for food?: A wild cow.

81. Would you write on the sand 'help!': Only if I needed to

82. Would you panic or relax?: relax

83. Would you ever or have u ever... Jump out of a plane?: yup

84. Kiss your best guy friend (or if you’re a guy girl friend)?: under the right circumstanes, yeah

85. Go bungee jumping?: no tempting death, remember?

86. Stay in your room for a whole day?: I've stayed in my room for a whole week

87. Go in the snow without clothes?: Fun

88. Skinny dip?: Suprisingly enough, yeah

89. Go to a foreign country?: not yet

90. Fly a plane?: yep

91. If you died tomorrow who would you leave everything you own to?: Family, i s'pose.

92. Who is the one person that you could stand spending a straight 24 hours with and not get the slightest bit annoyed with?: Suzie, duh.

93. If you woke up one morning and noticed that your leg was missing who would be the first person you would call?: My lawyer

94. Let's say your dad came in your room one day and told you that you had to get married in the next week but you can pick the person but you have to stay with them for the rest of your life no getting out of it, who would you pick?: Well.... if my dad came into my room, I'd be likely to hit him with my new sword; I don't like him. But, to answer the question you meant to ask, why the hell not? Oh Suzie... (notice a pattern?)

95. What if you woke up tomorrow and you were someone else completely, who would you be?: Me, duh.

96. What would be the first thing you would do if you woke up one morning and you were the opposite sex?: I don't think I should answer this one ;)

97. If all of a sudden you had the ability to do one thing better than everyone else, have one amazing talent, what would it be?: DDr, duh

98. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change (personality and looks)?: weight

99. What is your dream career?: Emperor of the Universe

100. What is the one thing you just have to do before you die?: Know true love (notice a pattern?)

101. If you could be a member of any band that has ever existed, what band would that be?: not even

102. What is the thing you care about most in your life?: True love

103. Winter or summer?: Winter

104. The beach or the mountains?: Beach

105. Rock or rap?: rock

106. New york or L.A.?: LA

107. Dogs or cats?: cats

108. Leno or letterman?: Letterman

109. Day or night?: night

110. Lake or ocean?: ocean

111. Waffles or pancakes?: pancakes

112. Chocolate or vanilla?: vanilla

113. If you could be in any movie as the lead role what movie would it be?: Braveheart, but without the dying part

114. If you could design your perfect mate what would he/she look like and be like?: "Perfect mate'? I don't know - I take people as they are.

115. Run into a wall?: yup

116. Kissed someone of the same sex?: I would, under the right circumstances - for example, large sums of money

117. Snuck out of the house at night?: yup

118. Laughed so hard that what you were drinking spewed out your nose?: all over the place

119. Swallow a bug? yeah

120. Have you ever actually kept a new year's resolution?: yep

121. Would you ever eat bugs purposely?: ew

122. Commit a crime?: already have

123. Change your religion?: A few times - but I'm home now.

124. Lie to your parents?: You gotta do what you gotta do.

125. Jump over a waterfall?: sure, i love the water.....

126. Change clothes in front of an open window?: I do so whenever the possibility arises

127. Sing a harmonized duet in front of 500 strangers?: no

128. Tell someone that you liked them if they were much older than you?: sure

131. Have you ever lied to your parents about something really important?: You gotta do what you gotta do.

132. Had your life threatened?: yup

133. Stayed up until the morning light talking online?: a few times

134. Made people give you really weird glances? I only worry if they don't

135. Read a Shakespeare play?: yup

136. Sung at a karaoke bar?: yup

Argh. Huge headache. I worked 11 - 5 yesterday, then we went to Macaroni Grill for Bambi's birthday. Was chillin' at home, around 12:30, when Daniel told me he felt the same way I did - restless, ansy, and wanting to go play DDR. So we did. Then I worked 10 - 5 today. ARGH. I'm SO tired. Well, not so tired anymore, after the nap I just took, but I have a major headache. Waiting for the meds to kick in. Jarrod called this morning, telling me he needs me to go on a "date" with him - I think it has something to do with Dana. And Suzie hasn't called yet :(

I'm tired.

Went in at 3 - Dave called me up and asked if I could come in early (Dora called in).

But first...

DDR at Diversions: A Look Back...

I remember the first time I played DDR at Diversions. I'd been talking about DDR at work, and how I had to go to Austin to play it. Ray mentioned that he thought he had seen something like that at Wal-Mart. I went to check it out after work... and it was PIU, and a crappy one at that. A few days later, he said he saw it at Diversions too, but was sure it said "Dance Dance Revolution." The next day, while driving home with Janelle, I stopped in to check it out. And there it was - a 4th Mix Plus machine, right inside the door. I don't recall what songs I played, but I did play "My Summer Love" on Singles/Maniac. This was in February or so, after the Winter Break. I had only tried Doubles once, and was still on 7/8 foot songs, with a few 9 footers. I may have been forged on Guadalupe, but I was honed at Diversions. That's where I did the Paranoias, Drop Out, etc. That's also where I discovered the joy of Doubles...

I had tried Doubles once before, but failed miserably. However, I had gotten significantly better, and decided to try it again. I did Kick the Can on doubles/trick, then doubles/maniac, and I was off. I used Janelle's Minnie Mouse thermos with a Britney Spears sticker on it to hold my tokens, and played a *ton* there. I'd often go for three hours at times. A lot of people stopped and watched. That's where I met Kat, Jonathan, Chris, Derek, the three bears, Team 'Fro, the phone crew, and everyone else. That's where I first showed off my 1337 g0su haXor skillz to Suzie... a lot of memories there. At the end, of course, I played mainly at the LBJ student center, but I played at Diversions occasionally as well. That machine was one of the places I could truly relax. I didn't have to be anybody - except a dancing queen! It didn't matter what anybody else thought, or said. When I was angry, or sad, I could go dance my heart out, and it was truly cathartic. I didn't have to worry about fitting in (not that I ever did...), or the myriad details that tried to bog me down, it was just me and the music. I lived a thousand day dreams on those pads - the majority of them involving Chelsea coming back to town, and walking in and seeing me, or someone else - Katie was in a few as well. I never had to worry about the pads sticking, which was a true delight. When they saw just how sweaty I got playing, they started putting fans by the machine, so we would be cool the whole time. It was while playing DDR that Suzie called me the first time after I met her the first time. I can see a hundred memories on that machine in an instant, and they're about to be all I have.

I played my last three games there today. Nothing special, and not really that hard. My Summer Love, Boys (Euro Mix), Bumble Bee, and Do Me (H.I.G.E.O. Mix), and two non-stop courses. ~*Sigh*~

Then I went to the antique store, and bought some stuff for Christmas shopping - a painting for Bam/Greg, an Eagle for Mike/Cess, a painting for Mom, as well as a tray, and I bought a sword for myself. It's been in the window forever, and I've always wanted it, but it's been too expensive. But with everything half off... yeah, that made it quite alright.

So I went in to work after that. I really don't like Shannon or (Sunny's) Dave. Josh just annoys me, and Jeff, I only don't like because he bothered Katie, but Shannon and Dave - argh. I'll go into why sometime later. Suzie leaves for Galveston on the 18th; we're gonna hang out again (I hope) Monday and/or Tuesday evening. I'm definitely going down there at some point; don't know if I'll go once or twice, though I have given serious thought to being by her side when we enter 2004. I still need to talk to her and see what's up, though. Mom's still all weirded out about Doug - can't blame her, really.

Until we meet again, Ereneda

Yeah, so...

Picked up Suzie at 5, we talked. Things are cool. Sort of. Basically. As much as they're gonna be. Which is good. Kinda.

E' il valdar cuebiyari per mashiara; il mia ji e cuebiyar è di te.

That actually means She is the guard of my heart, my love; my heart and honor are yours.

It's been a while since my stomach has really been tied in knots. I'm not sure what to do. I'm really scared. So, here's the situation. Last night, someone (Patricia Eddowes) sent me this email:

"if your online call the dorm right now

iam suzies friend she asked me to do this

she needs to talk to you asap"

That's the entirity of the email (Subject line: "suzie"). I didn't get it 'til really late, so I couldn't call. Then she called earlier this morning. I couldn't quite make out most of what she said, as it was really staticy, and her speech kind of ran together, which is where I have trouble hearing to begin with. But I did make out a few things - first, she needs me to pick her up today around 4 or 5. Not sure where she'll be for a while, or what's up. The other thing I did hear was "I'm going to Galveston ". I'm not sure what that element was - I'm pretty sure the second part was "-ever", which narrows it down quite a bit. The two leading contenders are "whenever" and "forever". "Whenever" would be cool, 'cause it'd mean she's going home for Winter Break. But I'm pretty sure she said she was going back for 13 or the 18th, or something like that. The "Forever" scares me, though, for a couple reasons. I guess the least one would be that I don't know what it would do to our relationship. But the worse part about that is that it means something drastic had to have happened to cause it. Argh! I just want her to be happy. But then again, it might be something else entirely. I just don't know... but it doesn't look good, especially with the email couped in. I'll guess I'll find out in... 3 or 4 hours or so. It's the waiting that kills me. I've always had a really fast mind, and it has no problem applying all of its speed to conjuring up as many worst-case scenarios as possible. Well, I need to do the dishes, clean up my room, etc., before I go get her, so I'd better get to it. Maybe it'll help take my mind off whatever's about to happen.

Yeah, right.

~*SIgh*~

My first day of freedom. What'd I do? Not much, really. Played a ton of DW 4: XL; got Zhang He and Wei Yans' lvl 11 weapons, finally. They're POWERFUL. Went and played some DDR - did a hard nonstop course (Boys (Euro Mix) (Trick), Furahata's Theme (Maniac), Shooting Star (Manic), Saints Go Marching In (Manic) (Doubles)). I couldn't finish the last song - Furahata's Theme killed me. Shoulda warmed up first.

(Argh: Janelle just came in, for help with physics and calculus... We started on the calculus, on determing relative extrema, concavity, that kind of thing. One of my weak points... But we got through it. Then we got to a second problem, which was taking me a few minutes to think about... So she gets all frustrated, and says "I'll just do it in the morning. Well, excuse me!! I'm so sorry that I couldn't explain your calculus homework off the top of my head, and that it might take me a bit to remember some of these really obscure classes of problems that I haven't had to look at in 2 1/2 years.)

Talking to Carrie right now; she's doing okay. It's kinda funny, when you look at some of the logs from our early conversations. Well, I guess you could say the same thing about Suzie, but for different reasons. Sigh. I really would like to spend some time with her - I have two more days of NOTHING, until I work on Thursday. Once "Finals" are over (a week and a half or so), I'm free until... I believe January 19th or so. Damn. I'd like to spend a lot of time with Suzie, and I don't think it'll be a problem... if I can ever get a hold of her (LOL).

So yeah...

I'm happy.

Well, for the most part.

The good: I've been in a music downloading mood lately. Not sure why. I've mainly been going for dance and techno mixes. Fun stuff. I don't work 'til Thursday, and with classes done, I have three days of complete and total freedom. I need to try to get a hold of Suzie... that'd be awesome. Katie messaage'd me earlier, which was pretty neat (she was thanking for me for taking her shift). Met a new guy, Cullen, playing DDR; he's gonna play D&D with us.

The Bad: Haven't seen Suzie since Thursday. Not sure of the next time I'll see her... but I have faith. Not in general; just in her. But we are reaching two months, which is sort of a danger zone for me - Kenni, Shayna, Terri, and I think one more broke up with me at two months. Not that I think she will - things (as far as I know) are going great! I'm starting to feel really secure in the relationship, especially with the letters she gave me Thursday. I really, really care for her - definitely gettin' attached. (I think I've moved off of the "Bad" section, and am officially on a tangent. I think I'll start a new paragraph).

Current Music: Shawn Colvin, "Sunny Came Home"

Diversions is going out of business; that suXors. The only good thing is they're having mad sales, so I can pick up some cool stuff (well, so is the antique store; they have some cool swords and other stuff).

Sights and Sounds was this weekend; I would have really loved to take Suzie - the two of us, walking in the cool night air, amidst all the lights... I mean, neither of us is Christian, but I think it would have been pretty cool anyway. Maybe next year...? We'll see...

Joe Ely; "Run Preciosa"

Worked a fair amount this weekend - Friday night 6 - C, Saturday 5 - 8, and today 11 - 10. I was only scheduled 11 - 5, but Katie asked me if I could take her 5 - 10 fountain shift, and since I wasn't able to see Suzie anyway, I figured why not.

So yeah... Suzie left her yellow Old Navy shirt here. It smells like her :)

WHY I HATE DAVID HUGHES SO MUCH

There's a few reasons.

First off, he's incredibly conceeded. He acts like his opinion is the only one that is valid, or even matters. And if we were talking about how to be the general manager of a Sonic, he might have a point (no, he wouldn't). But I mean about everything - If you ever DARE disagree with anything he says - be it about a movie, what someone said, or just ANYTHING, he basically ignores you, or gives you this cold stare. He also acts like only his time matters. I mean, we'll be cooking, doing our thing, maybe getting a little behind, but doing our best. He'll come back there, and take over the dresser station. The annoying thing, however, is that he'll start telling EVERYONE in the kitchen to perform tasks to assist him - from getting stuff, dropping buns, etc. I mean, if I'm on dresser, and I have a grill guy, yeah, I'll tell him to get me stuff when I'm about to run out - but Dave commands EVERYONE in the kitchen, regardless if whether or not they're doing anything. Slight difference. And he acts like we're all deaf, dumb, and blind, and incapable of independent thought. Granted, what we're doing is unskilled, menial labor, but that in NO WAY indicates a lack of intelligence on our part. He'll sit there, calling stuff out that we need, like we can't read it for ourselves. To be fair, once wouldn't be that bad, as a reminder to us, in case we missed it when the fountains called it out. But he'll keep doing it over and over again. And when stuff is getting near four minutes, he'll keep calling out the time - "That dinner's at 4:15... that dinner's at 4:30..." Like we can make the chicken strips cook any faster!! That leads me off on another whole tangent, the weird double standard thing they have going on. They expect us to hold to different things that seperate, would be no problem, but when combined, make it impossible. For example - they don't want us to get ahead on chicken. That's fair enough - reduces waste, helps keep quality up; but they get mad when they have to wait four minutes for a dinner or breaded chicken sandwich. Make up your minds. Then there's the large number of bullshit regulations and instructions they expect us to follow. Some make sense - tongs for raw meat, especially when you're about to go do something else with your bare hands. But for most of the other frozen stuff, there's just no way - Ched 'R" Peppers and Mozzerella sticks being the best two examples. People say, "but you might get the food dirty". Yeah, well, the food is about to be dumped into 350+ grease for several minutes. Any bacteria that survives that DESERVES to infect you.

Yeah, that was a little out of the blue. Well, not if you know the whole story - at work, they tend to be fairly informed about my social life, because I'm pretty loud and talkative. We were talkng about our Thanksgivings - I spent all of mine, Wednesday - Sunday (minus Friday evening and Saturday morning) with Suzie. And I mentioned that I was starting to grow attached to her... and a few people were like "oooo.. do you love her?" That's why I was thinking about that, and decided to put some of my thoughts down on paper (well, metaphorically speaking, at least). And I wasn't saying I don't love her, just that I don't know if we're quite there yet (LOL; like it's just some place you arrive at or something...) I'm not quite sure what I'm (was) trying to say... Perhaps I'm just trying to get a grip on our relationship, and sort out my feelings for her, which have grown quite a bit stronger.

She came by Sonic tonight; Dave (Sunny's, not Hughes) was taking orders, and he turns to me and goes, "Will, some girl just said she wants a large order of you...?" I took the mic, and it was her!!! I told her to meet me out back, and I told Larry et al that I had to go to the bathroom. We stood out back and talked for a litte bit. It was so good to see her!! Apparently, with her gold card, she does have some sort of campus-leaving privileges. Awesomeness. She had like 6 (!) letters for me too... They're so sweet!! I've read through them a number of times already... 'cause I'm a dork ;)

See, I thought I wouldn't get to see her from last Sunday until next weekend, 'cause I'm so busy this weekend - Finals coming up, working Friday (6 - C), Saturday (5 - 9), and Sunday (11 - 10) (well, the 5 - 10 on Sunday just came today, 'cause Katie needed someone to work for her, and since I was already not seeing Suzie, I figured I could use the hours). A shame, though, because this weekend is Sights & Sounds, and I would love to go to that with her. I should try to contact her, see if she can leave for a while Saturday evening, after I get off of work. That'd be awesome.

So... yeah.

I'm not gonna say "I love her", for a couple reasons. We've only known each other for... almost two months. I mean, I don't set a time limit on these kinds of things, and it can happen fast, or slow, or whatever. But whatever Suzie and I have, it's not love (and the YET is so tangible at the end of that sentence, I don't even need to say it. But I will) yet. She does make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, and I am starting to grow attached. I mean, we haven't really run into any major obstacles yet - (there's been a few minor ones, though, as we adjust to each other's idiosynchrosies, and our one fight, which was my fault). One of the things that's holding me back, though, is the time limit, so to speak - what happens when she graduates Gary? I'll have to ask her about that the next time we talk.

So Sunday I went to Diversions after dropping Suzie off to play some DDR - hadn't played since the Friday before Thanksgiving, so it'd been like over a week. I went in, and I thought I recognized one of the two girls played - and when the song was over, she turned to see who had walked in, and yelled, "Billy!!" I knew who it was - Sean's ex-girlfriend that had gone to Japan for a while, but I couldn't remember her name (Charlene). It was just so cool to see her, really booseted my spirits. I mean, not that we were really really good friends or anything, but it was nice running into someone I knew who remembers me. (Plus, I got to show off a little bit - they were both doing singles/light, so when I got up there and did doubles/manic.... yeah.)

I won't get to hang out with Suzie this weekend. Tear. I have to work Friday and Saturday night, and Sunday morning, and I've got some other stuff going on as well. These last three weekends were really fun. I'm really starting to like her. I mean, I liked her from the start, or I wouldn't have gone down to Galveston so soon after meeting her, and again a week later. I mean, at first, I had a few reservations - for the first eight hours or so around her, we were helping Ms. Kathy move (which was cool, don't get me wrong, it's just a weird way to meet someone) (and she tries to tell me that I wasn't talking to her during that time... riiiiiiiight)...

But yeah, she does make me feel a little warm and fuzzy when I think about her...

I'm scared.

I mean, really scared. A deep, deep fear.

I've only felt this way a few times in my life. And this one is probably stronger than the rest. My groin has turned to ice, my heart is beating fast, and I can't feel my nose.

Were I Christian, or Jewish, or whatever, I'd be praying to whatever g(G)od(s) I believe in. Since I'm not, I can only turn to myself and those I hold dear.