I don't know why I even bother trying sometimes

So I was supposed to work 10 - 5 today. Of course, I didn't wake up 'til about 10:20 when Joel called, but I was there by 10:35 or so. Work went okay after that, except for Dave being a total jackass like normal. It was funny - Rudy and I were working grill side, while Rick and Joel were doing swamp. We had everything out very, very quickly; they, on the other hand, were having all kinds of problems, and were yelled at by Dave almost constantly for like half an hour. Way to motivate us, Dave. The highlight, of course, was when Dave called me "Hoss." I responded by saying (and this is a direct SNL reference), "I'm going to have to ask you not to call me that anymore." He of course had to re-assert his place as alpha-male, so he threw out a couple of other nicknames.

But while I was at work, I started thinking that I should call Katie tonight and see what she's up to; maybe she'd like to hang out or something. I got really positive about it and was totally ready. So of course when I got home, I made the admittedly odd decision of going to sleep instead of calling her. Truly, a wise decision on my part. I woke up about 9:30 ~ 10:00 - ish, with no real idea of where I was or what had happened, but it came back soon enough.

So I was just chillin' for a few hours - played some La Purelle (which is really good) and MvC 2, then got on to play a game of B5 on gEngine. Sure enough, Rose called 'bout 3:15 for a ride. She wasn't supposed to get off until five, so I had to cut my part of the game short. No biggie.

So Rose and I are driving home, and she tells me about how Katie called her today and was like "Yeah, let's go to Zookas and get some burritos, and get some coffee, and yeah!" Rose asked her how they were going to go do this, and Katie told her that she had gotten her license today, and would be driving her dad's car. That, and they're going to Austin tomorrow with Zack - he works 1 - 8, and Rose needs to apply at several IHOPs, and Katie is going to apply at (?)Easterly's, the sunglass place where Zack works. That's great.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I hope she gets it, because I know she's looking for a job in Austin and hasn't had great luck just yet (that I've heard of, but I'm a little behind on what's going on). It's just... I don't relish the thought of her working with Zack. He's already been giving them to rides, and I know he used to go to Red Roof and hang out with Katie as well. I need to clarify these statements, however, because I think the tone of this paragraph is far from my intended one. I'm not quite jealous (well, I am, but not in the way you're thinking - long story) of them or anything. Rose has told me that Katie doesn't really like Zack all that much (although I don't know if she might have just been saying that to make me feel better, but there was her reaction to Zack being the ride to the Prince concert as well, which does help support the original assertion). It's easy to imaging her starting to, though, especially if they're working together.

It just makes me thing, "What chance do I have?" I mean, it's not like I was planning on telling her anytime soon or anything. In fact, I wish I would just shut up about the whole thing (not here, of course, but when talking to others, most notably work, Rose, and the D&D group). it just makes me very depressed, to imagine her hooking up with someone else (not that I don't want her to - if that's what would make her happy, then I hope it does happen, because I want her to be happy, and that would probably be with someone else).

Additionally, at times, it feels like my only real connection with Rose and Katie is giving them rides to places. I mean, that's not really the case (or it wouldn't be, if our schedules were more compatible), but it just feels like that sometimes. And with Zack apparently stepping up or whatever, I feel like I'm losing that one tie I had, which bumps me down that much further. It's mainly just me going on another low self-esteem trip, but that doesn't make it any less fun.

Why do I bother liking her? I know nothing will come of it, and it's just going to make me feel like shit in the interim. Blah blah blah human companionship blah blah blah don't sell yourself short blah blah blah go for it blah blah blah just do it blah blah blah tell her. Anyway.