Nobody gets out alive

Times like this really test my previous assertion that I'm quite capable of standing on my own. I mean, it's really easy for me to say that yeah, I have no problem being alone, that I can be happy and complete, when things are going well, or seem to be getting better. But now, when I get frustrated to the point of being ready to just give up, when I really just want to crawl into someone's arms, and be held, and cry into their shoulder, that's when I get to find out if what I said was a load of shit or not.

So yeah, truck issues AGAIN. SAME EXACT THING. It's been in the shop... four? five? times for it now. They don't know what's wrong with it, "can't find anything wrong" is what they told us this morning. How do I respond to that? "Well, am I starting it wrong?" I can certainly understand that she's an old vehicle, she's going to have problems. She's, what, 16 years old? I don't know when she was produced in '91, but we're coming up on '07 really fast. So, 16 and change. But in the past five years, I've replaced both the engine and the transmission. Not to mention the radiator, among various minor repairs. It's a constant conundrum: Do you repair the vehicle you have, even though you know it's going to keep having new problems, or get a new(er) one, that should be free of the age issues? When do you justify losing everything you've invested into the old vehicle, and when is it just throwing good money after bad?

I'll probably have to get a bike, use that for a while. Not sure what else to do. I mean, I've made a total mess of my life, and times like this really, really serve to drive it home. I think I preferred it when negative emotion spirals focused on things like why the fuck I did something weird at the skating rink around Chelsea, or why Lilie dumped me for Scott, instead of what a failure I am at life. At least the former have some positive memories attached to them, that don't make me feel even more worthless just to attempt to recall.

Skindred -- Nobody