These thousand words have never been spoken

I've done it. I've constructed a way in FFX-2 to have the characters automatically max out on AP for a given dressphere without having to be there. The methods used are independent of the dresspheres in question, though I believe you probably have to have an Alchemist with Mega Potion. Man, I'm awesome. Or is it pathetic? Hmm... So anyway... my sleeping habits are starting to deteriorate again. Or rather, I'm returning to my normal state. Sort of. Lilie's sort of fighting it. I don't think she knows, though. Well, perhaps I should explain the circumstances, then I'll explain that. I opened Thursday, without ever having gone to sleep. I came home and took a decent nap, then went over to Lilie's, where I slept for the night. I did *not* sleep, well, though, and came home Friday kind of tired. I got over it, though, and stayed up 'til about 6 am Saturday playing FFX-2, then slept for about 3 hours, then woke up and kept playing. Hung out around the house and did chores, then went over to Lilie's for a while, then went and saw Alexander with Jarrod. Opened today. I was actually asleep when Rose called me about 3 am, and we sort of had a conversation. I think - I don't really recall most of it, though for some reason, the phrase "Everclear jelly shots" is still floating about in my subconscious in reference to that conversation. So yeah, I'm moving back to the "no sleep/very little sleep" way of doing things. It's... fun. The first sign of adjustment is the hallucinations. Nothing terribly bad, but hearing voices when there aren't any, or seeing movement out of the corner of your eye. It was really scary when I opened Thursday; I went in fairly early, 'bout 5:45 or so. I knew I was the only person in the store, and could account for all the movement therein; however, I would still hear the occasional voice. The first few times, it was really freaky, until I remembered the sleep-deprivation I was going though. The same thing goes with almost-seen movement. So normally, this whole thing would be a positive thing - more free time, and more of it later at night, when I'm more active. However, in sleeping (as in actually sleeping, not sex) with Lilie, it's started to point out something of a problem - most people don't have that kind of sleeping habit.

Last Friday was the first night we slept together. I slept like a baby - I haven't been that comfortable sleeping in, well... in a long time. I don't know if it was the heat of her body next to mine, the rhythmic breathing, or just knowing I could reach out and kiss her, but I slept like I haven't slept in a while. And I slept longer than I have in a while, which threw off my whole routine. That's something I'll gladly deal with, though. However, the next time we slept together - Sunday night (I think...) - I couldn't fall asleep. I had taken a nap earlier in the day, and was wide awake when we moved to the bed. She fell asleep fairly quickly; that's something I can't do. It usually takes me *forever* to fall asleep if I just lie down and try to go to sleep, unless I'm incredibly tired (which I'm not at 1 or 2 am). The most recent time we slept together, I didn't have a problem falling asleep, but I woke up earlier than her, and couldn't fall back asleep. It's something I'll have to think about and figure out.

Work's being... well, bad lately. I mean, it's always been a bad job, but I used to tolerate it a lot better. I would often go in a great mood, and though it might get repressed once or twice throughout the course of the shift, it would make strong comebacks. No more. Now my mood is usually a direct downward slope. It might be the fact that I'm not particularly fond of opening, but seem to have become one of the default opening managers. I could really use a vacation. I really, really hope that I do end up driving Uncle Freddie's truck to Washington - it would provide some much-needed time off from everything. Just a few days of driving, followed by visiting kin up north, then a short flight back. Solitary would be great, with a close friend would be pretty good too. Things have been going downhill - the money has been coming up short with alarming regularity. I haven't closed, or even done the afternoon deposit, in a week or more, so I don't really figure into that situation. In fact, other than opening (3 times), I don't manage at all in the six shifts I work this week. I can live with that, though. As odd as it sounds, I almost enjoy (as much as one can enjoy that job) closing as a manager - everything's fairly quiet; I can put in a CD, turn it up, turn the lights off, and just do my thing without having to deal with anyone. It's... well, pleasant.

So Friday morning, when I woke up in Lilie's bed (which I hope is something that never becomes that routine), there was a call from Allison and one incoming from Kristen. Turns out Adam, who was supposed to open that morning, never showed up. Allison had been there since 6:40 and obviously been forced to turn away customers, many of which were quite displeased with that. I showed up around 9:15 or so, not quite sure what I was going to do. Turns out Javi had just shown up as well, to do his paperwork from the night before and had started doing what I was as well. Andrew was the 9 o'clock cook; he had shown up and left, but returned shortly. We got things going, and managed to have a normal day - I think. I actually had Friday and Saturday off, which was a first in a long, long while. Anyway, it's just one more strike against Adam. Scuttlebutt among the crew is that Adam is saying his car broke down and he had to walk 15 miles. I'm not sure if I believe it, but that's not really my call anyway. He also tried to fire Tracy, which is hilarious. Seriously. Apparently, she came out short, and was asking him to recount it and about various facets; he found several gift certificates that he hadn't counted the first time, so she then asked about her money. He said that he couldn't count it again, since he'd already put it in the drawer. She was understandably upset by this, but continued in a professional manner, explaining that since it was completely out of her hands at that point, she just wanted to ensure everything was taken care of.

That's when he lost it, and started yelling and cussing - "Sometimes, the manager says stuff and you're not supposed to respond, just listen." "It's not my fault you carhops can't count your money." After a little of this, she said "Fuck you" and left. He tried to yell "You're fired!!", but she was already out the door. Short version of the resolution: Adam was in the wrong, and everybody knows it, including Dave. It was surprising to see him side with Tracy (not explicitly, but what we could see) almost like a normal human being.

Javi's started working at Target. Which is cool, 'cause it means he might finally be able to leave Sonic. Better yet, though, he might be able to hook me up with a decent job there as well if things go well. That'd be great.

Nothing else terribly fascinating (comparitively, of course) going on at work.

Thing with Lilie are going well. She recently started delivering pizzas for Dominoe's; in fact, I passed her in her car with the little triangular thingy on top of it as I was on my home from work today (by way of the bank; previously, picking up 500 pounds of ice with Shelley since our ice machine wasn't working, and before that, buying 15 loaves of toast from both HEB's, since we were about to run out). I can't explain it, but she looks really, really cute in her Domino's outfit. It's not a Dominoe's thing, since I haven't had anything from there in... well, a long time (except I think I was at Shelley's once when they ordered it and had some, but I'm not sure). Anyhoo. I went over there yesterday evening to hang out with her before Jarrod and I went to watch Alexander (which is the worst movie ever). It was weird. When I got there, she was powering up dresspheres for Shelley; eventually, it ended up me doing that (well, on my save, not Shelley's), while she played WoW. Just the two of us, hanigng out. Shelley called while I was there, and is convinced (along with Kristen, who was right next to her) that she interrupted something. People are funny.

But seriously, things are going well - we're very comfortable around each other; partially, because we're fairly similiar, but also because we've been close for longer than it seems. That's one of the main reasons I sleep so well next to her, I think (and in hindsight, it seems fairly obvious). She's said as much, when she was over here in my bed. I don't know what else to say, really. I'm going to the Sonic Christmas party tonight, and will be picking up Shelley, which means a stop over there. I'll actually be heading over there an hour early or so, just to spend some time with her (Lilie). Oh! Turns out she hasn't seen Moulin Rouge, which is a fantastic movie, so I'll be burning it onto DVD as my next project, so we can watch it together. It's the weirdest thing - she calls sometimes "to see see if you're coming over tonight." That still sends chills down my spine.

But something fairly alarming has popped up, though it isn't surprising at all. I've realized it's not so much that I have low self-esteem that it is I'm incredibly insecure in relationships. The two are intertwined, though not the same. I'm getting better, though. I can say and think things like "I know she enjoys kissing me" and "She likes me a lot" without having to hedge it with phrases like "I'm fairly certain" or ", I think." However, that's all well and good, but I still can't feel it deep down in my heart. Which is ludicrous!! It really bothers me at times, to be unable to surrender to our... affection, for lack of a better word. It might stem from my over-emotional, in that there's nothing else really to occupy my mind, which is why I come off as 'infatuated'. Or something like that. It's just something I have to deal with, I s'pose.

So yeah, Alexander is one of the worst movies ever. And I *love* bad movies. But this took the concept of bad movies to new heights. Anthony Hopkins played the narrator. That's all well and good, except he wouldn't shut up. Ever. The end scene, after Alexander had already died, dragged on for an exuberant amount of time. Jarrod and I refused to leave, since we'd already sat through almost 3 hours, but we both kept laughing, wondering how much longer he could go on without actually saying anything other than "Hey, Alexander was great." And you know what? We already knew that. We knew that going in - that's why we went in the first place - because the guy was great. But you would never have guessed it from watching this movie. Judging from this movie, Alexander was just a whiny little bitch who was in love with his best friend, had an Oedipus complex, and tromped around in the rain. Nothing about conquering something like eighty percent of the known world before he was twenty-seven. Or something like that. There were like two battles in the entire movie (shown; there were plenty alluded to); the first showed him being routed, then Hopkins's voiceover continues, talking about how he had won this great victory and taken the Persian Empire. The second battle they show is two hours later, when he gets defeated in India by elephants. The vast majority of the movie was just him sitting in court, talking to people, or whining to his gay boyfriend. They didn't even kiss. They just... hugged a few times. And he kissed some court dancer (male). Oh, and Angelina Jolie's performance was atrocious! She may be "the hottest woman on Earth", enough to turn regular, mild-mannered girls into raging lesbians, but that doesn't excuse her abyssmal accent. I'm fairly certain her dialogue was as bad as the rest of the movie, but I couldn't tell; I couldn't get past her accent...

Oh, that sucks. I died. Apparently, all of my characters went to sleep and got hit by a flan's magic. Yeah, that sucks. Yuna had mastered Lady Luck, Gun Mage, and was closing in on Songstress. Hmm... this time, we'll equip accessories on Rikku to prevent Sleep. Should help with that.

Anyway, back to Alexander. Seriously, it sucked. The dialogue was terrible, the plot, if it wasn't based on a true story, would have made *no* sense, and they in no way showed Alexander as a great man; just as a gay, whiny guy who sat around in a furry cape and drank and cried and hugged his best friend, when he should have kissed him. The worst part of it all is that I could see how to make it better - they were close. They had an incredible character to work with, an astounding historical background... and threw it all away. Seriously. At least I've prepared myself for Blade: Trinity.

So anyway.... that's about it for now.