Whoa.

Just spent like about 4 1/2 days straight with Suzie.

And I feel great.

Well... I feel a little better. Mom came home, and told us all about what happend in St. Croix. The short version: her and Doug broke up, and he better hope I don't see him again.

After that, Suzie and I came back to my room, and she told me most of her life story. I feel... a little bit better (!?!??!?!??). Maybe... just maybe....

we'll see.

I finally read through all of Suzie's online diary, all the way back to where it starts.

Whoa.

I was in tears for much of it - not out of pity, becasue she deserves more than that, and would despise it anyway - but just knowing how many terrible things she's had to go through. I know without a doubt that she is a far stronger person than I. I sit, and I look back at the "things" I've had to go through, and the worst of them are laughable. I mean, what trials have I had growing up? Being teased in school? Wondering if my girlfriend - who can only be called that with a great deal of stretching - is going to break up with me? Why? Why have I had it so easy, when I'm such a worthless piece of crap, when sweet, wonderful people like Suzie have had to endure unending torment?

I just want her to be happy. To wake up with a smile, because she knows the day is going to be great (okay, that's enough clichès for that sentence). And I don't know how. I mean, reading through her jounal made me realize how not-well I know her, and that makes me start to question things. I mean, yeah, our relationship has been a litte... weird from the get-go, but that's not much of an excuse. I really like her, and I hope this lasts. Although, after she graduates Gary (which may be thinking a little far ahead, but my mind wanders a lot) she's mentioned different possibilities - going to Wimberley, to Galveston, and maybe one or two other places. True, we started with a San Marcos/Galveston thing, but that was mainly because it was going to turn into a San Marcos/San Marcos thing soon enough. I won't flatter myself by thinking our relationship would be enough to keep her close - nor would I want it to (I mean, if it grew and became enough, that'd be awesome - but I still wouldn't want it to). I just don't know - and the combination of an incredibly stuffy nose, the odd-sleep-hours-headache I've got right now, the tears that are kind of hanging around my eyes, and all the other stuff going on (which, as I've noted, isn't that big - SWT, mom's stuff, I dunno....) are making it kind of hard to think. So I'm just going to go clean up some - my room, dishes, laundry, all that fun stuff - and see what happens. For now.

I got to deal with two of my least favorite emotions on Thanksgiving - abandonment and helplessness. I wasn't abandoned - Suzie was. Her family was supposed to be in Wimberley for Thanksgiving dinner, but they decided to have it in Houston (as I understand it, though I may be wrong). She just stayed here. I went to Bambi's for dinner, and would've taken Suzie, but Bambi made it quite clear that she does not like Suzie, and thinks I shouldn't be dating her. Well, I've never cared what other people think, and I'm sure as hell not going to start now. Mike said the same thing, more or less - "Remember how you always said 'Why didn't anyone warn me about Mindy?'" "Yeah...?" "Well, I'm warning you now." I don't understand them - well, not really. I could kind of understand that the biting might make them weary, which is pretty stupid. I think they might also have some reservations about the fact that she goes to Gary. If that's the case, that's seriously messed up.

But I digress.

So Suzie stayed here while I was at Bam's. Janelle came over later and brought her some leftovers. I should've, but it totally didn't occur to me - and I feel pretty stupid for that. She finally talked to her dad around 8:30 or so - he had forgotten his clothes, and was going to go back to Galveston in the morning, and wanted to go to sleep then. At this point, and for good reason, Suzie felt abandoned. She was in tears for a while; I can only imagine what she was going through. That's when I felt helpless - here's this beautiful, sweet girl who I care for a great deal lying next to me, tears in her eyes because she's been abandoned by her family, and all I can do is sit there, and look at her, and let her know I'm here for her. WTF??! I didn't know a damn thing to say. I feel so worthless.

I'm weird. Sometimes, I wonder how people put up with me.

First, the recaps:

Played an obscene amount of DDr last week - I think, 3 hours on Monday, like 4 -5 on Wednesday, and another 1 - 2 on Friday. I think I've passed just about everything on doubles/heavy except: Max 300, Maxx Unlimited, The Legend of Max, Paranoia Survivor, Paranoia Survivor Max, Daikenkai (Oni), and Healing Vision (Angelic Mix). Go me.

Final list of birthday stuff:

Mom got me this awesome little recorder thing. It records pictures, video, and sound, and transfers them to the comp. You can also put mp3s on it, and use it like a player. Very awesome. Janelle got me Karaoke Revolution; Bam and Greg gave me 50 dollars at Hastings (got Gladius and Britney's new album - definitely a new sound for her), Mike and Cess gave me a HUGE mug, and Jerry/Uncle Fred gave me another 50, which I used to get FF X-2 and DW4: Extreme Legends.

I picked up Suzie Friday, and we went to the wolfpack party at Edward's. She had like three shots all in a row, and got a little tipsy. Not smashed or anything, but she did start booty dancing with me. I can't really dance, but by the end, I was kind of doing okay. We went back to my house eventually - went by Sonic first, and got some shakes. She met Beth there. We went home, hung out in my bed. (Nothing really happened ;) (I mean, stuff happened, but nothing really new. Not that I'm complaining or anything - I love it.)

Saturday was fun. I had to work 8 - 5 (Icky). It was insanely busy - we were non-stop from 10 on. We had several people from other Sonics there - two carhops, and then one cook at like 3:30. It was me, Thomas Cruz, and Mark in the kitchen; Dave was managing all day. That's what it took for me to be glad Dave was there -Mark and Josh (he came in at noon) cooking. Suzie stayed here all day. Janelle said she's cool. Mom doesn't really have an opinion yet, but I think she's warming up to her. Saturday evening, we had the birthday dinner. Caleb and Jarrod came, and Dani showed up way later for some cake. Everyone really enjoyed it. I took a few little movie recording thingies. Saturday night was pretty cool - Suzie didn't have any pants on ;) I had to work 12 - 5 Sunday morning; Suzie told mom her life storey (minus the alcohol and troublemaking, as I understand it). We went and saw Scary Movie 3 - and I think we had our first fight that evening as well. Or something like that.

Yeah, I got really depressed last night at work. I don't know why, but I was on the verge of tears. Go fig. Finally out for Thanksgiving - some time to catch up on things - get an alpha ToJH out, work on Rifts, and get some of these backlogged video games going ;)

Argh.

Lemme see...

Suzie and I hooked up last weekend. Stayed at the house Friday - Saturday morning; went to Galveston and came back. We were lying in my bed, no one else in the house, lights off for like.. 3 hours? No sex, though - hell, neither of us even took off any clothes at all. I'm not in any way complaining, though - I think we both want to take things slow. She gave me a few war trophies on my neck, and bit the hell out of my arms. She gave me one right before we went to the little party thing at Doug's - people made comments; it was hilarious. Then I went to work Sunday morning, and people made *more* comments. It was weird - everyone keeps asking if we've "done it" yet. Nope. I mean, Friday, we were by ourselves in the house, lying in my bed, with the lights off, for like... 3 hours (?) or so - and not even one stitch of clothing came off (well, our socks and shoes, but that doesn't really count).

Yesterday was my 21st brithday. Not a big deal for me, since I don't drink and don't really plan to. Katie sent me a text message in the morning - nothing major, just "happy birthday, thanks for the card, etc.". (Oh yeah, I gave her a card Monday). Had to work 10 - 5, which was cool. Mom brought a cake by - that was cool; everyone liked it. People would come in to get their checks - which weren't in yet - and I'd offer them cake - "Why?" "Oh? Happy birhday!" I accidentally knocked a cup onto a board, though, and it might have been fried. So... that's kind of scary. We went to mamacita's for dinner with mom, Janelle, Gus, Bam, and Greg. I was in kind of a funk, and told them not to say anything about it being my birthday - I really didn't feel like having a bunch of complete strangers coming out and singing to me in a fake sincere way. At one point, though, the waiter brought out four shots and four margaritas. Set them in front of me, mom, Bam, and Greg. I was like, "no". A lot of people don't realize how stubborn I am when it really comes out. I mean, hell, five people couldn't get me to dance with Chelsea in Ms. Hilton's class, and I had a huge crush on her. So yeah, I didn't drink any (yet again). At one point, Bam and mom left for a bit, and Greg and I talked about it. It was really funny - they thought I must have had some tramatic experience or something to so adamantly refuse. I was like, "No." I just really really hate mind influening/altering effects. Medicine, anasthesia, and what-not are a different matter, because they're helping your body return to its correct state. Anyway... Mom saw the bruises from where Suzie bit me, and thinks I'm sado-masochistic or being abused or something like that. ~*Sigh*~ I still have to figure out what we're doing Saturday - no clue yet.

Wow. Haven't written in a little over a week. Let's see.. what's happened?

Oct 31, Halloween:

This was an okay day. Had to work. I originally wasn't wearing anything (I mean, like a costume; I was wearing my normal work outfit, of course). Got Janelle to bring me my fairy wings, and wore those most of the night (although they kind of bothered Rudy, so I took them off eventually). Katie was dressed as a cat - she was soo cute:






Allison (Pictured on the right) (who'll come up later) was dressed as a cowgirl:

.

At one point, she fell in the dry stock room (which wasn't at the time). I was there, but she looked like she was okay, and I had to go make some orders. When I came back a minute or two later, Kristen was trying to help her up, but she's smaller, and was also on skates, so they weren't really making much progress. I had to walk up and grab her in a hug-like embrace and pick her up and put her back on her feet. Later, she comes up to me and goes, "You didn't see anything, did you?" "Huh?" "'Cause I'm not wearing anything under this skirt' Odd, but whatever.

Nov 1:
Nothing much; had to work again, so I finished off the roll. Here's a picture of me and Chelsea:





Lemme think...

Other sporadic happenings:
*Allison's been... well, interacting with me more - she's talked to me a little, said hi, headbutted me, the whole bit. Asked me once or twice if I was still with my girlfriend.

*Me and Katie seem to be doing okay - we've been talking a lot lately, which is pretty cool. From what I hear (from her), her and Crash are doing great (she's growing "attached").

*Didn't really hear from Suzie all week.

Last Night:
Well, I had taken the whole weekend off, since I thought Suzie and I were going to be spending it together. That didn't happen - never heard from her. So I went with Daniel to play DDR - almost passed Max 300 on Doubles/Heavy. Turned a few heads, as usual. Came home, went to Jarrod's and hung out. Spent the night there, came back here around... 2 or so. Suzie called this morning (her middle names are Andrea Janette Evelyn, and Janette is the important one, for what it's worth). Apparently, she's been really really sick lately (she can only whisper right now), and her grandfather died, so she's in Galveston right now. She was talking about us hanging out next weekend. I'll have to find out when I work next weekend (tomorrow, hopefully).