2012-02-19
2012-02-18
2012-02-06
You Look At Me and It's Like You Hit Me With Lightning
So, I haven't posted in something like 2 years.
Ellie Goulding -- Starry Eyed
A few things have happened. Quick recap:
Rebecca moved in, we dated for a year, then I decided to end things. She moved out a little while later. We're still friends.
I (finally) graduated in May '11 with a double major in Math and CS. That was super, super, super exciting. There was a long time where I didn't think I would ever accomplish that. It really scared me to think that I would be spending the rest of my life working at places like Sonic and Domino's, that that's all I would ever amount to. I don't mean to impugn the people that do work there; I only mean to say that it's not where I should be. After graduation, i began applying at places in Austin, and got great responses - I was interviewing with several different place, got a job offer from a place called Starmount, and accepted immediately. I mean, I suppose it might have been prudent to wait and compare the offers, see which one was best, and which company would be the best fit / opportunity for me, but I was so desperate to get out of Domino's, I wasn't going to wait another day if I didn't have to.
It was actually an interesting (well, kinda) story how it happened. I did a phone interview on Wednesday or Thursday, and he said he'd call me back within a week to let me know if they wanted to bring me onsite for another interview. He then called me back 10 minutes later (!) to ask me about coming in for an interview. The soonest they could do it was Wednesday, so that's when I went in. It went pretty well, and again, he said he'd call me back within a week with their decision. I couldn't think about much else the next two days (other than the other jobs I was also applying for), but Friday evening at 5pm rolls around, and I'm very sad, because I thought there was no way I was going to hear from them over the weekend, which meant I had to wait until Monday to hear anything, either way. However, my phone rang around 530, and it was Starmount, calling me to offer a job! I was totally freaked, and accepted immediately. There were some formalities involved, but that Sunday was my last day (ever) at Domino's. That was 8 months ago, and I've been pretty awesome ever since.
I moved out of the house (finally) and got a town house on the upper east side. Well, I'm leasing one in a complex that's literally at 183 and 35. Ended up with Ambra as a roommate again, not sure how I feel about that. Sometimes, it's cool; other times, she can be a little annoying. I mean, I'm sure she'd say roughly the same thing about me, so at least it's balanced.
So, life for the most part is pretty awesome. I've been working out a little and lost some weight, now I just need to lose like 200 more pounds. I have a few goals, and I'm definitely going skydiving as soon as I'm able.
Oh, and there's a girl - Katie. Met her at work (what else is new?), and we've been hanging out a lot lately. Like, she came over Saturday at 9 pm, stayed all the way 'til Sunday at 8 pm, and then sent me a text that says "So yeah that was cool. We're totally weird but I think it's pretty awesome."
I'm finishing this up right now, but don't worry, there'll be plenty of over-analyzing, stupid obsessing, and overthinking things in the posts to come.
Also, I can't believe this is still online.
Ellie Goulding -- Starry Eyed
2009-02-17
Getting glammed up and sitting on the fence now
Finishing up another exciting Tuesday in the computer lab. I didn't realize he pushed back the due date for this assignment; I'm halfway done (we have to do a linked list in two different implementations - one as an oo reasonable thing, and one as three parallel arrays, and I've finished one of them), and I guess kinda way ahead. So that's cool. Today's lab was really fast too, despite having not done any prework for it. I guess that means this semester is going pretty well, which is heartening. I like it when school goes well, it gives me a lot of confidence in myself, and reminds me that yes, I really do belong here.
Things with Becky have gone haywire. She's moving in. Yes, really. Mom suggested it (and, by implication, indicated she was okay with it), and it took us about two days to go for it. I'm pretty nervous about it, but I love her, she loves me, and I'm pretty confident we can work out just about any issues we might have. The main ones are our dogs getting along, and her getting to and from work on days when I can't give her a ride. Admittedly, it will be nice not having to drive between our two apartments a few times a day, and I can't say I'm sad to see her move out of Chapparal, both because of the area it's in and the past associations she has with it.
Speaking of which, I think she's going to see Ralph on Friday. His sister is going to pick him up and she's going to visit him in jail. I'm not exactly thrilled about it, but he was a huge part of her life for almost three years; I certainly wouldn't expect her to just make a clean break or anything. Hell, it took me a year and a half or so to finally break completely with Lilie, and sometimes, it was all too easy to forget what a scheming, manipulative, self-centered bitch she really was. But I definitely trust Rebecca. I've pretty much opened myself to her fully, without reservation, and placed my heart in her hands. I might live to regret it, but I know I'd regret it if I didn't, and I'm willing to accept a broken heart, but I don't want to regret not going for it. The other day on the way to work, she said something like "I want you to be my last long term relationship." Whoa. Yeah, I know. Could we really go all the way? I'm not really making specific plans for that just yet, but it's looking like a possibility. I do love her.
So I guess I'm going to go to Priebe's office hours Thursday morning and ask him some questions about this program. So much of his stuff is very vaguely defined, and stuff like this really needs structure, if you want to do it right. There's variables that make no sense, functions that seem almost useless, all kinds of things, and I want to know what's going. Plus, destructors.
My stab wound is getting better. The actual skin wound is getting smaller, and is already at the point where it's not really impressive to show it off anymore. Sadness. However, from my knee to my ankle is COVERED in massive bruises - I'll probably post pictures of it in a little bit - which Uncle Freddie says is indicative of things that could issues for me later in life, like blood clotting and a stroke. And death. So that's fun. The muscles really hurt, but that's to be expected, especially since I kind of push them. I mean, I'm careful not to put too much stress on them and give them time to heal, but I don't baby and pamper them completely. I don't want to come out of this injury with a massive loss of strength or speed (not that I have much of the latter to begin with, but I have been getting better in the last two months while playing racquetball with Matt). I did a few weights with it a few days ago, but I can really only use the muscle to apply miniscule pressure.
Work has been going okay. I'm still on reduced hours, so that's fun, but other than that, no real complaints. Gina finally realized that Trey is basically worthless, and he's getting demoted. At a food place. How crappy do you have to be to be told "I'm sorry, you can't handle your current responsibilities here" at a place like Domino's? It has moments that are stressful, and intra-personal communication is a bitch, but other than that, the job itself is really easy. Whatever. They put a thing in the latest meeting notes that up to five hours of MiT overtime per week is acceptable, so that's a positive sign. I think Dylan managed to get himself banned from the store by showing up all the time to hit on Sarah, and she showed her the text he wrote her. I have to follow up on that and confirm, but that makes me happy. Yes, I judge people quickly and harshly, but a) I give them the chance to prove me wrong, and b) I'm usually right. Suck on that.
Ting Tings -- That's Not My Name
Things with Becky have gone haywire. She's moving in. Yes, really. Mom suggested it (and, by implication, indicated she was okay with it), and it took us about two days to go for it. I'm pretty nervous about it, but I love her, she loves me, and I'm pretty confident we can work out just about any issues we might have. The main ones are our dogs getting along, and her getting to and from work on days when I can't give her a ride. Admittedly, it will be nice not having to drive between our two apartments a few times a day, and I can't say I'm sad to see her move out of Chapparal, both because of the area it's in and the past associations she has with it.
Speaking of which, I think she's going to see Ralph on Friday. His sister is going to pick him up and she's going to visit him in jail. I'm not exactly thrilled about it, but he was a huge part of her life for almost three years; I certainly wouldn't expect her to just make a clean break or anything. Hell, it took me a year and a half or so to finally break completely with Lilie, and sometimes, it was all too easy to forget what a scheming, manipulative, self-centered bitch she really was. But I definitely trust Rebecca. I've pretty much opened myself to her fully, without reservation, and placed my heart in her hands. I might live to regret it, but I know I'd regret it if I didn't, and I'm willing to accept a broken heart, but I don't want to regret not going for it. The other day on the way to work, she said something like "I want you to be my last long term relationship." Whoa. Yeah, I know. Could we really go all the way? I'm not really making specific plans for that just yet, but it's looking like a possibility. I do love her.
So I guess I'm going to go to Priebe's office hours Thursday morning and ask him some questions about this program. So much of his stuff is very vaguely defined, and stuff like this really needs structure, if you want to do it right. There's variables that make no sense, functions that seem almost useless, all kinds of things, and I want to know what's going. Plus, destructors.
My stab wound is getting better. The actual skin wound is getting smaller, and is already at the point where it's not really impressive to show it off anymore. Sadness. However, from my knee to my ankle is COVERED in massive bruises - I'll probably post pictures of it in a little bit - which Uncle Freddie says is indicative of things that could issues for me later in life, like blood clotting and a stroke. And death. So that's fun. The muscles really hurt, but that's to be expected, especially since I kind of push them. I mean, I'm careful not to put too much stress on them and give them time to heal, but I don't baby and pamper them completely. I don't want to come out of this injury with a massive loss of strength or speed (not that I have much of the latter to begin with, but I have been getting better in the last two months while playing racquetball with Matt). I did a few weights with it a few days ago, but I can really only use the muscle to apply miniscule pressure.
Work has been going okay. I'm still on reduced hours, so that's fun, but other than that, no real complaints. Gina finally realized that Trey is basically worthless, and he's getting demoted. At a food place. How crappy do you have to be to be told "I'm sorry, you can't handle your current responsibilities here" at a place like Domino's? It has moments that are stressful, and intra-personal communication is a bitch, but other than that, the job itself is really easy. Whatever. They put a thing in the latest meeting notes that up to five hours of MiT overtime per week is acceptable, so that's a positive sign. I think Dylan managed to get himself banned from the store by showing up all the time to hit on Sarah, and she showed her the text he wrote her. I have to follow up on that and confirm, but that makes me happy. Yes, I judge people quickly and harshly, but a) I give them the chance to prove me wrong, and b) I'm usually right. Suck on that.
Ting Tings -- That's Not My Name
2009-02-10
If the silence was a song
So I'm at the computer lab on campus, and I just finished program 2. It went really, really well. I went to ask the professor a question this morning, and he was like "If this is where you're at, there's no way you're going to finish in time." I tried telling him about my java background and how I've done this before and what-not, but he persisted. I turned it in about ten minutes ago. Granted, that's only two, maybe two and a quarter hours to spare, and anything going drastically wrong could have meant that I wouldn't have finished in time. But I did. So there. And it is awesome.
I think I really like this work environment. It's sparse, and pretty much the only other things going on are other people working and my headphones. I don't really get cell reception in here, so there's no texts to distract me (not that that's a bad thing), there's no tv, no computer games, no video games, no dogs, no dishes, no laundry, nothing. Of course, there's something to be said for taking the occasional break to clear your head and what-not. However, I've been coding almost non-stop since I called Becky at like 4:30, so that's over three hours straight, and another hour, hour and a half before that. I didn't really get stuck on anything, so I didn't have to stop and come back with a fresh mind. I don't know if that's going to be the case every time I come here to program, but it went well enough this time. The keyboard isn't a split ergonomic one like I prefer, but I can live with that. The buttons are suitably responsive, and that'll do for now.
Things with Rebecca are going crazy awesome. We've spent a total of two nights apart since last Monday when I got stabbed, and, before yesterday evening, maybe ten hours. It'll be about twenty, twenty-two hours since I've seen her when I pick her up from work, and that'll be our current longest time apart. I wouldn't mind if it's our longest time apart ever, but I already know that's not going to be the case - Wrestlemania XXV is right around the corner, and that will probably be 48-ish hours. But yeah, I told her I loved her the other night, and that went well. I hesitated on it for a while, I wanted to make sure it wasn't just a puppy crush or the emotional downturn of getting stabbed or something related to the two and a half years I've been pursuing her (well, it is, but not entirely). We just connect on such a deep level - I mean yeah, there's a lot of ways we're just really good friends, but the passion is there too. I feel so comfortable around her; I've sung, I've taken my shirt off, I've told her everything about my past she could ever want to know without hesitation. It's nuts. We've talked about various things in our future - spending New Year's together, meeting each other's families, moving in together - not as "things on the horizon", things that will be nice if they happen someday, but as definite events in the near and foreseeable future.
I love her.
I'm such a dork - I just finished writing my Go Fish! program, and I had the two players named Becky and Billy. I did have two more players named Janelle and Mike, but they didn't get used, as it's primarily a two person program. They were just in there as proof of concept. I got 2 points off of my last program for insufficient comments, so I commented the crap out of this one. Some of them were a little rude or humorous, so I hope that goes over well. CS people tend to be a little sarcastic by nature, so I'm not worried.
Overall, this semester's going pretty well, between work, school, socially. The only roadblock is physically. I did start on my new life plan a few weeks back, and it was going amazing - I lost like 15 pounds in 15 days, and that wasn't with a crash or fad diet or something. Just eating right and exercise, which are the cornerstones of any true life shift. However, when Ralph stabbed me, it pretty much robbed me of any ability to work out for the time being, which is oh so frustrating, and just another grievance I have against him. Whatever. He said that he's going to win Rebecca back after he gets out of jail. Bring it on.
So yeah. Watching my wound heal is pretty interesting, and really, really gross. Right now, my entire leg from the wound to my ankle is bruised all to hell, which is what my ankle did as well. The dried blood is all black, but the interior doesn't look that gross or infected or anything. I'll be keeping a close eye on it. I got to take an actual shower last night, as the eye strips finally came off (with a little assistance). It felt *so* good.
Vanessa Carlton -- Private Radio
I think I really like this work environment. It's sparse, and pretty much the only other things going on are other people working and my headphones. I don't really get cell reception in here, so there's no texts to distract me (not that that's a bad thing), there's no tv, no computer games, no video games, no dogs, no dishes, no laundry, nothing. Of course, there's something to be said for taking the occasional break to clear your head and what-not. However, I've been coding almost non-stop since I called Becky at like 4:30, so that's over three hours straight, and another hour, hour and a half before that. I didn't really get stuck on anything, so I didn't have to stop and come back with a fresh mind. I don't know if that's going to be the case every time I come here to program, but it went well enough this time. The keyboard isn't a split ergonomic one like I prefer, but I can live with that. The buttons are suitably responsive, and that'll do for now.
Things with Rebecca are going crazy awesome. We've spent a total of two nights apart since last Monday when I got stabbed, and, before yesterday evening, maybe ten hours. It'll be about twenty, twenty-two hours since I've seen her when I pick her up from work, and that'll be our current longest time apart. I wouldn't mind if it's our longest time apart ever, but I already know that's not going to be the case - Wrestlemania XXV is right around the corner, and that will probably be 48-ish hours. But yeah, I told her I loved her the other night, and that went well. I hesitated on it for a while, I wanted to make sure it wasn't just a puppy crush or the emotional downturn of getting stabbed or something related to the two and a half years I've been pursuing her (well, it is, but not entirely). We just connect on such a deep level - I mean yeah, there's a lot of ways we're just really good friends, but the passion is there too. I feel so comfortable around her; I've sung, I've taken my shirt off, I've told her everything about my past she could ever want to know without hesitation. It's nuts. We've talked about various things in our future - spending New Year's together, meeting each other's families, moving in together - not as "things on the horizon", things that will be nice if they happen someday, but as definite events in the near and foreseeable future.
I love her.
I'm such a dork - I just finished writing my Go Fish! program, and I had the two players named Becky and Billy. I did have two more players named Janelle and Mike, but they didn't get used, as it's primarily a two person program. They were just in there as proof of concept. I got 2 points off of my last program for insufficient comments, so I commented the crap out of this one. Some of them were a little rude or humorous, so I hope that goes over well. CS people tend to be a little sarcastic by nature, so I'm not worried.
Overall, this semester's going pretty well, between work, school, socially. The only roadblock is physically. I did start on my new life plan a few weeks back, and it was going amazing - I lost like 15 pounds in 15 days, and that wasn't with a crash or fad diet or something. Just eating right and exercise, which are the cornerstones of any true life shift. However, when Ralph stabbed me, it pretty much robbed me of any ability to work out for the time being, which is oh so frustrating, and just another grievance I have against him. Whatever. He said that he's going to win Rebecca back after he gets out of jail. Bring it on.
So yeah. Watching my wound heal is pretty interesting, and really, really gross. Right now, my entire leg from the wound to my ankle is bruised all to hell, which is what my ankle did as well. The dried blood is all black, but the interior doesn't look that gross or infected or anything. I'll be keeping a close eye on it. I got to take an actual shower last night, as the eye strips finally came off (with a little assistance). It felt *so* good.
Vanessa Carlton -- Private Radio
2009-02-03
You'll never have to be alone
A few days ago (Friday? Thursday?), Ralph told Rebecca that she had to stop talking to me, or that they were through. She was unwilling to do so, so I they broke up over that. I knew they were together soon enough after her and I started talking, and I really wasn't going to try anything to stop that. I'm having a weird feeling of deja vu writing this, and it has nothing to do with how many times I've had to tell this story in the last two days. Whatever.
So they're broken up, but she hasn't had a chance to move out just yet, so they're still living together. Sunday night, I had to take the weekly paperwork to New Braunfels and drop it off at my district manager's house. We have to finish closing first, then do all that, so it's usually around 2:30 or 3:30 that we leave the store. I was talking to Rebecca, and she offered to ride down there with me, and I jumped on the opportunity. I pulled up into the parking lot of her apartment complex, and saw her sitting at the top of the stairs waiting for me.
Before she was able to even start walking down, Ralph comes tearing down the stairs and towards my truck. I knew that couldn't be good. He threw the door of my truck open and was yelling at me - "What the fuck, dude?!". He punched me once, it hit me in the left temple, right where the eyebrow ends. That broke skin, and I started bleeding right away. He went to punch me a second time, and I caught that one on my arm. At some point, Rebecca had climbed into the truck and was yelling at him to stop. I think? It was happening really fast, so I'm not 100% sure as to the precise timeline, and only certain phrases are clear.
Anyway, he also punched me in the leg, and I really noticed that, since my thigh muscle clenched up really hard as soon as he did so. I didn't think much of the punch to the face; it didn't really hurt or anything, so I wasn't too worried about it. I figured he just got a really good shot on my leg. He also yelled "You're leaving me for this?!" at Rebecca. I didn't get out of the truck or anything; I've never been in a fight (does this count, now?), so I wouldn't really be sure what to do.
Anyway, after he hit me in the leg, I was yelling at him to chill out, and I think he did. He snapped and was all "Oh man, I'm sorry dude" and was trying to wipe the blood of my face from the wound there. It was really weird, and I just told him to go away.
We started driving away, and I was looking for my phone. It's usually sitting on the arm rest, and it wasn't there. I was worried that it fell out when he opened the door so hard, so I was trying to feel in my pocket to see if it was there. I felt some wetness, which kind of worried me - I knew he'd broken my skin when he punched me in the face, and that happens, but I didn't think it was really possible for him to break skin punching me in the leg through a pair of khaki pants.
I felt a small tear in my pant leg, and stuck my finger through that. I found a similar tear in my leg, and the entire pant leg was soaked through with blood. I turned to Rebecca and told her that he'd stabbed me. We went to the hospital from there. My muscle was clenching up so hard, I wasn't sure I'd be able to walk on it. It hurt a lot. We finally got to the hospital, and I managed to get out of the truck. Got up the stairs okay, and walked into the emergency room lobby. There wasn't anyone at the front desk, so I started filling out the paper. Shelly was sitting in the waiting room, and yelled out at me. I introduced her to Rebecca, then showed her my pant leg. It really freaked her out.
The desk lady finally came and took my paper, and called for the other guy, who led me to the back to be dealt with. I handed Rebecca my license and keys and asked her to hold on to them. They took me to the back, and I had to take my pants off in front of like six people. That was interesting, but I'm fairly comfortable with my own (disgusting) body, so that went okay. They hooked me up to everything, then started taking off my shoes and stuff. Cleaned up everything, put the super glue on my eyebrow, ascertained that there weren't any real issues with my leg; just a deep puncture wound in my thigh muscle. It has to heal from the inside, apparently, so no stitches, no super glue, nothing. It's just open to the world.
The police finally showed up and took my statement; I definitely pressed charges. They finally allowed Rebecca to come back into my little bed area; I realized too late I was still only half covered, so I was exposed from the waist down, save my underwear, when she came back. We talked a little; she kept talking about how bad she felt. I had to keep re-assuring her that it wasn't her fault.
I had to call Janelle at about 4:30 am to get her to bring me a change of clothes. Rebecca was so afraid that my family would hate her now, because she got me stabbed. It was really funny (to me, at least) when Janelle got there - "Janelle, you remember Rebecca? Rebecca, Janelle?" It hurt SO BAD trying to get out of the bed, I was laughing so hard (turns out I laugh when I'm in pain; the more it hurts, the harder I laugh).
Taylor Swift -- Love Story
So they're broken up, but she hasn't had a chance to move out just yet, so they're still living together. Sunday night, I had to take the weekly paperwork to New Braunfels and drop it off at my district manager's house. We have to finish closing first, then do all that, so it's usually around 2:30 or 3:30 that we leave the store. I was talking to Rebecca, and she offered to ride down there with me, and I jumped on the opportunity. I pulled up into the parking lot of her apartment complex, and saw her sitting at the top of the stairs waiting for me.
Before she was able to even start walking down, Ralph comes tearing down the stairs and towards my truck. I knew that couldn't be good. He threw the door of my truck open and was yelling at me - "What the fuck, dude?!". He punched me once, it hit me in the left temple, right where the eyebrow ends. That broke skin, and I started bleeding right away. He went to punch me a second time, and I caught that one on my arm. At some point, Rebecca had climbed into the truck and was yelling at him to stop. I think? It was happening really fast, so I'm not 100% sure as to the precise timeline, and only certain phrases are clear.
Anyway, he also punched me in the leg, and I really noticed that, since my thigh muscle clenched up really hard as soon as he did so. I didn't think much of the punch to the face; it didn't really hurt or anything, so I wasn't too worried about it. I figured he just got a really good shot on my leg. He also yelled "You're leaving me for this?!" at Rebecca. I didn't get out of the truck or anything; I've never been in a fight (does this count, now?), so I wouldn't really be sure what to do.
Anyway, after he hit me in the leg, I was yelling at him to chill out, and I think he did. He snapped and was all "Oh man, I'm sorry dude" and was trying to wipe the blood of my face from the wound there. It was really weird, and I just told him to go away.
We started driving away, and I was looking for my phone. It's usually sitting on the arm rest, and it wasn't there. I was worried that it fell out when he opened the door so hard, so I was trying to feel in my pocket to see if it was there. I felt some wetness, which kind of worried me - I knew he'd broken my skin when he punched me in the face, and that happens, but I didn't think it was really possible for him to break skin punching me in the leg through a pair of khaki pants.
I felt a small tear in my pant leg, and stuck my finger through that. I found a similar tear in my leg, and the entire pant leg was soaked through with blood. I turned to Rebecca and told her that he'd stabbed me. We went to the hospital from there. My muscle was clenching up so hard, I wasn't sure I'd be able to walk on it. It hurt a lot. We finally got to the hospital, and I managed to get out of the truck. Got up the stairs okay, and walked into the emergency room lobby. There wasn't anyone at the front desk, so I started filling out the paper. Shelly was sitting in the waiting room, and yelled out at me. I introduced her to Rebecca, then showed her my pant leg. It really freaked her out.
The desk lady finally came and took my paper, and called for the other guy, who led me to the back to be dealt with. I handed Rebecca my license and keys and asked her to hold on to them. They took me to the back, and I had to take my pants off in front of like six people. That was interesting, but I'm fairly comfortable with my own (disgusting) body, so that went okay. They hooked me up to everything, then started taking off my shoes and stuff. Cleaned up everything, put the super glue on my eyebrow, ascertained that there weren't any real issues with my leg; just a deep puncture wound in my thigh muscle. It has to heal from the inside, apparently, so no stitches, no super glue, nothing. It's just open to the world.
The police finally showed up and took my statement; I definitely pressed charges. They finally allowed Rebecca to come back into my little bed area; I realized too late I was still only half covered, so I was exposed from the waist down, save my underwear, when she came back. We talked a little; she kept talking about how bad she felt. I had to keep re-assuring her that it wasn't her fault.
I had to call Janelle at about 4:30 am to get her to bring me a change of clothes. Rebecca was so afraid that my family would hate her now, because she got me stabbed. It was really funny (to me, at least) when Janelle got there - "Janelle, you remember Rebecca? Rebecca, Janelle?" It hurt SO BAD trying to get out of the bed, I was laughing so hard (turns out I laugh when I'm in pain; the more it hurts, the harder I laugh).
Taylor Swift -- Love Story
2009-01-29
Jessy - My Star
Do you some times
Think of me
The way that I'm thinking of you
I pictured us together
And boy how I wish it to be true
So many miles
Just too far away
I try to find the words
But I don't know what to say
Each time you call me up and ask how I've been
Next time I'll see you
My head will surely spin
You're my star
You're my star
Oh baby, you're my star..
[chorus]
You're My Star, Shining At Night
A Million Miles Away But Always By My Side (2x)
You're My Star Shining So Bright
You Take My Breath Away
Baby You're My Light (2x)
Does your heart skip a beat
Each time that I am around
All this time you've been searching for
This thing that is so hard to find
Just maybe you have searched too hard
The dream you may fantasize
And the day it'll be in front of you
You might not realise
[chorus]
Your My Star, Shining At Night
A Million Miles Away But Always By My Side (2x)
Your My Star Shining So Bright
You Take My Breath Away
Baby You're My Light (2x)
Mmh.. You're my star
You drive me crazy 'cause you could be the one
My mister Right
I don't know what you've done
With my mind, with my heart
Right from the very start
You look to me and made me see
Heaven here on earth
You're my star..
Think of me
The way that I'm thinking of you
I pictured us together
And boy how I wish it to be true
So many miles
Just too far away
I try to find the words
But I don't know what to say
Each time you call me up and ask how I've been
Next time I'll see you
My head will surely spin
You're my star
You're my star
Oh baby, you're my star..
[chorus]
You're My Star, Shining At Night
A Million Miles Away But Always By My Side (2x)
You're My Star Shining So Bright
You Take My Breath Away
Baby You're My Light (2x)
Does your heart skip a beat
Each time that I am around
All this time you've been searching for
This thing that is so hard to find
Just maybe you have searched too hard
The dream you may fantasize
And the day it'll be in front of you
You might not realise
[chorus]
Your My Star, Shining At Night
A Million Miles Away But Always By My Side (2x)
Your My Star Shining So Bright
You Take My Breath Away
Baby You're My Light (2x)
Mmh.. You're my star
You drive me crazy 'cause you could be the one
My mister Right
I don't know what you've done
With my mind, with my heart
Right from the very start
You look to me and made me see
Heaven here on earth
You're my star..
I was Juliet, you were throwing pebbles
So how do I feel about Rebecca? As evidenced by my blog posts, I've had a crush on her since the first time I saw her. I thought she was very attractive, and desperately wanted to get to know her, but thought I'd never get the chance. I thought this was like a dream come true, and I really jumped at it. I didn't ask her right out, and it took a while for it to come out, but it eventually came out that they were still together. I'll admit, I was a tiny bit saddened; I was really hoping we'd hook up. I mean, I'll definitely take the oppurtunity as it presents itself, and I did. I did let her know how I felt, and if I'm reading this right, she basically told me that she wished she had a chance to give me a chance to give us a chance.
The recurring theme that kept cropping up was that Ralph couldn't know, and I felt that was a little messed up. We weren't doing anything wrong, what reason was there to hide it? At least, that's a surface interpretation of the situation. As it turned out, it's just a festering cesspool of drama (the best kind). He's apparently crazy jealous, and constantly accuses her of cheating on him, of being with other guys. I mean, it's to the point where he won't let her have a computer, because he thinks she'll just use it to meet guys and hook up with them.
Here's the thing about relationships. They're built on trust. You can argue about it being communication, passion, love, or something else, but I assert that trust is what it all boils down to. Why would you be with someone you can't trust? If you're in a relationship, trust is the cornerstone! You can't stop people from doing stuff they want to do. Why would you want to be with someone that will cheat on you given any chance, and it's your job to make sure they get no chance? I really don't understand it. Whatever.
So during the shakeout process, he called me twice from her phone. I'm not really thrilled about that; I don't want to talk to him. The first time was to tell me about how he was done with her and stuff, the second time was to tell me how much they loved each other and how they were getting married. I should mention that he spent the time immediately afterwards calling varous members of his family to tell them what a whore she was.
Fuck him. That's the last time I want him mentioned on this blog.
So, moving on. Where does it go from here? I don't know. I talked to her briefly when she got to work today. It sounds like she intends to go with it, at least for the moment. It's less than twenty-four hours since the shakeout really started, so it's hard to say where this is going to go. I want her to be happy. If she marries some guy and we're friends, that's cool. If she marries some douchebag out of necessity, well, that's one more failure I can hang on my head. That's a little roundabout, but if I hadn't screwed up my school stuff, maybe I could offer her a place to live, clear the necessity out of it. Then again, if I did, would I still be living here, working at Domino's, where she would have had the oppurtunity to come see me? I don't know.
So I think I'm caught up for the most part; I'll probably throw out random pieces here and there as I continue coverage of this drama llama of a situation.
Taylor Swift -- Love Story
Taylor Swift -- Love Story
A million miles away, but always in my heart
So I opened it up, and started reading it. I won't go into it word for word, but she did say that she missed me from when I used to stop by her work and talk to her all the time, and she felt like she lost a friend, and she missed me, and gave me her number and told me to call/text her. She even specified that if I called her, I should make sure to leave a message.
Jessy -- My Star
It was like 11 pm by that point, and I wasn't sure what kind of schedule she was keeping these days, now that she was on days, so I felt it would be better to wait until the next day. That, and I really wasn't sure what to say.
Before I left, I put in her number just to see what would come up - and one order did come up, from a week previously, with a veggie pizza on it and Ralph's name. That caught me a little off-guard, since that probably meant they were still together.
It took me until Sunday afternoon to send her a text; I wasn't quite sure what to expect. We texted quite a bit - I think the count was about 130 (both ways) in a little under 24 hours. I ended up giving her a ride home a day or two later, and on Wedneday, we went to the park together. That was pretty cool. I took her to the little playground off of Bishop, amongst all the new houses by Bishop and Lisa. We played around out there for a little while; eventually, we stopped by my house, introduced her to the dogs, then took her back home.
That's when things got interesting. It turns out Ralph found out about us fairly quickly. He confronted her about it, then broke up with her.
Oh, apparently, they're going to get married now. So that's fun. So, I have one more post to make, where I sum a few things - our feelings for each other, how fucked up their relationship is, and one or two other things.
Jessy -- My Star
2009-01-26
You're my star, shining at night
I haven't written in quite a while, at least, nothing of any subsequence. There hasn't really been much to write about lately - work and school have just been a blur, there haven't been any major events in my life, and I've found better things to do with my spare time than whine about the mundane. Well, kinda.
Whatever.
So, yeah. Work this weekend was horrendous. All three days, I walked into the store at 5 pm in the middle of all hell breaking loose. They were busy as heck during the day, and never really got caught up at any point. Friday was horrendous. Saturday started to look the same way, until about six. I was on the oven, could barely keep my head above water trying to get everything routed, keep everything up to speed. The door opened just like normal, someone comes in. I did a double take 'cause the face looked familiar, and eventually realized it was Rebecca. Yes, that Rebecca. I totally freaked, 'cause I hadn't seen her in quite a few months, since she had moved to daytime deli "to have a more normal life". I did see her a week or three ago at Walmart in the morning one time, but I didn't even get to talk to her. It was really exciting, 'cause I was afraid that she'd gone out of my life forever. I didn't know anything about her that would help me find her (sounds stalker-ish, almost), so that was the only tenuous link I had.
Jessy - My Star
Whatever.
So, yeah. Work this weekend was horrendous. All three days, I walked into the store at 5 pm in the middle of all hell breaking loose. They were busy as heck during the day, and never really got caught up at any point. Friday was horrendous. Saturday started to look the same way, until about six. I was on the oven, could barely keep my head above water trying to get everything routed, keep everything up to speed. The door opened just like normal, someone comes in. I did a double take 'cause the face looked familiar, and eventually realized it was Rebecca. Yes, that Rebecca. I totally freaked, 'cause I hadn't seen her in quite a few months, since she had moved to daytime deli "to have a more normal life". I did see her a week or three ago at Walmart in the morning one time, but I didn't even get to talk to her. It was really exciting, 'cause I was afraid that she'd gone out of my life forever. I didn't know anything about her that would help me find her (sounds stalker-ish, almost), so that was the only tenuous link I had.
But back to the story at hand. I caught eye contact with her a few times, but I couldn't go up to her or anything, we were so busy. Janelle ended up taking her order; if I had a chance, I would have told her not to charge her. I did get a chance to go give her her order when it was ready, and I was helping another customer at the same time. I couldn't really talk to her much even at that point - Gina was standing right there, we were crazy busy, it just wasn't in the cards. She told me she had a letter for me, and I told her I'd love to read it. She produced a small, unmarked, sealed envelope.
It was crazy busy for the next few hours, and even once it slowed down, it took me a while to work up the nerve to read it. I mean, it's hard to imagine someone coming into your place of work, giving you a letter, and having it be a bad thing. I'm trying to remember who it was, someone kept saying it was probably an invitation to her wedding. I said that was highly unlikely, and he (she?) said that girls are kind of bitches, and it was likely. I doubted it. I constructed a few likely scenarios - did the whole Big O thing, best case, worst case, average case, and most likely case.
Finally, when the drivers were all out on runs and I had an empty screen, I opened it up and started reading it. I mean, she worked up the nerve to walk into the lion's den, it was the least I could do to match her courage. More to come.
Jessy - My Star
