I've never cried at work

I've been sad, tired, depressed, angry, emotional, moody, etc.

But I've never cried.

Until today.

Basically, Ray asked me when I was going to start showing up in a tie. I told him I didn't know, and let him know that there'd been basically no dialogue between Dave and I on the subject - just that he'd told me to start coming to the meetings, and (eventually) gave me an Assistant Manager Trainee book.

So later, when Dave was getting ready to go to the store (or something), Ray asks him when I'm going to start coming in in a tie. Dave says, and I quote, "When he stops being such a fuck-up." I was standing almost right behind him, and I know he knew it, as I had to ask him to move out of his chair so I could squegee up in that area. He was kinda laughing when he said it, but that doesn't change anything.

Now, I didn't just start crying right there or anything.

Later, Ray took Erica to the back and gave her her blue shirt. That's two now - Jenn and Erica, with possibly Larry, Freddie, and one or two others. Kristen's coming back as a red shirt. I don't recall exactly how that lead to the following conversation, but it did. I explained to Ray that I've been a blue shirt for almost FIVE MONTHS and never got my blue shirt raise, and I've started bugging Dave about it finally, and it still hasn't gotten through yet. I also explained that I never got a raise after learning not only how to fountain, but becoming one of the better fountains there and being able to run and close fountain by myself (as well as kitchen).

So time passes uneventfully. Dennis comes in and cooks. No incidents there, which is good. We didn't say two words to each other, with the exception of requisite cook communication.

Then during lunch, as I'm on the board, things start to go through my head. It's a little difficult to put into words now, so bear with me.

I think it was while I was talking some boards. I just started running through my course of employment at Sonic. I started off at a fairly low wage, which is fair - I had very little job experience, none of which was applicable, was very young, and basically, he was taking a chance on me. But I've proven repeatedly that it was a good one, and he demonstarted as such, with two minute raises fairly early on, and another (all a quarter) a little later.

Then I learned how to fountain. I need to clarify this. Most cooks that have been there for any significant length of time know how to answer a board - Freddie, Rick, Ray, etc. A few could do drinks or bag. But not for a whole shift, and only in a supplementary capacity. I'm the only cook (non-manager) that can work entire fountain shifts, can train other people how to fountain, close fountain by myself, etc. Hell, I'm the only fountain that can cook as well. That's a *major* bit of diversity. During lunch, I'm often back and forth. Never saw a dime for it.

Then Ricky was there, and I started thinking about being a blue shirt. I talked to Ricky and Javi about it, and they both supported the idea. Ricky even started talking about making me an assistant as well. I eventually asked Dave about it, and he had Ricky take me to the back and talk to me about what I needed to do to be a blue shirt. He basically told me that I'd been a blue shirt for at least the last month or so, if not more, and that I was ready to go. I think he mentioned doing temp checks as well, but I'd been doing that as well. So I became a blue shirt. Never saw a dime for it.

It just really upset me. I feel very much like I'm being taken advantage of. Dave's a stingy, cheap-ass bastard, and I have no doubt that he'd do something like that on purpose. I'm a big boy. I can take being told I'm not good enough for something, but not being led along. I guess that's why I started crying. At first, my eyes just got kinda watery, and I held it back. Then I kept running through things. And it started coming out. I took the trash to the back, and Mark and Erica both saw me. Erica gave me a hug, and Mark tried to talk to me. I ignored Mark, and told Erica I'd be fine. I had to take a couple boards, and I know I either sounded like a girl or it was obvious what was going on. It was... weird. I've never cried at work before. I've been close to walking out a few times, but never as close as I was today. Luckily, I got to leave at 2 (8 - 2 shift). We'll see how tomorrow goes.

In other news:

Janelle started school today. She's being a bitch - I asked her to pick up a transcript request form for me, since she's there all day anyway, and she got all uppity and asked me why I couldn't do it, and she didn't know of any form, and all kinds of stuff. I was like, "Fine. Just don't ask me for any favors." It's so annoying - I help her out all the time; I ask her for one favor, which doesn't require anything more than walking a few hundred (probably less, depending on where she is over the course of the day), and she acts like I've shot her dog.

Fine. Be that way.