I wanna sleep... for like two years.

Advanced Big 45 Personality Test Results Gregariousness ||||||||||||||| 42% Sociability |||||||||||| 38% Assertiveness |||||||||||||||||| 58% Poise ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Leadership ||||||||||||||| 50% Provocativeness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Self-Disclosure |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Talkativeness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Group Attachment ||||||||||||||| 50% Extroversion |||||||||||||||||| 56% Understanding ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Warmth |||||||||||| 38% Morality ||||||||||||||| 50% Pleasantness ||||||||||||||| 42% Empathy ||||||||||||||| 46% Cooperation ||||||||||||||| 42% Sympathy |||||||||||||||||| 54% Tenderness |||||||||||||||||| 54% Nurturance ||||||||||||||| 50% Friendliness ||||||||||||||| 49% Conscientiousness ||||||||||||||| 50% Efficiency |||||||||||||||||| 54% Dutifulness ||||||||||||||| 50% Purposefulness ||||||||||||||| 50% Organization ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Cautiousness |||||||||||| 34% Rationality |||||||||||| 38% Perfectionism ||||||||||||||| 46% Orderliness ||||||||||||||| 42% Orderliness ||||||||||||||| 48% Stability ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Happiness |||||||||||||||||| 54% Calmness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Moderation ||||||||||||||| 42% Toughness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Impulse Control |||||||||||||||||| 54% Imperturbability |||||| 14% Cool-headedness ||||||||||||||| 50% Tranquility ||||||||| 22% Emotional Stability |||||||||||||||||| 51% Intellect ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Ingenuity ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Reflection ||||||||||||||| 50% Competence |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Quickness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Introspection ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Creativity ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Imagination ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Depth |||||||||||||||||| 54% Openmindedness ||||||||||||||||||||| 65%

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Argh.

Car trouble again.

Argh.

I have Saturday night off, and nothing to do.

I'm 21, a healthy, young bull male, with easy access to Austin and San Antonio, and have NOTHING to do.

Well, it worked. I deleted all the explorer backups, then replaced "start" with "ragnarok". Go me.

Then, I decided to move on to the green button.

HAHAHA.

I ended up screwing up something, 'cause a lot of things were messed up. So I grabbed StylesXP, used that to apply coughdrop, and dropped it.

So all is well.

I guess.

Argh.

The start button hack won't work. I mean, it worked until I rebooted. It's restoring it from somewhere. I found the explorer_original, \LastGood\explorer.exe, and system32\dllcache\explorer.exe copies. There's one or two more I think... but i'm a little hesitant to delete those. At least the Service optimization worked.

Fuck off, Microsoft.

Well, I finally got my shirt. Two of 'em, in fact.

A couple things:

• Pump It Up isn't all that bad. It's just annoying because it's so hard to tell the difference between jumps and runs.
  
• Morgan Webb is REALLY cute.
  
• People are idiots.
  
• Bit Torrent rules.
  

Apparently, Britney is cool again.

Did I miss something?

Something interesting to note.

It's usually my fault.

Let's do a quick run-down:

Too complex to assign blame:
Terri
Mindy

No one's fault:
Kenni

My fault, but for the wrong reasons:
Mary
Crystal
Suzie

Definitely, undisputably my fault:
Chelsea
Shayna
Barbara
Nikki

The plurality are my fault. There are those people who say stupid things like "You can't assign blame in relationships" or "What if the other person disagrees with you?"

In both cases, they're wrong. I mean, in many cases, it's not really healthy for the individuals or the relationship to sit around assigning blame. That, I'll agree with. However, this is a slightly different case. Let's take Nikki for example. We started going out, and then shortly thereafter (I'm not entirely sure on the details, but I'm gonna guess around two weeks) I called her (while driving down Bishop the back way from my house) and told her that I promised Mindy that I'd get back with her if she ever asked, and she had, so I had to honor my promise, and thus, was breakig up with Nikki.

How is that not my fault?

(Hint: It is.)

I chose that one because it's the shortest. Barbara and Shayna are equally complete, but longer. And Chelsea? Not even gonna go down that road again.

(HAHAHA. As if I had a choice...)

But to clear one thing up: I'm not stupid. I'm not lost in a daydream. I completely comprehend the asynchronous nature of our relationship. I don't maintain any dream (well, not one that serves any practical purpose, or that will ever come true) of a blissful, tear filled reunion one day. She remains one of the major events (eras?) in my life, while I'm but a page or two in hers. I think that's always been the case. Well, maybe not at the beginning. That's one of the what-ifs of my life. What if I wasn't so completey out of touch with reality, and was actually able to comprehend, analyze, and fully participate in human relationships and emotions (note: I don't believe I've acquired this skill yet)?

Probably not much difference. My guess is that they'd be fairly happy memories, instead of incredibly painful ones. I mean, I think I had an actual chance. Not that helped or anything, but it does make lashing myself with the mistakes of the past that much more effective. I'm not under any delusions about what I mean(t) to her.

I just want her to be happy.

I feel anxious, and restless. Bored, but not really. I mean, I could play Gladius, but that's getting old. I want to go play DDR, but I really don't feel like driving to Austin, especially with the back-to-back trips earlier this week. I have to go pick up Rose in like three hours... so that'll be fun. At least it'll be an excuse to see other people. Like, have actual (sorta) human contact.

For some reason, Dave gave me the day off today. I cleaned the house, and finished the Crusade/Collector's Set spoilers. I want to fix my hubcaps, organize my CDs, and maybe one or two other things tomorrow. Katie's (Fink, not Wilkinson - she's basically given me the cold shoulder; not actually, but obvious enough for those with eyes) really cute, and seems pretty sweet. It's a good thing I'm heartbroken, tired, isolated, etc etc etc right now. Or I might do something stupid.

The night is young and you're so beautiful,

Here among the shadows, beautiful lady, open you heart.

The scene is set, the breezes sing of it,

Can't you get into the swing of it, lady, when do we start?

When the lady is kissable and the evening is cool,

Any dream is permissible in the heart of a fool.

The moon is high and you're so glamorous,

And if I seem over amorous, lady, what can I do?

The night is young and I'm in love with you.

Well, got registration and my ticket taken care of. Well, on my ticket, I completed the course one day late (the reason? I forgot '04 is a leap year), and am sending in the request for my driving record now, as opposed to two months ago. So we'll see if I get arrested, or what.

They had weird sitting plans at lunch at... Lamar? I think it was Lamar. Yes, because it was the same place I was chosen to play trombone. They sat the girls in the class on one side; the boys on the other. Naturally, it was only a matter of time before I ended up sitting across from her. It may have happened multiple times, but I remember the first time. I couldn't look at her, much less meet her eyes. In fact, I have trouble remembering any time when I really met her eyes. Wait. The hallway, walking from Horizons, when I apologized for breaking up with her (I have no clue about any of this, by the way - I've firmly established I never had, nor ever will, a firm grasp on human emotions or relationships); the time at the skating rink when she was leaving, and I fell, and she helped me up. I looked everywhere else that lunch period, everywhere else except at the person across the table from me.

We went and saw "Sgt. Bilko" with Josh and Rebecca. That was, in fact, the premise for our outing in the first place - Josh had asked Rebecca on a date, but the Caudle's didn't like single couple dates, and wanted it to be more of a group thing, so Becca asked Chelsea and Chelsea asked me. She wore a yellow dress (I think - this is one of the things I'm fuzzy on). Josh and I were talking; he mentioned I was supposed to buy her ticket. She was standing in front of one of the pillars; I peeked my head around and asked her if she had already bought a ticket, and she said she had. I had a Sprite; she had either a Dr. Pepper or a Coke; can't remember which. We sat in the back left (from the screen's perspective - from ours, it was the right side of the theater). My Sprite was in the right armrest thing, she was sitting on my left. The movie was pretty funny. I spent the majority of it contemplating whether or not I should attempt to hold her hand - naturally, I elected not to. That would be a continuing theme both during that "relationship" thereafter - in fact, it applied with everyone but Suzie. We went to Hastings afterwards. That was back when Hastings was on the corner, not the "Superstore" it is now.