Sweet!! She is coming over this weekend - I'll be picking her up on my home from work today. Oh, sweet joy. (No DDR for me this weekend...) Talked to Dave, I will be remaining full-time for this semester. It was too funny. Katie opens with Mark Saturday, and I come in at 7. Katie asked me if I'd come in a little early, to help her open fountain, 'cause she never has before. I was like, "Sure!" I get to bully Mark a bit, help out Katie, and pick up an extra half hour. Fun for all.

Argh, I'm not sure what's going on. Am I supposed to go pick up Suzie? I think so, based on her last email. I'll definitely be there 'bout 5, 5:15 or so. She's been moved to a new dorm, so I can't really call her (yet).

I'm totally pulling a Jarrod, and need to stop it. It'll be resolved tomorrow. I miss her.

I'm SO TIRED. I closed last night, then opened this morning. Luckily, I have tomorrow completely off. That'll be nice. I'll get to do some laundry, sleep in, stay up, and fix up my schedule and see how I'm gonna do it.

Now:

Jessica = the girl from Michigan
Jess = the Jessica that worked at Sonic Februrary - June

If things had gone differently while Jess was here, I could have ended up with her. Not anything long-term, and I don't know if it would have any effect on where I am right now... although The Butterfly Effect teaches us that that statement is impossible. I mean, we got along great - we can still talk a lot, and we had a small spark, I think. Although, we would have had the same problems I have now, but more so. So I mean, I still care about her, but only as a good friend.

So then there's Jessica, who's a cool girl from Michigan, who came down here chasing a boy. Her and I get along really well too.

So it turns out Edward and Jessica... yeah. And he's supposed to be hooked up with Jess. Or something like that. I don't really know. But A) the thought of Jessica with Edward is just repulsive; B) that means she's cheating on him (this one is actually none of my business - hell, neither is (A); hell, neither is (C)) C) Edward's cheating on Jess. B isn't any of my business; A is just an opinion, but C really pisses me off. I'm a pretty laid back, easy-going guy for the most part, and (outside of worK ;) it's fairly difficult to annoy or upset me. But don't mess with people I care about. Then, I was talking to Carrie:

Carrie: do you have minutes on your cell?
mr_binky_the_jackalope: huh?
Carrie: you have a cell phon right>
mr_binky_the_jackalope: yeah
Carrie: :P
Carrie: are you allowed to call me? for a few minutes....i miss talking to you :O

So I called her, and we talked for a bit. Just like the old days.

Crap. Just typed a weekend summary, and it got erased. Grr.

So, to recap:

Worked 3 - 10 Friday; played DDR for 3 hours afterwards, wearing the garter Rose gave me (which now resides on my rear view mirror, along with Suzie's pentacle when I'm not wearing it). Got some applause, a few weird looks, and a girl even smiled at me. Which was... weird. And a first.

Played for like 3 hours, which was a lot of fun. Hadn't do it in like a month or so, so it felt really good. I was super sore 'til like Sunday. Got home at like 4 (stopped at Taco Cabana for some food), had to be at work at like 8. So I planned on just staying up 'til I went in.

Yeah, right.

So I woke up AT eight. I said, and I quote, "Shit. Guess I should head in." Got there like 8:20, did the truck. Something like 159 cases. It was fun. Seriously. Came home and went to sleep. Woke up with a HUGE headache, maybe around 7 or 8. Mom gave me some aspirin, and it went away. Jarrod called me and told me that we weren't playing D&D that night, which was kind of disappointing, but oh well. Worked Sunday as well. Also fun. It was INSANELY BUSy, and Rodriquez and I were the only cooks. Fun. I'll talk about the other stuff later - Suzie, Jessica (x2), etc.

Nope.

I think that might have fixed it, but I'm not sure.

There's a fair amount of stuff that's happened lately.

This weekend was crazy. Worked 3 - 10 (this thing has like a two hour offset, so on everything you read, I posted two hours later. Let's see if I can change the settings and fix that...

Argh.

I love you, Suzie. I'll try calling tomorrow - it's like 10:30 now (just got home from work, read your journal), and I'm leaving, and will be back around 1 or 2. But I work 8 - 3, so I'll try you 'round 5? You know I'm here for you, and will do whatever I can for you. I love you, babe.

Oh - and I am the gML king. I've adapted Nipa's dynamic menus, and now, ToJH kicks serious ass. One of the main features I still need, though, is Messenger.setCardGMLString(lsID, lsTag, lsData), which would allow modification of gML tags in the same script as the one where the card is created. Once I do that, I can automate location deletion, and work on hard-coding in the cards which deal with location moving. There's only a handful, so it shouldn't be that bad.

Well, my MST3K stuff came yesterday. That's cool.

What's not, cool, though:

So my loan doesn't transfer; I have to get one through ACC. Fair enough; I updated my FASFA, and sent an email to the financial aid office, asking what I could do while I wait for it to be processed. They sent me back a list, with the usual, but said it would take FOUR TO SIX WEEKS TO PROCESS. Shit. Tuition payments are due.. the 4th or so. SWT fucked me over, because I didn't get the letter from them until six days ago. It's dated December 18th!! That's absurd. I mean, granted, the root of all of this is my fault, totally, but I'm trying to salvage the situation as best I can. And they definitely aren't helping. Well, I got called in early, so I'll be working 3 - 10 tonight; I'm probably going to go play DDR after that. Working tomorrow and Sunday morning, and there's gonna be some hot D&D action tomorrow night at Jarrod's; that should be fun. But this is really pissing me off. I'm not sure what I can do now.

Okay, she didn't really send me away. She had a feeling something bad was going to happen, and didn't want me there. So we're okay. She had an okay birthday, as I understand it. I still want to take her out for sushi sometime. Finally got an excuse to cut ties with Jarrod (she really just set him up to trip himself up, and he did. Hard. Those wacky, sperm-filled guys.) She dyed her hair this really really dark red color; it looks pretty. And she keeps talking about cutting her hair. Interesting... I've always favored longer hair on girls, but I've seen a few pictures of her with short hair, and it's still super cute. She left her pentacle necklace here, since people think the wrong things when she wears it at Gary; I'm going to wear it - well, not at home or with family, but at school and DDR and that kind of thing.

Met with Link. He seemed... impressed. And rightly so. Registration is a week from today; things are going to work out, I think. Sounds like I might be able to take some of my classes Distance Learning

[OUCH!! "Tonight on Tough Crowd... blah blah blah... we'll discuss the new trend, "Ball Waxing". Um, no.]

which is good, because the less I have to drive to Austin, the better. Argh. I missed the State of the Union address - I had no idea it was tonight. I don't like politics, but I LOVE comedy - and between Bush and the ridiculous Democrat run-off we've got going on, this race is definitely giving me enough comedy to make it worth watching. It's weird - now that Comedy Central lost SNL, I really haven't watched that much TV anymore - sure, E! got SNL, but they only show 2 episodes a day. So I've really only been watching The Daily Show and the occasional movie on HBO.

Yeah, I really like Suzie.

And I'm lovin' this new fan/light set up. It's so cool! And by cool, I mean thermally speaking.

But my MST3K stuff still hasn't arrived. Barb said it shipped Friday, so I think it should be here sometime this week.

I need to get ToJH into an acceptable alpha state.

She sent me away.

Well, that's really not a fair statement. I originally said I didn't want to stay. And I was acting... odd. I'll get to that in a bit. But I was better, and wanted to stay with her. I wanted to lie with her, to hold her. We could have been lying there together RIGHT NOW... and we're not, and it's my fault. Fucking awesome.

I just wanted her to have a good birhtday. I know her last one was downright terrible, and I suspect some of her others weren't that great. I wanted to take her out to a sushi dinner, 'cause I know that's like her favorite food (right up there with fried chicken), and I'm pretty sure she hasn't had it in a long time - like definitely before she came to Gary, probably as long as I've known her. I gave her a Wal-Mart gift card, 'cause I know she'll use it. It does seem a little... vanilla? impersonal? But she seemed to like it, so I guess it went okay.

I seriously need to apologize for being so weird earlier. I was acting a little weird, like something was really wrong or something. It was more like... *sigh*, I don't know... Sometimes, I wonder about us. She just seems so different, and I wonder how she can be happy being with me. That feeds my insecurity and low self-esteem, which feed that, and it's not a good little spiral. I finally broke out of it, but the damage had already been done. I really really hope that wasn't what the compelte cause of her bad mood was. Well, I kind of do, because then there wouldn't be anything else making her feel bad. I can't get that to sound right, so never mind.

So I finally figured that I wanted to stay with her, and was okay, and asked her if she wanted me to stay. And she said no. And she sent me away. There's a chance that she just thought I didn't want to be there, and was helping me out, but no. I should have told her. Should've, could've, would've, DIDN'T. The story of my life. *Sigh* I guess I"l just tell her tomorrow. Her and I really need to talk about last night, about what happened. And I hope I won't cry about this again, like I am right now. Argh. I'm so sick and tired of screwing up, of things being my fault. And it's way too late to go play DDR, so I get to sit and stew in all this all night, until 11 (or whenever I pick her up tomorrow).

Whatever.

I love the Daily Show.

[Discussing the Enron scandal's latest developments:]

Jon: "They had funneled money to themselves through an elaborate network of partnerships. One was named LJM, after the initials of his wife and kids. Another was named Chewco, after - and this is true - Chewbacca. Apparently, they exaggerated on the number of parsecs in which they could do a Kessel Run."

[Audience Laughter]

[Jon chuckles into his fist]

Jon: "I was told some of you might find that funny. The rest of you... have lives."

Argh! That's not how he phrased it. But you get the joke [hopefully.]

~*Sigh*~

So, life goes on. I haven't been up to much these past few days. Let's see... I've played a *ton* of Disgaea: Hour of Darkness, and watched a bunch of stuff - New Guy is really good; it was filmed here, but I don't recognize anything in it yet. And a few MST3K episodes; I still don't get a good download with this "cable" connection. I've also slept some odd hours. Got an appointment with Link Tuesday at 6:30; classes won't start 'til February 9th and March something-th. And the greatest joke of all? They're going to be in Austin. That's FUCKING hilarious!! My only way to salvage this is by the method that caused all these problems in the first place. Ah, sweet irony, how I've missed you. In other news...

I'm picking up Suzie tomorrow at 2. Her birthday is Sunday; she'll be 20. Her last days as a teenager... how sad. No clue what's going on this weekend; another "play it by ear" thing. Should be fun. Sounds like she's had a stressful couple of days. She called me earlier, and I dropped the phone, and the faceplate came off on the tile floor, so I had to sit there with this little cell-phone innard thing while we talked. It was... amusing.

And on the lighter side, an interesting conversation I had with Rose earlier today:

Rose: i learned today in speech that the infant mortality rate in russian orphanages was really really really really absurdly high in the late 80's/early 90's
Rose: all the babies were dying of SIDS (aka crib-death)
mr_binky_the_jackalope: hmm
Rose: wanna know why?
mr_binky_the_jackalope: sucks to be a baby in russia
mr_binky_the_jackalope: sure, why/
Rose: because they weren't being touched enough
Rose: lack of affection/human contact/human interaction = death
Rose: isn't that crazy?
mr_binky_the_jackalope: very
mr_binky_the_jackalope: and a good lesson to take note of
Rose: yep

Well, that was... okay. I told her. She took it... about as I expected. But I'm now going to do a semester (possibly two, including the summer) at ACC, then on to SWT in the Fall. Not what I had hoped for a few years ago, but I'm salvaging the situation I've so conveniently left myself in.

Well, the counselor called. No SWT this semester. He recommended ACC for a semseter and finish up my other core stuff - PoliSci 2320 (2305), a Speech/Communication class, possibly PhysEd, English 2320. So now, I'm going to talk to Mom. This is the scary part.

It happened.

And I'm scared now. My fears have been realized. .03. I'm not sure what to do now. Obviously, I need to tell mom very soon - I don't quite have the courage yet, but I'll have to tell her tonight or tomorrow. Maybe I can go to ACC for a semester, then go to SWT in the summer and fall? I'm just not sure. I feel so numb inside, and I'm having to fight back tears. I might call them (or go by; that might be preferable) and see if they have like some sort of probationary admission, because I graduated fourth in my class and had such high test scores. But they probably won't. I just don't know what to do.

That was weird. My phone started ringing... it was the general ring, which meant it wasn't a family member, Jarrod, or Suzie. The faceplate said "Private Number", so I answered and said "Hello?". It was Chris. Suzie's Chirs.

How odd.

Well... that was fun.

Left Tuesday evening. I was feeling kinda... weird. Don't know why. Got there about 12:30 or so. Suzie and I slept in the living room. Mostly, we just hung out, with some exceptions.

New Year's Eve: We got a hotel room with Sara, and Jean, Chris, and Nar came by as well. I did in fact drink a miniscule amount of alcohol, no biggie. Suzie and I also... yeah. I also got to sleep in her arms, lying right next to her, which is one of my favorite things to do.

Friday evening, Suzie and I kind of had a fight. We didn't argue at all, but it was a fight nonetheless. I ended up leaving to go play DDR, while she went out with Sara (who, in an unrelated note, I don't like very much - she's pretty annoying). It took me 1 1/2 hours to get to Kemah (1/2 an hour to return, when I knew how to go), and I played for a good 2 hours or so. My calves still hurt, because I didn't stretch out at all, I did Drop Out during my first set, I was kind of nervous, and I haven't played in the last month except when Daniel and I played that one time. She called while I was driving, and we talked for a bit, and she said something to the effect of "I think you're going to leave [break up] with me" or something like that. Which I wasn't - I was upset with myself, and wanted a chance to work out some frustration and anger. It was mainly my fault. But we're okay now, I think.

Saturday, we came back home (well, to my home, at least). Watched Scorpion King and Bruce Almighty. Talked a little.

Robert didn't come by today - vehicle problems - but we did the dinner thing anyway, and Mom and Bambi seemed to accept Suzie more so than earlier.

So things are going pretty well, I think.

Except gEngine is still pissing me off, with Rifts not working.

ARGH.

I'm mirroring this here, because Suzie did it, and I have no life. Later: The Galveston Trip, or "Why It's Impossible to Cram 23 Rabid Weasels into a Freezer"

STATS

1. name : Billy

2. nicknames: Billy, Binky, Billy Binky, Binky Billy, Polar Bear, "Hey You Fuck Nuts!"

3. location : bed

4. sex : male

4b: nationality: italian/jackalope

5. single/Taken : taken

6. birthday : Novemeber 18th

7. piercings : nope

9. height : 5'11

10. shoe size: 13

11. hair: shaved when I can, blonde when I'm dating

12. length : shaved when I can, short as I can get away with when I can't

13. eye color : blue/green

14. siblings: two

14.b. pets : Alpha

LAST:

15. movie you rented : Lolita and Fraility

16. movie you bought : Pirates of the Caribbean

17. song you listened to : Not sure... probably something by Josie and the Pussycats

18. song you had stuck in your head : if I could remember, it'd still be stuck in my head

19. person you've called : Janelle

20. person that called you : Janelle

22. movie you've watched : Scorpion King

24. person you hugged : Suzie

25. person you kissed : Suzie

26. person you went to eat out with: family

27. person you danced with : I don't dance... but I did try (and failed, badly) at the wolfpack party, with Suzie

28. person you yelled at : I don't yell that often, but... probably Suzie

29. person who made you laugh : Rose

30. person that made you smile : Suzie always makes me smile... even when she's not around

31. person who said they love you : Suzie or mom.. probably Suzie

32. person talking to : Suzie

34. feeling: eh... my shoulder hurts slightly, from the awkward angle i have to hold my neck up; depressed,


PEOPLE:

33. closest : Suzie's laying on my at this very moment

34. tallest : Stretch

35. shortest : Kristen

36. meanest : Dave

37. nicest : Chelsea

38. loudest : Kristen

39. smartest : other than myself? Hmm.. Jarrod's smart, but won't apply himself; Chris (D) is pretty smart; Daniel is pretty smart

40. craziest : Suzie

41. person you have known the longest: I've known my mom since before I was born ;) but seriously, um.... I've known Mikie since kindergarten or so

42. best singer : Suzie

43. best dresser : Bambi

44. makes you laugh the most : Crow T Robot

45. most violent : I don't really know any violent people

46. gives you a funny feeling: hmm... a few people

47. turns you on : Suzie - although I don't think she believes that

DO:

48. you have a gf/bf : yes/no

49. you wish you could live somewhere else : not in a different area, but sometimes in a different house, yes

50. you think about suicide: not really - the total cessation of existence scares me enough as it is

51. you believe in online dating: not since, um, what was her name?? Stacy! That's it.

52. you want more piercings : nope

53. you want more tattoos : nope

54. you drink: tons of water during DDR? yeah!

55. you do drugs : only those that help me get better

56. you like cleaning : it's okay, and can be kinda cathartic

57. you write in cursive or print : HAHA - CS majors don't have to write!

58. you carry a donor card: I think I indicated i'd donate when I got my license; if not, I intend to


FOR OR AGAINST:

59. long distance relationships: not really

60. using someone: depends on the person and what for - not someone I like, but I have no qualms against using someone I dislike

61. suicide: not personally, but if someone feels they need to take the easy way out, then that's their issue

62. killing people : the day isn't complete without it

63. Smoking: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

64. doing drugs : only those that help

65. premarital sex : got nothing better to do

66. driving drunk : drunk with power, hell ya

67. gay/lesbian relationships: not in participating in them, but if two guys wanna go at it, have fun; if two girls do, that's just a beautiful thing


FAVORITE:

68. song : a few:

• Dare to be Stupid, Weird Al Yankovic


• Stay (Airscape Mix), Wendy Phillips


• Heaven, DJ Sammy

69. thing to do : DDR, or be with Suzie (but not in that order)

70. thing to talk about: D&D, 'cause i NEVER get to actually play

71. sports : anything where you're encouraged to run into other people at high speeds; or DDR

72. drinks : Sprite

73. perfume/scent : Post DDR Musk, or a freshly washed Suzie

74. holiday : one day, my birthday shall be a holiday celebrated throughout the Empire

75. ever cried over a girl/ boy : girl - yes, many many times

76. ever lied to someone : only when necessary

77. ever been in a fist fight /arrested : stopped a few, and never been arrested

78. first crush: Chelsea, duh

79. first love: Chelsea.. and I don't know if I've ever really gotten over her

80. most recent crush: hmm... other than Suzie, prolly... Jessica