Signs you're dangerously bored:

• You go into a Yahoo! Chat room, and start correcting spelling mistakes other people make. Not one or two, but every one, for like twenty to thirty minutes.
  

I think that list is comprehensive enough. So life's been interesting lately. Someone hit my truck and smashed the driver side rear brake light. I don't mean 'hit' in the sense of a car-car collision, but more like a car-baseball bat collision. At first, I wasn't sure, but I'm pretty sure I'd notice a car-car thing hard enough to break it. But I can't figure out who would do that to me. Probably some damn punks. Maybe it was the same ones who stole my CDs and B5 cards that one time, or the guys who turned my lights on once to drain my battery. Oh well...

I finally got my home DDR pad. It's pretty neat. It does slide a teensy bit, but that's not that big a deal. It's really neat. I really need to clean my room. I'll do it as soon as I finish writing this. Correction: first, I'll get my bedding from the dryer, put in another load of laundry, and see if Janelle actually emptied the dishwasher before she went to bed like she was supposed to, so I can do the remaning dishes. After that, I'll make my bed, clean my room, then... probably play Warcraft III, Civ III, or use my new SNES emulator. I'll even get around to doing my Probability homework at some point. I should be going to sleep, but that doesn't sound that appealing right now. For the past two months or so, I've been dreaming about Chelsea. Nothing raunchy or weird, just... dreams. Things that wouldn't seem out of place in real life. Well, except for once or twice. She's killed me in my dreams, I think once. But she shot up the whole room, so it wasn't like she was singling me out. Well, that, or she didn't mind taking out a whole room, so long as she got me. But like I said, mainly just normal occurences. I've had a few where she came back to town, and we met up again. Those are my favorite. The least favorite? Probably the ones where I relive the things that transpired between us back in 7~8^th grade. Those make me cry. I mean, the things that I did... I didn't do anything *bad*, just *stupid*. Like never calling here... avoiding her... not being able to notice THE MOST OBVIOUS SIGNS IN THE KNOWN WORLD!! SIGNS THAT ARE SO OBVIOUS, PEOPLE ON THE MOON COULD SEE THEM!! I really hate dwelling on the past; I prefer to analyze it, learn from it, and move on, but right now, that's a little hard.

King of the Hill is on right now. Bobby and those two asian kids are stuck in the caves... he noticed them holding hands. Then, he started whining about how he's gonna die alone and unloved. How coincidental. Then he said, "Like Weird Al Yankovic." Except he pronounced it "Yank-o-vitch", which drives me crazy. It's "Yank-o-vic!!!" That bugs the ever-living snot out of me.

I realized something the other day, when Dave asked to borrow my truck and I wouldn't let him. I'm a pretty easy-going guy. I don't get upset that much, and I stay mad even less. People can say whatever they want about me, doesn't bother me. I've been teased since kindergarten, for one reason or another, so I've gotten used to it. People can do things to me, and I'll get over it. It used to be, or at least, I used to think, the only way to make me mad, and stay mad at someone, was to mess with someone I care about. But I realized that's not true. I don't like being abandoned. I'm not talking about breaking up. That's not abandonment. Not really. Well, it is, but not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about something like when someone agrees to meet you somewhere, and lead you through unfamaliar territory to somewhere, then purposely leaves you halfway there. Or when someone agrees to meet you sometime, and you never see them. Ever again. Well, if they die or something, that's not their fault, but that's an extreme case. I'm still trying to figure this one out. I mean, I got lost a lot when I was a kid and i went with my mom to the store, but I don't think that's quite it. I keep thinking maybe it's tied into my current social state, but it just doesn't fit. I haven't had an abandonment that really hurt, which would really tie this whole thing up. I'll have to come back to it.

Why did I break out into tears Thursday? I'm not totally sure, but I think I've pretty much nailed it down. I'm lonely. Not just in a no-girlfriend-in-far-too-long way, but a no friends kind of way. I mean, Jarrod and I only talk occasionally, and we have less and less in common. I mean, we'll always be great friends, and I'll always trust him, but our paths are seperate now. Just people to talk to, share all of those little stories that happened that day, that aren't significant except that they happened to you and you're talking to your friends, people to share things with, listen to, talk with, you know... I don't know... I've lost my ability to meet new people. It feels like everyone else has their friends, and they're good to go. I mean, I know that's just an illusion fostered by my current anti-social tendencies, but the brain and the heart don't always communicate effectively. Like, we have to form study groups for CS. I can't even approach people for that. That's a new low, even for me. Argh!! Why am I so afraid to talk to people? I don't think it's rejection... I've had plenty of that growing up, and I've never worried to much about it... Except that is it, isn't it? I wasn't afraid of rejection 'cause I had a base to fall back on, people I could always talk to, regardless of whether or not some girl said she'd go out with me, or some new student responded well to my overtures or not. Except that's not the case anymore. I no longer have a safety net to fall back on. It's analogous to losing everything and having to start over. I mean, no disrepect to those who have suffered tragedies and have to actually do this, but it almost works. But... I don't think I can. That's what terrifies me, what makes it so difficult for me to fall asleep at night. Well, that and the fear of this continuing for the remainder of my life. I mean, that seems like a pretty stupid thing to worry about, so let's limit it to college. I've been here a year and a half. Granted, I've had a few maturing spurts here and there, but the idea of being this alone all through college...

Man, i'm gonna go play Warcraft or Civ now. Take my mind of it for a while.