Make us feel so cold inside, but they cannot take us back

I feel like writing about work a little, since Brenda is continuing to be a major bitch.

First, some background: The first phase of each shift is getting all the stuff off the palettes. It's generally sorted by aisle, but there is some overlap, some mix-ups, and some random stuff. There's also baby food, which we don't deal with at all. We just put that to the side, some lady comes in and takes care of it. We generally use a shopping cart or two, just put all the baby food in there. We use as few carts as possible, for a few reasons.

So earlier:

I knew Brenda has a shopping cart with baby food, since she had had some earlier, and I was just getting to some on my palette, so I went over to her to ask if she was done with the baby food on her stacks, so I could start getting rid of mine. One other side note: I'm fully aware that this whole thing could just be me projecting my dislike of her onto her, and subconsciously provoking her into responding negatively, thus justifying my dislike of her. It's possible. So I've been very careful to watch the tone of my voice, the diction I use when talking to her, to make sure I'm being appropriately polite and not inciting things.

I walked over to where she was downstacking palette and asked her if she had any more baby food left, or if I could use the cart. She was really rude about telling me that no, she didn't have any left, and yes, I could use the cart.

Wait.

That wasn't the bad part.

So we got a ton of those little packets of crackers. Like, a box containing 10 little packets of maybe 8 sandwich crackers - cheese on cheese, pb on cheese, etc. We had, um, like eight cases of each. Maybe two of each will go up, so we were stacking the overflow on this cart. She walks part the cart, the turns onto the aisle with the crackers in question. I tell that there's a cart for the crackers, 'cause there's already too many on the floor; she looks at me, and kinda starts muttering under her breath.

It doesn't sound very bad in the retelling. But she was being a bitch.

That sounds like a totally unjustified attack against someone I just don't like. Hmm. I'll have to work on that.

Anyway. Moving on.

Lilie and Rose have both found some great company lately. Lilie's got a crush on some guy at work who just broke up with his girlfriend, and she wasn't the "only reason", and Rose met some guy online and they're having a great time. (I feel like I need to clarify a point here - it's not that's it's Lilie specifically that brings this up - I mean, yes, it is, because she's one of my closest friends, and someone I probably talk to more than almost anyone else, but not because she's my ex-girlfriend that I still harbor a lot of affection for. I want things to work out for her and whomever she may choose, and I don't say that in a cynical, wounded, depressed way, like I did with Sean, and to a lesser extent, Scott. More like a content, happy way, that things are going well for my best friend. Anyway.) I certainly don't begrudge either one of them that; however, it does serve to drive home my current social isolation. I mean, well... there's two aspects I'm looking at it from - general social; that is, forming friendships, establishing a community of people you network with, that kind of thing; and closer, intimate relationships - girlfriends, significant others, whatever you may wish to call them. Now, I don't really feel like whining about the second one - I've done so at great length, and even I grow fatigued by the constant, unrelenting onslaught of rhetoric that I've seen fit to spew across my digital journal. I mean, I don't have DPD - I don't *have* to be in a relationship. All things being equal, I do prefer to be in one; it's nice. The intimacy, the shared emotions, the mutual trust, support, and affection... but no. Not today. It's the first upon which I focus my concentration on this evening.

It's weird. It wasn't very bad during the months I wasn't working - I was almost completely isolated. I didn't really see anybody, besides Ambra, the occasional delivery guy, and the family on Sundays. And I didn't miss them at all, to be honest. However, now that I'm taking strides to re-enter the real world, interact with other human beings, and do so on a daily basis, I do find myself lonely, and craving more true interaction, conversation, and even friendship. I guess being back on the fringe is worse than being cut off altogether?

Anastacia -- I Do