If you want me to stay, I'll never leave

People have asked me before, "What are you looking for in a girl?" I've never really had a good answer to that question. I mean, I could usually come up with an answer - it'd vary. Something flippant, perhaps - "Well, female, preferably; physically and mentally capable and competent would be nice"; on other occasions, something incredible general - "Well, someone nice, sweet, and intelligent." While both of those are true answers, they are far from complete. I'd venture to say most people would describe their ideal mate in such a fashion - certainly not in *that* fashion, but that those would either (a) be assumed, or (b) present in one form or another.

That all changed a few days ago.

Well, to be fair, that's a little melodramatic. There wasn't some cataclysmic event that occurred which caused some drastic change in myself, my outlook on life, or anything of that nature. The same can be said of my mood that day. But that's beside the point, other than that they share a common cause.

This isn't about anything physical. Granted, there are certain attributes and combinations that I tend to favor. Green eyes/red hair/freckles is one that I didn't really notice until about two years ago, but it is currently my favorite. Blonde hair/blue eyes is always a classic; I also like long, dark curly hair coupled with dark eyes. Really dark eyes. The kind where you're not sure where the colored part ends and the central black part (I can't remember the technical terms for them; biology was never a favorite subject of mine; perhaps it's the cornea and the iris? Not sure.) begins. Tall and short have never really been an issue - Zara was tiny, Suzanne is almost as tall as I; I wouldn't mind dating someone taller. Some time in the last couple of years, I've become something of a 'breast guy', in that that's the main secondary sexual attribute I notice - as opposed to an 'ass guy' or a 'leg guy'. There are others, but those are the main three. But again, that's not really something I assign a great deal of priority to - while it something I do notice and definitely enjoy, simply compare Suzie and Lilie to Mindy and Zara. In short, a comparison of girls who've caught my eye (I love hyphenated statements, to the point of overuse. Deal with it.) - Lilie, Melissa, Mindy, Samantha, Leslie, Taylor Stevens, Chelsea, Zara, Suzanne; they definitely run the gamut. The whole point I'm trying to make with this is that I've been attracted to girls all over the physical spectrum.

Oh, and I'd really like to have a girlfriend that has wings. Huge feathery wings that she can conceal at will, just so I can be there for the moments when they pop out. And I think it'd be really cool to be embraced by them, especially in bed. Yeah, that's be cool. Unless she started tickling me with them, 'cause I'm really ticklish. But even that would be cool.

However, I digress.

The original point of this post is that I've finally discovered a necessary trait for me, when discussing possible mates. Significant others. Girlfriends. Whatever you may wish to call them.

Simply put, well, crap. There's no real 'simple' way to put it, so I'll just use my normal method of vague, half-coherent rambling, and hope that I've put across enough of the core subject that someone, somewhere, understands it.

I want someone that will tell me the truth. Someone that won't play little mind games, that respects me enough to think that I DESERVE to know what's really going on. I'm tired of mind games, of "I didn't want to hurt you", of people refusing to take responsibility for their own actions. After that introduction, I'd like to add in some qualification. I understand that at times, lying is necessary. However, it's been my experience that people (girls) don't understand when it is. Throwing a surprise party for your beau, and need them out of the house for a while, then back at a specific time? Yes, lie your head off. I guess you could throw in jokes, gags, that kind of thing as well.

Now, breaking up with someone is a time when it's NOT okay. "But I don't want to hurt their feelings". Bullshit. That line - and yes, it is most definitely nothing but a line - means one of a few things. First and foremost, we need to better define the situation under examination. If the breakup is mutual, it probably doesn't matter why you tell each other you're breaking up (though under one case, it does. We'll get to that later.) If he's done something atrocious - hit you, cheated on you, lied about something equally important, then yeah, it doesn't really matter what you tell him on the way out (if that even happens). If one of you has just completely stopped caring about the other - I don't mean affectionately and romantically, I mean *at all*, wherein if you found out the next day they'd been hit by a bus, your only response would be "Heh. Guess I'm not getting my five bucks back", then yeah, it probably doesn't matter. I'm only going through these exceptions because I just read A Guide to Fallacy Free Arguments and am currently working my way through Plato's Republic.

So now, we've established that we're limiting our field of discourse to breakups where it's still somewhat amicable and there are no extenuating circumstances. So, what do people (girls) *really* mean when they say "I didn't want to hurt you?" Well, it usually means one of a couple things. A lot of times, they're only superficially considering the situation. Granted, you may spare some pain by giving your (now) ex-significant other a kindler, gentler reason for the split. However, the pain you've saved them will be revisited upon them tenfold when they discover that (a) you were lying to them and (b) the real reason for the breakup. You're also saying that you don't respect them enough as a human being to feel that they deserve to know the truth. That, or they're not emotionally mature enough to handle it. Either way, you're certainly not doing them a favor. Another common response is "Well, it's none of their business." Yes, it is. You made it their business when you started dating them. And, worst case in that scenario, telling that you don't want to tell them why is still better than a false reason.

I think that's one of the reasons I look back on my time with Mindy so fondly, despite it sounding horrific when I reminisce. Sure, she had a tendency to dump me for another guy - well, it only happened two or three times. Two that I can remember. But I never had to worry about happening and her not telling me. I could sleep soundly confident that I knew where I stood with her. That might sound a little odd, but remember, she was kind of weird. Granted, so was I. The whole thing was pretty gosh-darn weird. I think most of my relationships are. The more successful, the weird they are. But that's a digression from the main point. The resaon I look back on my time with Mindy, despite its outward oddity, is how open we were with each other.

Now, don't misunderstand me. I'm saying that both people should immediately lay themselves out bare, share every secret, their entire life story, etc. Nor am I saying that there shouldn't be any mystery, any mystique. I'll be the first to admit it's a fine line to walk, and one that's easy to go back and forth on. I'm just outlining a quality I've finally realized I desire in a potential... well, girlfriend. I guess. I think that, more than anything else, would earn my affection.

Though giant feathery wings wouldn't hurt.