'Cause when your nose is running, it's a perfect time for kissing and hugging

Note: I started this post last night, but the 'net went all wonky on me, and I ended up going to Wal-Mart and doing some grocery shopping. I'm going to pick up where I left off.

It's times like this I feel small pangs of regret concerning my lifestyles choices. It's 12:30 in the morning, and I'm cold, lonely, and depressed. Disclaimer: Yes, I know it's both (a) the result of conscious decisions on my part and (b) both my fault and my responsibility. Most of the time, I don't care. I find most people to be not worth the time it takes to interact with them.

But sometimes, I just get really, really down. Usually it's not triggered by anything specific. Event-triggered depression is much easier to deal with, because you at least have a focus for your thoughts, and can understand why you feel the way you do. But times like this, it feels like, well, being stuck underwater near a waterfall or other heavy current in the dark. You're getting turned and tossed about, can't feel or see anything, and are about to run out of air.

This is one of those times I really wish I was in a relationship, or at the very least, saw Lilie a little more often. [This is where my 'net went all wonky, and I left, and I'm picking up about fifteen hours later.] 'Cause times like this, I really just want to be be held, to cuddle up against someone and have them stroke my head, just be comforted. Maybe it's 'cause, as Ray is so fond of saying, I am in fact a woman. It's kind of like that night, two and a half days after Lilie and I got back together, where I started feeling like this, IM'ed her, and she ended up coming over and holding me. Of course, that night ended very badly, so it's not the greatest example in the world, but it'll do. I'm not sure if I'm not crying now 'cause it's not as bad, or I've started learning to deal with it, or what.

So yeah.

Jewel -- Cold Song