Goodbye to You

Well, I guess I can't just post pictures and song lyrics for the rest of my life, so I'm going to have to do this eventually. Might as well be now. I shall now post the complete (well, as complete as I'm going to post, at least) tale of Lilie and I, helping Rose move (so it's two tales, with the seeds planted for another two or three. You'll just have to take what you can get.)

First, the background.

I first met Lilie at Sonic. I remember the first day I saw her. I was cooking (I was still a blue shirt/manager trainee at this point), and she came in to talk to Javi (I think it was Javi; regardless, whoever was managing) about something for a minute or two. I didn't know who it was - employee, customer, or what. All I knew is that I was in love.

Not really, but she was one of the more attractive people I'd seen walk in in a while. And I wasn't shy about saying so. My joy grew tenfold when Javi told me that she did, in fact, work here. I didn't know that because I wasn't there when she turned in her application or interviewed or anything. This was one of those moments that's given me a reptuation for "always having a crush on the new carhop" when, in fact, that's only happened twice (Lilie and Katie). We worked together for... a while? I don't really remember working with her that many times. I do remember one Saturday morning when she was fountaining; I came up and told her to clean up or something, and as I was walking away, she hit me in the back of the head with a wet towel. That's about the only memory I have of the two of us working together.

Well... I have one more. I did like her for a while, but Javi told me something about her being in the military (she had a military ID, 'cause her husband was in the military) and something else (those of you who should know what that is, already do.) Kristen decided that we'd make a good couple, and decided that she was going to try to hook us up, until she found out the above information as well. However, Allison told Lilie about this, exempting only the name of the person involved. So Lilie came up to me one day and asked me about it. I still remember parts of the conversation. She told me that someone told her that a little bird was going to try to hook us up, but had abandoned it or something. She wanted to know more. I started to tell her what was going on, but we were kinda busy. I told her I'd be at Dragon's Lair that night, and if she wanted to come by and get the whole story, I'd be happy to give it to her. She said she probably would, since she didn't have anything better to do.

She came. And the week after that, and the week after that. Somewhere in there, she left Sonic to work at Katy Station. I told her the entire story (most of which is related up there). We quickly became good friends, then close friends. There was one odd night when Shelley, Lilie and I went to Joe's Crab Shack; that evening featured the immortal question "Why did you choose Lilie over me" and "I can't believe I ever liked you", both courtesy of Shelley. We became very... comfortable around each other. The hallmark of our unique relationship was the extended hug. When saying goodnight or otherwise ending an evening together, we'd often hug for prolonged periods of time. Nothing overtly sexual or groping or anything, just a simple, yet warm, embrace. Those moments I will treasure forever.

Then, at Kenny's party, I kissed her. Three times. Not opened mouth or prolonged, but definitely lip-to-lip. Asked her about it later, we're still just friends - boyfriend in Washington. Well, the timing isn't quite the same, but... you get the point. One night after a really bad day at work, I went over to Shana's apartment, and after Shelley had gone to bed, we made out a little. Another big step. She came over to my house a few times to watch movies and what not, and we lied together in my bed (I have no chairs in my room). We also made out right next to her car for a while. During one of these instances, she said something to the effect of:

"For friends, we sure do kiss a lot."
"Is that a problem?"
"No."
<kiss>

However, the main problem was that we were still just friends - she was dating Sean, who lived in Washington. We had a *very* physical friendship, though, as we're both very physical people, and we felt very comfortable with each other. This often confused me a great deal, and we had several conversations about it.

That all changed when her best friend got married. She went down for the wedding (I think she was a bridesmaid? Maid of Honor? One of those.) I didn't find out until after she had gone that Sean was flying down to spend the weekend with her after the wedding. Apparently, this was all she had been talking about for a while, but she had never mentioned it to me. Immediately after finding out, I was devastated. I assumed that she hadn't told me on purpose, because she didn't want to hurt me or didn't want me to know or something along those lines. So I was fairly crushed. However, I caught her online at one point, and she started talking as if I knew. Small confusion there, but we got it sorted out. Anyhoo, they had broken up.

Yeah.

So I went over there after work the day she got back... expecting nothing. Granted, there was hope in my heart, but first and foremost, we're friends, and I wanted her to be okay before we even started thinking about us. That quickly changed, though, when ten minutes later, she had me against the door, and asked why I wasn't kissing her. We went to Sights & Sounds that weekend, and wound up in the cab of my truck in my neighbor's driveway making out for a good two hours or so. Clothes were removed, sort of. I asked her out, and she said yes, and that was that. Things went great for a few weeks - I crashed at her place a number of times, and we would have had sex, except I was unable to obtain an erection the first time (which is, in fact, incredibly embarrasing). Things never progressed quite as far as they did that night, though I think it was because she was waiting for me to indicate I was comfortable enough to take them that far again. Ha! I've never made a move on a girl (well, not really), so that wasn't going to happen. But sleeping with her was... interesting. It takes me forever to fall asleep, so I would lie there, listening to her breath, watching her sleep. She looks like such an angel asleep - no worries, no screens, just her, as peaceful as she can be. It makes me cry.

So she started to get depressed, and I started to back off to give her space. She broke up with me a few weeks after we started "going out", and I told her I'd leave her alone 'til she was ready. I don't just mean in the romantic sense; I mean completely - she said she was tired of dealing with the world, and I respected that.

Two weeks later, she called and said that she missed talking to me. We started talking again, as friends. We still hugged, but that was it. Then, one night not that long ago, she kissed me while we were sitting in the cab of my truck at the LBJ Student Center. She made a comment about being 'confused', and I didn't read too much into it. I just enjoyed the moment. A few days later, I stopped by to get my toothbrush that I had left there when I was spending the night there; I ended up staying there for a few hours; we watched Hackers, and hung out a little more 'til she went to sleep. She kissed me again. Again, I didn't really read too much into it. But we definitely started hanging out more, talking more often, especially since I had recently purchased WoW, and we started talking online as well.

Deep breath.

Okay, that's the backstory. I've left out a few bits - Shelley's role in all this being the main one. I'll actually do the second half of the story - the last week or so - tonight after work.