2005-07-31
2005-07-27
2005-07-26
Bother, Stone Sour
Wish I was too dead to cry
My self affliction fades
stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won't let go until it bleeds
Wish I was to dead to care
if indeed i cared at all
never had a voice to protest
so you fed me shit to digest
I wish i had a reason
My flaws are open season
for this I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won't let go until it bleeds
(Solo: Corey)
wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with it's memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries
and you don't need to bother
and I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won't let go until it bleeds
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once i hold on....
I'll never live down my deceit
Wish I was too dead to cry
My self affliction fades
stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won't let go until it bleeds
Wish I was to dead to care
if indeed i cared at all
never had a voice to protest
so you fed me shit to digest
I wish i had a reason
My flaws are open season
for this I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won't let go until it bleeds
(Solo: Corey)
wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with it's memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries
and you don't need to bother
and I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won't let go until it bleeds
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once i hold on....
I'll never live down my deceit
2005-07-20
Just 'cause I can
Come Back To Me Lyrics (Cherry Poppin Daddies)
Hear my voice
Where you are
Take a train
Steal a car
Hop a freight
Grab a star
Come back to me
Catch a plane
Catch a breeze
On your hands
On your knees
Swim or fly only please
Come back to me
On a mule in a jet
With your hair in a net
Or a towel wringin' wet
I don't care
This is where
You should be
From the hills
From the shore
Ride the wind to my door
Turn highways to dust
Break the law if you must
Move the world only just
Come back to me
Have you gone to the moon
Or the corner saloon
And to rack and ruin
Mademoiselle
Where the hell
Can you be?
In a crate
In a trunk
On a horse
On a drunk
In a Rolls or a van
Wrapped in Mink or Saran
Any way that you can
Come back to me
Bring it on back
Hear my voice
Where you are
Take a train
Steal a car
Hop a freight
Grab a star
Come back to me
Catch a plane
Catch a breeze
On your hands
On your knees
Swim or fly only please
Come back to me
On a mule in a jet
With your hair in a net
Or a towel wringin' wet
I don't care
This is where
You should be
From the hills
From the shore
Ride the wind to my door
Turn highways to dust
Break the law if you must
Move the world only just
Come back to me
Have you gone to the moon
Or the corner saloon
And to rack and ruin
Mademoiselle
Where the hell
Can you be?
In a crate
In a trunk
On a horse
On a drunk
In a Rolls or a van
Wrapped in Mink or Saran
Any way that you can
Come back to me
Bring it on back
2005-07-19
2005-07-16
Loving you is easy 'cause you're beautiful
It's 7 am in the morning, it's raining cats and dogs outside with the occasional booming thundercrack, and Lilie's sleeping in my bed. Normally I'd be lying in there with her - especially being able to listen to the rain falling outside, and indeed, that's what I was doing for a while. A long while. An hour? I know I fell asleep, but it wasn't for very long. I've mainly been awake, listening to the rain falling outside, to her breathing, watching her sleep. That almost sounds like a stalker-y kind of thing, 'til you realize that a) we're dating, b) we sleep together fairly regularly, and c) I have really odd sleeping habits, and she knows that, so she wouldn't be surprised for me to tell her something like that.
Things seem to be going fairly well between us so far. Well, yeah. She hasn't freaked out and bolted or felt closed in or anything yet. Of course, we've been dating, what, a day and a half? Something like that. But I think it'll go well for a couple reasons. First, I want it to, and like a lot of people, I foolishly believe my desires can have some effect on the cosmos at large. But more importantly, we did have a fairly in-depth conversation via IM (not our first choice for having it, but it just couldn't wait any longer. Seriously. We both wanted to do it in person, but we wouldn't put it off any more.) about a lot of things - what happened last time, how she feels, why we've been the way we are with each other, that kind of thing. It's that kind of openness that gives me hope that we'll endure, and, failing that, our closeness and friendship will endure even if we don't. So that's another plus - we're best friends, and will continue to be, even if we don't work out as a couple. We were thinking about going swimming today - though that's looking to be somewhat unlikely, given the rain - or going to see Fantastic Four, depending on how she felt when she woke up. Of course, her crashing here was something that didn't come about 'til the last minute. Caught me completely by surprise. It's just... nice. Comfortable. I'm not worried about how she feels, if she's having a good time, if she enjoys being together, anything. Again, that might just be because it's still brand new, and everything's still all rainbows and tulips, but... I doubt it. Again, there's just a lot of things going for us; the major one being how close we've always been from the start, how there's always been *something* between us. So yeah.
So work. Fun times. I'm in my third week and I've already gotten a bigger raise than I ever got at Sonic, a 20 dollar bonus on my first evaluation, and am running shifts. I mean, closed by myself on Wednesday - Gina left around 9 or 10 and I ran the show from then on; today, she left at like 8 or so, but Jenn, Sergio and Shelley were still there. I was nominally in charge, but I deferred to their knowledge in a lot of areas. I'm slowly growing more confident in my ability to take care of things as my understanding of the various systems increases. Gina told Lilie that I did a fantastic job and didn't screw anything up my first night closing, so that's cool. It is really cool to be working with Lilie again, and we often hug or whatever when we get the chance. I'm a huge fan of PDA's, just not at work.
Things seem to be going fairly well between us so far. Well, yeah. She hasn't freaked out and bolted or felt closed in or anything yet. Of course, we've been dating, what, a day and a half? Something like that. But I think it'll go well for a couple reasons. First, I want it to, and like a lot of people, I foolishly believe my desires can have some effect on the cosmos at large. But more importantly, we did have a fairly in-depth conversation via IM (not our first choice for having it, but it just couldn't wait any longer. Seriously. We both wanted to do it in person, but we wouldn't put it off any more.) about a lot of things - what happened last time, how she feels, why we've been the way we are with each other, that kind of thing. It's that kind of openness that gives me hope that we'll endure, and, failing that, our closeness and friendship will endure even if we don't. So that's another plus - we're best friends, and will continue to be, even if we don't work out as a couple. We were thinking about going swimming today - though that's looking to be somewhat unlikely, given the rain - or going to see Fantastic Four, depending on how she felt when she woke up. Of course, her crashing here was something that didn't come about 'til the last minute. Caught me completely by surprise. It's just... nice. Comfortable. I'm not worried about how she feels, if she's having a good time, if she enjoys being together, anything. Again, that might just be because it's still brand new, and everything's still all rainbows and tulips, but... I doubt it. Again, there's just a lot of things going for us; the major one being how close we've always been from the start, how there's always been *something* between us. So yeah.
So work. Fun times. I'm in my third week and I've already gotten a bigger raise than I ever got at Sonic, a 20 dollar bonus on my first evaluation, and am running shifts. I mean, closed by myself on Wednesday - Gina left around 9 or 10 and I ran the show from then on; today, she left at like 8 or so, but Jenn, Sergio and Shelley were still there. I was nominally in charge, but I deferred to their knowledge in a lot of areas. I'm slowly growing more confident in my ability to take care of things as my understanding of the various systems increases. Gina told Lilie that I did a fantastic job and didn't screw anything up my first night closing, so that's cool. It is really cool to be working with Lilie again, and we often hug or whatever when we get the chance. I'm a huge fan of PDA's, just not at work.
2005-07-15
Save tonight, and fight the break of dawn
Man, if people thought I had odd sleep habits before...
I just woke up. Sort of. It's hard to explain, as I don't quite understand it myself. Let's see... I was off Monday and Tuesday, but didn't wake up until around 4pm on Wednesday. Went to work at 5, got back around 3:15 or so. Didn't fall asleep until around 10-11 am, and was woken up by Lilie when she came over, at like 1. After she left, I started playing WoW, and Cullen called and we went and played DDR. I took him back home and got home around 8 [?]. I took two naps - kind of skipping (think of skipping a stone on water - it being in contact with the water is being awake, and it in the air is asleep. It's a weird analogy, but I use it a lot, because my sleep habits do that, even the rapid fire bouncing near the end.) Then I finally stayed awake, 'cause I knew Lilie was coming over, and we went to bed together, and eventually to sleep. But I couldn't fall asleep. Then I started skipping again - not that I'm complaining, mind you - and she finally woke up around 11 or so. She left fairly soon after that, and I've been in and out ever since. It's only now, at 5:15, that I'm actually awake enough to get out of bed and stay awake, and I don't doubt that that's in large part because I have to go to work here shortly. Not only that, but I'm working 'til close today and tomorrow, so that's 6 - 4, 5 - 4 (though I hope that as I close more, that 2 hours starts coming *way* down). We might go watch Fantastic Four tomorrow during the day, depending on how tired she is, but she'll have to come over and wake me up, 'cause I'll be asleep (again, not complaining. It's probably my favorite way to wake up.) Then I have 6-10 on Sunday, and there's a good chance she'll come over that night. So yeah.
In retrospect, this might just be my body getting back at me for all the times I just couldn't sleep and got even sleep than usual in the past two weeks or so when I was trying to figure out what to do about Lilie - first, about getting over her, then about getting back with her. I'm thinking it'll eventually stabilize itself again.
Or something like that. Either way. Meh.
Have to get ready for work now, will post about work and Lilie and work with Lilie later.
Needless to say, for once, they're both good topics, though one is just good, and the other one brings a smile to face whenever it crosses my mind.
I just woke up. Sort of. It's hard to explain, as I don't quite understand it myself. Let's see... I was off Monday and Tuesday, but didn't wake up until around 4pm on Wednesday. Went to work at 5, got back around 3:15 or so. Didn't fall asleep until around 10-11 am, and was woken up by Lilie when she came over, at like 1. After she left, I started playing WoW, and Cullen called and we went and played DDR. I took him back home and got home around 8 [?]. I took two naps - kind of skipping (think of skipping a stone on water - it being in contact with the water is being awake, and it in the air is asleep. It's a weird analogy, but I use it a lot, because my sleep habits do that, even the rapid fire bouncing near the end.) Then I finally stayed awake, 'cause I knew Lilie was coming over, and we went to bed together, and eventually to sleep. But I couldn't fall asleep. Then I started skipping again - not that I'm complaining, mind you - and she finally woke up around 11 or so. She left fairly soon after that, and I've been in and out ever since. It's only now, at 5:15, that I'm actually awake enough to get out of bed and stay awake, and I don't doubt that that's in large part because I have to go to work here shortly. Not only that, but I'm working 'til close today and tomorrow, so that's 6 - 4, 5 - 4 (though I hope that as I close more, that 2 hours starts coming *way* down). We might go watch Fantastic Four tomorrow during the day, depending on how tired she is, but she'll have to come over and wake me up, 'cause I'll be asleep (again, not complaining. It's probably my favorite way to wake up.) Then I have 6-10 on Sunday, and there's a good chance she'll come over that night. So yeah.
In retrospect, this might just be my body getting back at me for all the times I just couldn't sleep and got even sleep than usual in the past two weeks or so when I was trying to figure out what to do about Lilie - first, about getting over her, then about getting back with her. I'm thinking it'll eventually stabilize itself again.
Or something like that. Either way. Meh.
Have to get ready for work now, will post about work and Lilie and work with Lilie later.
Needless to say, for once, they're both good topics, though one is just good, and the other one brings a smile to face whenever it crosses my mind.
2005-07-14
Baby, you're all that I want
I'm pretty smart. Not so much in dealing with people - though I can usually read people fairly well, at least once I get to know them - but in an analytical sort of way. And I don't speak up that often, so when I do, I'm usually right.
But when I'm wrong, I'll be the first to admit it.
I was wrong. Very wrong.
And it's outstanding.
But when I'm wrong, I'll be the first to admit it.
I was wrong. Very wrong.
And it's outstanding.
2005-07-13
Green, black and blue; Make the colors in the sky
Wow. We both agreed that we'd rather the conversation in person, and that it should wait until after Joe had left.
That didn't happen.
Last night on IM...
When I woke up this morning, I thought it was a dream. So I got back on, checked my logs, sure enough, it was there. Then I went back to sleep and didn't wake up 'til about 4 pm, and had no recollection of either the conversation, or my later thoughts on the conversation concerning its being a dream.
All that aside, now that we have ascertained that this was, in fact, what actually transpired, and neither a dream nor an elaborate hoax perpetuated by my brother, Malfuion Stor... I mean, an elaborate hoax perpetuated by, well, whoever would feel it necessary to perpetuate that sort of elaborate hoax. But it's not a hoax. Not even terribly elaborate, I would venture to say.
That made no sense. Forgive me, I've only been awake for like twenty minutes, and I think I slept for about twelve hours. Give or take. So I'm still adjusting to what is, what isn't, and trying to get my eyesight fully functional.
But it's true. I was right. She wants to get back together. Sorta. She wants to "give it another shot. But I'm not in any sort of place to get involved in anything serious or committed or complicated...with ANYONE...right now." That helps.
"I want to BE more than friends...I just can't handle anything horribly complicated, like...committed relationships. Believe me, there's a lot I haven't had the time or opportunity to get over, and I just wanna keep it casual...but I want to be more than friends."
"But I don't WANT to give up on you, and I certainly don't want you to give up on me just because I've got some horrid luck and can't understand my own brain."
"I want...SOMETHING."
"You've always been the one that's been there for me, even when I was in the process of breaking your heart and hurting you to no end. You never gave up on me. And I'm fucking stupid sometimes, yeah, [...] but dammit, I wanna fix us. I wanna make it right. Like it's supposed to be, even if I'm too stubborn and paranoid to even give it a chance and you're too shy to tell me to shut the fuck up and do the right thing."
"I...wanna go back to the way we used to be."
"I wanna fix it though..." " Sounds wrong. I wanna try again." "Well...I want you to give me the chance to try again, anyway."
I might have to take some or all of that down, if it's deemed to personal to post online (if it is, and you know who you are that I'm talking to you, let me know, and I'll do that next chance I get.)
So yeah, I was right. About the general, at least. I wasn't sure about the specifics, but they're all there. I asked her all the questions I've been wanting to ask her ever since I knew what it was she wanted to talk about, plus one or two more that have been there in the back of my head anyway. Well, there's one more - even though she says she can't handle a committed relationship, she still means exclusive, right? No long-distance beau concurrently?'
Time for work.
That didn't happen.
Last night on IM...
When I woke up this morning, I thought it was a dream. So I got back on, checked my logs, sure enough, it was there. Then I went back to sleep and didn't wake up 'til about 4 pm, and had no recollection of either the conversation, or my later thoughts on the conversation concerning its being a dream.
All that aside, now that we have ascertained that this was, in fact, what actually transpired, and neither a dream nor an elaborate hoax perpetuated by my brother, Malfuion Stor... I mean, an elaborate hoax perpetuated by, well, whoever would feel it necessary to perpetuate that sort of elaborate hoax. But it's not a hoax. Not even terribly elaborate, I would venture to say.
That made no sense. Forgive me, I've only been awake for like twenty minutes, and I think I slept for about twelve hours. Give or take. So I'm still adjusting to what is, what isn't, and trying to get my eyesight fully functional.
But it's true. I was right. She wants to get back together. Sorta. She wants to "give it another shot. But I'm not in any sort of place to get involved in anything serious or committed or complicated...with ANYONE...right now." That helps.
"I want to BE more than friends...I just can't handle anything horribly complicated, like...committed relationships. Believe me, there's a lot I haven't had the time or opportunity to get over, and I just wanna keep it casual...but I want to be more than friends."
"But I don't WANT to give up on you, and I certainly don't want you to give up on me just because I've got some horrid luck and can't understand my own brain."
"I want...SOMETHING."
"You've always been the one that's been there for me, even when I was in the process of breaking your heart and hurting you to no end. You never gave up on me. And I'm fucking stupid sometimes, yeah, [...] but dammit, I wanna fix us. I wanna make it right. Like it's supposed to be, even if I'm too stubborn and paranoid to even give it a chance and you're too shy to tell me to shut the fuck up and do the right thing."
"I...wanna go back to the way we used to be."
"I wanna fix it though..." "
I might have to take some or all of that down, if it's deemed to personal to post online (if it is, and you know who you are that I'm talking to you, let me know, and I'll do that next chance I get.)
So yeah, I was right. About the general, at least. I wasn't sure about the specifics, but they're all there. I asked her all the questions I've been wanting to ask her ever since I knew what it was she wanted to talk about, plus one or two more that have been there in the back of my head anyway. Well, there's one more - even though she says she can't handle a committed relationship, she still means exclusive, right? No long-distance beau concurrently?'
Time for work.
2005-07-12
Bishop Rumsfield :: 13:22
Crowd Member: The monster gave me syphillis!
Mob Leader: And now, I'd like to bring to the stage the bearer of Christ's withery light, Bishop Rumsfield. Will you please say a few words for us.
[crowd chants: God!]
Bishop Rumsfield:
Jesus is the door.
[crowd cheers]
Jesus is the way. Jesus is the only doorway into Heaven.
[crowd cheers]
And for that door to be open, we must smite the unholy monster within this-here tower! Our lord and savior Jesus commands us to smite this unholy abomination, this devil's concubine, and purge its unholy and tainted soul from our fair and sacred shire.
[crowd: Shire!]
The book of our Lord Jehovah commands that this monster must be smote with holy retribution.
[crowd chants: Smote!]
Asimov 13:12 says, "Let no monster feast upon the tangy flesh of man. If man does happen to get feasted upon, fellow man must take up arms and smite the monster into oblivion...
[crowd cheers]
...And after a hard day's smiting, there will be free bread[?] and rum[?], Jesus-bless."
An excerpt from the Malious Malificorum, "The stench of monster shall wither fields, rape women, deform local cats...
[crowd cheers]
...The only thing one can do is form a smiting committee to go forth and smite that monster with holy retribution."
Jesus was the first monster-smiter. He smited the massive two-headed [something] armed with only his wits and a thorny crown of doom.
[crowd cheers]
We, my brothers, must follow in the bloody footsteps of our Lord and smite monsters!
[crowd cheers]
Only through smiting can you free yourself from eternal damnation!
[crowd: Damnation!]
We find that if you do not smite this monster, a better [error] fate awaits you in the afterlife. Dante's 10th circle of Hell, the most foul, itchy, and evil of all the circles...
[crowd chants: Itchy!]
That's enough. This place is dedicated, reserved for those who don't smite monsters.
[crowd boos]
Do you want to suffer in Hell because you let a monster eat your babies?
[crowd: No!]
[something] 5:15 tells us, "If a baby is eaten by a monster, that monster must be a-smitten." And remember this, Romans 10:13 says, "For whoever shall come upon the monster in the tower and smote it shall be saved." John 8:44 PM said, "Don't let the monster deceive you by believing there is some other way, other than a good smiting. For he is a liar, and father of lying monsters." [something] 3:16 goes on to explain that "Monsters were created by Jehovah for the sole purpose of smiting." And finally, Christopher Robins 4:66 says, "Let the monster be smote with such fury that it rains blood and organs for forty days and forty nights."
[crowd chants: Blood!]
"[something] into itty-bitty [something] infested the chickens, and then cook and eat those chickens.", Seeyonix 6:66. So sayeth the Lord. Amen, my brothers.
Bingo on Tuesdays.
[crowd chants: God!]
Mob Leader: That's right, God.
Mob Leader: And now, I'd like to bring to the stage the bearer of Christ's withery light, Bishop Rumsfield. Will you please say a few words for us.
[crowd chants: God!]
Bishop Rumsfield:
Jesus is the door.
[crowd cheers]
Jesus is the way. Jesus is the only doorway into Heaven.
[crowd cheers]
And for that door to be open, we must smite the unholy monster within this-here tower! Our lord and savior Jesus commands us to smite this unholy abomination, this devil's concubine, and purge its unholy and tainted soul from our fair and sacred shire.
[crowd: Shire!]
The book of our Lord Jehovah commands that this monster must be smote with holy retribution.
[crowd chants: Smote!]
Asimov 13:12 says, "Let no monster feast upon the tangy flesh of man. If man does happen to get feasted upon, fellow man must take up arms and smite the monster into oblivion...
[crowd cheers]
...And after a hard day's smiting, there will be free bread[?] and rum[?], Jesus-bless."
An excerpt from the Malious Malificorum, "The stench of monster shall wither fields, rape women, deform local cats...
[crowd cheers]
...The only thing one can do is form a smiting committee to go forth and smite that monster with holy retribution."
Jesus was the first monster-smiter. He smited the massive two-headed [something] armed with only his wits and a thorny crown of doom.
[crowd cheers]
We, my brothers, must follow in the bloody footsteps of our Lord and smite monsters!
[crowd cheers]
Only through smiting can you free yourself from eternal damnation!
[crowd: Damnation!]
We find that if you do not smite this monster, a better [error] fate awaits you in the afterlife. Dante's 10th circle of Hell, the most foul, itchy, and evil of all the circles...
[crowd chants: Itchy!]
That's enough. This place is dedicated, reserved for those who don't smite monsters.
[crowd boos]
Do you want to suffer in Hell because you let a monster eat your babies?
[crowd: No!]
[something] 5:15 tells us, "If a baby is eaten by a monster, that monster must be a-smitten." And remember this, Romans 10:13 says, "For whoever shall come upon the monster in the tower and smote it shall be saved." John 8:44 PM said, "Don't let the monster deceive you by believing there is some other way, other than a good smiting. For he is a liar, and father of lying monsters." [something] 3:16 goes on to explain that "Monsters were created by Jehovah for the sole purpose of smiting." And finally, Christopher Robins 4:66 says, "Let the monster be smote with such fury that it rains blood and organs for forty days and forty nights."
[crowd chants: Blood!]
"[something] into itty-bitty [something] infested the chickens, and then cook and eat those chickens.", Seeyonix 6:66. So sayeth the Lord. Amen, my brothers.
Bingo on Tuesdays.
[crowd chants: God!]
Mob Leader: That's right, God.
Sheriff Ogen Mallack :: 8:55
People, please! This is not the time to remain calm!
[crowd cheers]
If we're to have law and order in this town again, we must go in there and tear that beast from limb to limb!
[crowd cheers]
If we're to feel safe sleeping in our beds tonight, we must strike this evil from our village.
[crowd cheers]
Think of your children, damnit! At long last, won't you think of the children?
[crowd cheers]
Ed! Ed! You know what I'm talking about. I mean, I mean... Ed, Ed, can you honestly go home tonight and can you say to your little Sally, "No Sally, I didn't kill the monster. I didn't kill him at all. In fact, he's probably going to come in here tonight while you're sleeping and devour you whole!" Can you say that Ed?
[crowd: No! Kill him! Kill the monster!]
That's right, kill the monster! I mean, think about it. How long's it been since we killed a monster, anyway? I mean, I mean, that's right, 'bout eight weeks ago, give or take, that was just Evan's two-headed goat and I mean, we all got riled up, we all got all worked up, "Oh, it's the beast. It's the demon-spawn." Let's face it. Let's face it. That thing just bleated and soiled itself while we bludgeoned it to death. That thing in there...
[crowd cheers]
I've been in there, folks. It's twenty feet tall, it breathes fire, it picks its teeth with our babies' bones. That's a monster we can be proud to tear apart!
[crowd cheers]
I mean, that's a lot better than a two-headed goat or enormous suspiciously colored squirrel.
[crowd cheers]
Exactly!
[crowd cheers]
So as the law in these parts, I say it is your civic duty to forgo all reason and due process and got yourself into a frenzy, and in fact, if Proposition 831 passes...
[crowd chants: Frenzy!]
All right! That's what I wanted to hear.
[crowd cheers]
In fact, if Proposition 831 passes...
[crowd: And it should!]
It'll be enough to get you out of a year of jury duty to form a monster-killing mob and participate in the slaughter of a beast like that one!
[crowd cheers]
So let's [something something]!
[crowd cheers]
[crowd chants: Kill!]
Which gorgeous goddess are you?
The Goddess of Roses and Love. You are a hopeless
romantic. Always optimistic and loving, you
have many friends and you are exceptionally
trustworthy. You are a innocent beauty.
Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
2005-07-11
A partial timeline
Well, Lilie and Joe just left, and it's only 2 am. I can't really sleep just yet, and I don't feel like just lying there in a daze. I won't be able to concentrate on World of Warcraft, so I present:
Lilie and I
A parital timeline
I'm going to stop here, for now.
Lilie and I
A parital timeline
- Sept. 22, 1980
Lilie is born. - Nov. 18, 1982
I'm born. - Feb. '01
I start working at Sonic - Aug. 30, '04
Sometime in the past week, Lilie starts working at Sonic. - Thursday, Sep. 3
I see Lilie for the first time. - Thursday, Sep. 9
Kristen decides to hook Lilie and I up, in spite of things we've heard. - Friday, Sep. 10
Javi informs Kristen and I of various facts concerning Lilie, prompting her to reconsider her idea. - Sunday, Sep. 12
Kristen, Lilie, and I all work together Sunday morning. Kristen does her best to foment conversation between the two of us with questions towards Lilie like "So, have you ever played DDR?" Lilie, at one point, said "At least you're not a Star Wars book nerd." - Thursday, Sep. 16
I have a terrible headache at work. Lilie gives me some medicine, which makes it many, many times worse. - Sep. 22
Lilie receives flowers at work from Sean. - Thursday, Sep. 30
First mention of Shelley. Lilie asks me to confirm what she heard about Allison saying something about an aborted attempt to hook us up. She asked for the long version, and I told her I'd be at Dragon's Lair Friday night with the guys, if she wanted to show up. - Friday, Oct. 1
She shows up. We talk. - Saturday, Oct. 2
I make the observation that since Lilie and I had that discussion, she's acting a little different towards me. Lilie makes a comment along the lines of "Just wait until February", which, in retrospect, turns out to be a very bad choice for a random month. She also says I should have checked out her ass by now. - Sunday, Oct. 3
Mindy stops her truck by mine, and we talk. I'm really weirded out, and use that as an excuse to call Lilie. She confirms Sean's existence and their relationship. Oh, and she quits Sonic to work at Katy Station. - Tuesday, Oct. 5
Lilie calls, we talk, and end up going to see the Bourne Supremacy. Slight head-to-head contact. My first thoughts of knowing how I feel, but not knowing about her. These continue for approximately... forever. - Friday, Oct. 8
Judging from my post, we... hung out. Or something. - Friday, Oct. 8
Apparently, we kissed. - Friday, Oct. 8 (Last occurence)
We go to Kenny's party together. We're asked, "So, are y'all dating?" Lilie answers 'No', and says that it's probably better that way. Some intense tickling, though. Before the barbacue, she told Shelley that she just wanted to be friends. This will be a reoccuring theme. Repeatedly. Even now. What's that about learning from the past? - Tuesday, Oct. 12
Analysis time. And, of course, my first pangs of rejection-hurting. If that's a real word, which it's not. - Wednesday, Oct. 13
I first realize that Shelley is bat-shit insane. - Wednesday, Oct. 20
I have a dream about Lilie, one of the only ones I've ever had. - Sometime after that
The infamous Joe's Crab Shack incident. Shelley asks me, "Why did you choose Lilie over me?" My response? "I met her first."
Wow. Real smooth, there.
Shelley also makes the first reference to us being a couple, which we weren't. - Sometime after *that*
Lilie bites me for the first time, and we start to share prolonged physical contact. - Friday, Oct. 29
The SFFS Halloween party. Lilie and I have *another* conversation about being just friends. Seriously, this is something that has come up repeatedly throughout our entire history, and if I ever get around to doing some post-op analysis (I'm waiting to see how the current situation resolves first), that will be a major theme. - Sometime around then - Saturday?
I drag Lilie to a costume birthday party, which we're unable to find. Fun times. - Sunday, Oct. 31
I start using encryption on my blog. Lilie and I make out for the first time, and she says it "Can't be a regular thing". She has a panic attack the next day.
The first picture I posted of her. - Thursday, Nov. 4
Lilie comes and hangs out at my house for the first time, plays some SO3 and falls asleep. - Friday, Nov. 5
Mom, Janelle, Lilie and I all go to lunch. And some major encrypted bits that I don't know what they say. I'm tempted to go back and re-post them, normally.
I'm going to stop here, for now.
2005-07-10
The stars are all my friends
The stars are all my friends
'Til the night time ends
So I know I'm not alone
When I'm here
On my own
Isn't that a wonder?
You're not alone
When you're alone
Not really
Alone
'Til the night time ends
So I know I'm not alone
When I'm here
On my own
Isn't that a wonder?
You're not alone
When you're alone
Not really
Alone
2005-07-08
Nobody gets out alive
Well, the saga is finally over. I guess. I mean, it began, what, 10 months and 6 days ago. Of course, as far as everyone else is concerned, it ended months ago. For the other key player, I don't think there was ever even a question - the doubt and confusion have always been in my mind. It's odd - I'm a fairly cynical, sarcastic bitch (bastard?) most of the time, but I still have little kernels of hope, of idealism that surface at random (well, not really) times. Of course, my incredible stubborness only exacerbates the problem. More later - time for work.
Another Lie - Dasha
Remember when
When you promised me your love
But now I've seen it was another lie
Night after night
I was feeling tired of
Trying the way to stop again to cry
I'll never know when that girl
Knocked at your door
And you don't want to tell me why
And now I'm fine 'cause I've seen
That's the end of
And just only want to say goodbye
(You'll never lie me anymore)
(I don't need your love)
(I'm so shy when I'm alone)
I don't need your love this time
You'll never lie me anymore
I don't need your love again
I'm so shy when I'm alone
I don't need your love this time
You'll never lie me anymore
I don't need your love again
I'm so shy when I'm alone
Remember when
When you promised me your love
But now I've seen it was another lie
I'll never know when that girl
Knocked at your door
And you don't want to tell me why
I don't need your love this time
You'll never lie me anymore
I don't need your love again
I'm so shy when I'm alone
When you promised me your love
But now I've seen it was another lie
Night after night
I was feeling tired of
Trying the way to stop again to cry
I'll never know when that girl
Knocked at your door
And you don't want to tell me why
And now I'm fine 'cause I've seen
That's the end of
And just only want to say goodbye
(You'll never lie me anymore)
(I don't need your love)
(I'm so shy when I'm alone)
I don't need your love this time
You'll never lie me anymore
I don't need your love again
I'm so shy when I'm alone
I don't need your love this time
You'll never lie me anymore
I don't need your love again
I'm so shy when I'm alone
Remember when
When you promised me your love
But now I've seen it was another lie
I'll never know when that girl
Knocked at your door
And you don't want to tell me why
I don't need your love this time
You'll never lie me anymore
I don't need your love again
I'm so shy when I'm alone
Putfile - Upload Video and Upload Images
Putfile - Upload Video and Upload Images
Wow. This it hot. All WoW fans should watch this right now. Seriously. Stop reading, and watch.
...
...
What are you still doing reading this? Click on the link already!
Wow. This it hot. All WoW fans should watch this right now. Seriously. Stop reading, and watch.
...
...
What are you still doing reading this? Click on the link already!
2005-07-07
Wage Slaves from 1UP.COM
Wage Slaves from 1UP.COM
This kind of thing makes me weep for what we've done to ourselves.
Then I put on a few good mp3s and go back to leveling my warlock.
This kind of thing makes me weep for what we've done to ourselves.
Then I put on a few good mp3s and go back to leveling my warlock.
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
The long, dark, tea-time of the soul.
The hour of the wolf.
That place between awake and asleep, where you still remember dreaming.
It has many names, but they all refer to the same thing, the same state of being. I've been stuck there for a while now; to all outward appearances, I was reading
Children of the Mind, the last book in the Ender Quartet. Of course, I was on the same page for over an hour, because I wasn't really seeing anything. I've been replaying various memories over and over in my head, analyzing various events and arriving at the same conclusions. Or rather, when I managed coherent thought concerning one, it led to the same conclusions. The same ones I've been told by various people throughout the last six months, the same ones I've reached many times myself.
Of course, that's not the problem. The problem is knowing something is right, that it's the appropriate course of action to take, and being unable to take it. Although, in this rare moment of stark honesty, it's not really being *unable* to take it. The connotations of that choice of words imply some external force preventing me, some exterior pressure that leads me from undertaking that necessary course of action. That, of course, is untrue. The only force that stops me is, well, me. Something that originates inside of me. That sounds like, but isn't, an attempt to absolve myself of blame or responsibility. On the contrary, I accept it fully.
The question then becomes, what is it that prevents me from carrying through on these resolutions passed during the long, dark tea-time of the soul, when the opurtunity arises the next day, the next week? That is, of course, one key test of character - it's so easy to conceive an idea, to mentally resolve to face a challenge, but actually confronting it reveals one's heart. And in that crucial battle, I lose every time.
Why? Fear, of course.
Many, many things are ultimately traceable back to that one basic emotion.
The hour of the wolf.
That place between awake and asleep, where you still remember dreaming.
It has many names, but they all refer to the same thing, the same state of being. I've been stuck there for a while now; to all outward appearances, I was reading
Children of the Mind, the last book in the Ender Quartet. Of course, I was on the same page for over an hour, because I wasn't really seeing anything. I've been replaying various memories over and over in my head, analyzing various events and arriving at the same conclusions. Or rather, when I managed coherent thought concerning one, it led to the same conclusions. The same ones I've been told by various people throughout the last six months, the same ones I've reached many times myself.
Of course, that's not the problem. The problem is knowing something is right, that it's the appropriate course of action to take, and being unable to take it. Although, in this rare moment of stark honesty, it's not really being *unable* to take it. The connotations of that choice of words imply some external force preventing me, some exterior pressure that leads me from undertaking that necessary course of action. That, of course, is untrue. The only force that stops me is, well, me. Something that originates inside of me. That sounds like, but isn't, an attempt to absolve myself of blame or responsibility. On the contrary, I accept it fully.
The question then becomes, what is it that prevents me from carrying through on these resolutions passed during the long, dark tea-time of the soul, when the opurtunity arises the next day, the next week? That is, of course, one key test of character - it's so easy to conceive an idea, to mentally resolve to face a challenge, but actually confronting it reveals one's heart. And in that crucial battle, I lose every time.
Why? Fear, of course.
Many, many things are ultimately traceable back to that one basic emotion.
2005-07-06
And I just know we'll have a good time
[Domino's Pizza, on Guadalupe St, across from the Post Office.]
[A red truck pulls into the parking lot. A large youth with unkept dirty blonde hair emerges from the truck in a Domino's uniform and proceeds to put on his shoes, then enter the store.]
Jess: "Hey Billy, do you want to work or go home?"
Billy: "Um, go home, I guess."
Jess: "Okay, you can leave."
Billy: "Really?"
Jess: "Yeah, it's really slow."
[Two minutes later, the truck leaves.]
Got tomorrow off too. Now, if only something else would go right. Anything else.
[A red truck pulls into the parking lot. A large youth with unkept dirty blonde hair emerges from the truck in a Domino's uniform and proceeds to put on his shoes, then enter the store.]
Jess: "Hey Billy, do you want to work or go home?"
Billy: "Um, go home, I guess."
Jess: "Okay, you can leave."
Billy: "Really?"
Jess: "Yeah, it's really slow."
[Two minutes later, the truck leaves.]
Got tomorrow off too. Now, if only something else would go right. Anything else.
2005-07-05
Soon as you get over him, you'll find the sweetest rainbow
The start of another work week. Well, for a lot of us, yesterday wasn't a holiday from work, even if we happened to have the day off. David, Lilie and I did. Though I'm not sure if SMAC's open on the 4th of July. Kinda moot, though - Mom's still in Wyoming (?) with Janelle. They get back late Wednesday night. I think. I've been taking care of the dogs, getting the mail, that kind of thing. Got a fairly easy schedule this week - two 6-10 shifts (one was originally a 5-12, but Korey wanted to trade, and I had plenty of hours already). Have another 5-10, then two 5 - C. Of course, those are both this weekend, so they'll be fairly long - around 11 hours each. Fun times. On those two closing shifts, I'm doubled up with Gina, and she's going to basically let me run things, with her avaiable to assist and answer questions as needed. I'm a little nervous, but confident I'll be able to handle it. Wow. I haven't said something like that outside of a game in a while. Go me.
Speaking of games... let's see, Gnometastic is 24 1/2, Magealicious is 10 (Jarrod and I are leveling together, though I may switch that to Katrean if I catch her up), and Katrean's 6. Not very high, and David likes to rib me about having never seen end-game content except while looking at his screen. We've been having a blast grouping togther, which is cool. Did some major revisions on the mods I use and the format of my UI. The base is still CT Mod + Titan Panel, with the following additions:
Automatically opens all bags when visiting a merchant, sending mail, etc.
Atlas
Contains maps of most instances, along with points of interest for each - named mobs, mostly.
AutoRepair
Whenever you visit a repair-enabled vendor, it gives you the option and cost to repair everything you have equipped, and everything in your inventory. Very useful when you graveyard-rez after an instance and want to AH your loot.
AvailableOnly
Causes the filters on trainers to default to Available.
bc_ActionBarDrag
Gives a one button toggle to allow and disable dragging buttons off the toolbars.
bc_TrackingMenu
Changes the normal icon that appears for tracking abilities into a clickable button that brings up a list of all tracking abilities you have, making it easier to change and saving toolbar space.
BGFLag
Shows who has the flag during CTF.
CCL
Stands for Couldn't Care Less; removes several types of messages from your chat log - "So and so is getting drunk", duel messages, and amount of money looted while in a group.
easyzoom
Removes the + and - buttons from the minimap and allows you to change the zoom on the minimap by mousing over it and using the mouse wheel.
FilterKnown
When browsing recipes in the AH, recipes already known by the current character are shaded blue.
fond
Flippance on Demand, allows macros to call random phrases.
FriendsFacts
Records friends' levels, class, and location.
FriendsShare
Creates a global friends list for every character on a server, so you don't have to remember them all for each alt.
Gatherer
Stores locations of herbs and ore.
Leeroy
Enables /leeroy, which plays the Leeroy Jenkins battlecry.
Lootlink
Creates a browseable database of every item you've ever seen.
MoveAnything
Allows you to move around all of the default UI pieces.
nodni
Removes the Day/Night indicator from the minimap; very useful if you have a clock mod which doesn't replace it, such as the one on Titan Panel.
PlayerLinkMenu
Displays a menu when you click on a player's name in the chat log which features a range of options - Who, Invite, Ignore, Whisper, Trade, Inspect, Target, etc.
Possessions
Tracks the possessions of every character - what they're wearing, what's in their inventory, bank, and inbox.
QuestHistory
Tracks pertinent information for quests - locations, etc.
SCT
Scrolling Combat Text - shows numbers above your character, FF style, when you take damage, heal, receive various buffs/debuffs, etc.
SelfCast
Allows you to hold a button to auto-cast spells on yourself.
SquidMod
Changes the gryphons on th sides of the bottom UI bar to murlocs, octopi, or any of the WoW races.
Fun times.
So, now on to my social life.
Hey, stop laughing. As Catrina on Space Cases once said (almost every episode), "Invisible is *not* the same thing as nonexistent." I'm going to go with in a coma for the moment. I haven't talked to Michael or Luke in a *long* time, except when they called me up to get some books I'd left at their place when they moved. I'd really like to get back into some regular D&D action with them. I miss the game. Fun times. Jarrod and I still talk occasionally, mostly while playing WoW. We're going to get some voice-enabled stuff, which will make questing together a lot easier. I haven't talked to Terri since the last time she called (I guess that's a little redundant), though it does merit some explanation. I was going through a major anti-social mood, and didn't really feel like talking to anybody. She called, and I said, almost immediately, "Terri, I'm going to go now." I guess she didn't believe me, or didn't hear me, or something, because she was really surprised when in a few moments, I told her I was leaving, and did. It wasn't a very nice thing to do, granted, and I wrote her an email a few days later explaining myself and apologizing. She called me later that day, but I was at work, and we've emailed twice since then. It's been a while, though. Same with Carrie. Kind of. I rarely see her online anymore, though she did say she was going to be working at a Fireworks Stand for a while. In that same converation, she reaffirmed her determination to come down here and visit, which would be awesome. Saw Mindy at Wal-Mart, haven't really been back there since at the right time to see her again, haven't talked to her since. I'm debating whether or not I want to. Lilie feels I might still have some residual feelings for her. I don't know. It's also quite possible she doesn't want anything to do with me, given how things ended between us. Fun times.
Speaking of Lilie... nah, I'll get into that later.
Speaking of games... let's see, Gnometastic is 24 1/2, Magealicious is 10 (Jarrod and I are leveling together, though I may switch that to Katrean if I catch her up), and Katrean's 6. Not very high, and David likes to rib me about having never seen end-game content except while looking at his screen. We've been having a blast grouping togther, which is cool. Did some major revisions on the mods I use and the format of my UI. The base is still CT Mod + Titan Panel, with the following additions:
- AllBagsOpen
Automatically opens all bags when visiting a merchant, sending mail, etc.
Contains maps of most instances, along with points of interest for each - named mobs, mostly.
Whenever you visit a repair-enabled vendor, it gives you the option and cost to repair everything you have equipped, and everything in your inventory. Very useful when you graveyard-rez after an instance and want to AH your loot.
Causes the filters on trainers to default to Available.
Gives a one button toggle to allow and disable dragging buttons off the toolbars.
Changes the normal icon that appears for tracking abilities into a clickable button that brings up a list of all tracking abilities you have, making it easier to change and saving toolbar space.
Shows who has the flag during CTF.
Stands for Couldn't Care Less; removes several types of messages from your chat log - "So and so is getting drunk", duel messages, and amount of money looted while in a group.
Removes the + and - buttons from the minimap and allows you to change the zoom on the minimap by mousing over it and using the mouse wheel.
When browsing recipes in the AH, recipes already known by the current character are shaded blue.
Flippance on Demand, allows macros to call random phrases.
Records friends' levels, class, and location.
Creates a global friends list for every character on a server, so you don't have to remember them all for each alt.
Stores locations of herbs and ore.
Enables /leeroy, which plays the Leeroy Jenkins battlecry.
Creates a browseable database of every item you've ever seen.
Allows you to move around all of the default UI pieces.
Removes the Day/Night indicator from the minimap; very useful if you have a clock mod which doesn't replace it, such as the one on Titan Panel.
Displays a menu when you click on a player's name in the chat log which features a range of options - Who, Invite, Ignore, Whisper, Trade, Inspect, Target, etc.
Tracks the possessions of every character - what they're wearing, what's in their inventory, bank, and inbox.
Tracks pertinent information for quests - locations, etc.
Scrolling Combat Text - shows numbers above your character, FF style, when you take damage, heal, receive various buffs/debuffs, etc.
Allows you to hold a button to auto-cast spells on yourself.
Changes the gryphons on th sides of the bottom UI bar to murlocs, octopi, or any of the WoW races.
Fun times.
So, now on to my social life.
Hey, stop laughing. As Catrina on Space Cases once said (almost every episode), "Invisible is *not* the same thing as nonexistent." I'm going to go with in a coma for the moment. I haven't talked to Michael or Luke in a *long* time, except when they called me up to get some books I'd left at their place when they moved. I'd really like to get back into some regular D&D action with them. I miss the game. Fun times. Jarrod and I still talk occasionally, mostly while playing WoW. We're going to get some voice-enabled stuff, which will make questing together a lot easier. I haven't talked to Terri since the last time she called (I guess that's a little redundant), though it does merit some explanation. I was going through a major anti-social mood, and didn't really feel like talking to anybody. She called, and I said, almost immediately, "Terri, I'm going to go now." I guess she didn't believe me, or didn't hear me, or something, because she was really surprised when in a few moments, I told her I was leaving, and did. It wasn't a very nice thing to do, granted, and I wrote her an email a few days later explaining myself and apologizing. She called me later that day, but I was at work, and we've emailed twice since then. It's been a while, though. Same with Carrie. Kind of. I rarely see her online anymore, though she did say she was going to be working at a Fireworks Stand for a while. In that same converation, she reaffirmed her determination to come down here and visit, which would be awesome. Saw Mindy at Wal-Mart, haven't really been back there since at the right time to see her again, haven't talked to her since. I'm debating whether or not I want to. Lilie feels I might still have some residual feelings for her. I don't know. It's also quite possible she doesn't want anything to do with me, given how things ended between us. Fun times.
Speaking of Lilie... nah, I'll get into that later.
2005-07-04
Wired News: When Cockroaches Sieze Controls
Wired News: When Cockroaches Sieze Controls
| "While most people are concerned with exterminating any roaches inhabiting their homes, artist Garnet Hertz ensures they can zip around in style. " |
2005-07-03
I haven't seen you for so long
So it's been a while since I've posted. Not *that* long, but long enough. About half a week, give or take.
So, let's go with a rundown:
Work
So I'm at about two weeks at Domino's. It's going well. Most of the crew are pretty cool. There's only two people I don't like - Chase and some guy... I think his name is Michael? Not sure about his name, but he's a little punk kid that gets on my nerves. Other than that, most of the people are pretty cool. I finally encountered one of Jenn's bad days, which wasn't fun. I've been paired mostly with Jess, who's *awesome* and really nice. I'm glad she's the one that's been training me. Gina pulled me aside the other day to talk, since she'd been busy pretty much since I started and we really hadn't had a chance to start, and told me that I was doing really well. Lilie talked to Jess about me one day, and she said pretty much the same thing. So that's cool. It's... well, it's a job. Much, much better than Sonic, if only because Gina >>>> Dave. I went by Sonic the other day - still the only place in town you can get a cherry limeade - and to turn in my last uniform shirt that finally came out of the wash, and I didn't recognize *anyone*. Very odd. Looks like he replaced around 1/2 - 3/4 of the crew in the last month. Damn.
Let's see... what else is there going on right now? Not much. More later.
So, let's go with a rundown:
Work
So I'm at about two weeks at Domino's. It's going well. Most of the crew are pretty cool. There's only two people I don't like - Chase and some guy... I think his name is Michael? Not sure about his name, but he's a little punk kid that gets on my nerves. Other than that, most of the people are pretty cool. I finally encountered one of Jenn's bad days, which wasn't fun. I've been paired mostly with Jess, who's *awesome* and really nice. I'm glad she's the one that's been training me. Gina pulled me aside the other day to talk, since she'd been busy pretty much since I started and we really hadn't had a chance to start, and told me that I was doing really well. Lilie talked to Jess about me one day, and she said pretty much the same thing. So that's cool. It's... well, it's a job. Much, much better than Sonic, if only because Gina >>>> Dave. I went by Sonic the other day - still the only place in town you can get a cherry limeade - and to turn in my last uniform shirt that finally came out of the wash, and I didn't recognize *anyone*. Very odd. Looks like he replaced around 1/2 - 3/4 of the crew in the last month. Damn.
Let's see... what else is there going on right now? Not much. More later.
