Bishop Rumsfield :: 13:22

Crowd Member: The monster gave me syphillis!

Mob Leader: And now, I'd like to bring to the stage the bearer of Christ's withery light, Bishop Rumsfield. Will you please say a few words for us.



[crowd chants: God!]

Bishop Rumsfield:

Jesus is the door.

[crowd cheers]

Jesus is the way. Jesus is the only doorway into Heaven.

[crowd cheers]

And for that door to be open, we must smite the unholy monster within this-here tower! Our lord and savior Jesus commands us to smite this unholy abomination, this devil's concubine, and purge its unholy and tainted soul from our fair and sacred shire.

[crowd: Shire!]

The book of our Lord Jehovah commands that this monster must be smote with holy retribution.

[crowd chants: Smote!]

Asimov 13:12 says, "Let no monster feast upon the tangy flesh of man. If man does happen to get feasted upon, fellow man must take up arms and smite the monster into oblivion...

[crowd cheers]

...And after a hard day's smiting, there will be free bread[?] and rum[?], Jesus-bless."

An excerpt from the Malious Malificorum, "The stench of monster shall wither fields, rape women, deform local cats...

[crowd cheers]



...The only thing one can do is form a smiting committee to go forth and smite that monster with holy retribution."

Jesus was the first monster-smiter. He smited the massive two-headed [something] armed with only his wits and a thorny crown of doom.

[crowd cheers]



We, my brothers, must follow in the bloody footsteps of our Lord and smite monsters!

[crowd cheers]

Only through smiting can you free yourself from eternal damnation!



[crowd: Damnation!]

We find that if you do not smite this monster, a better [error] fate awaits you in the afterlife. Dante's 10^th circle of Hell, the most foul, itchy, and evil of all the circles...

[crowd chants: Itchy!]

That's enough. This place is dedicated, reserved for those who don't smite monsters.

[crowd boos]

Do you want to suffer in Hell because you let a monster eat your babies?

[crowd: No!]

[something] 5:15 tells us, "If a baby is eaten by a monster, that monster must be a-smitten." And remember this, Romans 10:13 says, "For whoever shall come upon the monster in the tower and smote it shall be saved." John 8:44 PM said, "Don't let the monster deceive you by believing there is some other way, other than a good smiting. For he is a liar, and father of lying monsters." [something] 3:16 goes on to explain that "Monsters were created by Jehovah for the sole purpose of smiting." And finally, Christopher Robins 4:66 says, "Let the monster be smote with such fury that it rains blood and organs for forty days and forty nights."

[crowd chants: Blood!]



"[something] into itty-bitty [something] infested the chickens, and then cook and eat those chickens.", Seeyonix 6:66. So sayeth the Lord. Amen, my brothers.

Bingo on Tuesdays.

[crowd chants: God!]

Mob Leader: That's right, God.