I want a curry and rice girl

No, I don't know what that means. But the song, and its video, are downright hilarious.

But it's time for a dream recap. I've been going through a non-posting phase, which always annoys me. Kind of, but not that much. So yeah, I've had a few weird dreams that I thought I'd post.

Lemme think... I had one last night about WoW. It's always cool to have those dreams, but it makes me feel like a total geek. Given the amount of time I spend playing and the time David and I spend talking about it, it makes sense, but still. I think Jarrod would understand what I mean here, and probably back me up. But anyway. So it was a first person dream - IE, I was the character. Yeah, kinda geeky. Alliance, but I don't remember what else. Something like 5v5, and we were in one of the first games to occur. There were five points in a really short V shape, but really long. Almost a line, but still a fulcrum. There were some weird objectives which I don't really remember, but there were multiple ways to win, and we were experimenting with different things, and had hit on something that worked really well. There were seeds at each one, and if you could control them all, you'd grow this magical tree that would start charming foes and really help you out. Everyone else had been ignoring that, but it was a tactic our group was experimenting with. It was working fairly well, but there was this Tauren Druid with the shoulders that looked like bushes that kept screwing with us. It wasn't Ganadar. I think he was immune to it or something, and was doing whatever he could to impede us in annoying little ways.

As David said, Tauren Druids even haunt my dreams.

Moving on...

I had one about Carrie the day she sent me this crazy letter. I'd post the full text, but it's kind of private. So yeah, I was lying in bed, kind of half-asleep, thinking about her, and fell asleep for a delightful afternoon nap. I've forgotten most of the detail in this dream, but I picked her up at the airport. I think that was about it.

Two nights ago, I had one where I was reading a Star Wars book. Yeah, that's an exciting dream. But I was also watching the action, while there was a voiceover reading the text of the book. Almost like a movie, but I was definitely reading a book. It had Corran Horn in it, and he was being kind of introspective. I think Wedge might have made an appearance, but that was about it.

Then, the one I had last night. David and I were in it, as well as Mat Petersen. He was still in High School, and we were a year ahead of him, having graduated the year before. We were back to visit him, and David and I had made these really cool glasses, built on the frame of old batting helmets. (It's a lot cooler without that last part). They were *really* cool, though. Voice-activated, with a bunch of different modes - edge detection, heat, motion, etc. We were testing them out, and were talking about playing "James Bond Tag" with them, where we'd have guns that shoot special non-harming bullets, and the glasses could detect the outcome of the shot, like they'd be monitoring the game and all. There was also some bizarre subplot where I kept unplugging this big plug from an external electrical outlet right outside a classroom, and it was actually unplugging their overhead projector. The teacher was about to come out and catch me the second time I did it, but that was about when I woke up and realized it was like... um.. crap. No idea. But I went back to sleep later, and woke up around midnight? Not sure. Ran RFD with Ihatebrooms.

So yeah, I've had some weird dreams lately. Nothing spectacular, but odd enough that I still remember them later. Still have another post to make about locking horns with almost every driver this week, but I'll do that one later. I'm kind of half-heartedly cleaning some of the apartment. Already got the dishes taken care of, David got the trash out, I'm going to work on my bathroom next.



MC Vikram & Ludakrishna -- Curry and Rice Girl

At the End of Us

So for a while now, probably about four - five months, I've been planning this long, detailed, angst-ridden post about Lilie, detailing the highs and lows of our relationship, how it came to its (then) current state, and my thoughts on the matter.

I'm still going to do a little of it, but I'm going to replace the vast majority of it with a picture of a duck:



Isn't it cute? I love ducks. 'Duck' was even my first word. I tried searching on google for a better cute picture, to no avail. I tried 'cute', then 'random', then 'random cute'. So I ended up going with the picture of the duck. It's a good picture. I like it, and I'm happy with the decision.

That last paragraph was nothing more than repetitive stream-of-consciousness rambling, and it's what I was planning on doing. While that does have its beneficial aspects, there wouldn't have been any of those present in my intended post.

So instead, I'm going to do a short version. We had a good time. There were a lot of memories created, ones that I hope I'll treasure forever. I thouroughly enjoyed the time we spent together, and I'm fairly confident she did too.

But there were things that I ignored that I shouldn't have, occurences that became patterns. I'll probably always be in love with her, but I don't love her anymore.

And, to finish things off:

The UK's smallest carnivore, the weasel is nevertheless a fearsome predator, and its small size enables it to follow small rodents (its favourite food source) deep into their holes and tunnels - once the chase is on there is little chance of escape for the prey. Looking very similar to its close relative the stoat, smaller size and lack of black on the tip of the tail are the main distinguishing features. In summer what appear to be 'gangs' of weasels may be encountered, these tend not to be gangs as such, but are usually a mother with a litter of young. After a few weeks though these parties will break up as the young move off to establish their own territories.

I like weasels. When I play a wizard or sorceror in D&D, my familiar is always a butterfly or a weasel.

Groove Coverage -- The End

Guild Wars: Factions free for a weekend - PC News - gamesradar.com

Guild Wars: Factions free for a weekend - PC News - gamesradar.com

Worth noting. I might check it out, maybe not.

Soon as You Get Over [Her], Your Light will Truly Shine

Two things that have occured to me in the past half hour.

1) I have no angry music. I have no music that I can put on and turn up really loud when I'm angry, and have it reflect my mood. I guess that's one of the problems with having a primarily dance/pop playlist.

2) My graphics engine could barely handle a MuD, let alone UO, or heaven forbid, WoW.

Sugababes -- Just Let It Go

Spinning 'round an empty room

While we're on the subject of girls, and let's face it, there are few (none, really) subjects more worthy of attention...

So it got really slow 'round 10 or so, and Jess was in the back, folding boxes, in anticipation of going home. Mike, Joe, and I were up front. Actually, Mike was still out on a delivery, he wasn't in the story until later. And Joe? Maybe he was in the back? Not sure. Anyway. So I'm up front, when two people walk in. A couple, judging by their interaction (And his later use of "That's my girl" in a proud manner.) I give them the standard spiel, about the carry-out specials on the far left panel, and the additional specials on our little fold out menu, then tell them that I'm going to "Go, um, do stuff" and to give me a holler when they're ready to order. Normally, people just look at me kind of funny or ignore me when I say that, but they actually were like "You got it." So I went and slapped out some pizza, and then they actually hollered at me that they were ready to order, which was awesome. Not yelled, just let me know in a sufficiently, but certiainly not unreasonably, loud voice that they were ready to order. This may be the first time that someone's ever done that, and I haven't had to go ask them. That alone made them pretty awesome. But as I walk up there, they're quoting Super Troopers. That's a great thing in any social situation. I wish it were more universal - fantastic way to break the ice, and what-not.

But anyway.

So they order. And we talk about the fact that she loves Star Wars and he really likes Halo. It's these kinds of situations that make me wonder how it would have been different had another MIT been in my place, but anyway. We talked a little after they got their order, got her to take an application, though she really wants to work at Gamestop.

Yep.

Wow, this tale *really* suffers in the retelling. Lemme see if I can salvage it at all.

...

Nope. I'm going to write that one off as being another victim of my terrible retelling skills. But I couldn't get her off of my mind for the next few hours, only because she seemed like the kind of girl I'd like to date - energetic, excited, kinda hyper, cool, sweet, similiar interests... but I ramble. Probably just an aftereffect of my current social isolation (self-imposed or not, argue that with me all you want. And, come to think of it, it's not really an argument when both sides agree.)

Hmm. I don't really know where I'm going with this one at all. It seemed a lot clearer when I started writing, but it's just dovetailing into general rambling.

So I'll end this post now, try to come up with something better later.

Dt8 Project -- The Sun is Shining (Down on Me)

Secret moments

Had a weird dream last night. I remember it fairly vividly, since I was woken up in the middle of it by my cell phone's wake-up call feature. Warning: If the concept of me having sex isn't something you don't want to read about, skip this post.

So yeah, I was having sex with Mindy. I don't really remember the background to it, except it was the 'we had just gotten back together' kind. It was taking place in the guest room, back when it had the really springy bed, before it went to Janelle's room. That, and we left the door open, for some reason. Janelle sat up in her room and saw what was going on, but went back to sleep. Kind of random. That, and later, after we were done, we were lying there, just kind of talking, when Mom walks through the door. She was like "Oh, Mindy, didn't know you were here." And Mindy didn't freak out as she normally would in that kind of situation (well, at least five years ago), but was just like "Hey, Ms. Martin. Woulda said hi when I came in, but I figured you were asleep." That's all.

Well, that, and the graphic sexual details, which I'll spare y'all.

Just another random dream.

Donna Lewis -- I Love You

These real emotions are shaking up the world

Watch out, bitches. The platypus is poisonous.

---

I just noticed this. It's a signature on my guild's forum. I don't know why, but it strikes my as downright hilarious. Just had to share that.

Koda Kuma -- Real Emotion

I don't know where you're going, and I don't know why

I'm still here. I don't think I've posted at all this year. Wait, I did once, but that was just the 1.9 patch notes, and that was only so that I wouldn't have to go hunt them down every time I had a question about them. But I'm still here, and I plan on resuming posting here shortly - I have today and tomorrow off (And yesterday, though I don't think it counts anymore, since I ended up going in for about an hour to cover for Joe, who was coming in from Dripping Springs and was going to be a bit late.) There are a few posts I still plan on making - one final post about Lilie, to wrap everything up, which I STILL haven't done, though I could have done it any time in the last few months, and it wouldn't have been that different. Well, it would have. My thoughts on the matter change frequently, but they're settling down. Still want to catch up on what's going on with work and/or life - they're more or less one and the same right now. Cleaning my room right now; it's the first time I've cleaned it - really cleaned it - since I moved here. Well, the second. The first was a turbo run the last time Lilie came over, left, and said she might be coming back later. Yeah.

In other news, I got my picture storage blog whitelisted, so I can resume posting pictures there linking them here, which is nice.

Oh, and I figure I'll probably post something about how I blew it completely with Ambra.

Well, that's not really fair. There really wasn't anything there to screw up in the first place, just me doing weird, random things.

Which is nothing new.

Dht -- Listen to Your Heart

'Cause there's nowhere you can run

Well, Christmas is over. I s'pose. It was pretty good.

I closed Wednesday - Sunday. It felt good to be back at the store, and I prefer it there, I think. At least while I'm working the second job, I won't be thinking about taking a GM position. Poor Gina, though, has been really sick all week and was only starting to get better on Saturday, but still couldn't keep anything down. And yeah, we have like *no* drivers right now - 8 or 9, I think. And "Don't worry, things will die off?" Ha, no. I mean, things got kinda slow, but nowhere near as slow as everyone kept saying. Especially Christmas Eve - we stayed open until 10, which was our franchise-designated time to close. We were going to try to close much earlier - 8 or so, if things were slow enough, but people kept ordering. We had a 20 and a 40 pie hour. Yeah. But in short, yeah, I'm glad to be back.

Supposed to be getting my truck back Tuesday or Wednesday, something like that. I have Monday-Wednesday off, so it's not that big of an issue, but I can't really get anything done that involves leaving the house. I want to get down to the Wal-Mart Distribution Warehouse and apply there as soon as possible, so I know whether or not that's going to work out. I *really* don't want a second food-service job; that would suck. Hardcore. Someone mentioned the possibility of going back to Sonic, and I just 'bout slapped them. So we'll see how that goes.

David's still in Denver, and won't be getting back for another two weeks or so. So that's fun. It's really quiet and lonely here.

So, yeah. Got a few cool things for Christmas. David got me a raised, split, ergonomic keyboard, which is a lot of fun, though it does take a little adjusting. Mom get me a full-body pillow, which is something I've been wanting for a while. Those are the two things that really stick out. Oh, yeah - Carrie called to wish me a Merry Christmas, which is just awesome! We talked a little - far too little - and she had to go. I still haven't abandoned my hopes of her coming down some time for a visit.

Lemme see, lemme see, what else? Nothing, really. Been playing some WoW, redid my UI from the ground up. Dropped a ton of CT Mod - the bars, mainly, in favor of Discord Action Bars; dropped Statusbars for Nurfed_Hud and Discord Unit Frames. I moved the stuff around on Nurfed_Hud a little, and replaced the outer left bar. It was originally a casting bar timer, but it was kind of awkward, and eCastingBar fit in just fine, so I changed the outer left ring to track my target's mana/rage/energy/focus. Got Discord Art, but haven't done anything with it yet, and once I play Ihatebrooms more, I'll be playing around with Discord Group Buttons (or whatever it's called). Yeah, the Discord Mods are pretty cool. I'll post a few pictures if they ever release my picture blog back to general use.

Anastacia -- I Do

Never ever have I ever felt so low

So Jess asked me today how things are going with Ambra, and Felicia and I touched on that topic when she called about getting some stuff for the Steak Fanatic pizza, since she was about to run out and the office decided at the last minute to prolong the period of time in which we're offering the disgusting abomination. Yeah.

In both cases, I didn't really have an answer. Well, I did, kinda. The answer I had was that there wasn't anything to be going. I think that's my fault, as I haven't really pursued anything yet, mainly due to our schedules. Well, that, and I don't think I'm in an emotional state to even consider seeing someone else, when I can't seem to get past the last person I saw. I don't think it would be fair, the whole thing just sort of screams 'rebound' to me. So every time the oppurtunity arises, I passively let it go. Which got me to thinking about whether or not I should even try. I mean, first off, I'm not over Lilie, not by a long shot. Her stopping by work today and talking was enough to send me to the walk-in, crying, after she left, which was fun. Yeah. But something occurred to me about my relationship history the other day. Generally speaking, if the past is any indicator, this (Ambra) would end up being a disaster, or not ending well, or something like that, for the simple reason that someone else didn't do the hard part already.

That sounds a little weird, so I'm going to go dredging about in my past, a favorite pasttime of mine, and categorize my relationships by some new standards and see what patterns emerge. It should be fun.

Chelsea

Ah, yes, the one that started it all. Now, to be fair, you can't really even call this one a relationship. I mean, holy crap, we were kids. To be fair, yeah, a lot of kids are pursuing relationships - or some twisted version of it - this young, but I sure as hell didn't know what was going on.

• Initiation: Completely by myself. No help, nothing from her.
  
• Duration: A year, from the beginning to the end, but there's a lot of holes in the middle.
  
• Quality: Terrible. As I said, I had no frickin' clue what the hell was going on. My connection to reality has always been tenuous at best, and it was particularly weak concerning the fairer sex when I was younger (not to imply, by contrast, that it's any better now.)
  
• How: She finally realized that the entire thing was a terrible idea, had nothing to do with reality, and ended it. I appluad her for the action.
  
• Now: We never really talked before hand - I was too nervous - and not much after - I was too embarrassed. So, yeah.
  

Overall, a complete disaster. And it was all me. Isolated incident, or ignored foretelling? We'll see.

Shayna

I moped around a lot after Chelsea dumped me; one day, in Gamez's Algebra I class, Shayna raised her hand and asked, "Can I go over to Billy's desk and talk to him to make sure he's okay?" And gosh darn it, she did.

• Initiation: It was kind of a natural progression from the concern she showed for me, and the whole thing kind of grew out of that. I can't remember who asked who out, but the whole thing started from her.
  
• Duration: A couple months? I remember telling her I had a crush on Barbara in Ms. Baker's science class, which was still eighth grade, so I'm going to go with about three months, give or take.
  
• Quality: Pretty good, all things considered. Looking back, I'd say we clicked on certain things, and didn't really on other things, but more so positive than negative.
  
• How: She started things off when she came over and checked on me, and moved the whole thing along, until I torpedoed it all to hell. I'm pretty good at that. Told her I had written Barbara a secret-admirer letter, and that was pretty much that.
  
• Now: Friendly all the way through high school, but I haven't talked to her since. We're friends on MySpace, but haven't actually had any communication since. Good stuff.
  

She started things off, and they went well, until I ended them in my own special way. Inconclusive so far.

Barbara

So I developed a crush on Barbara, and pursued it. We went out for a while. I want to say sometime in April until band camp in the summer of our freshman year. Yeah, that sounds about right - her birthday was in late April, and I went to that as her boyfriend (or whatever), and I remember Josh giving me her break-up note after practice one day in summer band.

• Initiation: I asked her out after telling her I liked her. Nothing from anybody else.
  
• Duration: A few months. Five?
  
• Quality: Meh. We wrote letters back and forth almost every day, and went on a few outings - mainly movies, that I can remember. The Saint, Empire Strikes Back (I think), and Volcano spring to mind.
  
• How: We wrote letters back and forth all the time, so she broke up with me via letter - gave it to Josh to give to me after he was sure she'd left. In it, she said that I was "Immature" and two other things I don't really remember. She later (several years later) told me that she actually felt smothered. Fair enough.
  
• Now: We eventually started talking again later in high school after she spent most of freshmen year ignoring me (actively), except when her and Terri needed help in Biology, since Dufas was really, really bizarre and I was one of the few people who was able to figure out just what the hell he was trying to teach us on any given day. Spent some time with her via David a year or more ago, but nothing recent.
  

So this one is kinda like Chelsea - I started the whole thing, no third party help and nothing from her, and it was... well, lukewarm, for lack of a better word, and it ended with almost no warning.

Mary

Not going to go through the whole thing with Mary, since it lasted... three weeks, if that? I'll just mention that she asked me out within two weeks of school starting, we went on one date, and then she broke up with me. Fun stuff.

Crystal

Almost the exact same pattern as above. Hmm...

Kenni

Ah, Kenni. These were the good old days. Now that I think about it, I'm probably going to drop the structed list format and just kind of ramble. I met her at a pool party when Kristina asked if she could bring her little sister, which she did. Didn't think much of it at the time, 'til school started. Kenni was a freshman; I was a junior. Every morning, she'd come find me and give me a big hug and wish me a good day. Didn't matter where I was - in the cafetaria, chess club, or doing random tutoring in an equally random classroom - every morning, a good-morning hug. I eventually realized that that might be a sign, talked to Kristina about it briefly, asked her mom for permission, then went for it. Great relatiionship - we hung out a lot, enjoyed each other's company, gave each other our first kiss after the Homecoming Dance... good memories. It ended rather abruptly, because of a third party, it had nothing to do with either of us. So yeah, fairly successful, overall, and she started it.

Mindy

I'll try to keep this one brief. Crystal introduced us, since she thought we'd be good for each other, and Mindy wanted an older boyfriend. We hit it off very well right from the start, and had a long (at least by my standards - a year and a half) rollar-coaster relationship. We broke up and got back together eight times, and were a *bunch* of firsts for each other. Finally ended when I started going to UT. Fairly successful overall, and Crystal started it for us.

Suzie

She im'ed me one evening about what a jackalope was, and when we finally started hanging out, she dropped a ton of hints - we were sitting in her bed, and she had me start brushing her hair, a few others, until she finally takes me to this empty beach at like three am, and we had a moonlight stroll with the tide gently lapping at our ankles. I kissed her, she kissed me back, and we launched a four month relationship that lasted until I broke up with her on February 1st.

Lilie

Credit for this one goes to Kristen and Allison, who seriously tried to hook us up, and talked too much about it, respectively. The thought crossed my mind a few times during the relationship if it would have happened without their actions. Meh. Another fairly successful relationship brought about by other people's actions.

Sara

We only went on one date, but this was one that I pursued unilaterally, without second or third party assistance. Bombed when she found out I was an atheist, and told me she wouldn't be comfortable dating someone outside her religion.

Terri

Sort of skipped her, but I threw out any pretense of order a while back, and I'm approaching stream-of-consciousness writing here. We have a longer history than Mindy and I, and most likely just as tangled. It's really hard to say anything about this one in this context, though I remember one evneing at the Alkek library when she was definitely pushing hard to the hoop.

I guess the idea I'm trying to explore is that by far, my successful relationships have been those that were initiated by or came to fruitation through the acions of someone else, even the girl in question - Lilie, Mindy, Kenni, Suzie; whereas those that I initiated completely on my own - Barbara, Heather, Sara - tended to be lukewarm, go nowhere, and end relatively quickly or never even start. Now, it's not a definite rule - look at Crystal and Mary for very good counter-examples. However, as a general hypothesis, it does seem to fit most of the current evidence fairly well. Now, as to why, I have no idea. Granted, there's probably more of a confidence boost when there's definite signals coming in, and the fear of rejection is much, much less. That, and there's several layers of filtering already done, so any early flags that might have been thrown have already been cleared. However, I've never liked depending on other people to carry important messages for me - I'd rather do it myself.

I came to this realization almost a month ago during some reminiscing. I think it scares me, because as I grow more and more socially isolated, the chances of having that third party assistance - which, for the record, I've never solicited - declines rather steadily, not to say anything of the likelihood of second party signals.

I don't think much of this post makes sense, but I'm going to go with it anyway.


All Saints -- Never Ever