And it's just like honey

That post was originally supposed to be a little longer. I started it when I got home, but fell asleep almost immediately after. I went ahead and just hit 'publish', and will put what I had in the previous post into this one. Or rather, what I meant to have. Or something like that.

But we just got pizza delivered. Janelle said something about that when I first got home, but I wasn't really listening - I was probably going to go in around 7 or 8, since it sounded like Dennis wasn't going to show up. However, Rudy stayed, so I don't have to. She didn't mention that she was ordering from Domino's. Or if she did, she didn't realize I was asleep, or close enough, not to hear her.

Anyway.

I was in that almost-asleep phase I was talking about earlier when she came in and asked me who Lilie delivers pizza for. It took me a few seconds to come back to reality enough to make sense of her question, but answered quickly enough, 'Domino's.' Turns out, she had delivered our pizza. Heh. Janelle said she looked familiar at first, then she recognized her, and that she said something about being startled or something. I was basically asleep the whole time.

Let's see if I can do a quick round-up of today. Had a manager meeting with Todd. That was fun - I'm starting to like Todd. He's a cool guy who knows the realities of working at Sonic. After that, went to GameStop, 'cause Javi told me they're having this sale - buy 2 used games, get 1 free. Saw Ogre Battle 64: Person of Lordly Caliber when I went in, which I immediately grabbed - I've been looking for that game basically since it came out, and if asked, couldn't offer actual proof that it existed. Until now. I wanted to get Final Fantasy Anthology, which has FF V and FF VI on it, but they didn't have it. Ended up grabbing Vandal Hearts II and Arc the Lad: Twilight of the Spirits. They had Front Mission 4, but I've already beaten that, else I would have grabbed it. Started heading home, when Freddie called to make sure I was still giving him a ride to work at 5 (it was after 10 'til). I had completely forgotten about it, but was fairly close to his house, so I pulled a massive U-turn through town and got there in record time. Got him to work, got home. On the way home, I went into a major funk. I mean, I've been in a funk since... well, since probably a week before Christmas or so, and the Lilie split didn't exactly help. But I was near tears, which was what I was talking about in my earlier post. I would have been in tears, but I have a tendency to just get really close to tears - to the point of my eyes getting watery, without actually crying. Anyway, I was like that for a little bit, then fell asleep.

Woke up as described above, to the news that Lilie had been here within the last five minutes or so with pizza. Checked my phone and saw that Cullen had called about doing something tonight. I called Sonic to see if Javi needed me come in, but Rudy was going to stay, since Dave wasn't coming in. That cleared my dance card for the evening, so Cullen and I are leaving in about an hour to go play some DDR. Which is good, because I definitely have some negative emotion to work out. I don't think this will help *that much*, but it will help. I miss the 3 times a week, several hours a day I had going on during school, but that'll resume in a couple of weeks, and this will do for now.

If I cried very often, I'd be crying right now.

It's really frustrating,

In the not too distant future, next Sunday AD

It all started when SuprNova went down. That didn't bother me that much, since I didn't frequent SN that often. I mainly used DonVito (which then became Bi-Torrent). They had excellent categorical listings. But my main use was MySpleen.net, which offered copyrighted materials, but mainly stuff you couldn't find anywhere else. Rocko's Modern Life is a great example - it was a 4 season cartoon that was terrific. Of course, they never show it on TV anymore - even when the guide says it's supposed to be RML, it's something else. That, and you can't buy it on DVD. I know myself, along with a lot of other RML fans I've spoken too, would love to be able to buy it on DVD. But they're not selling it - sure, you can get Ren & Stimpy, but not a quality cartoon like RML. That's the frustrating thing - yes, it's copyright infringment, but it's not like they're losing any revenue over it. The same goes for MST3K - BBI has *always* encouraged tape trading amongst fans (to the point of putting "And remember -keep circulating the tapes" at the end of episodes), and this is simply the logical extension thereof. Take DAP - they only share the tapes that aren't available by any other means - DVD sales by Rhino being the primary means. It's like they're saying "Ha ha ha, no one's allowed to watch this! Even if you're willing to pay for it!"

Only if I could turn back time, I'd give my heart again, do it all again

"You know that place between asleep and awake , that place where you still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll always be waiting."

-Tinkerbell (Julia Roberts), Hook

I love that quote. I've been spending a lot of time there, which is why I've been remembering my dreams lately. I'm just off-kilter, unable to find my center, and that's a place of refuge for me.

Anyway.

The one I had last night (Tuesday night) was really weird. I was back in high school, at a football game with the band. But there weren't that many of us, as would be evidenced when we went to march and there was only a tiny portion of our formation. But I'm jumping ahead of myself. The first oddity is that our band and the other band were sitting on my front lawn. Well, our band was sitting on Ms. Adam's yard, and the other band (Hays?) was sitting on my front yard. They kept playing this one song to taunt us, and Mar called me, Chris Freshour, and some other guy over to figure out how to play it. The football game was going on at an NFL-caliber stadium, which I guess was connected to my yard. Just one of those dream oddities. Anyway, we went to march at halftime, and a lot of our formation was missing, but I could still see what it should have looked like, had anyone been there. I think I recall Mar saying something about how it was still a preseason game or something, and that's why so many people were missing.

Work was... interesting. Dennis is being an unbelievable bitch; I'm going to have to talk to Dave tomorrow about him. Speaking of which, I found out tonight that there's a manager meeting at 2 with Todd, which will be fun. Dave said we didn't have to dress up, so I fully intend to go wearing what I'm wearing now - sleeping pants and a really comfortable t-shirt. Or maybe not... maybe I'll change into my green pants. We'll see. Anyway.

I just fell asleep, then woke up; it's like 10:40. Adam just called, asking if I would come in for Dora. Hell, no. Usually, I would - I'm fairly good about coming in to cover other people's shifts; however, I don't like him. It's not just that, though. It's more that I can't stand that place right now. I feel it as soon as I walk in, and it stays with me until I leave. Argh, and I have to go to a manager meeting at 2 as well. That'll be fun. It's just... I've lost my center right now, and I can't find it. That's always been very important for me, and without it, I tend to be thrown off-course a lot.

Anyway.

Lord of the Rings: The Third Age is great. One of the most compelling RPG's I've played in a long time. Star Ocean 3 is cool, but I can only take it in small doses. FFX-2 is cool, but can get repititious at times. People have accussed them of stealing elements from other games, but it works out just fine. The battle system has definite elements of FFX - you see the action order on the upper right, and actions happen immediately, and have a cool-down time, as opposed to a charge up time. You can also press L1 to switch party members in and out, as you get 3 people in the active party during battle. The battle engine is very reminiscent of FFX and X-2 as well. One change I really like is that you get to equip your characters with a full suite of equipment, something that's been missing from recent FF games. I'll post a list of the different slots, but I suspect it's almost 10, not counting accessories. There's 109 FMV cutscenes; you can access any previously earned one at any time. All o f them are edited scenes from the movies, though, with voiceovers. There is a lot of in-game cutscenes as well, which I also enjoy. Overall, I feel like I'm playing D&D. And that's just great. Fitting, too, since D&D is more or less based on Lord of the Rings.

Had a weird conversation with Suzie last night after work. She was playing the part of the relentlessly upbeat optimist, and I, the depressed apathetic pessimist. Not quite a reversal of roles, but odd enough. I think it might just be the pregnancy. Come to think of it, I don't know how pregnant she is, or when the baby's due, or anything like that. All I know is, she didn't waste any time - we broke up February 1st, and I think she was married within three months. Something like that.

Anyway.

Not much else going on lately. Haven't played DDR since before Christmas, which is bad. Haven't played D&D with the guys... damn, it's been a while. However, I have already let them know I want to come back, and they've been quite receptive. I think I'd also like to run my own campaign again at some point.

I have to leave for work in 5 minutes, and I'm not even dressed yet, so I'll make this quick

Today's been an incredibly lazy day. I've spent all day lying in bed, playing Lord of the Rings: The Third Age, which is quite possibly, one of the best games I've played in a while. More on that later. Had a weird dream last night about band, more on that later. My head feels warm, more on that later. Well, no, I don't think I'll be talking about that later. But yeah, off to work - 5 - close, but I'm actually managing tonight. That's cool, 'cause those shifts always go be fairly quickly. That, and I enjoy the post-close management duties. Get to turn the lights off, put a CD in and turn it up really, really loud, and be working in a fairly comfortable, relaxed atmosphere.

Lilie's away message right now

"You make me feel like a dog standing on a toolbox in the back of a pickup truck doing 90 round a corner just tryin' to hang on for dear life..."

Interesting.

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World

Forgot to mention - Rat Race is FUCKING HILARIOUS.

It has a great ensemble cast - Jon Lovitz, Whoopi Goldberg, Seth Green, Amy Smart, Cuba Gooding Jr., Brecken Meyer, John Cleese, Rowin Atkinson (Mr. Bean), Harold Grisham (Grace Under Fire), Wayne Knight, Paul Rodriguez, Kathy Bates, and Kathy Najimy. Kathy Najimy is the stupid one in Hocus Pocus. And, weird though it may sound, despite the fact that she's, um, about to turn 48, is quite attractive.

Anyway.

It's just a hilarious movie that didn't get enough press when it came out. The premise is simple (well, not really): Cleese plays an eccentric casino owner who is entertaining a bunch of high-rollers bored with normal gambling. So, he puts 2 million dollars in a train station locker 550 miles away, gives 6 random people keys to the locker, and lets the race play out. I *love* giant ensemble cast movies, especially comedies (except for Ocean's Eleven.) I really hate the ending, because I despise Smash Mouth and all that they stand for, but that's really my only complaint with the movie. The situations that the characters find themselves in are quite histerical, and watching John Cleese play an eccentric billionaire is just... right.

So yeah, I definitely recommend this one to anyone looking for some laughs.

We're opera-mad in Camelot; we sing from the diaphragm a lot

Heh. I just feel like writing a lot at the moment. Well, maybe it's more that I don't feel like sleeping. Not that I ever do, but I don't really want to just lie down and close my eyes. That's when it's hardest to control your thoughts, and that's something I've always had problems with. These are the kinds of times when I really hate having such a strong stream-of-consciousness. Here's a fun one that just hit me: She had one in Houston, because of Sean... did I cause this one in any way? Contribute to it? Yeah. That one's gonna haunt me for a while.

So anyway.

Took Janelle to Blockbuster, felt like getting my mind off of things. Decided to get Rat Race, which I actually saw in theaters, and have wanted to see again ever since. Also got The Third Age, which I've wanted to play for a while. Wait, is that even it's name? Yeah, Lord of the Rings: The Third Age. Or something like that. Anyway. I also wanted to get Almost Heroes, but of course, they didn't have it. Of course, they had the box, and two cases behind it, but neither of them was it. It really pissed me off. Also got some Reeses Pieces, which is the best candy ever. Except for the large candy thing bite things. Yeah.

Terri was online for a while, and we got to talking. Turns out she's not going to marry that guy; she's back in NC. I'm not sure if they're still together in NM, or what... I feel really bad, 'cause I kind of snapped at her, and said some fairly mean things. Of course, given the course and history of our relationship, I don't think that one thing will be the single item that breaks our friendship, but I still feel bad about it. Other than that, had a nice chat with her about breakfast cereals. The really funny thing is that Suzie emailed me while I was talking to Terri. I made a comment that if Mindy calls, I'm leaving. Of course, Suzie just sent me a chain letter - she even admitted it was a stupid thing to do IN THE EMAIL ITSELF.

So yeah, I'm feeling... I don't know. Stunned? Tired? Hurt? Something like that. I don't want to go to work in two hours. I don't want to face the world. I want to curl back up in my blanket, with my two bears, and sleep. Two years or so.

Boom schwati oosh

So I really haven't written about Lilie lately. (That sounds funny when read aloud). There's a couple reasons for this. The main reason for this is that I don't want to go posting her business for everyone to read. I mean, I don't mind everyone seeing mine - my life is an open book for everyone to read, but it's not really my right ot post other people's stuff. So I'll do this as well as I'm able. Bear with me.

So a week and a half (?) ago, Lilie started telling me that, well, for lack of a better way to put it, she was going through a phase. I'm not going to go into specifics, other than to confirm that I'm not talking about her period. So she starts talking to me on IM, and well, I didn't really say that much in response. I... just didn't know what to say. I mean, what could I say? She knows I care, and that I"m here for her and will listen and do what I can. I hate repeating myself, and just saying tired old clichès never helped anyone. So my comments were sparse. She then asked me something along the lines of "You don't even care, do you?" I can certainly see how she would think that, but I explained what I just said to her. I don't know how much of it she believed, but it's really a moot point and secondary to her situation. So I decided to give her some space, let her figure things out. A day and a half later, she calls me.

"Are we even still dating?"

That's a really scary question, coming straight out of the blue.

We talked a little more, and I explained that I was just trying to give her space so she could deal with her problems. Her response? "That's probably for the best." Which is good, I guess. I mean, wait... anyway. So that went on for... a week and a half? Something like that. We only talked a few times - when I went to drop off the cookie plate, I left it in front of their door, rang the doorbell, and tore off out of there. She did call me later that day about the fan, and we talked a little after that work (mainly just me asking her if she needed more help with the fan.) That's about it, except when I took her her present. I wouldn't have called her today, except that Shelley called me (things are going frighteningly well with her new boyfriend - check it out at her blog, Risen From the Ashes), concerned about Lilie and asking me to call and talk to her or something. I didn't want to - it's hard enough to leave her alone completely like this, but I did. It was... interesting. We talked a little about how she was doing - not good.

And we ended up seperating. She kept apologizing, too - for "dragging me through this" or "putting me through this" or "making me feel bad". I kept telling her, it's not something she should apologize for - you should never apologize for how you feel, or who you are. And I told her that I hoped we could still be friends - a class cliche, but one I only say with complete sincereness - and she agreed (sort of, I think).

Oh, and I had to listen to her cry. That may be the most painful noise I've ever heard. It's something that will haunt my nightmares, and plague every downward emotional spiral I'll ever go through after this. I hope that, if she reads this, it doesn't make her feel any worse. That's the last thing I want to do, is to add to her burdens. I just wish there was something I could do, something to help her through this.

She also talked about how it was probably a bad idea, that she should have known not to jump into this, especially after Houston. Shelley talked about this, and I agreed with her, but Lilie said she was okay.

If I drank, I'd go get so hammered right now.

And Shelley, if you read this, (don't take what I"m about to say the wrong way; don't get offended): Don't call, please. I really don't want to talk to anyone right now.

Dreaming

I've been having a lot of weird dreams lately.

No, that's not right. Let me rephrase that.

I've been remembering a lot of weird dreams lately. I'm fairly certain I always have weird dreams - especially if the ones I recall are any indication. That's no suprise, though. I'm really weird. Not in a 'I'm psycho, I need to be locked away', or a 'Hey, look at me, look at me, look at me' kind of way (well, to some extent on that one), but in a quiet, 'no one really has any idea how weird I am' kind of way. I'm dead serious. People at work - no clue. They think they know, but they really have no idea. I've learned, over the course of many years of public school, that my train of thought and stream of consciousness is so completely out of sync with most peoples', that it's better if I just keep it all inside.

Anyway.

I had one about two weeks ago where I broke into an office building with Usher and two other people. I was wielding a sledgehammer, and used it to break the security cameras. At one point, as we're walking among all this high-tech computer equipment, I asked him, "Why are we breaking into this office building?" He responded, as if it were the most normal thing in the world, "To make two trains crash into each other."

Duh.

However, we started to hear police sirens in the distance, so we decided to make our exit. We made our way down to a handicapped door (ya know, with the little buttons that you can push to make the door open up), and there's a woman sitting at a desk by it. Usher asks if the police can come in that door, and she tells him that they can't. So we make our way out that door. We actually walk by a policeman, and the whole thing enters slow motion, as Usher turns to look at the cop, and the cop turns to look at him as we walk past each other. They arrest us because of my sledgehammer, and we get caught. The other three guys are playing it cool while we're sitting there, tied up, but I start losing it, and offer to sell them out for a lenient deal. Man, I'm a bitch.

The other dream I remember, from last night, isn't really that weird. It's about work. I hate dreaming about work. At least Dave hasn't been in any of them yet. Anyway, the only thing I really remember is that I'm taking these two girls' order, and they're being really stupid. Here's what they ordered:

• A #3 with mustard, mayonnaise, and cheese
  
• A #4, the same way
  
• Both with chili/cheese fries
  
• Both with Banana splits, chocolate only
  
• An additional order of cheese tots
  
• Another banana split, made the regular way

I know there's one or two more items I'm missing. Darn.

She's like a rainbow (again)

The post after this one is not my post. When I went to publish my post, some sort of error occurred. However, I'm used to this happening, so I always copy my post before publishing, just in case. I'm not going to delete the post after this one, because it's so wonderfully random - I can only assume my post got crossed with two other posts to create the work of beauty you see below. Now, here is my actual post:

Anyway, Christmas Eve.

Mom, Bam, Janelle and Greg went to church, then back to Bam's for dinner. Mom's finally accepted that I'm an atheist, so she didn't bother inviting me to church with them, but she did ask me to come to dinner. I initially wasn't going to - my mood had reached a valley, and I really didn't feel up to an evening around family; Janelle called later and convinced me to come, though. Tried calling Lilie twice (once before, once after) to see if I could drop off her present, but to no avail.

Bam made homemade ziti; it was really, really good. I didn't hang around much later, though. Came home, and started playing some Diablo 2 (more on this later). I ended up staying awake until... oh, 3 or 4 am. Finally just passed out, but not for very long. I had this bizarre dream that I was supposed to open that morning (I'm really starting to hate having dreams about work. They're really, really annoying.) Anyway, I woke up at like 6:00, when I usually leave to open, and started quickly getting dressed. I had my pants on and was buttoning my shirt when I realized it was Christmas morning and not only did I not have to open, I wouldn't have to go in at all. Of course, I couldn't go back to sleep (despite getting only two hours of sleep), so I played some more Diablo 2 until I heard Janelle and Mom wake up and start moving around. We eventually all moved into the living room for presents and stuff. Went back to my room and napped after that, until Bam and Greg got there. More presents and stuff, followed by more napping. Eventually, we broke through that harsh regimine and moved onto Christmas dinner.

Oddly enough, it's only recently that we've started having a Christmas dinner. In past years, especially when I was in high school, we used to just all lounge around in our pajamas all day. There'd be various snack trays set out, and we'd have people stopping in throughout the day. I miss that, and in rememberance, I wore my new pajama pants all day. In fact, I'm wearing them right now as well. But no one stopped by this year; we just had an intimate family gathering. Don't get me wrong, though - it was very nice, and thoroughly enjoyed by all. Christmas dinner was fantastic - smoked turkey, honey-glazed ham, roast, garlic mashed potatoes, asparagus (mentioned only for completeness), stuffing, brocili and cheese, corn, rolls, and some smoked salmon, but that was mainly for Mom. Everyone liked dinner. We also had homemade cheesecake and tort, but I didn't hang around for that. As we were sitting around after dinner, I heard my message alert on my phone go off. I had missed a call from Lilie and had a subsequent voicemail.

I called her back, and headed over. Gave her her present, which she seemed to like, and came home. More Diablo 2, and then I crashed. Had to open Sunday morning, at 9:30 or so. Nothing terribly exciting there; Adam came in at 10, and I gave him my 5 - C shift, so when I got off at 1-ish, having worked a grand total of 3 1/2 hours, I was off for the rest of the day. Janelle and I, after showers, dishes, and cleaning rooms, went shopping. I had gift certificates to Best Buy and Dragon's Lair; she had ones to Blockbuster and Best Buy. Went to Dragon's Lair first. They had transformer decals, one of which now adorns my car; also picked up a new set of dice and Empire by AEG. I would have preferred Toolbox, but they didn't have that one. Darn. Anyway, on the drive there, Janelle started talking about wanting to get a job for this semester; that evolved into her wanting to be a carhop at Sonic. She *can* skate, which is a plus, and she's really, really smart. I let her know that I didn't think it was a good idea - Sonic is a terrible work environment, but she persisted. So we picked up an application for her. I now face a terrible, terrible decision - help my sister get a job at Sonic or not. More on that later.

Afterwards, we went to Blockbuster. I bought her gift card from her, because even though I don't rent movies or anything, I'm slightly more likely to find a use for it than her. Except I couldn't. Their used games were a joke (even more so than most used games), and NOTHING there was worth looking at. I eventually went with The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King extended super-duper platinum 32 DVD edition, just to use it. Went to Best Buy after that, to see if Janelle was going to use her gift certificate, or I would buy that one from her too - after all, there's no limit to the amount of Best Buy gift certificates I can use. That's when I saw it. The same Lord of the Rings thing, for almost fifteen dollars less. Now, I normally don't care about different prices - if I see something a few dollars less than what I spent for it, I chalk it up to experience and move on. But as frustrating as it was in the first place to find something at Blockbuster worth buying, I wasn't going to if they had it RIGHT DOWN THE STREET for SIGNIFICANTELY LESS. So I marched back to Blockbuster to get a refund. Of course, they gave it to me... on a gift card. I'm not kidding. So I still have this completely worthless piece of plastic that entitles me to twenty-five dollars worth of goods and services from Blockbuster (assuming they offer services), none of which are even half-way decent.

So that was fun.

Went back to Best Buy and wondered around for another hour or so, after which, Janelle and I decided to go get some Subway, then go see Blade: Trinity (I will keep inserting the colon in there, despite the fact that there isn't actually one in the movie's title. I just like it.) using the two movie passes she had left. Came home, crashed, and that's where we are now. Fun times. More to follow.

She's like a rainbow

Anyway, Christmas Eve.

Mom, Bam, Janelle and Greg went to church, then back to Bam's for dinner. Mom's finally accepted that I'm an atheist, so she didn't bother inviting me to church with them, but she did ask me to come to dinner. I initially wasn't going to - my mood had reached a valley, and I really didn't feel up to an evening around family; Janelle called later and convinced me to come, though. Tried calling Lilie twice (once before, once after) to see if I could drop off her present, but to no avail. with a lot more people and here it's just JaB, the cats and me. Plus, she's never been to Rotterdam. I know about the "having to kick her out-maybe" thing. That's why I always went to the fuckbuddy's house. There's a get away there. And if I really wanted to return to that house or see him again, I'd leave something there. Something I'd have to go back for, or he'd have to call me about. You might be thinking panties here, but panties don't work. For some odd reason they keep those.

Am I nervous? Yeah! For that reason; should I be blogging about this any more? NO!! I keep tricking myself into blogging about it. Or you trick me into it. There's a Dutch saying that goes; "Waar het hart van vol is, loopt de mond van over." Translation; "What the heart is full of, the mouth overflows with." cking myself into blogging about it. Or you trick me into it. There's a Dutch saying that goes; "Waar het hart van vol is, loopt de mond van over." Translation; "What the heart is full of, the mouth overflows with." delivering show-stopping 

renditions of songs, and he possesses a stage presence that radiates

warmth; his followers eagerly look forward to his upcoming and 

undoubtedly successful J Records debut; now, therefore, be it

No Title

Well, she liked it.

But that's jumping ahead; we'll come back to that.

Wow. Even though the time on this post will say "2:17 am", don't be fooled. Blogger records the time on posts by when they were started, not when they were finished. Seriously. It's like 5:17 right now, and I've barely managed to get 6 1/2 sentences done (and that's counting "Wow." and "Seriously." as sentences.) Just to show you the time-lapse you're missing, it's 5:22 now.

5:27.

And now I need to restart.

The love of your life is dancing here before you

Christmas morning. Fun.

Did my Christmas shopping Thursday afternoon before going in to work. I ended up doing almost all of it at Hastings. Ran into Mike and Anna, which was cool. Had to make a quick stop by McCoy's for Mom's gift; after that, the only shopping I had left was Lilie's. She called as I was getting home, had a computer problem. Turns out her CPU fan crapped out. She asked me to come over and take a look at it.

She has a Hewlett Packard, and they told her that she'd have to use their proprietary fan to replace it. Best Buy wanted something like 50 dollars to install it. So I get over there, and her computer's on. Seriously. Finally got her to turn it off, opened it up, and started digging around. Turns out they use this weird system where the CPU fan isn't actually on the CPU fan. Rather, There's a second power supply-class fan mounted on the back of the case, with a little plastic tunnel from it to the CPU. Managed to get all the plastic casing removed and the fan out. She had the bizarre idea of just leaving her case open and running a big (normal) fan right next to it, but I didn't (and still don't) think it was a good idea, nor did Michael. I was willing to see if we could get the fan out of her other computer that's inoperable at the moment and see if it would work, but I had to leave for work. She asked me to come back afterwards.

Picked up Freddie, and we got there 'bout 5 after. I was managing that night, and things were slated to go okay. Frank was due in at 6:30. At 6:20, he called up there asking if someone could go get him, 'cause it was cold. I really wanted to smack him. It's not our responsibility to get him here - he knows he doesn't have a car, and it's not like the recent temperatures have caught anyone by surprise. On top of that, there were only two people there with cars, and I couldn't spare either of them - we were running a bare minimum crew as it was. A little later, Dave comes in to get the schedule requests. It got to be almost 7 o'clock, when the phone rings, and Katie hands it to Dave. Turns out it's Frank, asking for a ride *again*. Dave sent me out to get Frank. I ended up having to go twice, because he didn't tell me that they had moved to another trailer. It really, really pissed me off. Why the HELL did he just sit around and call again later? It might be a different matter if he wasn't so worthless in the kitchen. He whines all the time about having to do onion rings or floors, when he's (a) the newest and (b) the crappiest (well, he'd have to fight Pedro for that title) cook. Tomorrow night, he's closing kitchen by himself, with Pedro 5 - 9. I took Javi's 5 - C manager shift that night, which means I'm running the show. Joy. I didn't even really look at the schedule, other than for shifts to pick up. The upside is that I get to ensure that Frank is NOT leaving until EVERYTHING is done.

Anyway. Closed Thursday night; nothing spectacular. Called Lilie as I was finishing up - she went with the "large fan in front of the open case" idea - "I've been running it like this for five hours, and it hasn't broken yet." Um... okay. The main fan is responsible for keeping the case and power supply cool, the CPU fan delivers cool air to the heat sink and/or the processor to stop them from overheating. That's why the fan is *right* on the CPU, or has a direct air channel to it. I'm not sure if it's going to work; even if it doesn't immediately die, it can significantly decrease the life expectancy of your electronic components. Heat is really the only danger they face. Anyway, she told me not to come over - she was getting tired as well, and was on the phone.

Fair enough.

Called Jarrod, he finally grabbed my MOO3 CDs from his parents house, so I went over there to get them. He also wanted to show me the trailer for some new game with Conker on it that's modeled on T3: Rise of the Machines. I brought my RvB DVD, and we watched that - the first 19 episodes. Turns out it's the next episode or two that contains my favorite scene - where the Blues surrender to the Reds, and Griff has to get up and admit he sucks, and that he's a girl, and that he likes ribbons, and he wants to kiss all the boys. Then Sarge says something along the lines of "This is the greatest surrender of all time." Came home and crashed, then went in to work again the next day at 10. It was an okay shift, closed at 5. I actually got to run out real quick and go to Best Buy and grab Lilie's present. I hope she likes it.

If we're still dating, that is.

(Okay, that's not entirely true. I mean, I hope she likes it irregardless. It was just a good segue.)

'Cause frankly, I don't know. I've been accused (rightfully so) of over-analyzing things in the past, which is why I haven't really said anyhting about this of yet. However, I figure this is as good of a time as any. Crap, lunch time. I'll do this later.

Oh, I got a cowboy hat and a certificate for an hour of flight instruction, among other things. Coolness.

Alone at Christmas - Milk, Inc

She looks outside her window
While she's losing track of time
Trying to find a reason not to cry tonight
Outside the snow is falling
Children sing their songs of peace
She finds herself believing in a lie tonight

Alone at christmas (x3)

The evening's getting darker
Some candles light the moon
Don't look like he'll find his way back home tonight
Outside the snow is falling
Children sing their songs of peace
She finds herself believing in a lie tonight

Alone at christmas (x3)

This should be a time for happiness
This should be a time for you and I
This should be a time for happiness
This should be a time for you and I

Alone at christmas (x5)

You gave me strength when I was weak

Had a couple really weird dreams last night. They're already starting to fade, so I'd like to get them down as soon as possible.

The first one, Usher (yes, the rapper guy) and I, along with two other guys, broke into this office building. I had a sledgehammer. I was destroying security cameras with it, and smashed a few glass doors as well. I think our objective was to make these two trains smash into each other. However, in the distance, we started to hear sirens, so we left. We snuck out through a back entrance, one of those doors that has a button that makes it open, but the cops saw my sledgehammer and stopped us, and arrested us. I think we ended up at the CSI crime lab, for whatever reason.

Crap. I've only been up for about 10 minutes, but the other ones have already started to fade.

But this really annoying thing happened at work last night. Some lady called back after we took her order (well, Rudy took it), and complained that Rudy didn't say anything back after she said "Merry Christmas." I really, really wanted to walk out there and smack her, or tell her to get a life, or something like that. Actually, I take that back. I can be more subtle. I wanted to tell her that his parents were killed in a car wreck by a drunk driver on Christmas, or he was molested as a child by a department-store Santa, or something along those lines, and is now crying in the back, thanks to the unpleasant memories she just flung in his face. But I didn't. I said, "I'm sorry, ma'am, he didn't hear you. Merry Christmas."

I'm not going to go into the myriad reasons this sort of person bothers me. I'm not trying to deny them their holiday cheer; I do, however, take major offense at their expectation that everybody is required to reciprocate it. What if the person taking her order had been Muslim? Jewish? Atheist? Again, I don't begrudge them their celebration, just don't expect everyone else to do so, and certainly don't complain about it. It's similar to a situation when these two girls were ordering, and prefaced it with "How are you?" I've taken a lot of orders over the years, and well over ninety-five percent of the time when someone starts with that, they don't listen for a response and just start ordering with two seconds. Which is good, because I really don't want to carry on conversations with people through the boards - chances are, there's other people waiting to order, or for me to make drinks or bag, and wasting time like that is only delaying other peoples' orders. However, they called back after their order was taken and demanded to know how I was doing. I wanted to go break their headlights with a baseball bat and say "Better now." Seriously, did they think they were being cute, or making the world a better place, or what? Truly, the service industry is the last refuge of the damned.

Music and blasters and old Jedi Masters at the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina

So that didn't go quite as planned.

Started off well enough. Had to do the dishes before I could leave, which was a little annoying; I eventually got out, though. Stopped off and got some gas and water at the Shell at Thorpe and Aquarena, and I was off. I really enjoy this cold weather. I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt and was quite comfortable.

Anyway, got there before 11. I think. Went in; there were two girls on the 5th mix. Not playing, but sitting nearby, with their coats on the machine. I don't mean on the bars, I mean on the actual pads. They saw me standing there, obviously wanting to play, and started clearing off their stuff. I'm still not sure whether they were playing previously or not; it's kind of hard to tell sometimes. They finally cleared their stuff off, and I was able to play. There was a group on the 7th mix, also not playing. There was one girl signing to another girl, which was... odd. I haven't seen someone signing in a *long* time - well, other than on CSI.

So my first set was, um, doubles - Dam Dariram (KCP Mix), and two other ones I don't remember. I did hear a few comments whispered while I was playing. Took a break and played a game of Crazy Taxi, then did another set on singles. This one was Paranoia Evolution, My Summer Love, and Rhythm & Police (KOG 3 Mix). For some reason, I *could* not pass Stomp To My Beat on Doubles / Heavy. I did a long, long time ago back at Diversions, but it was just giving me problems. It has really weird footing, kind of like Moonlight Shadow (Vocal Mix). So as my final set, I did Afronova Primeval. And I banged my foot on the bar. It really, really hurt my ankle. It might not have been so bad, but I did the *EXACT* same thing on the *EXACT* same part of the *EXACT* same song last week when I went and played with Rose. Suffice to say, that ended my DDR evening. It's a shame, because I really like that song.

The problem is that it has this alternating-step 8th note run which is really cool, but has both a side-back and a front-front crossover. I *really* hate side-back and front-front crossovers. For the semi-initiated, a side-back crossover (my term) is when you have to do something like L2-R1-D1-R1-L2; an extended version would look like L2-R1-D1-R1-L2-D2-L2-R1. Those aren't quite as bad as front crossovers, though: L2-R1-U1-R1-L2 (-U2-L2-R1). Can't Stop Falling in Love (Speed Mix) has some of the worst front crossovers for doubles (although I can, and regularly do, max combo that song).

For those of you who have *no* idea what I'm talking about, I'll give you a simple version: Stand up, feet shoulder-width apart. Now take your right leg and put it behind your left one, so that it's in the middle of your body, but behind it, without picking up your left foot. Now put it back, and put your left foot behind your right leg, same idea. Imagine doing that really fast, and hitting your ankle on a metal bar while doing it. Hmm, that doesn't really help. Here:


This is a top view of a DDR pad. Each square is a little over a foot in each direction, so you can stand comfortably with a foot in each square (new people often try to stand with both feet in the center, until they learn how to play). Now, the crossover I'm talking about is as follows: Stand on the two center arrows, so that your left foot is on the arrow pointing to the right on the left pad, and your right foot is on the arrow pointing left on the right pad. Now, move your right foot to the arrow pointing down on the right pad, then move it back, then move your left foot to the arrow pointing down on the right pad. That's a side-back crossover. The problem is, and this picture doesn't show, is that there's two metal bars on the back of the machine.
Here:

This is actually the only picture I could find (of mine) that shows the back of the machine. You can definitely see the two metal bars on the back (they come out of the white holes on the picture above). Anyway, they are *very* sturdy - either one of them could completely support me, and I'm by no means light. People use them for various reasons - tricks, catching their balance, and raping. Anyway, I believe I've explained this in such a way that everyone, including those of you who have no clue about DDR, how I hurt my ankle. It's not that bad - I don't really have any problems walking on it or anything - but it's not up to the strain of DDR for a few days. So yeah, drove home, and listened to some Richard Cheese, courtesy of a CD Bam and Greg gave me. I definitely recommend him to just about anyone, especially people who enjoy Weird Al's work. I was laughing the whole time.

Oh, fishsticks

I was supposed to work 5 - C tonight. Turns out Rudy took Bruce's 6 - C foutain shift, and even offered to stay for me. At first, I wasn't even considering it - I've been struggling to pick up hours as it is. Then I realized how I've been feeling lately, and that this would give me a chance to go play DDR. I was about to last night, but I didn't have the energy. But things have gotten, well, I want to say worse. But not worse, just different? I don't really know. I'm going to go to Austin and get my mind off of things for a bit. It'll be good for me, I think. As soon as I'm done watching this episode of Rocko's Modern Life (they've finally started finishing). Cullen can't come, 'cause he hurt his back, and I don't know how to get ahold of Brian, so it looks like I'll be flying solo this time. It really sucks, though, because the 7th and 8th mix machines aren't quite working that well at Le Fun, which leaves the 5th mix. Which is almost okay, since it has a lot of stuff that's not on the 8th mix on campus. The drive almost isn't worth it, though. Especially solo.

Slap me on the face, do something really clever

Of my major (comparitively) problems right now, one has just been solved. The other two have gotten worse.

In which everybody gets offended

Something Awful

Star light, star bright, make everything all right

Went with lunch with Mom, Janelle, Bam, and Greg at Italian Garden.

After that, went over to Lilie's for a bit.

Apparently, Shelley has some new boytoy, so that's good.

There was something funny that happened, or some funny thought or something I had, but I can't remember it.

Is it still a weird dream if you can explain it?

I had a weird dream last night. I should explain that first of all, I wrote a massive blog entry just prior to going to sleep.

So in this dream, I was lying in bed, writing a blog entry. Except I was writing it in a notebook with a red pen. Except sometimes, I was using a pencil. And Lilie was right outside (for some reason, my room was connected to their apartment), waiting for me to hurry up and finish so I could come meet Kevin, Shelley's new boyfriend (yes, they were both in the dream as well). He was setting up a pile of blankets in the living room to sleep on. And when I finally came out and met him, he was holding Gip. We then talked about going to get our trucks washed in the morning.

So yeah, it was a fairly weird dream.

One more for the road

So as I was finishing up that post, I heard a strange sound coming from the kitchen. Janelle was putting up the dishes in the dishwasher.

Except we ran out of dishwasher soap last night, and that's a new load that hasn't been run through yet.

She's now putting all of them back in.

Never ever have I ever felt so low; when you gonna take me out of this black hole?

Wow. I'm approaching my old record - well, not really. I just haven't really posted in over a week.

It's just, well, a couple things. First, with school out, I've gone back to working at least 40 hours a week, so I'm more tired at night when I would normally be posting. I've also been spending a lot (both too much and not enough) time with Lilie and over there. And finally, in the last week or so, I really haven't felt up to it. I mean, I've been in this major funk. I've spent a lot of time lying in bed, not really doing anything. I hate it when I get like this - I know it's not really tied to any time of year, nor any event. It just happens. So we'll see how long it takes to get over that. But anyway...

Sunday evening, I went over to Lilie's. Details are fuzzy, but I do recall one very odd occurrence. We were standing outside - I don't know if she came out to meet me, or we were headed back in or something (actually, now that I think about it, it might have been Tuesday night, but anyway...) she started asking me about why I feel so insecure about us, and how I shouldn't. It's kind of odd, having her being able to know what I'm thinking, especially about her. Well, to be fair, it's my fault - I'm the one posting it here, where she can read it. I could always post it on some secret, third blog. Or something like that. It's the same thing with Shelley. I'm just not used to having people read this regularly, much less someone I interact with.

So we both had to work Monday morning at 10 am. Well, at least, that's what I thought. I had only taken a cursory glance at my schedule, then listened to her mentioning that she had to be in at 10. We left, and I got there, only to discover that I wasn't supposed to be in there until 11:30. Had it been 11, it wouldn't have been worth it to drive home, but since I had an hour and a half, I went for it. Came home, started Moulin Rouge burning, set up X-2 with some new dresspheres to power up, then went back to work. It was okay, although things have been getting on my nerves a lot more.

I don't really remember Monday evening. Heh.

I opened Tuesday morning, as usual, and that evening, Lilie and I had an actual date. We went to Italian Garden for dinner. It was pretty nice - I had, um, something, I'm sure. She had the manacotti. It's always weird when you go out to eat with someone who waits, or has waited, tables. I ran into this a lot with Rose - they usually end up striking a conversation with the server. I always feel really awkward when that happens. It's really just an instance of my general discomfort with service people. Like when you go into Best Buy, and that guy greets you - they've started doing that at Hastings as well. It really bothers me. I understand why they're doing it - making sure the customer feels welcome, and giving them an immediate chance to ask any questions or seek some assistance. But I'm never quite sure how to respond. Do I greet them back? I feel really stupid doing that; on the other hand, ignoring them seems kind of rude. I really wish they'd just ignore me as I walked in. For that matter, I feel the same way about employees (or sales associates, whatever) asking me if I need help when I'm browsing. If I needed help, I'd go ask for it. Or when the server, waitress, or carhop, tries to strike up a conversation. It's not that I'm being rude or I think I'm better or something, I just feel uncomfortable talking to random people like that.

So yeah. After Italian Garden, we drove around for a bit, then went to Showplace to watch Team America: World Police. She still hadn't seen it, though I think it would have been my... third, or fourth time. Something like that. So we watched it. We had to move once or twice, 'cause she doesn't like having (other) people sitting near us. Eventually, though, we got settled in and started watching it.

And we both fell asleep at one point or another. We enjoyed it, but managed to fall asleep. We were both just really tired. Oh!! I forgot. I even dressed up a little bit - I was wearing my green pants, as can be expected, and put on my black over-shirt with the really bright flowers on it. Shelley made some disparaging remarks about it, but that's to be expected.

So yeah, a good time was had by all. I'm fairly certain I crashed there that night. Yes, I remember it now. She had to leave before me, 'cause she had to go to work, whereas I didn't have to work until that evening. I think. Either that, or I was off. Yeah, I think I was off, since I opened Thursday. No, wait, that's not right. She did have to go to work later (I think), but I was up early, and couldn't lie still, so I went into the living room and played a little Twisted Metal: Black, and was going to take Shelley to work at 10. After that, I didn't feel like going home just yet, so I went over to Best Buy and looked at their RAM and video cards. I've been thinking about doing it for a while, and it seemed like a good time (don't ask my why). Anyway, while I was browsing, Lilie called. She was curious as to why I didn't say bye before I left. (I didn't want to wake her up.) It just made me feel really good, knowing that she cared.

So I bought a video card and some RAM. Of course, it was the wrong kind of RAM. My comp wouldn't boot with it at all. The video card, however, went right in and worked perfectly. I took the RAM back and had the guy find the right kind - it was in the back. I put it in by itself to make sure it worked, and the motherboard, as soon as power hit it, went "Beep. Beep beep beep. Beep beep beep." And the computer wouldn't boot. Turns out that that's the "Hey, your RAM is in backwards" alert. Silly me. Put it in right, it booted. Recognized it and everything. Turned it back off and put my original one in as well, and everything was good to go. The improvement in performance has been immense. I could even contemplate playing either CoH or WoW (not both).

Didn't do much else on Wednesday, though I did go up to Austin and play some DDR later. Stopped by Rose's to pick her up, since she wanted a ride home. Played a little, but not too much - I slammed my ankle on the bar at one point, and it's been hurting sporadically ever since. We stopped by IHOP on the way home, which was unpleasently reminiscent of the old days. If she does move back down here (which is now in question, apparently), I won't always be able to just jump up at 3 in the morning and give her a ride home whenever. Things have changed a bit. And even if I do, I won't just sit there for half an hour. It was really weird when she called me the other day at 2 in the morning - something perfectly resonable in the old days, but I was crashing over at Lilie's, and she had long since fallen asleep. I felt really bad having to disturb her, however slightly, to go get my phone (it rings really, really loudly, so ignoring it wasn't really an option).

So anyway. Opened Thursday. Somehow, Rose thought I had agreed to take her back to Austin. I swear I don't remember doing that, but I did. Take her back, I mean. Came back and took Shelley Christmas-shopping for Lilie. Since she doesn't have her own car, her options for doing so are limited, and I was happy to help. We went to Hastings, then stopped at Sonic for some dinner (the current joke is that I'm dating both Lilie and Shelley; it started the Sunday she waited in my truck for a good 10 - 20 minutes for a ride home).

Oh, haha. Just re-read my earlier posts, and I'm getting all these days mixed up. I did my video card and RAM on Friday, which means that I crashed at Lilie's on Thursday (probably Tuesday night too. This is one of the reasons I hate going so long between updates). I don't really rememeber Friday or Saturday either, which is kind of scary.

I do remember Sunday, though. Shelley and I opened. It was *really* slow. I mean, our first customer was... 8:30? We had like 10 orders from then 'til 9:30. We had a bit of a rush 'til 10:05 or so, when Adam got in and helped. At one point, labor was at over 700%, which was really, really cool. I was sent home about 11:30, since it was just unbelievably slow. Shelley insisted I head over to their place, so I did. I ended up crashing in Lilie's bed and taking a four hour nap. Lilie woke me up when she came in to hug and kiss me good-bye as she left for work. I left fairly soon after that.

As I got home, I realized I had forgotten my blue button-up shirt. I called their place and told Shelley that when she answered the phone... except it was Lilie. Apparently, there was a sign at Katy Station that said "Closed @ 2 - Kitchen Repairs" or something along those lines. I headed over about 9 to get my shirt, since I had to work Monday night. Lilie was still dressed up, and she looked very nice. We hugged like we hadn't since before we started going out, which felt really good. We kissed a little too, and I left. I talked to Shelley later (online?) and she asked me why I left.

Worked Monday 5 - C, fountain. Dennis was there 5 - 9, and he was really getting on my nerves. It ended up taking me over an hour to close fountain, since Dennis didn't do *anything*, and Rick didn't help me in the fountain at all either. I don't mind, though - with the mood I was in, I was in no hurry to leave. It's the mood I've been in pretty much all week. Just a major funk. I alternate between upset for no reason and sad for no reason. I've been lying in my room all day today, sometimes playing games, but often just lying there. Felt like crying a few times, but of course, that won't happen - I can't seem to cry except at seemingly random times, and the most bizarre catalysts (Hearing Lemon Tree by Peter, Paul and Mary is the best example I have at the moment). Just been lounging around today, though I did manage to get about three quarters of my chores for this week done, and can finish my room tonight and the rest tomorrow. I still haven't done any Christmas shopping, though, so I'll have to squeeze that in tomorrow and Thursday before work at 5.

So. That's my week. Time for humorous anecdotes and other things I left out.

Janelle and three of her friends went to a movie, then came back here to build a gingerbread house. Things went well, until the end. It stood for... four seconds? They dragged me out to take their picture, which I did. But even then, the chimney, constructed of Hershey's chocolate bars, was falling. Not long after that, they realized the door was caving in. Immediately after that, the back wall started collapsing as well. Within a minute, the whole thing was in a heap. We ate some, but it is *incredibly* sweet. Michael and Kushal are still here, but they'll be leaving soon.

I was thinking about going to Austin tonight to play some DDR, but I just didn't have the energy. I don't mean physically, but mentally. Just an extension of the lethargic, depressed mood I've been in lately.

Bug did a major patch on gEngine, changing the look again. It was bad enough to (coupled with the complete lack of B5 players lately) to uninstall gEngine, delete the cache completely, clear my registry of it, and remove the forums from my favorites.

Picked Final Fantasy: Origins back up. Final Fantasy I is *hard*. Started playing Diablo II: Lord of Destruction as well, for some reason (although it is really sweet with the upgrades.) Been playing a Druid with a lot of pets.

The office sent back a list of errors in paperwork this week - there were a lot. And none of them were mine. Every other manager had at least one, and everyone except Dora had a few.

I think the Christmas party was this Sunday. I mean, the Sunday evening of the post before this one. It was... okay. Shelley did end up going, but didn't bowl. It's always nice to hang out with the crew outside of work. It wasn't as fun as last year, and the prizes sucked. Overall, though, it was okay.

That's it for now. I hope to resume normal updates now. Writing these long ones takes a while - this one took four hours, though that certainly wasn't contiguous.

I really want to cry, or sleep for a few years, or something like that.

I've been in a major funk lately, and nothing feels worth doing.

That, and Lilie's depressed as well. I want nothing more than for her to be happy.

That, and Mom is being weird.

That, and work's starting to get on my nerves. Again.

This is the true reason why the internet was invented

Countdown to Oblivion

At the end of every week, each one of us becomes free

New quiz posted - 'What D&D alignment are you?'

Also, I *still* haven't had a chance to update since last Sunday. I've just been busy - working a lot, had to go up to Austin twice, and spending a lot of time over at Lilie's. Maybe tonight? We'll see.

Status report, addendum

Two down.

After checking with the guy at Best Buy, I found the correct kind of RAM. It's much cheaper than what they have on display (which makes sense), and I ended up getting a 512 chip for less than I originally spent. It works great, so I now have 776 (512 + 264, though System Properties lists it as 768) mb of Ram. Go me.

Status report

One down:

Intel (R) 82845G/GL Graphics Controller (64 mb Integrated Video Card, made by Intel, no less)
::
NVidia GeForce FX 5500 (128 mb PCI Video Card)

;

One to go:
256 mb ram
::
512 mb ram

Song lyrics

More in-depth post coming later; for now, I added a new section under Post Archives, that lists all the song lyrics I've posted. Go me.

These thousand words have never been spoken

I've done it. I've constructed a way in FFX-2 to have the characters automatically max out on AP for a given dressphere without having to be there. The methods used are independent of the dresspheres in question, though I believe you probably have to have an Alchemist with Mega Potion. Man, I'm awesome. Or is it pathetic? Hmm... So anyway... my sleeping habits are starting to deteriorate again. Or rather, I'm returning to my normal state. Sort of. Lilie's sort of fighting it. I don't think she knows, though. Well, perhaps I should explain the circumstances, then I'll explain that. I opened Thursday, without ever having gone to sleep. I came home and took a decent nap, then went over to Lilie's, where I slept for the night. I did *not* sleep, well, though, and came home Friday kind of tired. I got over it, though, and stayed up 'til about 6 am Saturday playing FFX-2, then slept for about 3 hours, then woke up and kept playing. Hung out around the house and did chores, then went over to Lilie's for a while, then went and saw Alexander with Jarrod. Opened today. I was actually asleep when Rose called me about 3 am, and we sort of had a conversation. I think - I don't really recall most of it, though for some reason, the phrase "Everclear jelly shots" is still floating about in my subconscious in reference to that conversation. So yeah, I'm moving back to the "no sleep/very little sleep" way of doing things. It's... fun. The first sign of adjustment is the hallucinations. Nothing terribly bad, but hearing voices when there aren't any, or seeing movement out of the corner of your eye. It was really scary when I opened Thursday; I went in fairly early, 'bout 5:45 or so. I knew I was the only person in the store, and could account for all the movement therein; however, I would still hear the occasional voice. The first few times, it was really freaky, until I remembered the sleep-deprivation I was going though. The same thing goes with almost-seen movement. So normally, this whole thing would be a positive thing - more free time, and more of it later at night, when I'm more active. However, in sleeping (as in actually sleeping, not sex) with Lilie, it's started to point out something of a problem - most people don't have that kind of sleeping habit.

Last Friday was the first night we slept together. I slept like a baby - I haven't been that comfortable sleeping in, well... in a long time. I don't know if it was the heat of her body next to mine, the rhythmic breathing, or just knowing I could reach out and kiss her, but I slept like I haven't slept in a while. And I slept longer than I have in a while, which threw off my whole routine. That's something I'll gladly deal with, though. However, the next time we slept together - Sunday night (I think...) - I couldn't fall asleep. I had taken a nap earlier in the day, and was wide awake when we moved to the bed. She fell asleep fairly quickly; that's something I can't do. It usually takes me *forever* to fall asleep if I just lie down and try to go to sleep, unless I'm incredibly tired (which I'm not at 1 or 2 am). The most recent time we slept together, I didn't have a problem falling asleep, but I woke up earlier than her, and couldn't fall back asleep. It's something I'll have to think about and figure out.

Work's being... well, bad lately. I mean, it's always been a bad job, but I used to tolerate it a lot better. I would often go in a great mood, and though it might get repressed once or twice throughout the course of the shift, it would make strong comebacks. No more. Now my mood is usually a direct downward slope. It might be the fact that I'm not particularly fond of opening, but seem to have become one of the default opening managers. I could really use a vacation. I really, really hope that I do end up driving Uncle Freddie's truck to Washington - it would provide some much-needed time off from everything. Just a few days of driving, followed by visiting kin up north, then a short flight back. Solitary would be great, with a close friend would be pretty good too. Things have been going downhill - the money has been coming up short with alarming regularity. I haven't closed, or even done the afternoon deposit, in a week or more, so I don't really figure into that situation. In fact, other than opening (3 times), I don't manage at all in the six shifts I work this week. I can live with that, though. As odd as it sounds, I almost enjoy (as much as one can enjoy that job) closing as a manager - everything's fairly quiet; I can put in a CD, turn it up, turn the lights off, and just do my thing without having to deal with anyone. It's... well, pleasant.

So Friday morning, when I woke up in Lilie's bed (which I hope is something that never becomes that routine), there was a call from Allison and one incoming from Kristen. Turns out Adam, who was supposed to open that morning, never showed up. Allison had been there since 6:40 and obviously been forced to turn away customers, many of which were quite displeased with that. I showed up around 9:15 or so, not quite sure what I was going to do. Turns out Javi had just shown up as well, to do his paperwork from the night before and had started doing what I was as well. Andrew was the 9 o'clock cook; he had shown up and left, but returned shortly. We got things going, and managed to have a normal day - I think. I actually had Friday and Saturday off, which was a first in a long, long while. Anyway, it's just one more strike against Adam. Scuttlebutt among the crew is that Adam is saying his car broke down and he had to walk 15 miles. I'm not sure if I believe it, but that's not really my call anyway. He also tried to fire Tracy, which is hilarious. Seriously. Apparently, she came out short, and was asking him to recount it and about various facets; he found several gift certificates that he hadn't counted the first time, so she then asked about her money. He said that he couldn't count it again, since he'd already put it in the drawer. She was understandably upset by this, but continued in a professional manner, explaining that since it was completely out of her hands at that point, she just wanted to ensure everything was taken care of.

That's when he lost it, and started yelling and cussing - "Sometimes, the manager says stuff and you're not supposed to respond, just listen." "It's not my fault you carhops can't count your money." After a little of this, she said "Fuck you" and left. He tried to yell "You're fired!!", but she was already out the door. Short version of the resolution: Adam was in the wrong, and everybody knows it, including Dave. It was surprising to see him side with Tracy (not explicitly, but what we could see) almost like a normal human being.

Javi's started working at Target. Which is cool, 'cause it means he might finally be able to leave Sonic. Better yet, though, he might be able to hook me up with a decent job there as well if things go well. That'd be great.

Nothing else terribly fascinating (comparitively, of course) going on at work.

Thing with Lilie are going well. She recently started delivering pizzas for Dominoe's; in fact, I passed her in her car with the little triangular thingy on top of it as I was on my home from work today (by way of the bank; previously, picking up 500 pounds of ice with Shelley since our ice machine wasn't working, and before that, buying 15 loaves of toast from both HEB's, since we were about to run out). I can't explain it, but she looks really, really cute in her Domino's outfit. It's not a Dominoe's thing, since I haven't had anything from there in... well, a long time (except I think I was at Shelley's once when they ordered it and had some, but I'm not sure). Anyhoo. I went over there yesterday evening to hang out with her before Jarrod and I went to watch Alexander (which is the worst movie ever). It was weird. When I got there, she was powering up dresspheres for Shelley; eventually, it ended up me doing that (well, on my save, not Shelley's), while she played WoW. Just the two of us, hanigng out. Shelley called while I was there, and is convinced (along with Kristen, who was right next to her) that she interrupted something. People are funny.

But seriously, things are going well - we're very comfortable around each other; partially, because we're fairly similiar, but also because we've been close for longer than it seems. That's one of the main reasons I sleep so well next to her, I think (and in hindsight, it seems fairly obvious). She's said as much, when she was over here in my bed. I don't know what else to say, really. I'm going to the Sonic Christmas party tonight, and will be picking up Shelley, which means a stop over there. I'll actually be heading over there an hour early or so, just to spend some time with her (Lilie). Oh! Turns out she hasn't seen Moulin Rouge, which is a fantastic movie, so I'll be burning it onto DVD as my next project, so we can watch it together. It's the weirdest thing - she calls sometimes "to see see if you're coming over tonight." That still sends chills down my spine.

But something fairly alarming has popped up, though it isn't surprising at all. I've realized it's not so much that I have low self-esteem that it is I'm incredibly insecure in relationships. The two are intertwined, though not the same. I'm getting better, though. I can say and think things like "I know she enjoys kissing me" and "She likes me a lot" without having to hedge it with phrases like "I'm fairly certain" or ", I think." However, that's all well and good, but I still can't feel it deep down in my heart. Which is ludicrous!! It really bothers me at times, to be unable to surrender to our... affection, for lack of a better word. It might stem from my over-emotional, in that there's nothing else really to occupy my mind, which is why I come off as 'infatuated'. Or something like that. It's just something I have to deal with, I s'pose.

So yeah, Alexander is one of the worst movies ever. And I *love* bad movies. But this took the concept of bad movies to new heights. Anthony Hopkins played the narrator. That's all well and good, except he wouldn't shut up. Ever. The end scene, after Alexander had already died, dragged on for an exuberant amount of time. Jarrod and I refused to leave, since we'd already sat through almost 3 hours, but we both kept laughing, wondering how much longer he could go on without actually saying anything other than "Hey, Alexander was great." And you know what? We already knew that. We knew that going in - that's why we went in the first place - because the guy was great. But you would never have guessed it from watching this movie. Judging from this movie, Alexander was just a whiny little bitch who was in love with his best friend, had an Oedipus complex, and tromped around in the rain. Nothing about conquering something like eighty percent of the known world before he was twenty-seven. Or something like that. There were like two battles in the entire movie (shown; there were plenty alluded to); the first showed him being routed, then Hopkins's voiceover continues, talking about how he had won this great victory and taken the Persian Empire. The second battle they show is two hours later, when he gets defeated in India by elephants. The vast majority of the movie was just him sitting in court, talking to people, or whining to his gay boyfriend. They didn't even kiss. They just... hugged a few times. And he kissed some court dancer (male). Oh, and Angelina Jolie's performance was atrocious! She may be "the hottest woman on Earth", enough to turn regular, mild-mannered girls into raging lesbians, but that doesn't excuse her abyssmal accent. I'm fairly certain her dialogue was as bad as the rest of the movie, but I couldn't tell; I couldn't get past her accent...

Oh, that sucks. I died. Apparently, all of my characters went to sleep and got hit by a flan's magic. Yeah, that sucks. Yuna had mastered Lady Luck, Gun Mage, and was closing in on Songstress. Hmm... this time, we'll equip accessories on Rikku to prevent Sleep. Should help with that.

Anyway, back to Alexander. Seriously, it sucked. The dialogue was terrible, the plot, if it wasn't based on a true story, would have made *no* sense, and they in no way showed Alexander as a great man; just as a gay, whiny guy who sat around in a furry cape and drank and cried and hugged his best friend, when he should have kissed him. The worst part of it all is that I could see how to make it better - they were close. They had an incredible character to work with, an astounding historical background... and threw it all away. Seriously. At least I've prepared myself for Blade: Trinity.

So anyway.... that's about it for now.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy -- The Official Movie Website

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy -- The Official Movie Website

May 6, 2005

Sarina Paris - Baby Look at Us

For all the times that we,
We ever wouldn't be,
Look at us baby,
Look at us now,
For everyday that I should have you by my side,
We'll make it baby,
Look at us now,

For every night I pray,
I know that you will stay,
Look at us baby,
Look at us now,

Remembering the time our love was made so fine,
We made it baby,
Look at us now,
Baby look at us,

Everbody believed we would never be,
Look at us up above,
We are so in love,
Everyday in your arms,
Baby can't go wrong
we are strong
look at us now,

For all the times that we,
We ever were to be,
Look at us baby,
Look at us now,
For everyday that I should have you by my side,
We'll make it baby,
Look at us now,

For every night I pray,
I know that you will stay,
Look at us baby,
Look at us now,

Remembering the time,
Our love was meant so fine,
We made it baby,
Look at us

Baby look at us,
Baby look at us,
Baby look at us.

Over 100 pictures of my job - seriously

This is the first in a series of over 100 pictures I took one night at work while I was really, really bored. That's Freddie on the left and Rick on the right.	This is the oft-mentioned Katie. Isn't she cute?
That's Adam. Not the Adam I bitch about all the time that everyone hates, but the other Adam.	Sunny. She likes having her picture taken.
Jessica.	Javi.
That's Andrew in the back, making onion rings.	Frank, checking the schedule.
The cooks, with Rick dropping some... well, it's hard to tell - either fries or tots.	Rick and Javi talking about manager stuff.
Javi's had a long day.	Checking a changer.
Carhop/fountain conference.	Rick was asking me something. Either about X-Box Live, or why I was taking so many pictures.
Freddie.	This is a series of pictures of Rick making some Extreme Tots. First, he's scooping the tots into a carton.
Next, adding some chili and cheese.	Then it goes in the steamer to make everything hot and melt the cheese.
Now he's adding onions, jalepanos, and ranch.	Still doing so.
Finally, they go in the bag, and onto the expiditor's station for bagging and delivery.	Katie, checking her band.
That's Frank making some coneys.	Rick and I have a running debate about the merits of the PS2 vs the X-Box, and X-Box Live.
I was moving as I took this one.	Adam making a drink. I like his haircut - that's how I like to wear my hair as well.
Johnson dumping some change into her cup.	Sunny arranged a bag. Oddly enough, I remember that that's a large popcorn chicken and fries, and they want some ranch as well.
But the ranch packet she grabbed had been squished open or something, so she had to clean herself and the bag off and find an unopened one.	Katie really likes Oreo blasts.
Me and Freddie. I think Katie took the picture? She had her camera phone out as well and was taking pictures as well.	Making bags. One of their main secondary duties.
Javi didn't like it when I tried to take pictures of him.	That's a recurring theme.
And again.	Random cook shot.
Freddie working the grill.	Javi and Rick taking orders.
Carhops doing carhop stuff.	Adam shows us how to bag an order.
Profile shot of Katie.	And here she is, setting her drinks up in a drink holder and getting ready to take the food out.
Sunny again.	I was sitting in the manager chair when I took this.
Katie took this picture of me.	And now, a confused/dissapointed look.
Rick, looking on.	Long distance shot of Katie.
Number crunching. Fun.	Sunny and Rick.
Katie.	Rick was actually the manager that night.
I finally got the carhops to take a portrait. Aren't they darling?	Johnson finally hammed it up for the camera as well.
Freddie and Katie.	The cooks.
This is starting to get repetitive.	Me and Katie.
Freddie and Adam.	Action shot.
Close up of Freddie. Nice grin.	Katie has a really cool phone, and she's really proud of it.
Those are the 10 carhops boxes, where they store their extra loot.	That's the ice cream machine. The coil on the left side has been busted for a while now.
That's the shake machine. We just got it in the last year or so.	Me and Johnson, with Katie lurking in the background.
It looks like he spit on her or something, but she's actually diving to get out of the shot.	I didn't know Frank knew how to take orders.
Adam shouldn't be in the kitchen.	Me and Sunny. She likes taking pictures.
That's our grill.	Bacon pan.
Fry station.	Andrew's got a nice smile.
Cooks lounging around.	Bread and bags.
The back area.	That's the walk-in.
And the other side.	Another shot of the back area. Onions, onion ring machine, assorted extra equipment. Fun stuff.
Walk-in freezer. Fries.	And the other side.
Drink shelf and schedule. A *lot* of standing around occurs here.	The drink area.
Those are the carhop trays and the fountain.	That's the bagging station.
The slush machine. The mystery is gone.	Our three tea urns.
Chocolate and hot fudge.	Heat well. There's a corn dog, two chicken patties, and some strips.
Freddie leaning on the back prep table.	The back sink.
Our two coffee things.	Spare cups and misc. ice cream supplies - peanut butter, malt, nuts, cream syrup, etc.
The three boards. They make the most god-awful noise ever.	Talking.
Another long distance shot of bag making.	I think I was just trying to finish the roll at this point, which is why I took *so* many shots.
Frank, doing dishes, and Rick explaining to him that he's really not supposed to leave until he's done.	Blurry.
Rick, inspecting the kitchen.	He never looks that happy at work. He's probably either throwing something at a carhop, or making some joke.
Doing dishes.	Action shot. Taping a ticket to the tray.
Another action shot of Katie moving.	Upside down!! Crazy!
The bun toaster.	Ranch. A lot of girls ask for that. It's a running joke.
Jessica breaking down the carhop station.	The fruit we use - lemons, limes, marischino cherries, strawberries, and pineapple.
The drink station.	The slush flavors. From left to right: Grape, orange, bubble gum, blue coconut, cherry x2, green apple (not sour), and watermelon.
Katie got a message.	Andrew, asking if we can close.
Adam as he left.	Rick got a phone call from Dave, and had to confer with me.
The bun toaster gets dirty from the butter and bread crumbs. Have fun, Freddie.	The back area - we keep aprons, towels, and extra stuff in there.